A Silent Letter
Author: Kamui Kinomoto
Pairing: Fuuma/Kamui
A/N: X is CLAMP-sama's; the song "A Silent Letter" is by L'Arc~en~Ciel, with lyrics written by hyde and music composed by ken; and the English translation of the song was by jchertudi-san, which was acquired from his homepage. :3
Go, listen to the song! It's really wonderful! :D
It was awfully silent inside the room; Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha were probably already sound asleep inside their own rooms. While Kamui was in a bittersweet solitary inside his room, wondering why it felt as though he was suffering from claustrophobia, even though the room was spacious, even though there was only him inside. It must be because the night was awfully silent.
/指先にはもう届かない My fingertips can no longer reach
はるかな夜空へ The distant night sky
きらめく星をほどいて Unfasten the shining stars
放してあげよう Let's set them free
Stay with me眠りにつくまで Stay with me until I settle into sleep
優しい手を離さないで Don't separate those gentle hands
迷子になった幼い時のようだね Like those childhood days when I would become lost, remember?
今日窓を開けたら When I opened the window today
季節の足音聞いたよ I heard the footsteps of the season
あぁ君の仕草や笑顔が Ah, your gestures and smile
…僕の全てさ ...are all that I have/
He walked toward the windows, almost tip-toeing. He didn't like the silence, but he didn't want to break it as well. As soon as he opened the window, he felt the gentle breeze engulfing his small, beautiful face. He sat on the chair next to the clear window. The wind was cold, managing to make Kamui tremble a bit. But he let the coldness linger to him.
Gently, he looked at the sky, that dark blue sky which seemed really so far away. With tender eyes, Kamui stared at the heavens for a while, it was peaceful, but it was awfully silent.
He stayed like that for a bit, until his violet eyes widened.
He saw two stars which were located very close to each other, isolated from the rest. Twin stars. Immediately, the stars reminded him of his twin star. Fuuma… The other Kamui. His other self. Kamui had a feeling it would be very hard for him to put himself to sleep tonight.
All of a sudden, he felt something warm from behind. Two arms which were much bigger than his were now wrapping his small body. He was surprised, but not really surprised. Without looking behind him, he whispered under his breath, "Fuuma…" It didn't even take one second for him to recognize who it was.
"Fuuma," he whispered again when he heard no reply, "You are not here to fight, are you? I have no intention to fight you at this moment, too. I suppose, you're here to make one of my wishes come true. A wish that I only realized a minute before you got here."
It was still awfully silent.
"I don't think I can put myself to sleep tonight. Especially at this rate. Will you make my wish come true…?" Kamui said in a calm voice… a calm yet begging voice.
Without hearing a response once again, though he was not actually expecting for a response, Kamui continued to talk.
"Please smile… even if you don't want to, and there's no need for you to, please smile. I don't care if you have to force yourself to. Perhaps it's the only thing that can make me fall asleep tonight."
One minute passed… and Kamui slowly stretched his right arm upward, while making an effort not to let Fuuma's arms loosen their grip to him. With his palm supposedly facing Fuuma's face, he let his thin fingers wander toward the taller guy's mouth. As his fingers managed to make their way on Fuuma's lips, he caressed it as feathery as possible.
Smiling faintly, painfully, to himself, Kamui said, "Thank you…"
Contended, he pulled his hand away from Fuuma's cold lips, even though it was excruciating for him as well to do so. And after letting out a weak sigh, he clutched his hands onto his best friend's lower arms, which were still firmly enveloping him in a warm, but at the same time, frozen embrace.
/ Stay with meどうしたらいい? Stay with me how should it be?
優しい目を途切れそうさ I might look away from those gentle eyes
迷子になった幼い時のようだね Like those childhood days when I would become lost, remember?
…さよならは ...so, I guess this is goodbye
...I have been thinking about you/
"I suppose the only way you will leave is when I am already asleep. In that case, I won't sleep. But… if I don't sleep, you won't be able to fulfil my wish… And I know there is no way for you to allow that…" Kamui continued murmuring to himself.
Unconsciously, he held onto Fuuma's arms tighter. He remembered how these loving arms used to protect him from everything and anything. But ever since he made that decision, those arms didn't want to do anything but destroy him. Even at this moment, Kamui could feel Fuuma's arms breaking him in this embrace. He might not be broken physically, but this was how Fuuma was able to hurt him the most.
Kamui closed his eyes, rested his chin on Fuuma's lower arms, and tried to concentrate on feeling the latter's body very close to his. He desperately wanted to look above, to see Fuuma's face, but that would be cheating. He knew it would displease Fuuma. He knew it would break this precious moment.
Several minutes passed with Kamui saying absolutely nothing anymore. Then, in an instant, Fuuma disappeared.
/Dear my love 遠い海原も Dear my love I'll keep crossing
渡ってくよ この腕で that distant ocean with these arms
嵐の日も二度ともう恐れはしない I won't fear the coming of another stormy day
Are you feeling 波間に見上げた Are you feeling… I looked up between the waves
星の渦がきれいだよ The swirl of stars is so pretty
迷子になった幼い時のようだね Like those childhood days when I would become lost, remember?
…さよならは ...so, I guess this is goodbye/
Little by litte, Kamui opened his eyes, which were trying very hard not to let teardrops fall.
"I was just pretending to be asleep… and yet, you left, without fulfilling my wish," he told Fuuma, who was not there anymore.
Tomorrow, Fuuma, most likely, would try to kill him again. But Kamui thought, just for this brief moment, that perhaps it would be fine for him to get killed by Fuuma, leaving Fuuma and the Earth behind. And maybe it would be okay for him to kill Fuuma, too. Because tonight was goodbye. There could be no goodbye more painful than tonight's.
For tonight was really awfully silent.
The End.