I Want To See You Again
Why can't I hear you when I listen for you?
Why can't I see you when I look for you?
Because you left me here, without you
Why didn't you wait?
We could've gone together
Why didn't I insist?
I may act tough, but within I'm just a kid
Thrust into maturity
By an overwhelming tragedy
That has shaped my life
Making me hard, making me strong
But that's all on the outside.
I'm killing myself, and I don't care anymore
I want to see you again
I want to hear your voice again,
Want to hear your laughter
Ringing in my ears.
Why am I so weak?
Why can't I be strong?
Why can't I have the strength
To accept that you're gone?
Why do I feel like I die a little
With every sunrise you're not here
Beside me, the way we were before.
I am surrounded by people now
People who care about me
People that want to be my friends
But I would throw it all away
To see your face again.
Why am I so weak?
Why can't I move on?
No one understands me
No one knows what I've gone through
But at least they're trying
I can't let them through
The steel mask I wear
To protect myself from
This ever happening again
But I'm growing colder and colder
Things will never be the same
Without you.
Can I face the new day
When I know you won't be there
To greet the sun with your smile,
The smile that I loved?
Can I face these people
These people that want to know me
The me that I have hidden
That I buried long ago?
Do have to listen to them?
Must I open up when I've
Been closed all this time
So nothing can hurt me again?
Can I keep my promise
If it means so much to you,
I will try, but I grow colder
In the darkness where my heart should be
There is only silence and cold.
They want to break through my armor
The armor I created from
The emotions that fill me,
Wrath and anger and sorrow
The emotions that give me
A reason to keep breathing
The emotions that give me
A reason to remember you
The emotions that hurt me
As much as they hurt others
They cut me, and I don't care.
The blood spilling from my veins
Surrounds me, dying me crimson
I don't care anymore
I can't care anymore
I won't care about anything
Then nothing can hurt me more
Then I'm already hurt
Until the day it's all too much
And I have to follow you
I want to follow you
But they pull me back again
I don't want to live without you
But they won't let me leave.
They burrow into my frozen heart
The heart that I thought died with you
On that day that replays in my mind
Every moment of every day
I need to see you, even if it's just a dream
Or even a terrible memory
I curl even deeper into myself
I won't let them come anywhere near
The real me, the child that I've always been
The child that cries, never ending the flow
Of his tears, rushing over
my broken, bleeding heart.
They know I'm killing myself
Slowly, painfully, I bleed myself to death
Slowly, painfully, I freeze my soul
I can't see in the darkness
I can't feel in the cold
It's the only way I can face
A world without you,
The only one I ever let see
The real me, the child,
That wants to follow you.
But they won't let me
They pull me back
With force if they have to
They make cracks in my armor
They try to shatter my mask
They try to force me out of hiding
They try to light up and thaw out
My hidden heart, and they grow closer
Every moment that I spend with them
Is that okay, Maria?
I don't want to die just yet.
They gave me a reason
A reason to live.
A world without you will hurt me
Every day I see a sunrise
And you're not there to see it
Will hurt me
But I think I can see what true strength is
It's not physical or mental,
It's what's in your heart
And if you can fight it back
And see what lies underneath the pain
That's what strength is
Maria, I can't follow you yet
I will someday, but I need to live
Before I decide I need to die
Maria, I can't see you yet.
But I will someday
And you'll be smiling.