This fic came about because a) I've been overwhelmed lately and needed a break, b) I've been on a fluff high since I saw the movie Dan In Real Life, one of the fluffiest angst-romance movies ever, c) I've always wanted to write something from Lazlo's POV and d) the only LazloXEdward I've written before have been in "Quality Time...TO KILL YOU IN!", where it was more of a friendship than anything, and in parts of "Kidney Stones", where the only parts I actually wrote had Lazlo and Edward reflecting on their relationship rather than actually interacting. Well, okay, and e) because the first line of the story just randomly popped into my head.
Also, this style is a big departure from anything I've ever written, so I'd appreciate any feedback that could be gotten.
Face In The Crowd
(The Illustrious Crackpot)
I don't look at you any different than I look at anyone else.
Well, I don't think so, anyways. I smile when I look at you, but I smile when I look at anybody. If my smile's wider when I look at you, it's 'cus my mouth wants to move that way. So I let it. Why shouldn't it smile if it wants to? It's still the same as I smile for anyone else.
But I kinda look at you more than I look at anyone else. You fascinate me. I've never seen anyone like you. Not just 'cus of your looks, but 'cus of your aura. Maybe I can't see your aura, exactly, but you've always got this air around you, like how you're trying to pretend that you're a tough guy who doesn't care about anyone or anything. That kind of aura. What've you got to prove? What's so important about trying to be "cool" or "strong" that you won't let anyone else see what's really inside you?
I look at you more than I look at anyone else 'cus I'm curious.
Once Raj pulled me away and glared at me. Why do you look at Edward so much?
Because he fascinates me, Raj. Have you ever seen anyone who stands like that? Or crosses their arms like that? It's really interesting.
Lazlo, he stands like anyone else. He crosses his arms like anyone else. He's only about as INTERESTING as anyone else!
Well then, I'm interested in everyone.
Raj didn't really understand that. He just bunched up his fists and narrowed his eyes and let his ears start turning red.
...Lazlo, if the entire camp was on fire, who would you save—me, or Edward?
Clam coughed behind him.
Well, me and Clam, or Edward?
It's a silly question. I'd save everyone, Raj.
And HOW, pray tell, would you do THAT?
I'd use a fire extinguisher.
And then Clam laughed, and then Raj laughed, and then we were playing again. And I was looking at them the same way I look at anyone else. The same way I look at you. 'Cus both those ways are exactly the same.
I don't treat you any different than I treat anyone else.
I'm nice to everybody. Or, at least, I try to be. I help everyone out. I brighten everyone's day.
If I'm nicer to you sometimes, it's because you need happiness the most. Anyone else can find smiles without me. You don't smile unless I help you. ...Okay, so maybe my help makes you frown more than smile, but I can always keep trying. I'll always try to make you happy. Because I try to make everyone happy.
Scoutmaster Lumpus frowns harder than you, but I don't spend half as much time trying to cheer him up...
But he has Mister Slinkman too. Mister Slinkman is a good cheerer-upper. I can leave Scoutmaster Lumpus to him. That's why I can focus on you.
...Same as anyone else.
Sometimes I spy on you. I know I pro'lly shouldn't, but sometimes when I do my hardest and you're still not happy, I have to go back and watch just to make sure you're okay. And sometimes, as soon as everyone else is gone, your tough shield goes down and you are smiling. And that's when I know I've done something good. I made you smile, Edward. You won't show anyone yet, but you can be happy. I can make you happy.
Other times, when you think you're alone and don't have to pretend, you cry. Why do you cry, Edward? What makes you sad? Just tell me and I'll fix it, I promise, and your next secret smile can be twice as big!
That's one thing I don't do for anyone else. But that's just because everyone else can make their own happiness. You're too afraid of being happy to do that on your own.
'Sides that, though, I treat you the same as I treat anyone else. I want everyone to be happy, not just them and not just you.
I try to cheer you up just as much as I try to cheer up anyone else.
But you're not just like anyone else, Edward. You're you. I'm not trying to lump you in with the rest. You're special. You're different. You're Edward.
You look at me like you look at anyone else. You look at me the same as you look at Raj, or Clam, or Dave or Pingpong or Samson. You look at me the same as you look at the Squirrel Scouts, the same as you look at Scoutmaster Lumpus. I don't mind. Sometimes you look at me angrier, or sometimes more confused, but that's okay. As long as you still have your secret smiles, you can look at me however you want.
You treat me like you treat everyone else. You treat me the same as you treat Chip, or Skip, or Harold or Milt or Chuck. You treat me the same as the citizens of Prickly Pines, the same as you treat Nurse Leslie. I still don't mind. Sometimes you act meaner, or sometimes more conflicted, but that's okay. As long as I can still make you happy, you can treat me however you want.
Sometimes I look at you (just the same as anyone else) and then you look at me (just the same as anyone else) and then we're both looking at each other. That's when something different happens. I don't know what it is, so I look away, right at the same time as you.
What happened?
I was looking at you the same way I look at anyone else. You were looking at me the same way you look at anyone else.
...I think.
One day I guess there've been too many staring matches, since as soon as I look at you (still the same way I look at anyone else), you march straight up to me. Stop looking at me! you yell. I notice the way your blue eyes tighten up, scrunching harder than anyone else's could. I notice the way that the little redness coming up on your face is a lot more subtle than anyone else's.
People are staring. They want to know what's going on.
I'm not doing anything, Edward. Just looking, is all.
Well STOP it!
What's the matter? I look at a lot of people. I don't look at you any different than anyo—
YES YOU DO!!
My heart is pumping. Why's that? Your fists are tightening. Why's that?
Everybody's watching.
You think I haven't NOTICED, Lazlo?! Your breathing's quicker, you're looking at me again, and this time I know it's not the same way you look at anyone else. Your eyes are so filled up to the brim that it looks like they'll explode. You think I haven't NOTICED that look in your eyes, or that stupid expression on your face? You think I haven't NOTICED how you go out of your way to do things for me? Things that could never possibly benefit a single person in their entire LIFE?!
Tears aren't what your eyes have been filled with, but one leaks out anyways. Because it's what I'd do for anyone else—yes it IS, I would do that for anyone else too—I brush it away. You slap my hand.
That's what I'm talking about! STOP DOING THIS TO ME, LAZLO!!
What'm I doing to you? I don't know what it is I've been doing. Have I been hurting you, Edward? Is this pain...my fault? I...I...
LAZLO—WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
...There's a trembly kind of silence, then suddenly I lean down and kiss you.
I don't know why until the moment it happens, and then everything's so warm and safe that I can't care why. 'Cus, as soon as it happens, I realize this is why I do what I do. I don't look at you the way I look at anyone else, I don't treat you the same way I treat anyone else. It seemed that way on the outside, 'cus I didn't notice the reason. The reason that I didn't know 'til now.
I let go before I'm ready, because I'm still not really sure what's happening, and try to smile at you. I don't pay attention to the other people gawking, even though I can already hear Raj screaming his ears off. I don't notice anyone else but you.
Your eyes are closed. I don't know when that happened, but they are, and your entire body's quivering. Then your hands snap up to my face and pull me back, exploding into me with pro'lly everything you've ever felt, good or bad.
Because you've been looking at me differently too, just as much as I have. And I know that, no matter what happens after this, you'll have a new smile to keep hidden to yourself or to share with the world.
You don't kiss me like you'd kiss anyone else...just as I'd never love anyone else like I love you.
End