Sammy & Ilna, you are the best of the best. There's so much fun and so much joy here in the REAL World that I thank goodness every day that I have you as friends and for being able to be in this place with you.
REALMcRollers, the love, respect and beautiful words you share about the REAL World are humbling. Thank you so, so much.
Defense
Steve and Grace were deep in conversation while preparing a salad as Catherine and Danny stepped out onto the deck.
"...and never go for the groin, right, Uncle Steve?"
"Exactly, Gracie." Steve nodded. "Because everyone expects it. Go for ..."
"The knee. Don't kick, push it sideways or even backwards to dislocate it."
"Why?" Steve handed her a cherry tomato, and she popped it in her mouth. Their nonchalant, comfortable interactions belied the seriousness of the topic.
"It's almost impossible to protect the knees and you need two working legs to chase someone."
"Excellent." Steve smiled his approval. "What if someone's gotten hold of you?"
"Then I go for his eyeballs, and I push really hard till they pop. Or the Adam's apple with the heel of my hand." She held up her hand in demonstration.
"What if he's too tall?"
Grace responded confidently, "The instep. Stomp as hard as I can and run. Well, always run, the second he's stunned or hurt."
Steve smiled proudly. "That's my girl." He offered his fist, and Grace bumped it. "Of course you always, always stay aware of your surroundings. The best defense is a good ... "
"Offense!" Grace finished.
"If you ever have to walk home alone when you're older, what can you hold?"
Danny whispered to Catherine, "Other than the mace and stun gun she's gonna have in her purse?"
Catherine smiled knowingly as Grace answered Steve.
"I can hold a key or pen between between my middle and ring finger. And I know what seat to choose at a party or event. One where I can get the clearest path to the door."
"And?"
"Face the exit." Grace handed Cammie a piece of carrot, and Steve grabbed and ate the other half.
Danny turned to Catherine. "They covered self-defense in Aloha Girls this week. Parents were invited to sit in. Grace blew the instructor away."
She nodded at the pair. "Steve read the assault statistic reports yesterday."
"I know we've taught her self defense tactics, but of all the stuff he discusses with Grace, that is one topic I approve of him going SuperSEAL on." Danny stepped further onto the deck. "Hey, pizza's here." He held up the box he was carrying.
"Yea! We're starving, right, Uncle Steve?"
Steve grabbed the bowl and put it on the table. "Yeah. Salad's ready."
Catherine handed him plates. "Grace, Sweetie, can you grab the cutlery, please?"
"Got it." She moved inside, followed by Cammie.
"What was that?" Danny asked as he placed the pizza next to the salad.
"What was what?" Steve took a bottled water and filled Cammie's bowl.
"The self defense review. Not that I'm complaining. Anytime you want to teach Grace SEAL moves to immobilize a predator, God forbid, or even boys with motives - I'm totally onboard."
"We were just reviewing," Steve told his partner. "Gracie did great. I think she should practice though, we want her to have muscle memory so her defense is automatic."
"I like that idea." Danny nodded. "I like that a lot."
"Cath, she should practice with you, you had her flipping Danny after one lesson. And maybe build on what I've taught her with some simple hand to hand to hand techniques."
"I've taught her basic defense techniques since she … " Danny's face clouded, and Catherine could see pain reflected in the blue eyes at the thought of Grace being taking by his ex partner. She placed a hand on his forearm, and he shook off the memory. "You guys have given her some excellent lessons, adding a few military techniques would be great. She's here tomorrow afternoon, why don't you show her some moves then?" Danny said as Grace returned with cutlery in hand.
"What are we doing tomorrow?" She'd caught the tail end of the sentence.
"Auntie Cath is gonna show you some more advanced defense techniques now that you're older and taller."
Grace grinned. "Cool."
Danny returned his daughter's smile. "Definitely cool."
/
Next afternoon
Beach
Catherine and Steve stood on the sand with Grace. As he spoke, their niece was following every word.
"Before we start, let's go over a couple of things you already know, Gracie," Steve said. "Most times, predators choose victims they think they can successfully attack."
Catherine nodded. "And while you can't change your age, height, or gender, there are things you can do to make yourself less of a target. Paying attention to your surroundings is a big one. If a predator sees you're paying attention, he may pass on choosing you as a victim."
"Like being on the phone or texting means you're not paying one hundred percent attention," Grace said.
"Exactly right." Catherine smiled.
"Another thing," Steve added, "when people are physically fit, it shows. Attacking a fit person is harder and more risky than attacking one who is out of shape. Always try to stay in the best shape possible; and we want you to stay healthy." He winked.
His favorite girls grinned at each other, knowing a high level of fitness also meant an easier time if Grace ever entered the Academy.
Catherine picked up with, "You remember how we discussed how clothes can restrict your movements?"
"Yes. Sorta how high heels are harder to run in than sneakers. And if you know you have to be in an unsafe area because you have no choice, you wear clothes you can move well in."
"But also really important is to remember not all situations involve strangers," Steve reminded her. "They may involve someone you know or even someone you thought of as a friend. Never feel bad or hesitate if you're in danger; you do whatever you have to; gouge eyes, pinch, bite. Whatever you need to do to get out of the situation. Stun and Run: stun the attacker, and run to safety as quickly as possible."
"Danno said that in the worst case I may have to defend myself, and only in the worst case, but being prepared and avoiding things like," she ticked them off on her fingers, "high crime areas, violent people, places without people - like a tourist area that's empty at night - or anyplace that makes me feel creepy or afraid, is the best offense. But just in case I need to get away from a bad guy, I gotta know what to do."
"Danno is exactly right. Now Auntie Catherine's going to show you some techniques, but they are a last resort, always try to get away and get help before a confrontation, promise?"
"Promise, Uncle Steve." Grace's expression was serious.
"Tell us some things that Danno taught you may be warning signs."
"Things that are hinky? Okay." She nodded assuredly.
Steve and Catherine exchanged a smile at Grace's use of the age-old cop term.
"Things that are out of place are usually a warning. Like a man hanging around a playground if he doesn't have a kid with him. Or maybe there's three guys splitting up but they keep walking toward me."
"Good, good. What else?"
"Somebody wearing a jacket if it's super hot or if I've never seen a guy before but all of a sudden he's in my neighborhood all the time but doesn't live there." She nodded again. "And the seven things from Mr. DeBecker's book: forced teaming; charm; too many details; typecasting; loan sharking; unsolicited promises. That's a really big one, because saying, 'I won't hurt you, I promise,' to a stranger - if he's saying it, he's thinking about doing it. And ignoring the word no, too." She looked at Catherine. "Danno and Uncle Steve taught me what they mean and made me memorize them."
Steve bent to kiss her head. "Perfect. I'm going to let Auntie Cath show you some stuff and I won't watch, then we'll see if you can apply it, okay?"
"I'm ready. It's good we're on the beach, 'cause Danno and I broke a vase that one time. But I flipped him!"
Steve smiled proudly and with a nod from Catherine he moved toward the house. "I'll run Cammie for a while then I need to go get dog food. Your dad and I are gonna put together your new entertainment center and he'll follow me back here later." He stopped a few yards away and called, "What're the four points?" over his shoulder.
"Protect your face; stay on your feet and keep moving; hit as hard as you can; and get away A-SAP," Grace immediately called back.
Steve's smile rivaled the sun as he gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up and shared a look with a beaming Catherine.
"Bye, Uncle Steve." Grace waved, and Catherine blew him a kiss.
Turning towards Grace, she motioned her closer and began to instruct her on self defense and hand to hand moves.
/
Later, Steve returned to the beach with Danny to find Catherine and Grace downing water. "Hi, Danno! We're hydrating, Uncle Steve!" she called as he approached.
"Great. You need to rest a little bit, or do you wanna show us what you learned?"
"I'm ready!" Grace secured her water bottle in the sand and stretched her arms to limber up the way Catherine had showed her.
Catherine smiled and said, "She did great."
"Of course she did." Steve's confidence resulted in a winning smile from his niece and a grin from his best friend. He turned to Catherine. "What should we start with?"
"Whatever you want. She's ready."
"Don't go easy, Uncle Steve. Let me really try."
Steve looked like he would burst with pride and Danny said, "Try not to hurt Uncle Steve, okay?" which earned him a giggle as Grace stood and waited for Steve to make a move.
When he approached Grace, Steve didn't let her backing away dissuade him and moved to lift her up. Grace pushed at him with all her strength and yelled, "No! Leave me alone!" to startle an attacker with her voice and draw attention from onlookers, exactly as Catherine told her to. Then she executed the moves Catherine had reviewed with her.
Ten minutes later, Danny was beaming at the fact that his 80 pound daughter knew several military sanctioned maneuvers to at least stun a potential attacker and what to do in a host of scenarios, including how to run in a zig-zag pattern away from an assailant with a weapon and how to identify objects that can stop or slow bullets.
Steve had carefully explained the difference between cover and concealment, and Grace understood that, concrete, steel and cement were materials that could slow or stop bullets. "Cover stops bullets, concealment doesn't," she confirmed to Danny with a nod to her smiling uncle.
"That was outstanding, Sweetheart." Steve wrapped her in a hug.
Grace smiled broadly at the compliment. "Oh, Danno, try to grab me from behind, I wanna show you one more thing."
When her dad did just that, Grace showed how she could use her elbows to stun and run. She followed with asking Catherine to role play a couple of the scenarios they'd practiced.
Danny applauded and moved to kiss her on the head. "You are amazing. We're gonna keep practicing, right?"
"Right. And I'm gonna ask Grandma Josie if we can show Linda some of the moves. And I'll teach Charles when he's older."
"Good girl." Catherine wrapped her in a hug, and Grace grinned up at her. "We also went over more awareness points," she told Steve and Danny.
"Yeah, 'cause I never thought of this, but Auntie Cath explained how sometimes bad guys use other people to help them. Even their own kids. Like, I know no stranger gets in the house, ever. But she told me even if a little kid is outside the door screaming to use the phone to call her daddy because her mommy's lying in the street bleeding, I don't open the door. I call 911 for her if no one is home."
"You did terrific, Grace. Why don't you go change and we'll relax and go for a swim before dinner?" Catherine smiled.
"Cool, thanks." Grace happily ran for the house.
"That's great. She needs to process and decompress with something fun." Danny's eyes followed his daughter until the lanai door slid closed. "Thank you, guys. I've been teaching her forever, but having you two show her, too ..." He looked between his friends gratefully. "I don't want to terrify her, but I need to know she's aware. Because unlike when we were kids, the threats are in person and online. And I have to worry she is at least familiar with what to do in case of …" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I can't believe I am saying this about my baby girl … an active shooter."
Steve nodded slowly, his eyes flicking from his partner to the lanai door Grace had happily run through a minute before. "It's important she knows, though, Danny. Her response could save her life."
Danny agreed, "And I need to know she's as safe as I can have her be."
"Of course." Catherine smiled reassuringly. "And there are ways to do that without scaring her. We'll keep practicing, too. No problem."
"Gracie will be as prepared as we can make her. For anything, Danny," Steve said seriously, and Catherine could see the two men exchange a look of pride in Grace with a hint of trepidation for the little girl who was about to start venturing into the world more and more. Steve and Catherine both smiled when he lightened the mood by adding, "Besides, she'll have a leg up for plebe summer."
That evening, after Danny and Grace went home, Catherine and Steve were watching TV. She was lying against him on the sofa, surfing through channels, when he said, "Gracie did exceptionally well, didn't she?"
"Absolutely. It only took her a few minutes to get her footing with the new moves. Her center of gravity is different now that she's taller."
"It's …" Steve let out a breath. "Scary for Danny."
"For you, too?" She ran a hand over his arm where it rested across her middle.
"Yeah." She felt him shrug. "I've never been as concerned about anyone's safety like I am with Gracie's. I mean, I'm always thinking about yours, and Mary's, and now Joanie's, but …"
"I'm combat trained, Mary's an adult and Joanie is still a baby. Grace is venturing into the unknown. You love her. It's understandable."
"I just need to keep her safe. Not only from predators, Cath, from bad situations, scummy guys, everything."
"We've talked a little about it and she's got a good head on her shoulders."
"You have?"
"Sure. Starting with how she should never do anything that makes her uncomfortable. And to call us any time, from anywhere, if she needs to leave a situation."
He kissed her head. "That's good. You're the best."
"Aww. I love her, too."
"I know you do. And she adores you and looks up to you so much."
"I know she's not dating yet, but I'm starting to touch on that, too."
He was quiet for a second. "Perfect. What did you tell her?"
"I started with showing respect. To yourself and other people. I focused on how if someone is pressuring her, he doesn't respect either of them, because if he really cared he wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable."
"Time for that talk, huh?"
"Yeah. Even if her first date is a while off. I also told her something a Girl Scout leader told us once, that I always thought was common sense until a friend or two got burned."
"What's that?"
"Never ever let anyone photograph you naked."
"What?!" She felt Steve's entire body stiffen. "I'd kill ..."
"See that's just it, you wouldn't know. Because there's texting and Twitter and Instagram and we didn't have all that. I reminded her how once an image is out there, it's out there for good."
Steve's voice was a whisper. "Oh, God. I can't even ... Gracie." He scrubbed his face with both hands.
"That's why we're talking, so she's aware that people aren't always what they seem."
"She's lucky she has you."
"Goes both ways. I'd do anything for Grace, she knows that. And I'll do whatever I can to keep her savvy and safe."
"She really is a teenager, huh?"
"She really is, Steve." Catherine turned in his embrace to see his eyes. "And she's gonna be fine. She's going to be a strong, confident woman with an entire family who adores and supports her and has her back."
Steve smiled softly. "She's already confident and brave and considerate of others." His eyes clouded for a second. "Ya know, I wish Mary …"
Catherine placed a hand on his cheek. "I do know, but Mary's got that now."
"She does, thanks mostly to you." He brightened. "And Joanie will grow up having all of us."
"Yes, she will." Catherine kissed his cheek, glad to see the clouds leave his eyes. "I noticed Grace memorized the four points of fighting priorities. When did that happen?"
"Few years ago." His grin made her smile, as always. "What? She asked." He shrugged.
"She asked? At nine? She came out with, 'Gee, Uncle Steve, what are the best ways to outfight an opponent like a SEAL once I totally commit to violence of action?'" Catherine smirked.
"She asked about the SEALs. I taught her to float and tread water and we talked about priorities in a physical confrontation."
"Of course you did."
He grinned, completely unrepentant.
She laced their fingers. "All teasing aside, it could save her life someday." She lifted their hands to place a kiss on his knuckles. "She's right, you know."
"How so?"
"You, Steve McGarrett, are the very best uncle ever."
His expression was one of absolute happiness. "Thank you." His eyes lit. "Ya know …"
"Yesss?" She dragged out the word. "What's in that head, Commander? I can see the wheels turning."
"I think she's ready to learn the four rules of mental toughness …"
Catherine couldn't suppress a dazzling smile. "She's gonna be so much better than fine. How could she not be with her own personal SEAL to teach and protect her?"
"Ya think?" He looked pleased and more than a little relieved.
"Think? I know." She kissed him lightly and squeezed his fingers. "I absolutely know."
Thanks for reading
Endnotes:
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, covers the seven tactics a predator will use to gain a victim's trust or take advantage of them. I strongly urge everyone to read the book. I used it a lot when mentoring young girls. The tactics in brief are below. Be safe, we love our REAL McRollers, Mari
Forced Teaming: The predator uses the word "we" to establish a relationship or show you have something in common. It's abnormal for a stranger to use the word "we" with you.
Charm: Charm isn't a natural human trait, it requires an effort. If a stranger is charming, there's a reason. He wants something from you.
Too Many Details: The predator knows he's lying, even if you don't. He'll often give you far too many details than a normal person would, in an attempt to make his story more believable.
Typecasting: A predator will often attempt to put you in a group you don't want to be in, so you'll bend over backwards trying to prove you're not what he says you are - racist, rude, inconsiderate, etc. He'll do this to get you to do what he wants.
Loan Sharking: The predator does something for you, so you feel the need to reciprocate. He may "help" you put your groceries in your car, open a door for you, etc.
Unsolicited Promise: This is a big one, and is nearly always a sign of real trouble. A predator says, "I won't hurt you, I promise." "I'm not one of those crazy people, I promise." If he's saying it, he's thinking about doing it.
Discounting the Word "No": Predators will discount when you tell them "no". When you tell them you don't need their help, they'll help you anyway. When you tell them no, they'll disregard it.
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