The Car In Front of Me
College football games were always a big thing. It was Brock's passion. He adored getting out on the playing field and running the ball into the end-zone, scoring point after point for the team. He lived for the moment when all his football buddies would lift him onto their shoulders after he had made the winning touchdown. He would hear the cheers from all the fans, hear the band play the victory song, and listen to the cheerleaders chant his name.
That was probably his favorite part, next to making the winning touchdown: hearing the cheerleaders cheer. He would always grin wide when he heard his bride-to-be chant his name the loudest. She was so proud of him and it thrilled his heart to know that.
But he couldn't take care of her with his pride. He was giving up football to be a dentist. Providing her with a more than decent living was what was more important to him than his own dreams. At the end of the year, he'd quit football to focus on getting his doctorate. And she'd never know of his want to play football professionally.
Brock thought about his decision after Friday night's game. The whole team rode home from the away game on a bus rented by the college. The cheerleaders and their coach rode in the bus ahead of the football team. Brock watched the bus Reba was on and reminded himself over and over again why he was giving up his passion. It was all for his sweetest dream that was riding in the car in front of him.
Months ago, when he had first popped the question, he had been so relieved that Reba had said yes. He knew she loved him, but she was her own person. He never thought of her actually wanting to settle down with him. She talked about singing a lot of the time, and he was convinced she'd want to pursue that before she even thought of getting married. But the more he thought about it, and the more time he spent with her, the more he realized he'd never be able to live without her. He didn't want to take a chance on losing her. So he asked her.
As he watched her join the other cheerleaders holding their arms out the windows of the bus as it went down the highway, he spotted his ring on her left hand. When he had first put it on her when he proposed, he couldn't help but be so thankful he would get to see that ring on her finger for the rest of his life. It really was a beautiful thing that he would never take for granted.
Homecoming parade, you were the queen
I was riding right behind you with the rest of the team
Saw my ring on your finger as you waved to the crowd
I didn't know a second stringer could ever be so proud
The car in front of me was carrying what i loved more than anything
My sweetest dream was in the car in front of me
xXx
He had been late for church. Slipping in after the preacher had started his message was something Brock knew Reba hated. She had told him time and time again that it was disrespectful, and that he should really get into the habit of getting there on time. When he had slowly sunk into the seat beside her that Wednesday night, he could see her lips move into a thin line out of the corner of his eye.
He casually slipped his arm around her and sighed quietly, preparing himself for the hour-long sermon. He respected Reba's faith, but he himself had never gotten into it, so to speak. But he always met her and the kids for Wednesday night services after work because he loved her. He wanted to make her happy, and she had always expressed that him going along to church with the family did, in fact, make her happy.
After the service was over, Reba was short with him and he knew that was because he was ten minutes late. As she chatted with a few of the ladies present, Brock greeted the kids, seeing as how he hadn't seen them since that morning. He goofed around with them until Reba walked over in her high heels and ushered the three out to the van.
Brock had parked right beside her and watched as she strapped Jake in his car-seat.
"I guess I'll see you at home, then," He told her, running a hand through his hair.
"Mm-hmm..." She slid the van's door shut and turned around to face him. He could tell she was still irritated.
He sighed. "I'm sorry, babe. I had to get some paperwork done."
"I know."
He was taken aback. Usually, she accused him of making excuses. Granted, she had her arms folded and looked aggravated, she seemed to actually understand his responsibilities at work.
"You do?"
"You've been late so many times, I guess it just makes sense that you can't help but be late."
"I never thought I'd hear you say that."
She opened the driver's side door and got in, leaving the door open. "Don't get too excited. I'm still mad."
"As you should be." He put his hands on top of the van as she started the engine and leaned in. "I'll try my hardest not to be late next week, okay?"
"Thank you." She leaned forward and gave him a kiss.
He returned it and as he backed away, he winked. "Does this mean I get rewarded at home?"
"If you can get there on time."
He grinned as he saw that mischievous look in her eye. Closing her door, she put the van in drive and drove off. Brock quickly got in his truck and followed her onto the highway.
He loved getting to drive home behind her. Through the back window, he could see his kids' mouths singing to Jesus Loves Me as Reba led them. He thought that sight was one of the most precious things ever. He made himself burn the memory into his mind so he would never forget it. The car in front of him held everything he had ever dreamed of, and he wondered what in the world he had done to deserve it.
On Wednesday nights, we'd meet at church
You'd bring the kids, and I'd come straight from work
Going home I'd read their lips through the window of your van
As they sang Jesus loves me, I thought God I'm a lucky man
xXx
He had been divorced from Reba for eight years, Barbra Jean one. Once he realized he was holding Barbra Jean back, he had let her go. He truly did love the beautiful blonde with the upbeat and positive personality, but there was something about Reba that would never let him love another completely. When he lost all sense God gave him, the sense he could have been learning about those ten minutes he always missed in church, he cheated on Reba, his sweetest dream. He threw away everything that had ever meant anything to him in one moment of selfishness. She had forgiven him, but he knew he never could. He'd always hate himself for it. The only thing that got him through each day was getting to see her.
On the first day of spring, Brock made the fifteen minute drive to his ex-wife's house to say hey. He hadn't in a few days and he felt he needed to.
He knocked on the door when he arrived, waiting a few minutes but with no answer. When he tried the knob, he found that it was unlocked, so he let himself in.
The whole house was dark and seemingly empty. He assumed Kyra and Jake were off doing something with friends, but it was after five o'clock and Reba should be home.
After checking the kitchen, he headed upstairs, noticing that her bedroom door was pulled to, but not closed. He gently knocked before peeking in.
She was lying on the bed, curled up within the pillows and comforter.
"Reba?"
She didn't move, which concerned him. Stepping closer, he found her to be awake and sobbing quietly. Alarmed, he placed a hand on her head. She didn't flinch, however, as if she knew it was him.
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly, slowly climbing on the bed beside her.
"I had a doctor's appointment," She whispered, her body shaking from crying so hard.
"Was there something wrong?"
"Breast cancer."
All positive thoughts in his mind seemed to collide and form horrible images of her going away.
"Oh, honey." He gently pushed her hair out of her face, wiping the tears that fell down her cheeks.
Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at him. "There's nothing they can do. They didn't catch it soon enough."
"No. No, honey, you'll be okay."
"I won't, and I've already accepted it," She said, her voice a bit stronger but still laced with tears. "I don't want you telling the kids. I don't want to worry them."
He couldn't fathom what she was saying. She had breast cancer and there was nothing that could be done? More so, she didn't want anyone to know? She wanted to carry the burden alone and afraid?
"I won't tell them," He promised, leaning closer to her. "But only if you let me help you through this."
"There's no helping me 'through it.' Help me 'til the end, okay?"
A whole other mess of tears came over her and that's when Brock lost it as well. He felt tears well up in his eyes and spill over like a waterfall. He slowly laid down beside her and held her close to him, whispering words he had longed to tell her for years.
"I love you."
Even after what the doctor said
You were strong and you believed
And you held us all together through one more spring
xXx
She had made it through that spring, just like she said she would. Brock knew she wanted time to become okay with the fact she'd be leaving her children. And him.
The day she actually passed was the most agonizing day he had ever lived. He made funeral arrangements; something he never thought he'd do. He remembered the time he had gone to a lawyer before he divorced Reba to make up a will, thinking that if he died before her, she'd be able to get through it easier knowing his funeral arrangements were paid for and taken care of.
He now knew that nothing would have made it easier.
Two days later, after the screaming and heart-wrenching sobs he'd let out, he was riding in a limousine filled with his family. Cheyenne, Van, Elizabeth and their son Kasey sat behind him with no expression. Kyra and Jake sat beside him. He held their hands as tight as he could, hoping that he could stay strong for them.
No one had understood why Reba never told about her illness but Brock. It was typical of a mother to think of her children before her own self. As much as it hurt her to know that she wouldn't get to say goodbye to her children, she knew that they had their own lives to focus on and she didn't want to be fussed over. What Brock knew that she didn't, however, was that they'd have a horrible time coping with the loss.
He watched as the cars along the road stopped for the funeral procession. A cop car led the way to the grave-site where she'd finally be laid to rest.
Their little hands held on to mine
As we sat in that backseat with tears in our eyes
A long line of headlights
Strangers stopped along the road
No Monday wasn't meant for wearing Sunday clothes
He had been looking down for quite sometime, not knowing what to say if he were to make eye contact with his children. But he looked up without thinking and caught sight of the hearse. His chest tightened and he couldn't breathe. A million precious memories ran through his brain as another wave of tears came over him. He had just spoken to her three days before. How could she be gone?
Brock wrapped his arms around Kyra and Jake and glanced back at his eldest daughter in the backseat, trying to comfort her own children. He saw Reba in Cheyenne and he knew she'd never truly be gone, but he'd never have the real thing again.
Looking forward once more, he felt tear after tear fall. The car in front of him was carrying what he loved more than anything. His beautiful, sweet dream was just lying in the car in front of him, unable to have the choice to get up and walk around like he could. Something he took for granted, she couldn't do.
The place that the preacher at the church he was always late to spoke of a place where God's children could go when they passed on from their earthly life. He knew that's where Reba was and that gave him hope. He'd start going to their old church. How else was he going to get so see her again? If he didn't get to tell her he loved her at least one more time, he might as well just go home and never come out.
Even after she was gone, Reba still gave him hope, and he would always remember her as his sweetest dream in the car in front of him.
The car in front of me was carrying what I loved more than anything
Oh my sweetest dream was in the car in front of me
-The End-
I'm still going to finish Twisted, so don't worry. I just wanted to get this idea out and written. Hope you like it! (: