"Without You"
Dear Mulder,
It's so odd trying to survive without you. So much has happened since you passed away, events conspiring to turn me suicidal. My psychologist (Skinner's doing) told me to sit down and write to you. As if it's something I've never done before. Well, anyway, she wants me to tell you all about what has happened to me; to put it in simple terms I believe both of us will understand.
It's been difficult, Mulder. Trying to stand without my spine; trying to keep a firm grip on someone no longer there. Knowing that I will never really recover, that I will never return from these dark waters. Skinner has been a comfort, and Agent Doggett has accepted my hopelessness without question.
John's a good man. He'll never really understand the X-Files like you did, but he tries very hard, and our case resolution rate is now only slightly below average. For a while, certain higher-ups wanted to close down the X- Files unit because I was out of the picture and Agent Doggett hadn't solved a case in five months. But Skinner pulled through, and I am eternally grateful. The promise of the X-Files unit is the only thing that has kept me from retiring. But that eventuality draws ever closer, and I am now able to say that I will be leaving the FBI within two years.
I have to inform you of several changes to my physical health. My cancer remains in remission, but after the birth of the alien embryo implanted in me I had a hysterectomy performed. While I appreciated the removal of the threat my uterus posed to my well-being, the loss has left me feeling empty and disheartened. I suppose it is for the better. You were taken from me, and by taking you They took the only person I would ever want to father a child of mine.
When we found your body in the field, cold and livid, I knew that clinically you were dead. My
mind screamed that it was too late, but my body couldn't accept your passing. I spent months of my pregnancy contemplating whether or not I should abort the child, because I knew that without you I could not face what I knew would be a difficult birth of a child of a different species. Mulder it's hard to describe to you the hopelessness and the loss that now fills the place you so rightly held in my heart. Images flash through my dreams, images of times we spent together. We never admitted our love, did we? We performed the physical act of making love, but always managed to avoid those three words. Well, now I'd like to get it out in the open. Mulder, I love you. I have always loved you, and never will I relinquish that love. Accept my apologies for never admitting my biggest weakness.
There is so much to say, and yet I know you understand exactly how I feel. Look in on me sometime; I know your soul will never die. I may join you soon, Mulder. Maybe we'll occupy adjoining stars. Or maybe for once, we'll only use one hotel room. I love you.
-Dana Scully
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder and Scully. They are the property of the Minister of Propaganda and his lovely writing team. Thank you for creating such wonderful primetime people!
Dear Mulder,
It's so odd trying to survive without you. So much has happened since you passed away, events conspiring to turn me suicidal. My psychologist (Skinner's doing) told me to sit down and write to you. As if it's something I've never done before. Well, anyway, she wants me to tell you all about what has happened to me; to put it in simple terms I believe both of us will understand.
It's been difficult, Mulder. Trying to stand without my spine; trying to keep a firm grip on someone no longer there. Knowing that I will never really recover, that I will never return from these dark waters. Skinner has been a comfort, and Agent Doggett has accepted my hopelessness without question.
John's a good man. He'll never really understand the X-Files like you did, but he tries very hard, and our case resolution rate is now only slightly below average. For a while, certain higher-ups wanted to close down the X- Files unit because I was out of the picture and Agent Doggett hadn't solved a case in five months. But Skinner pulled through, and I am eternally grateful. The promise of the X-Files unit is the only thing that has kept me from retiring. But that eventuality draws ever closer, and I am now able to say that I will be leaving the FBI within two years.
I have to inform you of several changes to my physical health. My cancer remains in remission, but after the birth of the alien embryo implanted in me I had a hysterectomy performed. While I appreciated the removal of the threat my uterus posed to my well-being, the loss has left me feeling empty and disheartened. I suppose it is for the better. You were taken from me, and by taking you They took the only person I would ever want to father a child of mine.
When we found your body in the field, cold and livid, I knew that clinically you were dead. My
mind screamed that it was too late, but my body couldn't accept your passing. I spent months of my pregnancy contemplating whether or not I should abort the child, because I knew that without you I could not face what I knew would be a difficult birth of a child of a different species. Mulder it's hard to describe to you the hopelessness and the loss that now fills the place you so rightly held in my heart. Images flash through my dreams, images of times we spent together. We never admitted our love, did we? We performed the physical act of making love, but always managed to avoid those three words. Well, now I'd like to get it out in the open. Mulder, I love you. I have always loved you, and never will I relinquish that love. Accept my apologies for never admitting my biggest weakness.
There is so much to say, and yet I know you understand exactly how I feel. Look in on me sometime; I know your soul will never die. I may join you soon, Mulder. Maybe we'll occupy adjoining stars. Or maybe for once, we'll only use one hotel room. I love you.
-Dana Scully
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder and Scully. They are the property of the Minister of Propaganda and his lovely writing team. Thank you for creating such wonderful primetime people!