This is a dialogue only fanfiction. No slash. Only bromance.
"Merlin. Why are you such a clumsy idiot all the time? That's the third time you've knocked over that plant this week."
"I can't help it sire, your fat face is a constant source of distraction for me. It's not my fault really. And it's only the second time I've knocked that plant over."
"I am not fat! How dare you even insinuate that to your king?! I could have you put in the stocks for that. Honestly, you'd think my own manservant would have the decency to treat me like the honorable king I am. And you forgot the time you knocked it down but I caught it."
"I don't know who you think you hired, but it certainly isn't the boot-licker you wanted. Besides, you'd get bored without my insubordination. But that time didn't count because I didn't really knock it down."
"While that may be true, I don't know why I hired you in the first place. And it does count because it still fell over, and it was your fault."
"Could it have something to do with the fact that I saved your sorry ass from being assassinated sire? And it's your fault you put that dumb plant there anyways. It's asking to be knocked over."
"I will have you know, I would have ducked if you hadn't done anything about the dagger. I have enough self-preserving nature to not get killed by a poorly thrown knife. And that plant looks good there. It's staying."
"I doubt you'd have enough common sense to duck before the knife hit you sire. Admit it, I saved your life without as much as a thank you afterwards. The most I got was being made your manservant, and believe me, that was more of a punishment than a reward. And that plant is placed right where my arm swings when I turn this corner. It's quite inconvenient actually."
"I take offense to that Merlin. And I have more common sense than you do. I doubt you would have ducked if it was you the knife was headed towards. But you can't even remember to avoid the plant when you go around the corner. You'd think you would have noticed that the plant is always in the same place, every single time."
"Well, if you must know, I have been the target of many assassination attempts in my short life. And as you can see, I have survived all of them. And that plant needs to move if you don't want me knocking it down all the time."
"Really? I don't doubt it. You probably pissed off a lot of important people with your incessant prattle, so you left them no choice. I'm not surprised they tried to kill you. And you can avoid the plant, but it can't avoid you."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't incessantly prattle. If you would listen to me for once, and pay attention instead of ignoring me, you would find out that I actually know what I'm talking about and I have often been called wiser beyond my years. But really, the plant is too much. It would look much better if you shoved it up your-"
"Do not finish that sentence if you value your life Merlin. You cannot talk to your king like that! Especially when I could put you in the stocks, or have you assassinated, or fire you, or assign you more chores than you know what to do with, or make you muck out the stables, or subject you to training with the knights while you're the target, or any number of things really, because you know what? I'm the king."
"Oh, sire, I didn't know you cared!"
"I don't. That's why I would make your life hell with all of that. Don't you understand?"
"I just think that's your way of telling me you do care about me. You're quite reserved with your affections you know."
"What?! I do not care. All of those things are supposed to make you think I hate you, not the other way around. What is wrong with you that you mistake caring with exasperation?"
"I guess I'm just used to your ways of showing your feelings. And you usually do the opposite of what you feel. Hence the threats, because you care about me. But when you get all sickly sweet, that's when I know I'm in trouble."
"I do not care."
"Could have me fooled."
"Well, good thing I'm not trying."
"Ha! I knew it! I knew you cared!"
"Wait, what?"
"You said you weren't trying to fool me into thinking you didn't care, which means you were trying to get me to think you do care, which, by extension, means you do care since you didn't try to get me to think you didn't care."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means you care about me."
"Oh come off it Merlin. You know I don't care about anyone other than myself. Besides, you're only a servant. It wouldn't be proper for me to care about you."
"That doesn't mean you don't care. Because really, since when do you care about rules and propriety?"
"Since I became king and have to lead my people. I have to be strong for the citizens of Camelot. I cannot be seen as weak, or cowardly, or soft-hearted. So, I say to you again: I don't care."
"Yes you do."
"Merlin! Why can't you just accept that I don't care?"
"Because you do. I know you do, because I know you."
"Why is this so important to you? I've been nothing but mean and prattish to you all these years. Said by you, yourself."
"Because I know you better than this."
"No, Merlin. You know nothing about me. And right now I'm telling you that I don't care."
"Please. I've known you long enough to know when you are lying to me. And I know how you are. You try to pretend that you don't care about anything or anyone, but you can't fool me Arthur. I know you like to hide behind your arrogant mask so no one knows what you're thinking, because you think it's a downfall to have feelings, and that they can be used against you. But don't you see? They're what makes you human. Your emotions are what sets you apart from the evil people in the world, who feel nothing and love no one. Your emotions are what separate you from power-hungry lords who only care about the money and power that comes with being feared. You think your emotions are your weakness but you couldn't be more wrong. They are your strength."
"Since when did you get so wise Merlin?"
"I've always been wise Arthur. You just never paid attention."