Jennifer Shepard sat all by herself in her bedroom reaching her hand out the window, allowing a few plump snowflakes to lie and melt there before pulling it back inside. She remembered when she was little, running down the stairs with Heather to greet Daddy at the bottom of the steps. He would lift them up into his arms, onto his shoulders, and spin around receiving squeals of joy from both of them. She remembered when she believed Santa came from the north pole, down the chimney, to deliver gifts to her and her baby sister. She even recalled the first year she came down the stairs on Christmas and her dad wasn't there. She remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach when she knew she wasn't just missing a year with him, but he was gone forever. And then Heather couldn't stand her, and left to go live with her mother in California, leaving her alone.
Alone. She had been alone for a long time. Since Jethro in Paris, actually. No romance, no family, not even friends sent her Christmas cards or a tiny wrapped gift. She had met a few guys but always seemed to chase them away, her ambition and independence shooing them off like flies. She hadn't heard from her mother in years, much less her sister. Abby had invited her to go to the bar with the team tonight, but she was forced to decline. She didn't know what was more painful, being alone or feeling alone.
She jumped when she heard a loud knock on the door downstairs. She heard Naomi rush to answer it. "Séniora!? Its Sénior Gibbs!" Naomi shouted up to her after opening the door. She bit her lip. Only he would come to her house on Christmas.
Gibbs entered the house casually brushing past Naomi. "I'm sorry sénoir, I don't know what is keeping her."
He bowed his hand at her and shook his head "Don't worry about it."
"She actually doesn't come downstairs on Christmas. I don't know why, but she no do. Would you like me to call her down?"
"Its Christmas. Why don't you take the night off? Go home. See your family" He suggested dodging her question.
"Are you sure Sénior?" The woman asked with uncertainty glancing upstairs.
"Yeah, Jenny'll understand" He said making his way up the steps skipping every other one like he did at work. He listened carefully hearing Naomi pack up a few things and then heading out. He paused before opening the door to her bedroom. Perhaps she was changing or something that resulted in him walking in on her and making the situation very awkward. "Jen?" He called against the door.
"Yes?" He heard.
"Can I come in?"
There was a pause before she answered, as if she wasn't confident her answer was the right one or not. "Yes." She said at last.
He pushed the door open, walking in, pausing to stare at her. She looked beautiful the way she was, without her pencil skirts and tall stilettos. Instead, she was in a white sweater with fitting dark blue jeans that showed off her hips and ass, along with a pair green slippers. She smiled a weak smile at him before turning back to the open window.
"It's Christmas, Jethro. What are you doing here?" She asked. He kneeled down beside her staring in her direction expecting her eyes to meet his. When they didn't, he turned his gaze to the window.
"Abby invited you to get drinks tonight with the team. You said no. Why?"
"Tradition is to spend Christmas in this house. I don't break tradition." She explained quickly as if she didn't want him to hear it. "What are you doing here, Jethro? It's Christmas and you're in my bedroom... er house." A small blush crept on her cheeks making her only more beautiful, if that was even possible.
"Its not good to be alone on Christmas. Why don't we go get some coffee?" He suggested.
"No." She stated deadpanned shaking her head back and forth. "Let's just stay upstairs okay?"
"Why?" He asked.
"I just-" her voice broke mid sentence and she brought a hand to her head, sighing before she continued. "I uh- I just don't want to be disappointed."
He grabbed her from her hips putting her up on her feet. She gasped when she felt him against her, his strong hands lifting her from her seat. Once she was standing he gave her a gentle two pats on her back. "Coffee's not gonna hurt anyone"
"Jethro-" she began to protest but he quieted her putting a finger against her lips and stared at her.
"You aren't going to change your mind are you?" She asked when he removed his finger. He shook his head and she sighed again.
She allowed herself to get all the way down the stairs but froze at the bottom, thinking back to when she was 10 and Heather was 4.
"Daddy!" Heather shouted running down the steps into her father's arms. "Merry Christmas, baby." The green eyed man said with a smile. "Aww come 'ere Jennifer!" He said swooping her up in his arms.
"You think Santa came?" Heather asked excitement in her eyes.
"Yeah," Jenny agreed with a giggle. "Bet cha Heather got coal!"
"Did not!" Heather shouted back, playfully hitting her sister as they both ran to open their presents which laid beautifully underneath the tree, wrapped in gold.
Jenny turned around to see her mom and dad together. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. She knew they would never be together again, but the respect they shared was more than enough.
"Face it Jenny, he's dead!" Heather shouted angrily. It was two years after Jasper Shepard killed himself, 23 years after that Christmas need to learn when to let things go! He killed himself, for gods sake!"
"You really believe he would put a bullet in his own head for no reason? I was here in the house when it happened! Why would he shoot himself while i was here? He was murdered!"
"You are so stubborn! Daddy's little bitch, it's all you've ever been! Just let it go! I'm going to go live with mom for a few weeks. When you get your act together give me a call."
"Daddy's little bitch!? I have enough faith in my father that I don't just read a report and believe it! Go! Get out! Go live with 'mommy' for a while Heather! And while you're at it why don't you leave me the hell alone!"
"JEN!" she heard. It sounded like it was coming from a distance, very muffled. So close yet so far away. She saw his blue eyes, blurry and far before they got closer and closer to her and then began to get clear.
"Jenny?" She heard when she came to, blinking off the flashbacks. He had his hands on her shoulders and was looking at her with fear in his eyes.
"You okay?" He asked, concerned.
"Yes. Let's go get coffee." She said walking in front of him feeling his concerned stare on her back, but deciding not to say anything. They walked to the coffee shop in a comfortable silence, both of them not sure exactly what should come next. It was comfortable for the both of them, that is until she saw the familiar woman sipping her coffee, sitting alone at a table.
"Maybe we should go to another coffee shop." She said turning around towards the door. He caught her previous gaze and looked at the woman himself. She looked a lot like Jenny, red wavy hair and dark green eyes. Enough to be her sister.
"Jenny?!" The woman asked jumping up from her seat and speed walking over to the two of them. She was a bit younger than Jenny, wearing a blue blouse with dress pants.
Jenny closed her eyes tightly before turning to face the woman, a fake smile plastered on her lips. "I'm sorry do I know you?" She asked obviously giving the woman her cold shoulder. The woman's eyes filled with sadness and betrayal, but the rude remark didn't shoo her off.
"Who's your friend?" Heather asked looking up at Gibbs, ignoring the cold question.
"Jethro I don't think-"
"Jethro?! Leroy Jethro Gibbs?!" She shouted loudly cutting Jenny off. Gibbs nodded dumbly, feeling like the question was directed towards him. "Ha! This the same Jethro you dated back in Paris like 6 years ago? Hi I'm Heather, Jennifer's long-lost and forgotten sister. Nice to meet you finally! I heard about the jacket on the plane thing. That letter... so corny. I told her not to leave it for you but whatever. Fancy, that you guys are together again! It's a lot like Jenny to be chasing around in her past." The woman had a lot of false enthusiasm which was already irritating him.
"Heather? That's you?" Jenny asked bitterly, deciding to stick with the 'I don't know you act. "Wow you're even bitchier than I remember! No wonder we lost contact with each other. Jethro this is my sister, Heather. I know she looks like she's on drugs, but trust me she sticks to having sex with random men. Charlie was it? That man you picked up at the bar and slept with for weeks only to find out that he was openly gay and married?" Jenny asked sarcasm dripping off her lips. Gibbs had never seen her look so angry, not even after a severe pissing match at work.
Heather smirked her eyes on Gibbs. "In my defense what openly gay guy takes a girl home and has sex with her from night till day? Well, well, well," she said with a little click of her tongue. "Isn't he the one you said you wanted to sleep with? That your whole director job was to get him back?"
"I never said that!" Jenny said her mouth firming the shape of an O. He couldn't decide if she was lying or not. Heather licked her lips and winked at Gibbs. "When things don't work out with her you could always come to me. I like older men. They're usually bigger, if ya know what I mean."
"Back the hell off!" Jenny yelled shoving her sister back from the shoulders and pulling herself against him. He was surprised when she did so, and wanted desperately to say something, but didn't. He didn't want to embarrass her in front of her younger sister.
"Why so you can break his heart again? Or is it purely physical? Because I have much better curves and I'm a bit tighter."
"That other coffee shop sounds like a good idea why don't we-" he started but he was cut off by Jenny.
"Oh my god you are such a slut! Well I wouldn't be surprised considering you were raised by mom. What's wrong Heather? Don't have someone to kiss under the mistletoe?"
"Oh please!" Heather said putting her arm behind Gibbs neck and pulling his lips onto hers. He pulled back immediately. She was a beautiful woman but she tasted of cigarettes and scotch, his least favorite tastes. Her mouth was incredibly dry. It was a disturbing experience.
Jenny watched the scene roll out as her beautiful little sister put her red lips against his, rubbing her body against him noticeably. Without thinking, Jenny pulled her off of him, turned, and brought her hardened fist to Heather's nose, hearing a snap and getting blood all over her hand. The man serving jumped over the counter heroically to see if the injured woman was okay. Gibbs grabbed Jenny's hands and held them behind her back pulling her out the door. Before she was dragged out, she made a point to spit at her sister.
"I don't want to talk about it." She muttered when they were comfortably sitting in another coffee shop each if them having a black Jamaican blend. She had also ordered a donut and split it with him.
"It's Christmas, Jen. Let's act like it never happened." He suggested. "Why don't we go see them light up that big tree down in the square? A little less.. quiet."
It was strange of him to have such an idea but she couldn't find it in her to complain. "Fine. But after they light the lights I want to go home. I just need some time alone."
"Or you come to my place, get some dinner there. I got a bed you can sleep in. I sleep down with the boat anyways." He sighed doubting himself slightly before he continued. "Just because you had Christmases with your dad doesn't mean after his death he would want you sitting alone every year. I think he'd be happier to see you happy."
"We'll see." She said standing up and putting a ten dollar bill on the table. She knew she was leaving a few dollars extra, but it was Christmas and the waitress had been very kind to the two of them. He stood up as well, making his way to the door wishing the woman a happy holiday.
"Jethro" she said in suspicion as he drove by the tree. "You just missed the parking lot"
He smirked, but he didn't say anything. "Where are we going?" She asked. She should've known he wasn't going to see them light the tree.
He still didn't answer her but his smirk stayed as if it was painted on his face. She leaned back in her seat sighing, knowing questioning him was going to be of no use.
After an hour or so of driving she could feel herself beginning to fall asleep, her eyelids heavy. "Jethro, come on. At least tell me where we're going."
"Go to sleep, Jen." He said in a low voice, slightly louder than a whisper. She obeyed his order unwillingly, her body complying.
She was asleep for another hour before he reached his destination. He looked over at her in the passenger seat. Her long hair was tumbling over her shoulders as the moon reflected her skin making her look slightly paler than usual. He debated whether to let her sleep or wake her up. She never knew how to pace herself and being director had a toll on her only he noticed. He decided to wake her though, knowing he only had one night to do this.
"Jen? Hey wake up." He said slightly rocking her side to side.
"Hmm?" She asked, her eyes fluttering open and a closed smile spreading over her lips. "We're here?"
He nodded without a smile as she leaned forward in her seat viewing out the windshield where he brought her. Her smile quickly faded to a frown as she took in her surroundings.
"How long have you known?" She questioned leaning back into her seat, pressing her back against the chair hoping it would take her in.
"Bout a year." He answered looking at her pain and concern evident in his eyes.
"Why didn't you say anything?" She trembled in her seat in shock, goosebumps erupting over her arms. She doubted it was from the cold.
He opened the car door without an answer walking around to open her side of the car. She unbuckled her seat belt and allowed him to help her out, closing the door behind her.
She read each stone as they walked, recognizing every name as she went along. She had walked this path many times alone. She never imagined he would walk it with her.
He stopped abruptly causing her to stumble a bit and they both stared down at the stone in front of him. 'Baby of Shepard-Gibbs.' It read with nothing underneath except a birth date and death date, the dates the same. Her little angel had died at birth. She was never aware if its gender and therefore chose not to name it. She could use a unisex name but she felt she would then get connected to something she couldn't have. So 7 years ago she drove for hours until she came among this little church and had the baby buried.
She hunched over and grabbed her stomach as if someone had just punched her there. Breathing deeply she stayed there reaching out to touch the grave but then pulling away as if she was touching a fire. She hardly ever visited after she came to work at NCIS again. It hurt too much.
"How'd you find it?" She said standing up wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. They were not tears that would continue to fall, just a few she needed to get out.
"Her." Gibbs said. "She was a girl."
Jenny bit her lip as the tears she was sure she could hold back began to fall. It was a girl. The thing in the ground was a girl who would now be in high school if she had managed to take her first breath. He slid his hand in hers squeezing gently wanting to make her aware that he was there.
"You must hate me... for keeping this from you." She confronted, her bottom lip quivering. She held his hand firmly. It was the only thing keeping her standing.
"Hey!" He said tilting her face towards him. "I don't hate you. I've never hated you and I'm never gonna hate you. I need you to let go of this. Let go of the past, Jenny."
"I love you, baby" she whispered to the grave. The whisper was not easy to hear, but he felt she intended him to hear it. "This is your daddy. Told ya' he'd come."
"Jen, let 'er go." He said.
She tapped the top of the stone wiping some of the snow from the top. "I gotta... I have to go, angel. I'm not abandoning you. I just.. when I come to meet you I want to be proud of the life I had here, and I have to let go of the past to do that."
He wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close to him as they walked out together, opposite of the car, until he reached a calm lake. The moon allowed you to see the trees reflecting off the water. It was gorgeous.
"Jethro, you know I can't swim." She said in a heart lifting way.
He smirked. "Where do you think I put the boats when I'm done?"
"I'm still not sure how you get them out of the damn basement." She laughed.
"Got one 'bout 5 minutes from here if you're up for it."
She nodded following him until she reached a beautiful white boat. She ran her hand over it and looked over to see the name.
"We could've used the one that said Kelly. I wouldn't have minded."
"Burned 'er." He said.
"Why?" She asked surprised. She understood why he burned the one that said Diane, but Kelly was his baby.
He pretended not to hear her. She grasped his shoulder and turned him to face her matching his bright blue eyes with her emerald ones, demanding an answer. "Why?" She repeated.
"I made you let go of your past and I let go of mine." He stated. "Can we get in the boat now?" She looked at him one more time in sympathy before giving him a slight nod.
She helped him push the boat to the edge if the lake. He helped her into it letting her get settled before pushing it into the water, jumping in before it could get too deep.
"It's bad luck to sail a boat without a name." She said a few minutes after they went into the water.
"I was gonna name her Jenny but I knew if DiNozzo found out I'd be hearing about Forest Gump for the rest if my life."
"And I probably would've castrated you" she said with a small smile.
"So I figured we could name this one... together." He said. She automatically caught on to what he was saying. He was basically naming the baby with her, only this time he had the excuse of saying they were naming a boat.
"How bout Claire?" She asked. She liked that name ever since she was a kid.
"You know how many people are named Claire, Jen?" He asked smiling. She smiled back.
"So you want something original?"
"No... just something I can't find every one of ten."
"Perhaps it should be a Hebrew name. Ziva did save my life, I owe her." Jenny suggested.
He shook his head. "That's the past. We want the future."
She agreed silently. "Well... I kind of want a name that is short. Or it can have a nickname that is short."
He nodded. "She should have a nickname. Easier to paint on."
"Maybe something that could be a boy or girls name. That way she won't be intimidated by guys... er bigger boats." She said blushing a little at her mistake.
He choked down a laugh but couldn't hide a smile. "I think it should be feminine."
"How about Arianna?" She asked.
"I like it, but we can't use it."
"Why not?"
"Her nickname would be Ari." He said flashing back to when a daughter-like friend was shot in the head by Ari Haswari. "I think it should start with an A." She was about to say that Ari was the past, but was glad she didn't when she heard what he said next.
"How about Adrianna?" He asked. Her face curled in disgust.
"That's Heather's middle name" she said.
He frowned too. He couldn't believe he kissed that woman, even if it was by force.
"How about Alexandria?" Jenny asked receiving a nod if satisfaction from Gibbs.
"Call her Alex for short."
"It's very feminine but the nickname is unisex. Not too common. It's perfect."
He looked up at her with a tiny smile. "Merry Christmas, Jenny."
"Merry Christmas Jeth-" he cut her off by putting his lips against hers, his kiss warm and welcoming. She savored his taste of coffee, bourbon, and something undefined and purely him. She forgot how right it felt to kiss him. It was like their lips had been made for each other. She moaned softly into him the kiss, which was possessing her, as he cupped her cheek. It wasn't a sexual kiss, but it was passionate and lengthy.
When the need of oxygen kicked in he pulled away locking eyes with her immediately afterwards. He put a kiss on her forehead smiling when he saw that her eyes were now closed.
Finally, after two hours of talking and laughing, he pulled the boat over to the side. He carried her back to his car as she struggled to stay awake. His calm voice telling her to go to sleep was hard to fight but she did.
"You going to drop me off now?" She asked jokingly.
"You like to follow tradition, don't ya?"
"Yes." She answered with a small nod.
"Good."
"You didn't answer my question."
"Goin' to get a little something your sister did." He remarked with a grin.
"I already got a kiss from you."
"Not under a mistletoe thingy."
She threw her head back laughing. "It doesn't have to be under the mistletoe. She's just a jealous slut. I know you didn't want to kiss her. I saw you pull away."
"Yeah. I wanna kiss you though, under the mistletoe and then I'll take you home." He laughed when he saw she was asleep and pulled off.
He pulled over at the little diner he always used to go to when he was feeling stressed. He knew the waitress had a small crush on him and it would pain her to see him with another woman, but it was the only place he knew of that had a mistletoe. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door smiling as she looked up at the small plant above them.
"Well what are you waiting for? Kiss me already!" She laughed.
He smirked at how bold she was before lowering his mouth onto hers soothingly. The kiss was much more sexual than it had been on the boat. When he pulled away he looked down at her. Her eyes were no longer filled with innocence and joy. They were filled with lust and desire. She squealed as he picked her up, carrying her back to the car.
20 minutes after making love to her (many times) he laid next to her in bed. Her naked body was pressed against his and his arm was wrapped around her.
"I love you more than anything, Jen." He admitted. She cuddled closer against him and smiled.
"Thank you." She said. "For the best Christmas ever. Every woman in the world would envy what you did for me today. It was really special."
"Naw, just makin' you realize who you are." He replied.
"So how exactly are we going to explain this to the team?" She asked with a giggle.
"DiNozzo's gonna collect his bet money. David will probably be fine. McGee, scarred for life but accepting. Abby will probably pick out a wedding dress and Ducky'll"
"Kill us." She sighed. He nodded. Ducky had told them they belonged together since the start, but they were too stubborn to admit it. He was going to have the best 'i told you so' moment in the world before murdering the both of them.
"Merry Christmas" he said holding a small box to her. Her eyes swelled at the sight of the gift wrapped in gold with a tiny red bow pecked at the top.
"Dammit Jethro I didn't get you anything and you're doing all this. You take it back until I get you something." She placed the small box back into his hand. He smiled at her placing a small kiss on her lips.
"I don't want anything from you." He said heaving the box across the room.
"What's wrong?" She asked looking up at him when he slightly pulled away.
"Nothin'" he replied. His body was tense beneath her.
She pulled away from him, confusion aligning her features. "You don't regret this, do you?"
"No." He said but she looked at him with doubt in her eyes. He grabbed her hand and placed a gentle kiss against it in reassurance. "No". He repeated.
"Well? If it's not regret what the hell is it?"
"I just- I don't want you to regret this. I don't want another letter. If you don't want this then I wanna know now before it gets too involved."
"Are you saying you don't trust me?"
"Nooo. I'm saying that I love you and I can... respect if you aren't ready for us yet."
"Say that again." She commanded.
"What? I respect if you-"
"No before that."
"I love you?" He clarified.
"Yeah. Say it again."
"I love you."
She paused letting the words sink in. "You mean that?"
He didn't nod or say a thing. His eyes told her that he meant it more than anything he had ever said in the world.
"Then I'm ready."
"I know I said it all before. Merry Christmas, Jen."
"Merry Christmas, Jethro"
A/N: I know it's a little late to post a Christmas story but there was no way I could wait until next year.