disclaimer: I don't own any of this! it all belongs to Tite kubo and whoever else owns bleach!

Her Worst Fear

My worst fear is that I won't be there. She'll get hurt and I won't be around. Rukia will get hurt, and I won't be there to save her.

- -

Being a substitute death god really kills your social life.

Between school, homework, slaying hollows, saving Soul Society, and sleeping, there is very little time for anything else. And ever since Renji left a few months ago to attend some captain thingy in Soul Society, things have gotten pretty hectic on our side. But, in order to keep up appearances and make it look like we are actual high schoolers with lives, we've worked out a deal for weekends. Only one of us will go out and slay hollows and such, while the other can go attempt to recesuitate what little social life they have left. It would then switch the following week and so on and so forth. It allowed us to take a breather and rest up for the next week.

This week it was my turn.

Rukia looked at me suspiciously. "You're sure you can handle it? I can always cancel and go with you."

I rolled my eyes. We had this same argument every weekend. Apparently, even though I had been doing this whole shinigami thing for four years now, she still didn't trust me to do a patrol by myself. I'm a senior, for crying out loud! I can handle one or two nights of fighting hollows by myself.

I sighed, pushing her towards the window. "I'll be fine, Rukia. There's no need to worry about me." She looked at me suspiciously again (at least, I think it was suspicion; but, what was I going to do, go joyriding?). I propelled her towards the window. "Go have fun with Inoue and Tatsuki. I can take care of the city for one night."

"It's not the city I'm worried about, baka," she muttered, elbowing me in the ribs. She turned to face me, her eyes filled with emotions I had never seen before.

"Just come back, okay?" she said softly.

"Of course," I replied, just slightly confused with her actions. I watched her exit my room via the window, running down the street to meet up with Inoue and Tatsuki.

Still cursing women and their befuddling ways, I transformed into a shinigami, Zangetsu's comforting weight against my back. The cooling evening air rushed in through the open window, through which I promptly scrambled out and onto the roof.

I stood there for a while in indecision, contemplating which direction I should take. Finally deciding on east, I leapt off the rooftop and into the growing dark, my conversation with Rukia completely forgotten.

The night was calm. In other words, boring as hell. Just a few minor hollows, most of which I could've beaten with my bare hands, none even worth using and ounce of Zangetsu's power.

Like I said, boring as hell.

I climbed a telephone pole (just for kicks) and sat at the top, waiting for the next call. I allowed my thoughts to drift, to wander away from reality. My mind (that devious thing) strayed to thoughts of Rukia, and a feeling like peace settled over me and my telephone pole. When I was alone, I often thought of her; I don't know why, I guess its 'cuz she's my best friend and all, but- The peace was abruptly shattered by the beeping of the soul pager.

"Holy crap-!" I almost fell off my telephone pole. I fumbled around in my shihakusho, searching for the small cellular-like device as I righted myself on the pole. Finally, I found the thing and immediately turned off the alarm, wishing it had a vibrate setting. A small slip of paper was in the process of being printed out of the top, large black words printed across it.

LARGE HOLLOW

EXTREMELY DANGEROUS

YUMISAWA DISTRICT

I replaced the pager and took off toward the north side of town, disregarding the warning on the slip of paper.

As I look back, perhaps I was a bit too cocky. Yeah, just a bit.

I raced across the rooftops, shunpo getting me there in no time at all. I landed in the middle of Yumisawa Park, with no hollow in sight. For a second I thought that Soul Society had gotten it wrong but I soon spotted the thing. It really wasn't that impressive, only a little bit larger than the other hollows I had fought tonight. Traditional style white hollow mask, four arm-like appendages, each ending in five scythe-like claws, two tree trunk legs, and a tail, tipped with spikes.

Piece of cake.

The hollow easily dodged my first attack. I couldn't help but smile as I dodged its tail; perhaps I was like Zaraki Kenpachi after all.

I decided to pour on the heat; you know, up the ante. I gathered my reiatsu and swung Zangetsu down, releasing the energy in a powerful arc. There was no way for the hollow to dodge it. The arc hit it square in the chest, the …it disappeared. Almost as if the hollow had absorbed it. I dodged its claws, using shunpo to get behind the beast. I tried the same move, only more powerful. Same result.

It was about then that I noticed: the hollow had gotten bigger.

The freakin' hollow was absorbing my reiatsu and growing off it. Cheater.

Finishing this fight quickly was the best course of action at this point. I charged the thing, using shunpo to dodge the two arms as they came flying at me. As I was just about to swing Zangetsu down to cleave the mask in two, I remembered a crucial detail.

The hollow had four arms.

Pain. Searing, tearing, ripping pain.

I looked down at my chest, seeing ten scythe-like claws stuck in my chest, blood, my blood, oozing from around them. The hollow grinned at me, an awful, horrible grimace; it knew it had won.

I hoped Rukia wouldn't be mad at me.

Zangetsu sliced through the creature's face. A look of surprise flitted across the hollow's face before it disintegrated and I was released from its grasp. I fell to the ground, landing with a thud on the pavement.

Black spots danced in front of my eyes, and I felt blood beginning to pool underneath me. It should start raining now, I thought, remembering my mom's death and when Rukia left for Soul Society. It always rained when stuff like this happened. As if the clouds had read my thoughts, the heavens opened, and the rain began to fall around me.

As I lay there on the ground, life draining from me, my life began to flash before my eyes. Well, it wasn't exactly a flash; more like a recollection of everything I had ever done playing before me in slow motion.

I focused on the images. Slowly, I realized what they all were. Before me, playing out like a movie, was everything I had done wrong, every time I had messed up. Every time I had yelled at my dad, had wronged my sisters, had hurt my family.

Only when it started showing my friends did my heart start to break. Every time I had belittled them, made them feel like nothing. Every time I had fought with Rukia, had hurt her. Each memory was a thousand times more painful than the claws of the hollow, because I could feel their pain as well.

Consciousness began to slip from my grasp. Before it all disappeared, I caught one last glimpse of a friend's tear-stained face, and then it was gone.

Is this what it's like to die?

-

Somewhere far away, someone was calling my name, waking me from my comfortable sleep.

"Ichigo!"

I'm right here, I wanted to say, but my mouth wouldn't listen. Once again, I tried to return to the warm blackness where I had been previously.

"Ichigo!"

This time, I tried opening my eyes, giving up on speaking, but they wouldn't respond to me either.

Suddenly, hands were shaking my shoulders. Fiery darts of pain shot through my chest, reminding me of my wounds. Then the hands were holding my face. Faintly, the voice came again.

"Ichigo! Stay with me!"

Stay..? I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere, not with holes in my chest.

The voice came clearer now. I could feel my upper half being propped up, cradled against something warm.

"Ichigo, don't you dare leave me!" the voice said, angry now.

My body was finally awake enough to respond to my commands. Blearily, my eyes opened. I blinked a few times, somewhat clearing the fog from my mind. A tear-stained face came into view; logic said, the owner of the voice.

The rain had stopped, my brain told me; then why could I feel it on my cheeks? Was it raining again…no, it wasn't.

I was crying.

I felt my recently gained consciousness slipping away.

"Rukia," I managed to whisper, catching her attention.

And then it was gone.

-

Black.

I wasn't dead. Someone picked me up. Put me down. And then it was black. Just black.

It wasn't merely a color, though. It was like an oppressive force, comparable to that traitor Tousen's bankai, depriving me of all senses. Except those damned flashbacks of the wrongs I had committed kept playing in my head. Lucky me, I could still see those.

It felt like an eternity, waiting in that blackness. Then, something strange happened.

Something stirred inside. The movie of my failures flickered, and then went out. My sense depravation was complete.

A different movie started playing. Unlike the one before, which had made me want to die, this one gave me reasons to live. It was filled with every time I did something right. Saving my family by becoming a shinigami, every soul I saved. When I protected my friends. When I rescued Rukia.

A small, still voice spoke from within, growing louder every moment.

"Don't give in Ichigo. It's not your time."

For a second, the movie of my faults flickered on.

The voice got angry at me. "Those mean nothing, Ichigo!" it yelled at me. "You are more than your mistakes. Wake up!"

-

My eyes opened.

First thought: Someone's gone and put me back in my body. That's nice. I went on to examine my chest, finding it completely covered in bloodstained bandages. Not surprising.

My eyes wandered over the room. Unfamiliar, but definitely not a hospital room. Obviously, it belonged to someone who knew I was a death god. Otherwise, there would be a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

My observationing was cut short by someone stirring near my stomach. I tilted my head upwards, catching sight of a dark-haired figure. Rukia. She had her head on my stomach, one hand holding mine. Even in sleep, her eyes looked red and puffy.

Did she really cry for me? Rukia never cried; not anymore.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. How long had I been comatose? I cleared my throat and tried again, managing to croak out a weak "Rukia."

Immediately, her head shot up; our eyes locked. A flood of emotions flashed across her face. At one point, she looked like she wanted to punch me, the next, like she wanted to kiss me.

Luckily, she went with the latter.

I had a second to act surprised before our lips met. Part of me, the front I kept up around people, told me to push her away, like I did to anyone who got this close to me; but the other half, the half that wanted this, knew what it was that I needed, overpowered the cold side of me.

My arms finally responded, wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

Everyone says follow your heart. After my mother died, I decided I didn't need a heart, and started caging it in. Soon enough, a thick stone wall had been erected, completely encasing my heart and turning me into who I am.

Now, due to the violent beating it received during my unconscious state, my heart was a bruised and battered pulp, hiding behind the crumbling ruins of a stone wall.

A wall that Rukia was successfully tearing down.

We broke apart, Rukia resting her forehead against mine. Deep inside, a throbbing hurt was forming, signaling the healing of my broken heart.

"I love you, baka," she said.

I held her closer to me. "I love you, midget," I whispered.

Perhaps this death god really does have a heart.

-

My greatest fear is that I won't be there. He'll get hurt, and I won't be around. Ichigo will get hurt, and I won't be able to save him.