OK, I got the idea for this when I was listening to the song "Worst pies in London" from Sweeney Todd and for some reason changed characters just to see how it ended up and decided to write it down! So almost everything is played like the scene in the movie. I may not be a master at English but I have done my best and hope people enjoy this!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Final Fantasy or Sweeney Todd
Worst Pies in Midgar
"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people that are filled with shit
And the vermon of the world inhabit it…"
Sephiroth was mumbling in a singing tone irritated as he was strolling along the dark roads of Midgar. The last week had been horrible, first he had a fight with Genesis, Angeal had prevented it from going too far but Genesis had disappeared the day after and not been seen or heard of since. He doesn't even remember what they were fighting about now. He had been on a long horrible mission too with absolutely useless lower ranks that ruined the plans and then came back only to go straight to the worst place possible; the labs.
Now Sephiroth was pissed on everything, Angeal had tried to help him in any way but his little puppy had followed and made everything worse. Just as he was going to continue his song he noticed an odd little café, dark and gloomy on the edge of an alley. Dim lights were shining through old gray windows and curiosity got the better of him as he went to the entrance.
The door opened with a creak and the noise of a knife hitting a wooden board could be heard repeatedly from the other side of the café. He froze completely when he saw the person cutting something into smaller pieces with… not a knife, but a sword. Behind the desk on a chair was an auburn haired man clad in red, reading a book and with his boots up on the desk.
Sephiroth recognize his friend and slowly started out the door again, more because he did not really want to know what or why Genesis was doing in a place like this. Alas after his first step back Genesis took a gaze towards the door and gasped in surprise, Sephiroth wondered if it was made up or if Genesis really was surprised to see him here. Stopping whatever he was doing Genesis smiled toward his friend as he stood, throwing his sword, blade first, to the ground so it got stuck into the wooden floor and start walk around the desk toward his friend.
"Sephiroth…!"
It was low but it sounded like he wanted to yell it instead, but with delight.
Sephiroth went to take another step backwards.
"Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?"
Genesis was using a sing song voice as he said his words and hurried a bit faster toward his friend.
"You gave me such a…
Fright. I thought you was a ghost."
Wait! Is he singing? Was Sephiroth's thought as Genesis grabbed him by his arms leading him to a place to sit.
"Half a minute, can't you?
Sit! Sit you down! Sit!"
Genesis continued on singing while pushing Sephiroth's shoulders forcing him to sit down on a wooden sofa below a window in desperate need of cleaning. Sephiroth looked confused at his friend and a bit horrified by the whole situation as Genesis pushed the door close, closing off Sephiroth's only escape route, and returning to his desk.
"All I meant is that I
Haven't seen you in a week.
Did you come for a pie, my friend?"
Back behind his desk he looks expectantly at Sephiroth before he starts singing again not really caring for an answer from his friedn.
"Do forgive me if my head's a little vague-
What is that?"
Genesis wrinkles his nose at something crawling across his desk covered in flour but don't drop his singing tone. Sephiroth can make out a small bug that Genesis picks up with his gloved hand and throw it at the floor. He could tell Genesis crushed it with his boot at the loud noise of something hitting the floor hard twice.
"But you'd think we had the plague-"
Genesis wrinkled his nose again as another bug was making its way across the desk.
"From the way that people-"
Slam! The remains of the bug were now mixed with some of the flour.
"Keep avoiding-
No you don't!"
As he keeps on singing he grabs a plate and lay something on it carelessly, a pie probably, and a low "clonk" sound could be heard.
"Minerva knows I try, my friend!"
Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. He seriously tries to run a café in this state?
Halfway across the room Genesis blows on the pie and a layer of… Is that a dust cloud? Sephiroth question himself. Was that made a week ago!
"But there's no one comes in even to inhale-
Right you are, my friend.
Would you like a drop of Banora ale?"
Genesis placed the plate on the table in front of Sephiroth and turned back to his desk yet again.
"Mind you, I can't hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in Midgar."
Sephiroth eyed the pie suspiciously, he don't even know what kind of pie it is. Carefully he moved the plate closer to get a better look on it.
"I know why nobody cares to take them-
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No."
Genesis chuckles and picks up a ladle in a bowl with something Sephiroth can't identify from his distance, but if he could guess, he would say an odd kind of minced meat. The meat is placed in a pie form made out of dough.
"The worst pies in Midgar-
Even that's polite."
He chuckles again and Sephiroth carefully picks up and smell the pie in his glowed hand.
"The worst pies in Midgar-
If you doubt it take a bite."
The baked dough made a crunching noise as Sephiroth took a bit of it. Genesis that had quietly been watching in amusement as Sephiroth took his bite went on with the song.
"Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it."
Sephiroth slowly turns his head to the side to spit out the piece of pie in his mouth. Fighting to keep as calm as possible even if the horrible taste threatens to make him throw up.
"It's nothing but crusting-
Here drink this, you'll need it-
The worst pies in Midgar."
A cheap cup filled with some kind of liquid is now placed on the table as well.
"And no wonder with the price of meat"
Sephiroth spit out some remains of the pie left in his mouth as he watch Genesis lay a new piece of dough in the flour on the desk and start kneading it between lines of the song.
"What it is
When you get it.
Never thought I'd live to see the day
Many did think it was a treat
Finding poor
Animals
What are dying in the street."
Sephiroth felt the feeling to throw up again as he started to slowly realize from where Genesis got his meat to the pies.
"SOLDIER Rhapsodos has a pie shop,
Does a business but I noticed something weird-"
Genesis picks up a rolling pin and hit the dough on the desk hard with it. Sephiroth looks at his friend with a bit of worry this time. Have he gone insane?
"Lately, all his neighbors' cats have disappeared."
Two hits on the dough.
"Have to hand it to him-"
Two more hits.
"What I calls"
One hit on the dough as Sephiroth rises his hand hesitantly to the height of his face.
"Enterprise."
One more hit as Sephiroth opens his mouth to say something. What, he's not sure of.
"Popping pussies into pies."
Sephiroth changed his mind and lowered his hand, just looking at his friend with mixed emotions; he had no idea what he should do or if he should do anything at all. Genesis at least starts using the rolling pin correctly.
"Wouldn't do in my shop-
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick."
Sephiroth tilts his head to the side imaging his friend running after cats in the street, as he does that he notice something on the table. A bug hurries across the table from the hole in the pie he had tasted earlier. Nausea returned to him as he just stared at the table, now emotionlessly.
"No denying times is hard, my friend-
Even harder than
The worst pies in Midgar."
Genesis finished the pie he had filled with minced meat earlier and put the flat dough over it.
"Only lard and nothing more-
Is that just revolting?"
Sephiroth hesitantly reaches for the cup on the table in hope to wash away the still lingering horrible taste in his mouth.
"All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it's molting,"
Genesis prepares the last pie for the plate to be placed in the oven almost looking satisfied at the knowledge that they taste horrible.
"And tastes like-
Well, pity
A man alone"
Sephiroth takes a sip of the drink and make a slightly strangled sound at the horrible drink that could rival the pie.
"With limited wind
And the worst pies in Midgar!"
As Genesis places the plate of pies into the old fashioned oven he drags out the last line signaling the end of the song. He leans on the desk on his elbows and head in his hands as he sings the last lines of the song.
"Ah, my friend,
Times is hard. Times is hard!"
Here he yet again drags out the last word as he spot one more bug crawling across the desk and grabs his sword stuck in the floor and not so gracefully smash the little creature with the flat side of the sword as he stops singing.
The room turns quiet as Genesis cleans of his sword. Sephiroth have trouble finding words and his friend chuckles at his loss for words. Is this supposed to be a joke?
"Genesis…"
He finally managed to say his friend's name.
"Yes?"
Genesis had a smile of mischief as he turned his head toward his friend looking rather dumbfounded.
"What the hell was that all about?"