Thoughts of the Dead
She couldn't walk away. Not completely. There would always be some invisible strings attaching her eternal soul to earth, something preventing her from turning her head away from what could have been. Had she only been someone else, someone beautiful and kind with a gentle person and an infectious laugh. Had she been that someone, then maybe she wasn't about to face eternity alone. But the fact was and would always remain this way: she was Kara Thrace, a frak-up and not worthy of even having second thoughts. She'd been violent, bad-mouthed and a borderline drunk. She'd managed to screw up in every way possible where her closest ones were concerned, so in all, she didn't even deserve their affection. She took it anyway, and then some. Not from just anyone either, but from him – her savior in so many ways it made her light-headed just thinking about those moments she'd once shared with him. He never really understood how important he was to her, because she never let him. It used to be easier that way. Now, however, all she could do was regret all those silent words that had been resting on the tip of her tongue for a long time, too late to utter now that she'd left his world. Now, that he'd left hers.
It was above them both. The decision was never theirs. But sometimes Kara wished that she'd taken fate into her own hands when she was still alive and kissed him without throwing insults at him afterwards. Of course, there would always be what ifs. She'd made sure of that.
Three years after she'd said her goodbyes, he married a beautiful brunette she'd never even seen before. They named their lovechild Kara, which she kind of found slightly disturbing, but adorable all the same. Hand it to Lee to turn an act of nature into some twisted image of the past. Because Kara Thrace was twisted when alive, but that was fine. Had she been different, Lee never would've given her a second thought. Or so she thought. So maybe she was a frak-up and that was what Lee wanted back then. If so, she'd not acted differently had she ever been given the chance. It would all happen again, wouldn't it? To be desired by Lee was one of those things Kara had come to cherish the most. She'd used to think of him as weak because of it, but in the afterlife she was grateful. He would always love her, Starbuck-buck-buck and all of her flaws. And that was one of the reasons - although she'd never gotten to tell him that - she loved him back.