Taking off his shoes, Kiku looked over the railings. Humans walked past the building, cars drove past, it was all normal. The same thing as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. As much so was his life, even as a country his life was always the same. Meet countries in the world meeting, come home, eat, sleep and repeat. Even when there are no meetings it is always wake up, spend the day doing paperwork, eat, sleep repeat. Sometimes without the sleep, just do paperwork; since apparently countries should be able to handle twice the amount humans do. Well according to his boss that is, efficiency is the key to everything after all and since he is only a country, he can't defy his boss.
As he climbed over the railings and took his jacket off, placing it on the railing, he looked down below, feeling the wind against him, it was almost reassuring. As if this was the right thing, as if this was his salvation. Sure, as a country he couldn't 'die' as humans could. A drop like this wouldn't kill him, far from it, but it would leave him in a comatose state. Hopefully long enough for them to pull the plug and let him sleep forever. Which it would be that, just a deep sleep that he most likely would not wake from. That is only if they pull it, if not then there would be a chance to wake up. However, who would keep him on it? No human knows his country identity as a country so why would they give him the chance? It also isn't like any country would find him and even if they did, they don't care enough about him. Right? As Kiku thought about that, a memory stirred in his mind, a recent one which to the Japanese nation was comical. Since as a country he was older than most, meaning far more memories, and far more important than the one he recalled.
Kiku walked into a world meeting after a day of paperwork, his boss had decided to unload a heap onto him. Why did he have to come to this again? Nothing ever got done. Everyone knew that too. They all treated these meetings as social gatherings more than actual work. Which did annoy Kiku quite a bit. Since for him, work was more important than anything else above all, that was how his country was run after all. Jobs requiring a lot of pressure, but it meant it was done. Even if it meant high-stress levels and a high suicide rate because of it, it was still worth the effort.
Kiku took seating by his nameplate and next to him was an already bickering Alfred and Arthur. Kiku already wanted to leave, however, he remained to show no emotion towards it, not wanting to offend any of the two. Since to the other side of him was Feliciano, feeding his brother some pasta, the Japanese nation had nothing better to do, so he listened in on the conversation between England and America.
"You bloody git, this is the last time!"
"Come on Iggy, it was one time. One!"
"One? Please, you did it more and I know it. Miss Fairy lets me know every time!"
"Oh, so your fake friends say when I wait in your house?"
"No, my real friends tell me when you break in when I'm not there and sneak out when I come home!"
"Oh please. No proof that I was there before you caught me. 'Sides your friends are fake. Just like how you think you have a family."
"Take that back!"
"Nop-" At that point, Alfred was beginning to get strangled. Sighing, Kiku just rested his head on the table, resting it on his arms. It was always like this. No one even noticed. Well not until Ludwig brought them back to focus. Not like it ever did much.
Halfway into the meeting and it was chaos again, Ludwig had long given up on bringing them back up to topic and was arguing with Lovino now. Kiku was left there staring absentmindedly at the wall, trying to think of things he could be doing instead of being here. He was jostled out of his state as he felt a hand on his shoulder, making a small noise of surprise he turned to see someone who shouldn't be there. Prussia.
He loved the Prussian, more than anything, of course, it was the one distraction he would allow in the meetings, and to his work. Even if it got him into trouble with his boss for 'slacking off' when he should be working. Kiku smiled a little to Gilbert, even if he didn't feel like it but was met with a concerned gaze.
"What's wrong meine Kirschblüte."
"Nothing, I'm fine." Kiku gave another small smile.
"Don't give me nothing. I know that look. You call me out with that look. You can tell me anything."
"I'm fine...Work has just been getting to me lately. That's all."
"Well, take a break then. If your boss says no, I will punch them in the face." Gilbert held his fists up and punched the air, which brought a real smile to Kiku's face and made him laugh a bit at the thought.
"Please don't, I wouldn't want to clean anything up. I will ask for a break, soon."
"How soon?"
"Soon."
"It better be." Gilbert commented with a sigh, it was clear he was still worried for Kiku. Which Kiku could not understand why. Sure he was burnt out from it all, but it had to be done. There was no possible country that could take over for him, since everyone else had their own things to do.
As much as Kiku wanted to insist on not taking a break, he'd know he would now have to have one. Gilbert wouldn't let him, much like Kiku wouldn't let him do anything bad for his health. He guessed that's what he loved most about Gilbert. How not only does Kiku look out for the albino, but Gilbert looks out for him too.
Thinking back to that memory made him hesitate. Only for a second. He felt like he had to do this, to get his break, but he didn't want Gilbert finding his body. He wouldn't want to do that to him. The Japanese nation was conflicted on what he should do, so much so he heard something that made him turn his head. It was Gilbert, up on the roof with him. It had seemed he walked through the door to the roof, that he had forgotten to shut. Kiku scolded himself mentally, why did he put his location to him in his last note? Did he want to be talked out of this? He didn't know.
"Meine Kirschblüte, don't jump. Come over here to me and we can talk. Okay?" Kiku noted that he was being treated as if he were a scared animal. It only made him feel worse, especially the worry clear in his facial expression and tone.
"I...I want to but I can't." Kiku felt himself tear up. Why? Why did he have to be here? It made this much more difficult for him to do this.
"It's okay, you can do this. I believe in you, I trust in you, so you have to do the same in me. How many times have you stopped me ending it all? How many times have you scolded me for hurting myself or for not taking my medication and seeing my therapist? Too many. Now let me do it for you. Let me help you." During his speech, the Prussian had made his way closer, small steps at a time until he was at the railings, close to Kiku.
Kiku wanted to believe him, he wanted to come over the railings, he wanted to be held but he couldn't do it. He couldn't go to his lover's arms, he looked at Gilbert then back down the building. The wind almost pulling him with it, wrapping itself around him. Almost as if a whisper, a hug. That everything will be alright.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said as he let himself be carried by the wind. Weightlessness overtook him as he closed his eyes, a small smile on his face as he heard Gilbert's cries as he suddenly was met with pain then nothing. His break has officially started.
The break Kiku had looked forward to was an eternal dark abyss. Nothing. He couldn't move, couldn't talk or hear. Well, he could but apart from the deafening sound of silence was muffled noises. He couldn't make any of it out, even if he tried. How long had he been sitting here? Days? Weeks? Years? As much as he wanted to know, to get out of the place, it was at the same time calming and peaceful. No paperwork and no fighting. Just eternal silence.
One of the times he can recall in the black silent abyss, he actually felt something. Something warm on his hands, he didn't want this feeling to go, and he tried his hardest to move his hands, to keep this warmth, to keep this feeling. Kiku didn't know if he succeeded but the warmth didn't leave and a muffled sound was louder than all the others.
"Come back to us. Please. For me."
The muffled voice. It was someone he knew, cared about even. Who though? Kiku felt like he wanted to see this person, but how? He couldn't leave the darkness, he was trapped here now. All because he couldn't handle some work. He tried to call out, to say something, but nothing came out. So he did what he felt was a better chance. He tried again to hold onto the warmth.
Gilbert's eyes widened in surprise as he felt a small movement on his hand, Kiu had moved. Even if it was only slightly, but he did move. That meant the doctors weren't lying when they said he could still hear him. Of course, Gilbert had been visiting Kiku daily, arguing with the doctors on their decision to pull the plug, having to tell them about countries and making them swear secrecy.
It had been two months since Kiku had been in a coma, more than an average human, but of course, he's a country so he can survive more on it, it's if they stop the extra help he won't wake up at all. Of course though they didn't and now he was beginning to wake. Seeing Kiku in this state hurt Gilbert to no ends, his lover jumped off the building that day, Gilbert had to live with his brother under intense watch to be sure he would not try to hurt himself or to try and kill himself. As he is no longer a country, that is a possibility still open for him to do.
As this day came to, the albino was giving up on the hope that Kiku would wake up, however, this small movement had helped restore his faith that he would.
"Hurry up and come back to us." Gilbert muttered as he planted a small kiss on the Japanese nations head as he walked out, having overstayed visiting hours.
He was tired of this black abyss. Kiku wanted to get out of it, to the muffled voice that he knows he loves. He felt the warmth again and the voice was talking. It was something he looked forward to hearing as each day he heard more of it. Today was the clearest he ever heard it.
"Gutten Morgen meine Kirschblüte. I know you know me by now but I suppose I should say who I am again...if you're listening that is. I'm Gilbert, or well Prussia but who even knows that country anymore am I right? Well, I am a country now, since I've been acting as Japan, which is you. Mein Gott your boss is stuck up. Like, leave me to drink sometime! Worse than Austria. I can't wait till you wake up, then I won't be dealing with them and trust me. I've been on my best behaviour not to hurt them. Been hard as all hell, makes me wonder how you do it!"
Kiku couldn't fathom as to why he forgot the voice. Prussia, Gilbert. His beloved. He wanted to wake up even more, to apologize for everything. Of course though, he found it impossible. His eyes were glued shut, he couldn't open them at all. He had to though, he had no choice.
Forcing his eyes open, Kiku had to close them again. Everything hurt. It was blurry and bright. After several attempts, he was able to open them properly and as he looked to the side he saw a white pale figure looking at him with watered eyes. He wanted to speak but couldn't find the words. It didn't seem to matter much to Gilbert though as he wrapped his arms around Kiku gently into a hug, despite the hospital warning him not to.
"Don't ever do that again." Gilbert cried on his shoulder, not showing any signs of letting go of him any time soon.
"Sorry." Was all Kiku could manage to get out.
"Don't apologise...just...never try to leave me again. I don't know what I would do without you. meine Kirschblüte, my cherry blossom."
A/N: I hope you guys liked my Oneshot of a PruPan angst thing. Just for those who don't know, Kirschlute means Cherry Blossom. At least google translate says that so apologies for if it isn't. Even so, I loved writing this and I hope you all enjoyed reading it.