Impossibilities

Chapter One

Portals

()()()

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Yogscast!" Lewis Brindley said, in his usual cheery voice. They were shooting a new Minecraft mod spotlight this time, for a beta that they had received in their e-mail. It contained instructions on how to build a new sort of portal that would "take them to a land of magic and wonder". It had been some time since they had beaten Israphel, and had mostly taken to doing mod spotlights and other games.

"Hello!" Simon Lane responded, in his deep dwarven sort of voice.

"Today, we're going to be looking at a mod we received in our email, that somebody asked us to test out, to make sure that it worked, so, uh, let's get started! Simon, do you have the stuff?"

"Right here." Simon went through his entire hotbar, showing the various wool and glowstone blocks in his possession, including a special new one.

"Um, Lewis, what the hell is this?" Simon asked, showing the viewers a rainbow-patterned one.

"That's a rainbow block. You can make it by, uh, putting the colors of a rainbow into the crafting box to make a dye, and then use the dye to make that new block for the portal. I just used Invedit."

"Brilliant." Simon said. "So, can I just put these down in any order, or is there a special way to put them?"

"Yeah, actually, you have to arrange them very specifically."

"How so?"

"Well, starting from right here," Lewis moved his avatar to where he wanted the portal to be placed, "Put down a purple block." Simon did so. "Then a black one to the left of that, and then put down a block of glowstone."

"Wait, what are we doing? What kind of portal is this? Where will this lead?"

"Well, the creator said he didn't want to ruin the surprise, so I don't know."

"Well, this is a brilliant idea, then."

Lewis chuckled. "I guess this might not be the best idea…"

"Oh, whatever. Now what?"

"Going up from that glowstone block, put down a yellow one, then a pink one." Simon did so, and waited for the next instruction.

"Okay, now still going up, a blue, that rainbow one, and a glowstone block at the top."

They continued building the portal structure, which followed this pattern: A white block, a purple block, a glowstone block, then down from that, an orange block, a yellow block, two pink blocks, and a glowstone to finish it off.

"Well, what do you think, Simon?" Lewis asked, staring at it.

"It's the most hideous thing I've ever seen." Simon's comment regarding the portal caused Lewis to burst out laughing. "I mean, where the hell would something like this even lead to?"

"We might as well find out. So, uh, now all we have to do is set it on fire."

"But it's made of wool."

"Just set it on fire."

"Fine." Simon switched his flint and steel to the hotbar, and walked to the portal. "Here goes." He right-clicked the purple block on the bottom, and immediately, a hideous multicolored swirl activated in between all of the blocks.

"Oh, that's just the icing on the ugly cake, isn't it?" Simon asked, prompting another laugh from his friend. "Seriously, this has got to be the most… horrendous thing I've ever seen! It's just awful!"

"It is pretty horrid. Come on, let's see where it goes."

"If this is what the portal looks like, I don't want to see where it takes us."

"Oh, come on, Simon."

Simon groaned. "Fine."

"So, anyway, the email said we had to be in the portal at the same time for it to work in SMP."

"That's strange," Simon noted.

"Yeah, it does seem a bit strange. So, uh, how about you go in first, and then I get inside with you."

"Fine." Simon reluctantly moved to the portal, and jumped inside.

"Okay, here I come." Lewis jumped into the portal, and the world began shifting around as a new one was spawned. But the Minecraft world wasn't the only one that was warping. The real world itself was warping around the two friends, in perfect simultaneity.

"Lewis, what the flying fuck is going on?" Simon screamed in terror.

"I don't know! Something's happening to the…"

He never finished his sentence. At that moment, they both blacked out, a low WHUMP sound being the last thing they heard.

()()()

Simon was the first to wake up, and immediately, he knew something was wrong. The world seemed to be colored like a cartoon, and his own body felt quite strange. In fact, it just felt outright incorrect, as if it shouldn't have existed like it did.

"Lewis?" He asked. Nobody answered, so he tried to get up. Immediately, he fell over, since he tried to stand up on his hind legs, when he should have used all four. Four? That couldn't have been right. Humans have two legs. Animals have four. But no matter how much he tried to deny it, he realized he indeed had four legs. He tried to stand up again, this time, putting all four hooves on the ground. He just barely managed it. His head was starting to clear up, and he suddenly remembered what had happened.

"LEWIS!" He shouted, turning around. Right in front of him, Lewis was sprawled out on the ground. But it wasn't Lewis; at least, not his body. Rather than two legs, he had four, just like Simon did. His fur was colored red, and he had a black tail and mane, just like a horse. The proportions were completely off, though; he seemed little compared to a normal horse. His head was also strange; rather than the long snout of a horse, his only extended a few inches out before going almost perfectly flat. A strange emblem was on his flank; a Minecraft styled bow and arrow. Even stranger, a horn was on his forehead, like a unicorn of some manner. He still had his glasses on, however, along with a small shirt that had the Star Trek symbol on it.

"Huh?" He said, trying to get up. "Where…am I?" He got to all four of his feet, or hooves, rather, and looked at Simon. He screamed.

"Simon, what the hell happened to you?"

Lewis was seeing Simon as completely different. He had the same build as Lewis did, minus the horn. His fur was brown, and the color of his mane and tail was a dark ginger color. He had a scraggly, rough beard coming off of his chin, through the fur, with two braids in it. He was wearing a cross-belt on his body, along with four iron boots and an iron helmet to complete the look of dwarviness. Like Lewis, he still had his glasses, although they were quite dirty looking, and a symbol on his rear, of a Minecraft diamond pick and shovel arranged as an X.

"Lewis, what the hell is going on here?"

"I don't know, friend. You look like a…miniature pony, or something."

With that statement, a stunning realization hit them both.

"Well, that's just fucking brilliant." Simon said, raising his voice. "First, we build the ugliest thing in Minecraft history, and then we get turned into My Little Ponies. Goddamn it!"

"Hey, watch your language!" A female, Texan sort of voice called out. "We don't take kindly to that sort a talk 'round here!"

They looked around, and then saw her: An orange female pony with yellow hair, wearing a cowboy hat and a scrunchie on her tail and another on her mane. The symbol on her rear seemed to be a group of apples in various colors.

"Who are you?" Lewis asked, stepping back.

"I'm Applejack. Who are you fellers?"

"Uh…" Lewis didn't really know what to say to her.

"I'm Simon. He's Lewis."

"Simon and Lewis, huh? You folks ain't from around these parts, are ya?

"Not really." Lewis said. "In fact, we aren't from the same…dimension or universe, or whatever. We're not even ponies, really." Lewis was still horribly confused, Simon even more so.

"What?"

"Let me put it this way." Lewis cleared his throat. "We were performing a scientific experiment,"

"What?" Simon asked in bewilderment. "No we weren't."

"Well," Lewis whispered, so Applejack didn't hear, "If I told her we were building the gaudiest portal possible in Minecraft, she would have no idea what we're talking about."

"Fine, continue."

"Anyway, we were building a teleportation device, but something went awry, and now we're here."

Applejack paused to consider the facts. "Well, that's mighty strange."

"Yeah, we've heard." Lewis said. "So, could you answer a few questions?"

"Sure."

"Okay, first, where the he…"

Applejack gave him a dirty look, as if to say, 'don't say it'.

"I mean…where are we, exactly?"

"Why, you're in Equestria. More specifically, you're in Sweet Apple Acres, the best apple farm this side of Canterlot!"

"Oh, brilliant." Simon mumbled. "We're in some apple farm with a…redneck cowboy horse."

"What was that?" Applejack demanded angrily.

"Nothing! Just…talking to myself, you know."

She stared at him for a moment, before shaking it off. "Next question?"

"What are these symbols on our butts?"

"Those are your cutie marks!"

"Oh, come on!" Simon shouted.

"Hey, that ain't a bad thing. That symbolizes what you're good at in life. For example, that pick and shovel must mean you're good at mining, right?"

"I…guess you could say that. Lewis, a word?"

"What?"

Simon forcibly turned him around and began whispering to him.

"Lewis, we need to get the hell out of here, wherever it is."

"How? The portal's missing."

"I know that, you idiot! Does it matter? There must be some way out. I mean, we're in a land that's literally called Equestria, and we're talking to some cowgirl twit that just seems to blindly accept anything that comes her way! For god's sake, you have a horn, Lewis! You're a goddamn unicorn!"

Simon turned back around, as did Lewis.

"Sorry about that," Simon apologized, feigning politeness. "We just had to have a little discussion."

"So, uh, why is it that I have a horn, and neither of you have one?" Lewis further questioned.

"Well, that horn means that you can use magic."

Lewis bit his lip. "Magic?"

"Yep."

"Oh, come on!" Lewis shouted in burning atheistic rage. "Magic can't exist! It's not physically possible for magic to happen! It completely violates every facet of basic science! In fact, it…"

"Lewis, we're in a world of multicolored talking ponies. I don't think your…Dawkins atheist rants are going to work here."

Lewis was thoroughly taken aback by this statement. "Excuse me?"

"What are you two talking about now?" Applejack asked, not even really caring.

"I don't know," Simon responded. "Listen, is there anybody around that can help us? At all?"

"Well, Twilight Sparkle might be able to help you out."

"Now who the hell is that?" Lewis asked.

"Hey, what did I say about language?"

"Don't mind him." Simon paused for a moment. "So, where could we find this 'Twilight Sparkle'?"

"Well, she's in Ponyville. Just head to the center of town, to the library. She lives in it."

"So, what does she look like?"

"You'll know her when ya see her! She'll probably be reading something." With that Applejack ran off, to complete the daily harvest.

"Well, that was outstandingly helpful." Simon quipped.

"I'll be able to help you out more." A voice, deep and gravelly, called from behind them.

"Who's there?" Lewis asked, both he and Simon turning around. The gray colt standing there was somewhat different looking, mainly due to the fact that his mane had been completely shaved off; however, his tail remained, as did a small, Billy Mays sort of beard-moustache-sideburn combination. In addition to that, he had two relatively small wings tucked away behind his shoulders. His cutie mark was, strangely enough, a bulls-eye.

"Er, excuse me for asking, but who are you exactly?" Simon asked.

"I'm the guy who's going to save your life. Call me Jack."

"Um…okay?"

Jack didn't even bother to answer, and merely ran off in the other direction. Simon and Lewis glanced at each other skeptically, and then followed him anyway, hoping that he would lead them to the town, and therefore, Twilight Sparkle.

()()()

However, the first pony they met up with was not Twilight Sparkle. They only wished it had been Twilight, but as stated before, it wasn't. The first they crossed paths with was an extremely pink pony, with an outstandingly messy mane and tail, that, appropriately, resembled cotton candy. Her cutie mark was three balloons surrounded by confetti, and her name was Pinkie Pie.

She was currently in the town center, handing out free samples of various confectioneries. When she saw the three new ponies walking around, she immediately gave out an excited gasp and ran away, leaving the table of various sugary baked goods.

"What's her problem?" Lewis asked.

"Ah, don't worry about it," someone behind them said. "She always does that when there are new ponies. Hope you like parties."

"Hello, Rainbow Dash," Jack said, turning around. Simon and Lewis followed suit, and saw who Jack must have been referring to: a blue pony with a small wing on each of her shoulders, like Jack. Strangely, her hair and mane were not one consistent color like most of the other ponies; they were, rather, all the colors of the rainbow. Her cutie mark was a thundercloud with a large rainbow-colored bolt coming out of it, although a few colors were missing.

"Wait a second, Lewis," Simon said, looking at Rainbow Dash's overall color scheme.

"What is it, friend?"

"Look at the color of her fur."

"It's blue. So?"

"What color is her mane?"

"Uh, it's a rainbow…oh."

The realization of this hit them both. All of the wool blocks they had used for the portal matched the main characters coloration schemes almost exactly.

"Are you kidding me?" Lewis asked. "That was what those wool blocks were?"

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash asked, deeply bewildered by the conversation. "What are you two talking about?"

"Allow me to explain," a voice from behind Rainbow Dash said. This was a new voice, and it didn't seem properly natural. It sounded vaguely Norwegian, but was flat, and lacked any real sort of inflection.

"Oh, damn it," Jack said, immediately recognizing who it was.

"Ah, yes, the two 'heroes' of Minecraftia," the voice said. "Perhaps you would like to get better…acquainted?"

"Who the hell are you?" Lewis asked, trying to look around Dash's shoulder. He didn't have to, as the owner of the voice stepped out into the open, revealing who he was.

He certainly did make an impression, mostly by lacking the thing that would most make an impression on a pony: his cutie mark. His fur was exactly the same color as Rainbow Dash's, but his mane and tail were an ugly brownish color. Perhaps his most disturbing feature was that his eyes were pure white.

"That," Jack stated flatly, "is Herobrine."

Lewis and Simon's eyes widened. Standing in front of them was Notch's dead brother, in the flesh. The same person whose facility they had blown up quite some time ago.

"Yep, that certainly is my name." Herobrine pushed Dash out of the way, and walked towards the two Englishmen.

"And you two are the guys that blew up the room in my facility. It took me a week to fix that, you know," he chuckled, before going dead serious again. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you! I'm glad the mod worked exactly as it was meant to."

"You mean, you did that to us?" Lewis shouted angrily.

"Yes, indeed I did. It wasn't easy, but…"

()()()

As Herobrine continued to talk, a man sitting in a sort of control room watched on a large television screen. He was sitting in a red velvet armchair, clasping his hands in front of his face. On the mahogany table beside him sat a cup of Earl Grey tea. As for what he looked like, well, I'm afraid that will have to wait; the room was quite dark, and the only light came from the soft glow of the screen he was fixated on.

"Yes," he said, in a cold, high-class British voice, sharper than a steel knife. "Perfect. Although it is rather surprising that Mr. Edwards hasn't realized Herobrine is a mere…" He tapped his fingers together a few times before completing the thought, "distraction."

He began to laugh quietly, before pressing a small button underneath the mahogany table, which activated a hidden intercom system.

"Yes, sir?" A soft voice asked from a miniature speaker within the man's ear. The man waited a few moments to answer, considering the current situation, then decided what to do.

"Send in the flyers," he said, smiling a terrible smile. "We shall soon see how good Mr. Brindley and Mr. Lane really are."

()()()

As you can tell, this is going to be a big one. Next chapter: The reveal of the man in the armchair! The reveal of who Jack is! Origin stories and more! Until then, AwkwardVulpix, over and out.