Disclaimer: Me owning it? That's a laugh…..or maybe the reason why I cry at night? Don't mind me……I'm sort of just crazy. And I don't actually cry at night, I sleep.
AN: I honestly have no clue where the hell this came from, but I hope you enjoy it.
Ryou's Thoughts.
Hugs and Kisses
BlackEyedWicca
Silent Questions
What if everything I ever did had no meaning to anyone?
Ryou drifted through the apartment cleaning up the mess Bakura had made during the day. He dusted, washed, tidied, vacuumed and disposed of things in the lounge room, kitchen, bathroom, study and his own room until all that was left was Bakura's cave of a room. It took only a few minutes but when he saw Bakura's dagger collection he stopped and stared until the sound of Bakura coming home asking for dinner made him move.
If I were to die would the world notice I was missing?
His hand slowly lifted towards one of the many daggers. As his hand grasped and squeezed the blade he felt a shiver of both excitement and pain rush down his spine. Watching the few blood droplets fall from his hand and hit the shelf snapped him out of his daze. With his bloodless hand he pulled a hanky from his pocket and began cleaning his hand and the blade. When he placed it back with the other knives he felt a sense of longing but he quickly quelled it.
If all I am is the ghost of a memory why am I still living?
He went to sit with Yugi's group at lunch; it took them a few minutes to even remember his name. He sat in silence for he would only be ignored if he tried to speak. When Bakura arrived with Malik and Marik, they sat with the others and were allowed in the conversation; there opinions were asked and taken. Standing up Ryou walked into the building, they didn't even notice he had left.
If I changed the way I look, would it make a difference?
His hand fell limp to his side making the eye pencil clatter to the floor and crack as he looked at himself. What stared back was a figure with shoulder length black hair, red contacts, black leather pants, black boots, a makeup covered face, two pierced ears, black nails and a fishnet shirt. He stood staring for a few seconds before leaving the room to meet his friends in the lounge room. All they said was that he was late.
One more time won't make a difference right?
He had been cleaning again when he had stopped to look at the daggers. This time when the blade cut him it was on his other hand and a few more blood drops formed. He shivered again, only this time it was from a thrill he couldn't describe. Wiping away the evidence he pocketed the knife and left the room. Bakura wouldn't expect it of him, besides it was for self defence, he assured himself.
I'm not addicted to this….am I?
He pulled off his shirt and stared at the lines crisscrossing his torso and upper arms. He didn't bother to take off his jeans, there wasn't any room left under them anyway. Grabbing the dagger he drew a line across where his heart was and closed his eyes as the blood leaked onto his porcelain skin. He made three more cuts before pulling off the rest of his clothes and taking a shower.
You wouldn't care if I told you…..so why should I tell you?
He was pushed up against the wall by Bakura who was ordering him to tell him about why his appearance had changed and why he kept on disappearing. Ryou's lips refused to speak which only further infuriated Bakura, but after a few minutes of trying he stalked off cursing him and his secrets. Ryou didn't move from his spot on the wall he was focusing on the dagger that Bakura had unknowingly pushed into his thigh.
What will you do now?
When the dagger was slowly being pulled across his skin opening up a newly formed scar he was stopped by a combined yell followed by the breaking down off his door. Turning his head he watched the look of horror, anger and concern form on Bakura, Malik and Marik's faces. It took them only a few seconds to strip him off his clothes and bandage up all his self inflicted wounds. When they were done they all looked at him with unreadable eyes.
Why am I watched and cared for like this?
He was now never without the supervision of at least one of the three Egyptians. They followed him like bodyguards; they even took to staying in the bathroom when he showered since he was found once with a razor and new cut. As Marik and Malik moved in with them to ease Bakura'a watches he was confused and even though he denied it happy.
Since when do you want me?
It was when he came down the stairs in his boxers one morning that the unreadable expression returned into the three other housemates eyes only this time it was shadowed by lust. He never had a chance to ask what it was though as he was soon pounced on and ravished by all three of them. When they stopped and asked he agreed, after all he did not want to die a virgin.
Why must you always interfere?
He started swaying slightly from both the wind and lack of balance while standing on the edge of a bridge. He closed his eyes and was about to let go when he heard someone yell his name. Turning he looked to find Bakura telling him not to jump. He ignored him and went to finish what he was doing when Bakura yelled out the words to save him. The words that made him realise what the unreadable expression in Malik, Marik and Bakura's eyes were. He yelled out that he loved him.
How do you love me?
He was sitting on his bed. Malik and Marik were downstairs and Bakura was lying next to him. Turning he looked at his boyfriend and asked him why he loved him when he did not love him back. Bakura didn't answer only kissed him before leaving the room. When Marik walked in he asked him why he loved Malik yet they slept with Bakura and himself. Marik also didn't answer leaving Ryou to figure it out himself.
Why don't you believe me?
When Ryou told Bakura he loved him Bakura wouldn't listen. He tried many different ways but he still would not believe him. Marik and Malik believed his love for his other half and took to only sleeping with each other. It wasn't until Ryou threw out his dagger and came down stairs wearing his old clothes that Bakura finally understood and for the first time in his life he saw a tear slip from Bakura's eye.
Hold me till I die?
As the sun slowly set covering the three Egyptians and Ryou in a golden colour, Ryou spoke his thoughts for the first time in many years. "Bakura?" He got a grunt of acknowledgement. Snuggling into the warmth the tomb-robber provided he said "Hold me till I die?"
AN: Well whatcha think? I have no idea where it came from or anything, but I hope you enjoyed it. I like it even though it's kinda weird but yeah. Also I'm not usually this depressive but it was a rainy day today so all my thoughts were pretty dark. Still please review even if it's criticism, as it would make me very happy and thankful that my work was read :D
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BlackEyedWicca