i don't own the characters or anything Glee.
"I will never do anything to hurt you, that's what you said to me. You held my hands close to your heart and told me you would never do anything to hurt me. You lied. You lied. You are hurting me more than anyone ever has. You Lied." Rachel turned away from the blond headed women.
"Quinn, I never meant to hurt you. I thought that we would last. I believed distance wouldn't be a problem for us. I'm sorry. Babe, please let me try and make this up to you. Please one more chance". Quinn couldn't stop the tears from spilling over her cheeks.
"Rachel, why? I mean why wasn't I enough? I gave you every part of me." Quinn slid down the wall, until she was safely sitting on the cold tiled flooring of their kitchen floor.
"No Quinn. It was never anything about you not being enough for me. God, babe. You are more than enough. It was me being selfish and …." Rachel couldn't take her eyes of the women she loved. The pain she was putting Quinn through was too much for her. Rachel started breathing heavy, her chest felt tight. The pain in Quinn's body, the pain in her eyes. Rachel knew she caused that pain, it was her fault. She had hurt the women of her dreams, she had broken her soul mate.
"AND WHAT!" Quinn looked up from the floor and saw Rachel struggling to breath.
Automatically Quinn jumped to her feet and ran to Rachel's side. Rachel had always been prone to panic attacks, and every time Quinn had witnessed one, it scared the life out of her. As if on auto pilot Quinn did what she always did when Rachel had one of her panic attacks. She put a calming hand on her back, rubbing smoothing circles across Rachel's shoulder blades, while whispering calmly in her ear "Breath for me baby, Nice and slow."
Feeling Quinn touching her, and hearing those sweet words come out of her mouth was all Rachel needed, as soon as she felt Quinn touch, her fears disappeared. Quinn had been the only person who was able to help her when she went into panic mode.
"I'm ok. Babe thank you" Rachel didn't want the contact to end but as soon as she finished thanking her beloved Quinn, Quinn's had moved towards the sink, and got Rachel a glass of water.
"Here. Drink this" Quinn handed Rachel the glass of water.
"Baby, you are the only one who has ever been able to calm me with a simple touch." Rachel moved closer to Quinn. Rachel knew Quinn still cared, and there might be a chance she could save this relationship. Quinn's instinct was still to come to me, Rachel couldn't remove that thought from her head.
" Rach, please don't call me baby. I'm no longer that person to you." Quinn again moved away from Rachel and decided to sit at the kitchen table. Quinn hated the fact that being so close to Rachel for only a moment, still felt so right. She felt warm, and happy but then reality kicked in again.
"You are my baby. Quinn, you need to forgive me. I can't let this end. You and me are meant to be. Please. Quinn please let me make this up. I will find a way for you to forgive me and let me back in. Please Quinn." The desperation in Rachel's voice was clearly evident.
"I don't think here is away back. You cheated on me. You slept with her. You let her touch you, you let her fu…." Quinn was getting angry, just the thought of that woman touching her Rachel was becoming too much.
"I made a massive mistake. I made the biggest mistake. It's a mistake I will never make again. I can't lose you Quinn. Please let me try." Rachel moved to sit opposite Quinn at the table. Slowly moving her hands towards Quinn's. There hands touched, and Quinn didn't pull away.
"Tell me about it. I want to know how it happened. I want to know what you did. I want to know everything. I want you to tell me how good she was. I want to know everything." The lawyer instinct, wouldn't allow Quinn to simply except a sorry. She need to know everything, she needed to understand how, why and finally she needed to understand what took place in that room.
"Why? Why put yourself through that?" Rachel removed her hands from Quinn's. The confusion was apparent on her face.
"ME!. I DIDN'T PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS! YOU DID THIS. JUST YOU AND HER." Quinn couldn't help shouting. The fact that Rachel was blaming her for this pain.
"No. that's not what I mean. I asking why cause more pain by asking me to tell you all the details?" Rachel has never heard Quinn raise her voice.
"I need to understand. I need to know what she did to you. I need to know what she has and I don't. I need to know how she took you from me." Quinn was again sitting at the table looking directly into her wive's eyes.
"Oh God!, no Quinn. No. It wasn't like that. It was just sex. That's all it was. There was no feelings there. No connection. She never had any part of me. I was just …"
"You were just what?" Quinn never broke eye contact. She need to see the truth not just hear it.
"She was just a… a release." Rachel's eyes fell. Just saying it made her feel sick.
"You're kidding. You have broken up our family for a release." Quinn sniggered at the statement. She knew Rachel better than that. She knew the women she had loved for the past five years wouldn't have broken their family up for a simple release.
"What? Quinn. I haven't broken this family up. We can work it out. Please."
"You're still lying to me. I know you wouldn't have fucked her just for a release. I know you too well Rachel, and that's just not close to the truth."
"Why? Why can't we just except I made this mistake and work on making it right again. Quinn why can't we move on. Please". Rachel slowly stood up and started walking towards Quinn.
As she approached Quinn, she simply moved her body forward and sat on Quinn's lap. Quinn didn't move away or push Rachel away. The contact was a welcome presence for both women.
"Rach. I can't forget. I'm sorry but I can't forget. That's not in my nature. I need to understand . I need to process the information and come up with a conclusion and an understanding." Quinn was struggling to breath, all that contact was playing hell with her emotions.
"For fuck sake Quinn. This is our life not one of your cases." Quinn couldn't help but be annoyed with Rachel's explanation. "I'M NOT A CRIMNAL." Rachel removed herself from the lap of Quinn's and walked to the drink cabinet. Rachel pulled out a bottle of vodka and poured herself a large tumbler. With one quick gulp the glass was empty. However, she poured herself another, followed by another.
"If you're planning on getting wasted, then I'm going."
"Say you love me. Tell me. Please tell me. Tell me that you love me." Rachel spoke softly, barely above a whisper.
"What?" Confused Quinn stood up and grabbed her jacket.
"Tell me you love me. Tell me you still want me. Tell me that if I tell you everything you will try and work it out. Tell me. Please." Rachel was begging Quinn. Seeing Rachel so weak was scary for Quinn, Rachel had always been the strong one, the stubborn one.
"Tell me everything, let me understand. And I stand here now and promise that I will try and work it out. But I'm also telling you, that I can't promise that we will work out. But I will promise to try, once I understand." Quinn dropped her jacket back on the chair.
"Do you still love me?" Rachel sounded pathetic and weak. She also sounded scared and hopeful.
"Rachel, no one falls directly out of love. But you've hurt me more than anything. At this moment in time I'm not sure exactly of my feelings, but I know I still love you. But I'm not sure that enough." Quinn dropped her eyes to the table. Saying those feeling out loud, pained her heart.
"Ok. I love you. I never have stopped and I never will."
"I think I need to understand now. Tell me." Quinn motioned for Rachel to sit back opposite her again.
"Okay. But I'm not sure how to tell you exactly. But I will try." Rachel walked over and sat in the chair that Quinn had motioned to.
"When you told me about the year relocation to the firm in Chicago, I was truly happy for you. I knew that it was something That would do wonders for your career and I was wasn't going to hold you back. You deserve to follow your dreams. I had no concerns about distance. I knew we would talk all the time and when the case finished you would come back home. I honestly was happy and fine about that. However, I never expected the pain. The pain from simply missing you. I missed everything. I missed the simple stuff at first. Just waking up next to your warm body, or hearing you singing in the shower. I couldn't help but miss you.
"You never said that on the phone. We spoke everyday for hours. Why didn't you tell me that was how you were feeling?" Quinn couldn't believe her wife kept these feeling from her.
"I didn't want you to feel guilty. I wanted you to carry on loving you career. Every time we spoke I could hear the passion in your voice about what you were doing." Rachel wiped a stray tear from her eye.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk to me."
"I could talk to you. I wanted to tell you. But well. I didn't want to put a damper on your ambition. Anyway as the months went along and you came back for the holidays, I thought I could easily do this for another four months. I wasn't concerned. Until..Until you said you were asked to stay on for one more year. When I hear those words I felt like I was losing you. I was losing you.
"You weren't losing me. I was tempted by the offer but I knew I couldn't leave for another year. I was missing my family too much."
"But you never said that. You said you wanted to think about it. You didn't seem concerned about me and Beth. You seemed like you were starting a new life in Chicago. I thought I was gonna lose you."
"I never really considered staying. I was honoured that they asked. But I knew I wanted to come home. I wanted to just turn up and surprise you. I love you too much to leave you for another year." Quinn couldn't believe Rachel never understood her feelings. Was I so closed off with my emotions. I thought we had gotten past these issues.
"Carry on telling me about what happened." Quinn didn't want to lose focus of the conversation.
"Well, I was hurting and I was scared that me and you were going to be over. So I started talking to her about what was going on between us. I mean she was always a friend to the both of us. She knew us. She knew us as individuals. I needed help in understanding what was happening and I was preparing for the worse. Anyway we started talking a lot, coming over for dinner, going out for dinner. She was so understanding, she seemed to understand all my concerns. I felt like I had a friend and I wasn't crazy in my thoughts."
"Carry on. I need to hear this."
"One night we came back here. We had a few drinks after work and we came back here for just one more drink. I promise I never thought about anything with her. I was just going to have one more drink and then hit the pillow. Anyway, we were talking about you, and it turned to what I've been doing for "pleasure" when you weren't here. I didn't mean for it to turn sexual but I told her about us, phone sex, our toys and after so many drinks and thinking about you, I was really missing your touch. She then proceeded to tell me what she would do to me, if I was single. I was still drinking and I became turned on. She said she could tell I was turned on because of my body language.
"Oh god." Quinn stood up from the table and went over to the open bottle of vodka, and poured herself a large glass.
"Do you want me to continue?" Rachel was getting uncomfortable with the memories.
"Yep. I need to hear it." Quinn took another large gulp of her drink.
"she then started touching my hand. It had been such along time. It felt like years. I missed your touch." Quinn started to cry.
"Like they say, it starts with a simple touch." Rachel didn't want to make light of the situation but the pain was beginning to become too much.
"I Can't. I can't hear this. You slept with my best friend. YOU SLEPT WITH SANATANA." Quinn threw her tumbler to the wall. The Pain and anger too much for her to take.