If Max could go back, if she could do it all again, one more time, she'd do it the same way.
She'd save Chloe from being shot in that bathroom no matter how many times she went back there.
She'd take the blame for the weed in Chloe's room no matter how many times she had to.
She'd save Chloe on the train tracks, she'd break into the school pool with Chloe, she'd defend Chloe to David, she'd hold Chloe's aching, sob filled body as she cried over Rachel's grave, she'd follow Chloe to the End of the World party, she'd run as fast as her legs would carry her, right beside Chloe, back to Rachel's grave and she'd let her heart drop in her chest when she witnessed Chloe getting shot by Mark Jefferson.
And she would travel through time, realities, nightmares or whatever the hell she had to, in order to get Chloe back.
But most importantly she would sacrifice Arcadia Bay for Chloe. Again and again and again. It doesn't matter how Max looks at the situation, Chloe would always come first.
It scares Max. It scares her to know the things she would do for the blue haired girl. The people she'd give up, her dreams she'd give up, even herself she would give up. All for a girl that she's only been in touch with again for 1 week.
What was so special about Chloe? What was it about her that made Max's heart ache and her skin tingle.
Max doesn't know if she'll ever know.
Loving Chloe may just be another one of those mysteries that Max can't solve, no matter how hard she tries or how long she spends trying to crack it.
The annoying little voice in her head will sometimes ask her if loving Chloe is worth all this. If loving her makes up for all the people she's killed and all the damage she's caused. The voice likes to remind her how selfish she is and how if any of those innocent people she killed were still here they would never forgive her.
Max tries not listen to the voice. She supposes its a good thing she was never good at listening to lectures, because its definitely taught her to drown her voices out.
Max has learned to drown a lot out ever since her and Chloe left Arcadia Bay.
Chloe scares Max, just like Max scares Chloe.
The older girl doesn't know how to help.
When Max gets that faraway look in her eyes while she stares out the window of Chloe's truck or when she cries in her sleep repeating the names of the people the two girls will never see again, Chloe doesn't know how to help.
She always ends up saying the wrong thing and then being overwhelmed with the feeling of shame and disappointment so she ends up just staying quiet.
Chloe hurts too.
She lost her mom and step dad after all.
And even after all the bad things she's said about Arcadia Bay, after how she promised herself she would get out of that godforsaken town one day, how she swore up and down the walls that Arcadia Bay was shit, even after all this, she can't help but hurt for Arcadia Bay. It was her home after all. The only real home she's ever known.
People would come and go in her life. Her dad, Max, Rachel…but that stupid town was always a constant. Always her anchor.
Now its gone.
All she had now was a beat up old truck and a broken Max.
She wouldn't trade them though.
She'd choose this outcome just like Max would, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Both girls were just trying to find a way to let go of the all the hurt. So that they could just be free, just be together.
Their days consisted of just driving now. They got all the cash they could before leaving and then they never looked back.
They considered going to Seattle, Max's parents certainly wanted that, but Max claimed she wasn't ready. She bore into Chloe's soul with terrified eyes and a trembling lip and after that Seattle wasn't brought up again.
So for now they just drove. Spending their money on gas and cheap diners and take out, sleeping in the back of the truck most nights.
If it wasn't for Chloe, Max isn't sure how she would get through the night.
She'd shake and cry in Chloe's strong embrace, waking up in cold sweats and pictures of nightmares flashing through her mind.
Chloe would shush her and play with her hair, she didn't usually say much, but just her presence calmed Max down.
The photographer feels bad sometimes. She feels bad for Chloe having to take care of her like this. She knows the other girl must hate it, must be so annoyed with her, must wish Max would just grow up. She thinks she knows these things yet she continues being selfish because lately Max hasn't been able to not be selfish.
Max thinks about how much she wishes she could kiss Chloe again and how confusing their whole relationship is. She figures Chloe must not like her like that anymore.
Chloe wishes she could kiss Max too, but she figures the other girl isn't ready. She figures that the younger girl hasn't even thought about Chloe like that during all thats been happening, her mind must be way to pre occupied.
Max sometimes thinks that Chloe must be staying with her out of obligation. Because Max saved her life, because Max gave up everything for her, because Max went through hell and back for her and now Chloe just feels bad for the time traveller. Just continues putting up with her because she owes her.
Chloe sometimes thinks that Max must regret her choice. Must regret saving her, giving up everything for her and going through hell and back for her. Because how could Chloe be worth all that? She doesn't understand. Max must wish she could go back and just let her die like she was supposed to. Life would certainly be easier wouldn't it?
Oh but how both girls are so wrong.
Chloe stays with Max because Chloe loves Max.
Max chose Chloe because Max loves Chloe.
They are foolishly, helplessly, dangerously, in love with each other but they have no idea.