Opening the door to her bedroom, Richard stepped inside as he looked around for her. Almost instantly, he saw her in the bed, facing him with her eyes closed. She looked peaceful, he couldn't remember the last time he had seen her that way, though he wouldn't have expected her to be. Not after what he had done. Closing the door, he walked toward her, his eyes filling with tears as he came closer and her eyes opened.
He stopped at the edge of the bed and waited. He waited for her reaction, for her to scream at him, for her to do anything. She looked at him carefully, reading the pain on his face. She longed to comfort him. Pulling back the covers, she motioned for him to lie beside her. He didn't hesitate. Within seconds, he was in the bed, his face against her chest and his arms encircled around her as he cried.
Her heart broke with his words, the death of his son, the son he had with another woman. Stroking her fingers through his hair, she tried to focus only on comforting him and not the pain that he brought her. His hands began to move over her back, pulling her closer to him as his he pressed his lips to her chest. Kissing the tops of her breasts, he moaned into her skin; ignoring her soft pleas for him to stop. Moving over her, he pulled at her silk night gown, ripping it open to expose her to him. Grabbing his hands, she held them still, preventing him from touching her as he wanted.
"Richard, please. You don't want to do this."
Pushing his knee between her legs, he pushed against her and moaned as he pulled his hands free of her hold. His lips pushed down against hers, silencing her as he lifted her arms above her head and held them still. She turned her head, breaking their kiss with a loud cry, begging him to stop. He ignored her. Taking both of her wrists in one of his hands, he used the other to unlace his pants. He couldn't stop, she had been the only person who had ever made him feel better and he needed her.
She screamed for him to stop, begging him to get off of her and return to his wife, but he didn't. Gathering all of her strength, she threw him off of her and onto his stomach. With tears in her eyes, she pushed down against the back of his shoulders and held him to the bed. "How could you try to do that to me?" she shouted before she slapped her hand against his back. The sound echoed through the room, leaving his skin a bright red. "You! The one person I had trusted! Richard, you tried to rape me! How could you do this to me?"
"Kahlan, I would never!" Richard shook her shoulders trying to wake her up, trying to pull her from her dream. "Kahlan, I would never hurt you. You need to wake up." Opening her eyes, Kahlan pushed backward, away from him; her eyes wide in horror as he tried to touch her. Falling back on his heels, he brushed his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I would never hurt you, Kahlan."
Staring at him, she struggled to find her breath as she came to realize that it had all been a dream. Looking to the ground, she covered her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry; I know that you would never-"
"Kahlan, you just had a dream that I was trying to rape you." he couldn't look at her as he spoke and his words were soft and barely making it to her ears.
"But you didn't." she offered softly.
Looking at her, he sighed. "Only because you stopped me."
"How did you-"
"You were talking in your sleep. Kahlan, I would never-"
"I know. It was just a dream. Nothing more."
"It wasn't just a dream, you were afraid of me; you thought that I was going to hurt you."
Leaning forward, she fought the sick feeling that filled up within her as she reached out to take hold of his hands. "I didn't realize what was happening. One moment I was- and then you were shaking my shoulders. I didn't think about it and I should have. Richard, I'm sorry. If I had just for a moment thought about what was happening I would have realized that it was not real." Coming to her knees, she inched closer to him and took his face in her hands. "I trust you more than anyone else. I know that you would never hurt me. Of that, I have no doubt. You are the only one I can be sure of. You. You would never hurt me. It was only a dream."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" she asked confused.
"For hurting you in your dream." Pulling her hands from his face he lowered them to her lap. "You should be safe in your dreams."
"Dreams are never safe." Gripping his hands tightly, she looked at him from under her eyelashes, "Dreams are the one place where anything can happen. There is nothing safe about that."
"I'm sorry, Kahlan."
"Don't be. You woke me up." He moved away from her instantly, as though he was afraid that his being close to her would make her remember. "Richard," she said his name in a soft, desperate whisper. "I almost didn't stop you. In the dream, I- I didn't want to, but I was so afraid that I would lose you. If I had confessed you, I- You were not mine to have."
He didn't turn around, he couldn't look at her. He didn't understand how she could have had that dream. A part of her must think him to be a monster. "If you want to try to sleep again, I will stand watch."
She felt her heart sink. She could hear the pain in his voice, the brokenness of his heart and it tore hers. "No, it's all right. It is my turn and you should get some sleep."
He only nodded before he laid down, making sure that he was facing away from her. He knew that he would not be getting any sleep, but he didn't want her to know. After pretending to try and get comfortable, Richard forced his eyes shut and listened to the crackle of the fire and her soft crying. He wasn't sure that it was her at first, but there could be no mistaking the sound of her cries. She would want to leave him soon and he didn't think he would be able to live without her.
He didn't remember falling asleep. Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see her sitting across from him, leaning casually against a thick oak tree. He expected her to look at him, to see that he was awake and tell him that she was going to leave, that she was going to return to Aydindril and take her rightful place away from him. Her eyes shifted over to him, making him realize that he was staring at her. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend that he was still asleep, but it was too late.
She dropped her knees from her chest to the ground and leaned forward. "Are you still upset with me?"
"No." he answered quickly as he sat up, quickly beginning to pack up his bedding.
"Please Richard, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"We should get moving. We are supposed to meet Cara and Zedd at midday tomorrow."
"Can we talk about this? Richard-"
"We don't need to talk. Did you pack your things already?"
She stood up and rushed to him, grabbing his shoulders and fixing him to look at her. "If we don't talk about his now, it will ruin us. Please, just talk to me."
"I have nothing to say."
"Yes you do! You have to have something to say! Say anything, Richard, yell at me!"
Pushing her away from him, he dropped to the ground and laid his head in his hands. "How could you dream that? How could you not know that it wasn't real? Kahlan, I would never hurt you! I would never do- that- to you!"
"I know. Spirits, I know, but it was a dream. It wasn't real and I know that." Kneeling down before him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself against him. "If I truly believed that you would hurt me, I would never get this close to you. I wouldn't wish that I could kiss you or that I could- "she licked her lips, embarrassed as she realized that she almost told him that she wanted to make love to him. "Had you not been another woman's husband, in my dream, I would not have hesitated to be with you."
"Kahlan, I-"
"We're together in most of my dreams and it has never been like that. Richard, I- I love you. I love you and nothing that happens in a dream will change that." She nearly kissed him, but the look in his eyes told her not to. With a soft sigh, Kahlan pulled back and gave a sad smile. "Let's go." He didn't argue with her. Standing up, he pushed the last of his things into his pack and swung it over his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered to herself as she watched him walk to the trees.
He didn't speak for hours; she could tell by his expressions that he was thinking about what had happened and what he wanted to say. A few times she was certain that he was about to say something, but then thought better of it. It broke her heart seeing him like this, seeing him in pain and it was all because of her. He wasn't in a hurry any longer. He had slowed his pace; she took that as a good sign. At the very least it was giving her more time to find the right words to say to him, to help him to understand that he had not done anything wrong and that she didn't think of him that way. By the middle of the day, the dream began to replay in her mind repeatedly. She tried to distance herself from him in the hopes that he didn't notice, but he seemed to sense her distress and moved a little bit closer to her, despite his own feelings.
"What's wrong?" he asked at last, coming to a stop as he grabbed her arm.
"Nothing. I'm just trying to figure something out."
"The least you could do is tell me the truth."
Shaking her head, she pulled her arm free of his grasp. "You don't want to know the truth. We should keep moving."
"No. What are you thinking about?"
As though challenging him, she stepped close to him. They were no more than a few inches apart as she huffed. "I was thinking about my dream. I was replaying it in my head again and again." She closed the distance between them, her hands on her waist. "Is that what you wanted to hear? That I can't stop thinking about it? That it makes me sick and that no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand why I had that terrible dream!"
He stared at her, speechless for a few moments, until he finally found something to say. "I would never- Kahlan, I would never want to do something that you didn't want to do. I would never, never want to hurt you."
"I know." Closing her eyes she took a step back and turned away from him. "In my dream, it wasn't your intention to hurt me. I knew that, but I couldn't separate your actions in my mind." She began walking, needing something to help distract her. "You were so upset, you had just lost your child and you only wanted some comfort. You didn't even realize what you were doing until I pushed you off of me." Turning around, she nearly jumped as she saw that he had been following her. "You just wanted someone to comfort you. You came into my room and crawled into the bed and - I couldn't comfort you in the way that you needed."
"You shouldn't have needed to."
Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. "That was not what the dream was about." Looking away, she tried to turn away from him, but he wouldn't let her. "Richard, I can never comfort you in the way that- in the way that I- I wanted so badly to be there for you."
"Kahlan," Her name left his lips in a quiet whisper as he took a single step closer. "You don't need to be there for me, not like that."
"That doesn't make me want it any less." The moment the words left her lips, she wished that she hadn't said them. She wished that she hadn't allowed him to know how she felt. Pulling out oh his hold, she began walking away again, making sure that she didn't look back at him. She knew that once she looked back, there would be no ignoring her own words.
He didn't say anything as he walked along behind her, but she knew that he wanted to. She could feel his eyes on her, seeing through her as though she was his open book. After an hour, he sped up to walk just a little way in front of her. Suddenly coming to a stop, she nearly ran into him as he turned around. His arms were wrapped around her in an instant, even as she pushed against his chest, trying to get free. He was too strong for her.
Richard hugged her to him, his arms wrapped tightly around her to keep her from moving away from him. She resisted for only a few moments before she relaxed in his arms and allowed herself to feel the comfort and return his embrace. The world grew silent around them, the warm breeze pulling them closer as it passed as though knowing what they needed. His hold tightened around her, his cheek pressing against her head, making it impossible to ignore the scent that was hers. Her fingers began to dig into the back of his shoulders, fearing that he would pull away before she wanted him to.
Pushing her face into his chest, Kahlan blinked through her tears, wetting his shirt with her sadness. "I'm sorry, Richard."
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
Moving back, she let him go and looked up into his eyes. "I have so much to be sorry for." He shook his head instantly, but remained quiet, knowing that she would say more. "I'm sorry that I told you about the dream, that I dreamed of it at all and I'm sorry that I-" she took in a deep breath and turned around. "I am sorry that I can't-"
Richard pulled her back to him, to his lips and kissed her passionately. She leaned into him with a soft moan, her body craving his as it always did. His hands began to move slowly over her back, pulling her impossibly closer as her hands moved up into his hair. After a moment, she pulled at his shirt, seeming to forget what she was and what she was doing. He took her cue and allowed him to pull it from him. Their kiss broke for a moment, only long enough for his shirt to be removed. A soft moan left him as her hands moved over his chest, her touch sending a small shock through him.
Reaching between them, he took hold of the laces of her dress and pulled slowly, wanting to give her time to stop him. A part of him didn't want her to, he wanted to be with her, to show her how much he loved her, but he couldn't help the nagging feeling within him that his love would hurt her. She feared destroying him more than anything and yet, here they were, moments from no return. If she didn't stop him soon, there would be no going back. Taking her to the ground, he moved his lips over her jaw, kissing her the way he had imagined so many times. Her fingers wound in his hair, holding him to her as she pushed her head back into the dirt.
Exploring her body with his lips, Richard removed her clothing, taking his time to taste each new exposed area. Her hands pulled at the grass as he ran his tongue across her stomach, bringing a loud gasp that was followed shortly by a long moan. Kissing his way back to her lips, he ran his hands over her, paying special attention to her perfectly shaped breasts. As his lips met hers, she reached between their bodies and began to pull frantically at the laces of his pants. He knew by her speed, that she wanted to be quick; she wanted him before she changed her mind.
He tried not to break their kiss as he kicked off his pants, he didn't want to pull away from her, ever. The world stilled as he entered her, a moan leaving both of their lips. Pulling back, he pressed his forehead against hers, breathing deeply as their eyes met. He could see her mind spinning beneath her darkening eyes and as though she could read his thoughts, she shook her head.
"I can't..." she whispered almost silently. Nodding his head, he pressed his lips to hers lightly. As he shifted his body to move off of her, she grabbed his arms and held him still. "Wait, don't..." She couldn't get over the feel of him over her, inside her; she didn't want it to end. Closing her eyes, she pulled him back to her with a quiet moan.
She knew that he was staring at her, but she didn't care. She had never felt anything like it and even though she was terrified that she would lose control, she didn't want him to move. Her hands slowly moved over his shoulder and down his back, her heart racing with each movement; each pulse of his veins and shift of his muscles over her. Lowering his head, he began lightly kissing her cheek and jaw, not wanting to risk anything more.
Kahlan shifted herself beneath him with a long moan. Her breaths began to come in pants as he continued to kiss her gently. All she could hear was the sound of her heart pounding in her ears and his light moans and gasps. They thrilled her. In all her life, she had never imagined anything like this. She never thought that a man could love her, nor want to be with her, but here they were and he did. And she was about to destroy him. She almost didn't care.
Lifting herself up into him, she grabbed his hips and pulled him down against her. The sound that escaped his lips broke her. Pulling his face to hers, she kissed him fiercely, her hands pulling him to her, giving him permission. He moved slowly, drawing out each stroke as she raked her fingernails into his skin. Their kiss heated with a passion they had always hidden, but in this moment, they were free. His name left her lips as he pulled back for a breath, making his speed quicken above her.
He needed to touch her anywhere and everywhere, wanting to explore her more. Each moan, gasp and whimper he heard from her drove him insane, knowing it was him who was bringing her to make those sounds made him want to please her even more. Grasping one of her breasts, he reconnected their hungry lips. She felt her magic flooding to the surface, her mind screaming for her to stop him, but she didn't want him to. She never wanted him to stop. Hooking her leg over his, she pulled him harder against her and she tore her lips from his. Speaking his name, she felt the world shake her body, sending her flying over the edge of passion.
Richard lifted her in his arms, feeling as though he was being swept away by her magic and he couldn't bear to part with her. She continued to move over him, unable to stop herself as another wave crashed down over her. He nearly cried her name, his voice muffled by her chest as he held her to him. At last opening his eyes, he pulled back to see her, to watch as she completed her journey. He was mesmerized.
Her hair rocked against her back and his hands as her head continuously lifted and fell back with her panting. Her nails dug into his chest as she tried to steady her movements and slow herself. Her body convulsed around him as she took her final descent over him. Pulling her to him, he wrapped her tightly in his arms, whispering his love for her between breaths. Realizing what they had done, Kahlan pushed herself back away from him with a whimper as she covered her mouth with one of her hands.
"Spirits, I'm so sorry. What have I done?" she fumbled around, grabbing her clothes as she blinked through her tears. "I am so sorry."
He hadn't moved and when she looked back to him, he was staring at her. "You shouldn't be sorry."
"What?"
He grinned, "Your magic didn't hurt me. I am still Richard Cypher and I still love you more than anything."
"What?"
Inching closer to her, he took her hands in his and brought them in his face, making her take hold of it as he leaned over to her. "I am still me. See?" His grin grew into a wide smile, "I'm still me."
"How is that possible?"
He pulled her to him and kissed her quickly. "Does it matter? Kahlan, we just made love and nothing that you were afraid of happened."
"I touched you with my magic. There's no- how are you not- Richard how can you still be you?"
"I am still me because we weren't just together Kahlan, we made love. I think that your magic saw that I couldn't love you any more than I already do. Your magic couldn't change me because I gave you everything. When I felt it, I was nearly pulled from you, the strength of it, the - I had no doubt that I would be fine."
"How could you let me- Richard, I could have destroyed you."
"No you couldn't have. Kahlan, if you had confessed me, I would still be sitting here telling you that I love you." He smiled, "But it wouldn't mean as much to you the other way. So I say it now, as me. Kahlan Amnell, I love you."
******The End******