My first Cissy/Sirius fanfiction, so I'd love to know what you think. Just came up with the idea randomly, so I wrote it down - sorry if it's a bit rushed. :)
Always
And she was Cissy Black, young and innocent – giggling as she ran down the endless corridor – swishing her long white blonde hair, clear blue eyes sparkling with laughter. She raced down the passage, stumbling over uneven floorboards, dodging past wandering house elves – and every so often she would looking behind her and shriek excitedly.
For he was Sirius Black, young and innocent – and he was chasing her around the house of the Noble Black Family, pushing back his long black hair as he sprinted. He was at his happiest, playing with his little cousin Cissy, he took delight in making her laugh, and he adored her. He was running carelessly, with a sort of relaxed grace – letting her outrun him, keeping up the game.
She suddenly stopped; for her older sister Bella had just stepped out of a room, and was looking at her youngest sister with an expression that Sirius knew all too well – one of shock and disgust. So Cissy stopped so abruptly she almost fell over, her hair and her dress in a state of disarray.
Sirius stopped too, waiting in apprehension for the attack he was going to receive from dear cousin Bella. He built up a wall around him, a wall which stood strong against Bella's words – even though he knew the taunts and insults would eventually knock it down.
"Cissy!" Bella scolded, hands on her hips – eyes flashing menacingly. "How many times must I tell you – don't go running around the house like that! You're acting like a Muggle – like a Mudblood".
"A Mudblood", whispered Cissy, the word passing from her lips for the first time, the first of many times. "What's a Mudblood?"
And then Bella laughed – a harsh, cruel laugh, lacking any humour at all. Cissy stepped back, as did Sirius because that laugh wasn't pleasant at all – it was thick with promises of spitefulness to come soon.
"A Mudblood, dearest Cissy", whispered Bella – putting her face close to the little girl's, "Is someone who steals magic, from someone like you – and never gives it back".
Cissy gasped in horror, and she started shaking in fear, her eyes opened wide in fright.
"They are everywhere, Cissy", murmured Bella, lips curved into an unpleasant grin.
"They won't steal my magic, will they Bella?" asked Cissy, eyes glinting in terror, her mind – Sirius knew – imagining things which would haunt her in her sleep that night. And Sirius suddenly felt angrier than he could imagine, Bella was hurting Cissy deep inside. No one hurt his Cissy.
"I couldn't say, Cissy", replied Bella, smirking slightly. "I really couldn't say".
Cissy was trembling like a leaf, and Bella was sneering ever so slightly, so Sirius intervened, for Cissy's sake.
"Stop it, Bella", he snapped, bravery gaining him confidence. "You're scaring Cissy." He turned to his young cousin, and put her tiny hand in his. "Cissy, no one can steal your magic. No one can. Mudbloods – are magic people with Muggle parents."
"Just as bad", hissed Bella, eyes narrowing in fury.
"No, they are not", retorted Sirius. "Mudbloods aren't going to hurt you, Cissy. Because I'm here".
Cissy smiled weakly, watery eyes showing a glimmer of warmth. "So, Mudbloods aren't bad, Sirius?"
Sirius shook his head vigorously. "No, Mudbloods are the same as us…"
But he was cut off by a vicious torrent of words by Bella – all with the same meaning, blood traitor, and his imaginary wall was crushed by the words which escaped her mouth. His eyes filled up, Sirius, stop being such a baby! and he started to run away from the scene, away from his cousin Bella, You can't hide forever Sirius!
Later, when he lay curled up in his bedroom, the door opened just a crack – letting a slither of light break into the darkness. A figure stood there, too small to be Bella, too small to be Andy, too small to be his parents – and too tall to be Reggie. So it must be –
"Cissy?"
No words were spoken between the two children, but Cissy sat down on the dusty floor next to him, putting his cold hand into hers – and squeezing it tightly.
"Don't cry, Cissa", whispered Sirius – holding her tightly in his arms. "We're still going to see each other, there's no need to be upset".
He was lying for her sake; he knew nothing would be the same again. They had both been given paths leading in opposite directions, paths which never crossed. Slytherin. Gryffindor. They would have to be strangers, have to ignore the existence of the other. Deep inside, Sirius Black was dying a little. He loved his cousin Narcissa so much.
She sobbed a little into his new Hogwarts robes, her white blonde hair tickling his chin slightly.
"Sirius – how can we ever see each other? We have to hate each other! And all because you got sorted into that – that awful House-"
Sirius felt a dull sort of pain, but he covered it up.
"Awful house, Cissy? I could say the same about Slytherin, couldn't I?"
Cissy didn't notice his change in tone, but carried on sobbing, as delicately, as gracefully as only Cissy Black could.
"Well, its Gryffindor isn't it, Sirius?" she choked. "We all know what sort goes into Gryffindor. How terrible for you!" Then she started to cry in earnest again.
And Sirius pushed her off him, so roughly she almost fell into a heap on the floor.
"What do you mean - what "sort"?" he asked viciously, when inside his heart was thumping wildly in disbelief. They hadn't converted darling Cissy to their ways had they? She hadn't turned into one of them?"
Sobbing in shock and hurt now, Cissy looked up into those turbulent brown eyes of her cousin. "You know; Blood traitors and the like. Mudbloods…"
She gasped, because her cousin's face had turned white, and his eyes were flashing with pure fury. But the worst part was when he spoke, because his voice was low and quiet – but full of disappointment and incredulity.
"You've turned into one of them".
There was a pause, only filled with the soft sobs of the girl who sat on the floor.
"They've turned you into a – a prejudiced little -"
He seemed unable to carry on the sentence, but he had little need to. Cissy's sobs had stopped now; she was just staring blankly into his eyes – blue meeting brown in a kind of battle of emotion.
"I never thought you'd become this, Cissy. I thought I'd saved you".
And he left her, half lying on the stone floor, letting tears fall quickly, but keeping silent. Her path had been laid out for her and what choice had she but to follow it?
They were in fifth year – five years of ignoring each other, and now they stood on opposite sides of a deserted corridor, eyes meeting determinedly, arrogantly.
"Narcissa"
"Sirius"
Their names were acknowledged by the other, but who they were could never be accepted.
She had grown up, he could see that. Her hair was no longer tied in soft blue ribbons; her eyes were no longer wide and innocent. She no longer wore white socks – one which was always pulled up higher than the other. She no longer had the cute smile which was always ready. She was different.
Her hair was soft, and perfect, it no longer looked wild and untidy. It was tied back in some elegantly complicated style, but wisps were falling down over much more weary eyes. But Sirius was glad to see that they were still the same beautiful shade of blue. Her cheery smile had vanished, and instead it was replaced with a look of cold disdain, a look of haughty superiority. Sirius, remembering the good times – her running down the hall, shrieking and laughing – felt nothing but sorrow.
But then, he wasn't the same boy with the long black hair. His hair had grown lighter, browner, and his eyes had gained warmth and some golden flecks. He was known for his mischief and his good looks, his signature smirk was legendary. But that playful smirk wiped off his face as he looked at Cissy Black.
"So, Narcissa, how are you? It's been – 5 years, hasn't it?"
As if he hadn't been counting the days since they last spoke.
"Yes, I dare say it has been". Her cheerful voice had matured, she sounded cold and disapproving, she was looking down her nose at him. "I'm doing pretty well, thank you."
He nodded stiffly, excuses for leaving running through his mind.
"Well, I -"
Suddenly, she burst out crying, sobs wracking her body. The haughty, reserved girl of a few moments ago put her hands up to cover face, to wipe her eyes – but the steady stream of tears poured down her cheeks. She moved closer to Sirius, eyes wide and pleading, arms half heartedly raised.
Without thinking, Sirius picked her up in his arms hugged her closely. She felt so delicate, so fragile in his arms – as if she's snap if he hugged her too hard. She was crying into his robes, and he was transported back – back to that first night of Hogwarts. When she'd proved to be no better than any of the other Blacks.
He held her close, protecting her with his strong arms, until the sobbing subsided, and she was able to smile weakly at him.
"Sirius – I've missed you…"
"Me too, Cissy – Me too…"
"I thought you hated me"
"I could never hate you, Cissy", he replied. "You're my favourite cousin".
And so they talked, catching up on everything they had missed; every moment they could never have, every precious second they had wasted without the other. Cissy became more like her old self – more light-hearted, more cheerful. But she still retained the classic Black arrogance. Sirius didn't mind, because he had it himself.
"Well, I have Bella and Dromeda of course. Not to mention little Reggie -"
Sirius stiffened. Little Reggie - little Regulus – had grown so similar to his parents. He'd changed – changed from a sensitive little brother to a cold, elitist Slytherin.
"- And Evan Rosier, Sarah Baddock, Rodolphus, Rabastan – the Lestrange brothers, you know? – Ursula Davis and Malina Derrick, Avery – oh, and Lucius Malfoy…"
Sirius nodded. He didn't mention the fact that he hated all those people with a vengeance, that he didn't miss an opportunity to hex them all whenever he could. He knew there was something dark going on in Slytherin - the students were all restless – they were becoming too interested in this Lord Voldemort, the dark wizard who was said to be gaining power. Sirius didn't want anything to do with him, and he didn't want Cissy getting involved. But what could he do?
"So – Sirius? Who are your friends?"
As if she didn't know. The whole of Slytherin House were united against the infamous four friends, including Sirius.
"Well – there's me, James, Remus and Peter. You know them, right?"
She laughed softly.
"Well, you do have a bit of a reputation, don't you?"
He smiled.
"I dare say we do. Erm, I'm kind of friends with Mary Macdonald – and some other people you won't know." He laughed.
"Mary MacDonald -" Cissy was thinking. "Isn't she best friends with -"
Sirius saw the approaching danger, but as was his nature – he did little to prevent it. He wasn't going to stand down.
"Lily Evans, yes", replied Sirius coldly.
"Oh", said Cissy, looking down. "Lily Evans. Isn't she a -" She didn't finish the sentence; she had little need to.
Sirius stood up, and looked down at Cissy, fists clenched.
"Don't you dare call her a Mudblood. Don't you dare prove to me that you're one of them."
There was a time when Cissy would have backed down and lapsed into quietness, but on this occasion she stood up – matching Sirius in anger.
"One of what, Sirius? One of your family? The family you've cut yourself away from?"
"They are not my family! They never were! How can I accept being related to that bunch of prejudiced bigots?"
"Is that what I am, Sirius?" asked Cissy quietly. "Is that what you think of me?"
"That's what you're going to turn into, unless you escape – now!"
"They're family, Sirius! I can't just abandon my parents, my sisters, my relatives! I can't just abandon my friends and my House!"
"You're being sucked into their world, Cissy. You're being sucked into that world of hatred, and prejudice, and false-superiority. Well, I'm not letting you go without a fight".
And with that, Sirius picked up his discarded books, and marched away – not looking behind him.
Cissy sank to the floor, head in hands.
After this meeting – it was if the ice had melted. It had proved the differences in their beliefs, but it had also proved their similarities. They were so alike, so single-minded in what they believed. They were both Blacks, after all - and even if they both stood on different sides of the battle, they could escape every so often to each other's company. And so, after that meeting, despite the dramatic conclusion, they talked more often. In secret of course, well away from prying eyes. But sometimes, they could forget their houses, forget their beliefs and just be cousins once again.
It was winter, and snow was falling quickly outside 12 Grimmauld Place. The whole of the Black family was around, sitting in the elaborately decorated drawing room – laughing, chatting, and consuming endless bottles of elf made wine. All except two family members, who were missing from the celebrations.
Cissy was in Sirius' room, watching as he packed his belongings in a small leather suitcase. She watched, without saying anything, as he packed away clothes, books, personal possessions. She watched blankly as he placed a picture on the top of the pile – a picture of a 9 year old Cissy and a 9 year old Sirius, smiling and waving cheerfully at the camera.
The room she was in insulted her, and she wasn't even sure why. All she knew was that it was against everything she had been taught to believe in, everything she had to hate. It was decked out in the Gryffindor colours – banners hanging from the ceiling, red and gold, red and gold. Muggle posters lined the walls, Muggle magazines littered the floor. It was a complete violation of the house she stood in, the house of the Noble Family of Black. At least, that's what she had been taught.
She spoke, her quiet voice seeming louder than normal in the quiet room. The only noise was the clinking of glasses, and the buzz of conversation from downstairs.
"Why, Sirius?"
He didn't answer for a minute; he was securing the fastenings on his suitcase with a concentrated expression, fiddling with the straps impatiently.
"Cissy, I can't stand it here. The bigotry, the injustice, the hatred – it's sucking all the life out of me".
He was pleading to her, she realised. Pleading with her – why exactly?
He had finished. He picked up the suitcase and walked towards the open window. Gusts of cold air swept in, making Cissy shiver involuntarily.
"Don't go, Sirius. Don't leave me".
The words had escaped before she could stop them, betraying her innermost feelings. She didn't want him to go.
"I'm sorry, Cissy. But I have to. I need to leave here. And if you had any sense, you'd do the same".
"Sirius, I can't leave my family. I can't go against them. All that you hate – it's what I believe".
"No, Cissy. It's what they believe, and what they've drummed into your mind."
He reached out his hand, looking at her with pleading eyes. She shook her head slightly, ignoring his outstretched hand.
"Cissy – please".
"No, Sirius. Go without me".
Sirius looked into her eyes, nodded sadly, and without another word – had swung himself out of the window, onto the branch of a tree which grew next to his bedroom.
Cissy watched as he climbed down the tree, and made his way stealthily out of the garden, before his shadow disappeared into the darkness.
"Goodbye, Sirius…"
And she never saw him again.
Dear Cissy,
I hope you are well, I trust the family isn't giving you too bad a time. I know you wanted to come with me, that night last year. I know you wanted to run away with me, and escape our family. But, for your own reasons, you decided to stay. I will never understand why, but I want you to know – I miss you and I wish you were with me.
I'm doing fine. I'm staying at the Potters house; they've sort of adopted me. It's refreshing to live with a family who aren't obsessed with the Dark Arts or pureblood supremacy. You'd love it, I know you would Cissy.
I heard you got engaged to Lucius Malfoy. Knowing our family, I'm guessing it's an arranged marriage. I'd be lying if I said I liked Malfoy – I hope you don't mind me saying that he's a git – and I wished you were marrying someone else. It's not too late Cissy. You could marry someone you love, instead.
Just don't forget me, Cissy.
Yours forever,
Sirius
Dear Cissy,
I heard you married Malfoy last week. I'm going to try and be happy for you, because I know that's what you would want – but I'm sad Cissy. And a little disappointed. I always thought you would stand up for what you wanted. I guess you proved me wrong. I know it's what the family wanted – but you're strong enough to break free from all that- aren't you? I know, Cissy – I know you and Malfoy don't love each other. It breaks my heart to think you could have someone else – someone you deserve.
Yours forever,
Sirius
Dear Cissy,
Congratulations, I heard you had a baby son last week. Unless I hear incorrectly, I believe he's called Draco. I wish him, and you all the best.
I still find it hard to accept that this little boy is Malfoy's child as well. I know you must share some sort of affection for him, but you could have had so much better. I'm not going to carry on this subject, I know you have heard all of this before – but please do me one favour. This little boy – Draco Malfoy – let him take after his mother; let him take after the good parts of the Black family. Don't let him follow in his father's or his Aunt Bellatrix's footsteps.
I hope you are well.
I am, forever, yours,
Sirius
Dearest Cissy,
I am hoping you and Draco are well.
The Dark Lord is moving, Cissy – and I implore you to stay out of it all. Your husband had pro-Voldemort leanings, I am sure you know this – but I will not see you dragged into it. I don't want you, or Draco, to be sucked back into that world again.
I see you sometimes, you know. When I'm in Diagon Alley – in my Animagus form – I see you shopping. You're as beautiful as ever, did you know that? Maybe that's why I never found anyone special. Because no one could compare to you.
I see Draco as well; he looks just like his father - but he has your smile, Cissy. From what Harry tells me, he's acting like his father as well. But that may just be from a biased Gryffindor's point of view. I pray that he's like his mother deep down.
I don't know when I can write again, I don't know when I can see you again. But I want you to know, I'll always be with you.
Yours forever and ever,
Sirius
"Cissy!"
Narcissa Malfoy replaced the tiny bundle of letters into the small padlocked chest she kept in her dressing room. Her previous correspondence with Sirius must remain a complete secret – even if he hadn't written to her for almost a year. She was counting the days - every morning she would look out of her bedroom window - searching the skies for an unfamiliar owl, bringing a letter with Sirius' untidy scrawl.
"Cissy!"
Narcissa Malfoy's heart twinged slightly, as it did whenever anyone called her by the name Sirius used. She loved her husband, she loved her son, but she also loved Sirius. Sometimes she hated her family for tearing them apart.
And then, she stopped. Who was calling her? Lucius – he had gone on some mission for the Dark Lord. Who else would be calling her? Draco was safe in Hogwarts and the house elves would never dare to call her by pet name.
The sound was coming from an open window which was letting in gentle gusts of warm summer night air. Cissy put her head out carefully, and looked down onto the driveway.
There, standing there – was a hooded figure, standing alone.
"Who is it?" she called nervously, hand clutching her wand.
The figure threw back their hood, and Cissy gasped in shock when she realised who it was. It was her sister. The disowned sister, who had followed Sirius's lead and defied the family. The sister who had never said goodbye, who had run off with a Muggle-born, a Hufflepuff. The sister who swore she wanted nothing to do with her sisters again.
"Dromeda?" she called, incredulously.
"Cissy!"
"What are you doing here, Andromeda? Are you mad? If Lucius were to come home-" Cissy shuddered. Lucius' reaction if he found a blood traitor sister outside Malfoy Manor would not be pleasant.
"He's not going to be coming home, Cissy. Not any time soon at least. I've just heard the news from Dora – my daughter -"
She had a niece. She had a niece, and she had never even known.
"Dora is an auror. The Death Eaters who were on that mission were caught, Cissy. Your husband is one of them".
Cissy had no reply, and no tears to shed. Her husband, locked away – taken out of her life. She had loved him, despite what everyone thought. They had shared a love, or at least a deep affection for almost twenty years. And now he had been wrenched away from her. Cissy was in deep shock; her heart seemed to have stopped. Finally, she found words.
"Why are you telling me this, Andy? I would have found out anyway-"
No doubt the aurors would have made the trip to Malfoy Manor in order to gloat at her, to mock her.
"That's not the only news, Cissy", called her sister from below her window.
"Bad news?"
"I'm afraid so".
Panic rose in Cissy, her mouth went dry.
"Draco? What's happened to Draco?" she cried desperately, trying to hide the panic she felt. Her darling son, if anything had happened to him -
"No, Cissy, Draco is perfectly fine", replied Dromeda in reassurance.
"What is it then?"
There was a pause. Cissy could almost hear her heart beating. She had a bad feeling, she could sense that something awful had happened.
"Sirius is dead", stated Dromeda bluntly, breaking the silence, doing a poor job of disguising the pain in her voice.
Cissy's world stopped.
"– What?"
"Sirius – he was fighting, for the Order tonight – he was killed, Cissy -"
But Narcissa Malfoy heard no more words after that. Dromeda's voice droned on, but Cissy was lost in her own world – a world where two children ran along corridors, chasing each other – the girl with the white blonde hair and the boy with the mischievous smile…
She would never see him again. He was gone, forever.
He would never have any idea how much he meant to her, and she had adored him unconditionally for so long, for over twenty years.
He was gone.
And then her mind strayed over to the bundle of letters in her room, tied securely with a blue ribbon. The last letter he had written, ink absorbed into wrinkled parchment. One of his own lone tear drops had splashed over his signature at the end. How often she had traced his name with a finger? She knew the letter off by heart – and now she was reminded of the last sentence he had written to her. His favourite cousin.
Yes, he had left this earth.
But he would always remain with her.
"I'll always be with you".
And she would never forget.
Thank you for reading :D
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