Disclaimer: I don't own anything PLL.
I know I owe everyone a chapter of Breathe Again but these last few weeks were busier than I thought they would be so it's going to be at least this weekend before I can get it posted. Thanks for your patience.
In the meantime, I wrote this a few months ago as a means to purge some demons and it's just been sitting on my computer waiting for a final proof read and spell check. I had an hour to myself tonight, not enough time to really delve into Breathe Again but enough time to do this. Hopefully it will hold you over.
This is set in my Mermaid universe, approximately five years after I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues. Just for reference: Kaylee is 20, Kyle is 15 and Lily is 11 in this story.
Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing.
I hope you enjoy!
Change of Life
Kira barreled through the door to Emily's home office and threw herself onto the sofa dramatically.
"What the fuck is wrong with Mama?" she asked with almost strangled desperation in her voice.
Emily looked up from her computer screen and glanced at her friend over her glasses. She'd heard her wife's raised voice coming from downstairs a little bit ago, but she thought Alison was arguing with Kyle again since their fifteen year old son was the one taking the brunt of his mother's moods lately.
"Who's in trouble now?"
"I think the better question is who isn't in trouble?" Kira replied as she kicked off her shoes and lifted her feet onto the sofa beside her. "I think I just witnessed your wife experience an exorcist like possession."
Emily sat back and removed her glasses, tossing them onto the keyboard of her laptop. "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic right now?"
"Actually no." Kira retorted as she shook her head rapidly. "All she was missing was the three hundred and sixty degree rotation of her head while she projectile vomited."
"Kira, that's disgusting," Emily admonished as the brunette smirked. Kira was more dramatic than even Alison most of the time although she'd vehemently deny it.
"I walked in the front door and Kyle and Pepe ran past me like the devil was on their asses. That poor dog had her tail between her legs." Emily's lips twitched but she refused to let slip the amusement that Kira's dramatic description invoked. There was nothing funny about Alison's "reign of terror" as she'd started secretly calling it. "I caught sight of Lily as she ran up the stairs," Kira continued as Emily looked at her. "And I saw your wife standing in the middle of the kitchen with fire shooting out of her eye sockets."
Emily sighed. Alison's mood was precarious at best lately. Her wife was experiencing some widespread physical changes and like many women wasn't handling them well. "Kyle's been really tough lately," Emily said as she rubbed her eyes tiredly.
"He's a fifteen year old boy, what do you expect?" Kira replied. "That's the age all boys rebel against their moms."
"Yeah," Emily agreed as she stood up and walked around the desk. "Unfortunately he has two of them so….." Emily trailed off as she sat on the chair beside the sofa.
Kira nodded her head knowingly. "He is surrounded by a lot of estrogen that's for sure," she joked and Emily smirked. That was an understatement. Although Kira's husband Brian had provided a fairly consistent male influence in Kyle's life, it wasn't the same as having one to relate to on a daily basis. And her son held his own pretty well in a house full of only women, but it was probably inevitable rebellion would happen one day. "Do I need Brian to take the boys away on a weekend camping excursion to get him some testosterone?"
"Probably," Emily replied as she lifted her slipper clad feet onto the coffee table in front of her. "But I don't think Ali would let him go at the moment." Emily paused before she continued. "She chased him around the house the other day trying to smack him with a newspaper."
"I love her so much," Kira gushed as she tried and failed to hold back a laugh.
"Kira, it isn't funny."
"Oh please," Kira scoffed. "It's fucking hilarious."
"She chased him around two floors of the house," Emily added as she shot Kira a look daring her to keep laughing.
Kira waved her hand dismissively. "He was in no real danger. And I can say that as someone who's been on the receiving end of her chasing."
"He finally had to jump into the pool to escape her," Emily added to emphasize her point as she arched her brow.
"That's an ongoing theme in your house, isn't it?" Kira asked, grinning, as she referred to the time years ago when Kaylee had to jump in the pool to escape her mother's wrath after she dyed her hair blue as an April Fool's joke. It was still an event no one ever dared mention around Alison.
"You have way too much fun at my family's expense."
"I can't help it," Kira chuckled. "You give me way too much ammunition. Your wife is scary as fuck but your kids have nothing to fear because she's a big pussy."
"You say that because you weren't here," Emily said ignoring Kira's comment. "Pepe jumped into the pool after him and Alison went ballistic because the mobile dog groomer had just left."
Kira continued to chuckle.
"If I hadn't come home from work, she probably would have made him stay in the pool all night. Lily was sneaking his dinner onto one of the rafts when I walked up."
"I fucking love your wife so much." Kira snorted she was laughing so hard.
"I'm so glad you're enjoying this," Emily scowled which only made Kira laugh harder.
Emily just eyed her friend narrowly until she sobered.
"Okay, okay. I'm done. Let's get back on topic," Kira said as she caught her breath. "She's in rare form today though. I asked her what the hell was wrong. And the look she gave me could have melted my face. So again," Kira drawled. "What the fuck is up with Mama?"
Emily debated how to answer. Kira was their closest friend but it wasn't really Emily's place to tell her what Alison was going through. In fact, Emily was a little surprised Kira didn't know yet. It had been several months and the changes in Alison's personality and physicality were noticeable to anyone who spent any significant time with her.
At the same time, Kira had been coming to visit less and less lately, now that her mother-in-law moved in after Brian's father passed away the previous fall.
"You've got that look on your face," Kira accused as she narrowed her eyes.
"What look?" Emily asked curiously as she attempted to school her features.
"The 'I want to tell Kira what's going on but I don't want Alison to murder me in my sleep' look."
"I don't have a look like that." Emily scoffed at her friend as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Oh, you've had that look most of your life, Doc," Kira insisted. "And after what I just witnessed, I'd be afraid she'd smother me with a pillow too."
Emily sighed and decided to just tell her. Alison would eventually anyway. "She's started perimenopause."
"Oh fuck," Kira groaned and buried her face in the arm of the sofa. Emily only needed to say that one word for Kira to understand.
"Why do you think I'm hiding out in here?" Emily asked quietly.
"Damn, that's my cue to make myself scarce for a while," Kira said only half joking as she lifted her head. "Call me when it's over, if you survive it."
Emily let out a wry laugh. "Menopause isn't something that just lasts a few weeks, Kira. Some women go through it for years."
"Well then, it was nice knowing ya, Doc," Kira held out her hand for shake. "We had a good run of it though, didn't we?"
"Now you're just being ridiculous," Emily replied as she slapped Kira's hand away.
"No, I'm really not," Kira insisted. "I probably should have stayed downstairs and tried to save the others but self preservation and all that."
"Oh, stop being such a fucking drama queen," Alison scoffed from the doorway. "I thought I kicked you out."
Emily looked over at her wife trying to gauge her mood. She could tell from Alison's body language that she was still irritated.
The blonde walked into the room and over to the sofa. Kira eyed her warily but moved her feet so Alison could sit down.
"Did you come in here to rat me out?" Alison accused as she sat down. "Some friend you are."
"Okay, Linda Blair," Kira retorted.
Alison smacked her on the arm. "If you're gonna call me names you should at least not use one from a seventy five year old film."
"I'm a movie buff, what can I say?"
"You have shitty taste in movies."
"The Exorcist is a cult classic," Kira replied defensively. "So what did the poor kid do that made you want to skin him alive?"
Alison growled under her breath and her eyes darkened before she replied. "He's got a new girlfriend."
"And that's a problem why?"
Alison glared at her friend. "Because his grades have fallen because everything in his fucking life is all about her. All the time."
"Who is she?" Kira asked curiously.
"A tramp," Alison replied without hesitation.
"Ali," Emily said as she gave her wife a look. She wasn't a fan of Kyle's new girlfriend either but Alison felt the girl was a succubus sent from the depths of hell to bring about their son's downfall.
"What?"" Alison snapped and turned her glare on her wife. "She is."
"You're only saying that because you caught them making out on the couch," Emily said calmly.
"Oh, wait," Kira interrupted. "Is that why you chased him around with the newspaper?"
"You told her that?" Alison accused.
"Thanks a lot Kira," Emily mumbled. Sometimes their friend didn't know how to keep her big mouth shut.
"Don't be such a fucking drama queen," Kira retorted throwing Alison's words back at her. "So what did you do when you found them?"
"I kicked her out," Alison growled in response and Kira snickered. "And I would have beaten his ass if I'd gotten my hands on him. He's too fucking fast for me now."
Of course Emily would never condone hitting their children but like Kira said, Kyle was in no real danger from his mother. If she had actually caught him Emily had no doubt her wife would have smacked him with the newspaper a few times then burst into tears because she felt bad about it.
"Slick," Kira said as she grinned and Alison reached over and pinched her hard. "Ow!" Kira wiggled away as she continued. "You've got to love a boy who dares to defile his mother's sofa like that."
"You wouldn't be saying that if it was one of yours," Alison screeched as she sat forward angrily. "And aren't you a fucking teacher? Did you not hear me say that his grades have fallen?"
"Oh, the boy is going to have words about his grades with Aunt Kira, for sure," Kira said seriously. Kira loved their children as much as her own and was listed in both Emily and Alison's wills as their children's guardian if anything happened to them and neither of their parents were able to care for them. "But you've got to give him props for pushing the envelope under your roof. He's brave, I'll give him that."
Alison gave Kira another withering glare. "Sometimes I really despise you."
"Ali, they were just making out?" Emily tried to soothe but Alison was having none of it.
"Emily," Alison gritted her teeth. "We've had this discussion a dozen times. Her shirt was off and if Lily and I hadn't come home who knows what would have happened."
"Was her bra still on?" Kira asked with a curious arch of her brow. She was enjoying this way too much as far as Alison was concerned.
"Do you think that boy would still be alive if my eleven year old daughter walked in and saw his girlfriend's boobs? I swear if he gets that girl pregnant I'll kill him."
"He's smarter than that," Kira replied.
"Not when he's thinking with the wrong head," Alison shot back.
"He's being a typical fifteen year old boy, Ali," Emily said, reiterating what Kira had said earlier.
"Yeah, girl crush," Kira added using her old nickname for Alison. "You're just so far away from fifteen that you don't remember it."
"Kira, you're not helping," Emily said as she lifted her foot and kicked her friend in the thigh.
"You really are a bitch sometimes," Alison said at the same time as she stood up. "I have a headache. I'm going to take a nap."
Emily sighed as Alison turned and stalked out of her office.
"Ali, come on," Kira called after her. "Damn, she usually takes my teasing much better than that."
"You usually gauge her moods better than that," Emily replied as she debated whether to follow Alison or just let her wife be.
"Were you there when Ali came home to the amateur porn hour?" Kira asked as her lips twitched.
"Kira, it's not funny."
"Yes it is."
"It really isn't." Emily lowered her feet to the floor.
"It really is," Kira said again. ""Because if given the opportunity at that age, Ali would have had both your shirt and bra off but that would have been more than okay."
"That's different," Emily insisted but she didn't deny Kira's words because she was probably right.
"Uh huh," Kira murmured as she looked toward the door. "I should probably go grovel a little bit, huh?" she asked as she slipped her shoes back on and stood up.
"If you want her to talk to you sometime in the next decade," Emily said as she stood as well. "Did Kyle leave the house when you got here or did he just bolt for his room?"
"Oh he bolted out the door. Almost knocked me over too." Kira looked to her right and then pointed out the window. "But he's right there."
Emily looked out the window and saw her son playing fetch with the dog on the beach behind the house. "I better go talk to him. He knows he screwed up but she just won't let it go."
"That doesn't sound like Mama," Kira said sarcastically but then she sobered when she saw the look on Emily's face. She reached for Emily's hand and gave it a squeeze. "You've got your hands full, don't ya, Doc?" Kira asked sympathetically.
"I don't know what to do to help her," Emily admitted feeling a little bit helpless. "She's got almost every symptom of perimenopause there is. It's like dealing with an overtired, PMSing, angry, impatient, depressed Alison all at once."
Kira shuddered and Emily waited for her to say something sarcastic. But like it often did, Kira's tender, supportive side came out just when Emily needed it. "She's tough and she'll be alright," Kira encouraged. "The question is will you?"
#############
Alison kicked the covers off and rolled onto her back as she groaned softly. Her body was on fire again. She didn't sleep naked much anymore although both she and Emily had for most of their marriage. But tonight she had already ripped her pajamas off and was almost ready to jump off the balcony into the pool below.
Anything to cool off.
Emily stirred beside her and the blonde cursed under her breath. She hated when her hot flashes and night sweats disturbed her wife's sleep. They'd been happening for about five months now and only seemed to get worse and more frequent as time went on.
"Ali," Emily's sleep-filled voice asked from beside her. "Are you alright?"
"I'm sorry I woke you but no I'm not fucking alright," Alison growled softly.
Emily rolled onto her side to face the blonde. As much as she wanted to reach out to her wife, she knew better than to touch Alison when she was having a restless night. Emily's eyes adjusted to the darkness and she saw that Alison was naked.
"Did you get to sleep at all?" she asked as she tucked her hands beneath her cheek.
"No." Alison huffed as she shifted again.
"I'm sorry love," Emily said sympathetically and Alison let the soft loving tone surround her.
"Sometimes I really hate being a woman."
"Well I love that you're a woman." Emily's voice was soft and sleepy and if Alison hadn't been so aggravated she would have thought it was cute. But it just made Alison feel worse about disturbing her wife's slumber.
"Baby, go back to sleep," she whispered as she rolled onto her side to look at the woman beside her, reaching out and caressing her cheek softly.
The brunette was still the most beautiful woman Alison had ever laid eyes on. She'd loved, lived with, and slept next to Emily for more than half her life. She'd had children with her. She fought with and for her and even sometimes against her when they didn't see eye to eye.
And everything good in Alison's life was because of her. And even now when her body was torturing her and all she wanted to do was crawl out of her skin, she wanted the woman beside her with every fiber of her being.
She and Emily's sex life had been robust and active since they'd finally come together senior year of high school. Over the last couple of years it had slowed down, but the love and need for each other was always present. And sometimes all her wife had to do was look at her and Alison would be consumed with desire.
This however was not one of those nights.
This was one of those nights that the thought of being touched by anyone, even her wife, made her cringe.
"Did you try putting a cold compress on your face and neck?" Emily asked her voice fading by the end of the question and Alison knew that meant she was falling back to sleep.
Alison didn't answer and waited a few minutes until she was sure Emily was asleep again before she got up. She wasn't going to sleep any time soon so she decided to head downstairs and watch some television.
############
Alison sat on the sofa flicking the remote as she tried to find something to watch. Nights like these were torture; when she couldn't sleep and nothing she did could calm her. It wasn't just the hot flashes. It was the restlessness. The feeling that something was off inside her body. She was anxious, she couldn't sit still, and she was irritable. And her poor wife and children were bearing the brunt of her uncontrollable and unpredictable mood swings.
She'd been having these symptoms for months now. They started just after her fifty-second birthday and Alison was over them. She was not opposed to the end of her menstrual cycle, she was actually more than ready for it, but she didn't like the things that replaced it.
Alison adjusted the ice pack she had sitting on her neck and upper chest and shifted to look over her shoulder as she heard the front door open. Her eyes caught sight of the clock on the wall and saw it was just after two in the morning. Kaylee walked in and closed the door behind her, looking surprised to see her mother awake.
"Hi," Alison said before she turned back to the television.
Kaylee was home from Stanford for winter break, having just completed the first half of her sophomore year. She was pre-med and was leaning toward sports medicine Emily. She was an athlete, good at almost any sport she tried, but like her mother she excelled at swimming. It was just after Kaylee's tenth birthday when she told them she wanted to be a doctor like Emily and Alison could have burst she was so proud.
The young blonde walked over and dropped down into the chair. "Hey," she said tiredly as she slid off her heels and then tucked her feet beneath her as she settled in.
"How was your date?" Alison asked, her tone casual but her look telling her daughter what she really thought of her waltzing in at such a late hour.
"It was good. We went to that new club on Sunset."
"You went all the way to LA tonight?"
Emily and Alison still owned their house in Santa Monica as well as the one in San Diego. But they spent most of their time at the Sunset Beach house because it was the closest to Emily's practice and because all their children went through the school district there.
"Yeah," Kaylee nodded and yawned.
"Did you drive?" Alison asked as she dropped the remote on the sofa beside her.
Kaylee shook her head. "No. Dave drove."
"Where did you meet this guy again?" Alison asked even though she knew the answer. She'd been trying for weeks to get Kaylee to give up details about the guy she announced she was dating when she returned home for break. Alison had a background check run on him within a day of finding out about him. But he was okay.
She and Emily had an awful fight when her wife found out what Alison had done, but the blonde didn't care. There was nothing Alison wouldn't do to protect her family. Nothing.
"I told you he works at the campus bookstore."
"He sounds like a complete nerd. Looks like one too," Alison added, teasing her daughter because even though he was actually kind of cute, he reminded Alison of Clark Kent, goofy glasses and all. But that was the kind of guy Kaylee was attracted to… nerdy, bookworm, intelligent. Alison supposed it was better than the alternative.
"You know how I love my nerds," Kaylee shot back quickly as she smirked. "Can't sleep?"
Alison groaned and let her head fall back onto the back of the sofa. "If we had a walk in freezer I'd sleep in there, I swear to god."
Kaylee rolled her eyes in response. "Dramatic much, mom?"
Alison glared at her daughter. "I'll remember your unsympathetic attitude when you get to be my age."
"If you can remember this conversation. You know what they say… memory is the first to go."
"Actually it's the sense of humor that's the first to go." Alison scowled but Kaylee just snorted.
"Kyle told me he's grounded until he's thirty?"
"He should be grounded until he's fifty. Why can't he just like nice girls?"
"Carly isn't so bad mom. Don't you think you're being a little hard on him about this?" Kaylee grabbed the pillow beside her and tucked it against her chest.
"Now you sound like your mother," Alison grumbled.
"Well she's usually right," Kaylee replied as she grinned tiredly.
"You're just saying that because she's your favorite."
"Well, yeah there's that too," Kaylee teased.
"Brat. Go to bed."
While it had oftentimes been rocky due to the similarity of their personalities, Alison's relationship with her first child improved dramatically when Kaylee went off to college. The distance made both mother and daughter appreciate each other's quirks as Emily so delicately put it.
Not that Alison wanted Kaylee to go so far away. She'd begged her daughter to attend college in LA. But Kaylee wanted Stanford and she got accepted so what was Alison to do. She'd been a wreck the first week after Kaylee left and even dragged Emily, Kyle & Lily up to northern California less than a month later for a visit. But despite how fiercely Alison missed her daughter, having space between them did wonders for their relationship.
"He's just trying to push your buttons you know."
"Yes and so are you right now." Kaylee shrugged but didn't deny it. "Most of the time he's so much like your mom," Alison continued. "But when he's being a pain in the ass he's so much like me I want to strangle him."
Kaylee laughed then she sobered when her mom glared at her. Alison's "mom glare" was not one to be trifled with.
"I'm sorry you're struggling right now," Kaylee said sincerely. "If you didn't feel like you do, it probably wouldn't bother you so much."
"Yes it would," Alison insisted. "This has nothing to do with what's going on with my body."
"Uh huh," Kaylee murmured and she sounded so much like Kira, Alison didn't know if she wanted to hug her or slap her. "Did you and mom talk about hormone replacement therapy?"
Despite how edgy she was, Alison couldn't help but smile when Kaylee put on her future doctor hat. She was so much like Emily in those times and Alison felt a rush of love so fierce for her child that it almost overwhelmed her.
She blinked back tears that sprung into her eyes and then huffed. "Fucking hormones."
Kaylee moved from the chair over to the sofa next to Alison. She, too, knew not to touch her mom when she was like this so she settled far enough away not to crowd her.
"Why won't you take something, mom?"
"I have enough out of control hormones in my body right now, I don't need more."
"But they're designed to help you," Kaylee said logically.
"I don't like drugs, you know that."
"Mom wouldn't suggest them if she thought they were dangerous for you."
"I still don't want them," Alison insisted. "I doubt they'd do any good."
"HRT works wonders for some women," Kaylee replied. "And you wouldn't have to take them forever; just until you get through this stage and settle into actual menopause."
"How do you know?" Alison asked curiously although she already knew the answer.
"I'm researched it," the young girl shrugged nonchalantly.
"Why?" Alison smiled because her daughter was so much like her wife.
"Because I don't like to see you suffering," Kaylee admitted honestly. "Me and mom have actually been researching together."
Alison reached over and squeezed Kaylee's knee. Her daughter embodied so much of her wife's goodness and compassion and Alison knew she would make as good a doctor as Emily someday.
"I love you both for that but don't gang up on me," she warned. "It won't end well."
"Okay," Kaylee relented. Alison was glad her daughter knew her well enough most of the time not to push. Most of the time. "I think you should consider it though," the young girl added for good measure.
"I went to an acupuncturist this afternoon," Alison said offhandedly before picking up the remote and starting to channel surf once again.
"Did it help?"
"Not one fucking bit," Alison replied with a low growl.
"You won't pop a pill but you willingly had needles stuck in your skin?" Kaylee gave her mom a dubious look.
It was Alison's turn to shrug now before she turned back to the television and yawned. "It wasn't so bad. But it didn't fucking work."
################
Two nights later Emily slowly descended the stairs to the first floor in search of her wife. Like most nights lately, she woke once again to find herself alone in bed.
She opened the sliding glass door and stepped onto the back deck. She could see Alison sitting in a lounge chair next to the pool.
"Ali? What are you doing out here?"
Alison didn't answer; she just kept looking out toward the water.
Emily stepped up beside her wife and saw that she was dressed in only her bra and panties.
"Alison?" she said again.
"What?" Alison finally replied after a minute.
"Why are you sitting out here like that?" Emily asked cautiously. Something was really wrong if Alison was outside on the deck in the middle of the night in her underwear.
"I'm fucking hot," the blonde snapped. "And I want to crawl out of my skin and I couldn't' stand the feeling of clothes on my body anymore."
"Oh, love," Emily sighed. "You can't be out here like that. It's got to be barely sixty degrees. You're going to catch pneumonia."
"What's the big deal? It's three in the morning. It's not like anyone is going to see me out here."
"You mean like those two guys over there?" Emily pointed to two guys walking what looked like a dog on the beach near the water.
They were both looking over at the two of them and Alison stood up and threw her arms up into the air. "Haven't you ever seen a half naked woman before? Take a picture, it will last longer."
"Alison, stop it."
"What the heck is going on here?" Kaylee asked as she walked up onto the deck from the side of the house carrying her phone in front of her.
"Are you recording me?" Alison growled at her daughter.
"Of course I am," Kaylee snickered as she walked closer.
"Kaylee stop that," Emily admonished. "You're being an instigator."
"Where have you been?" Alison accused as she spoke over her wife, crossing her arms over her chest, and Kaylee stopped in her tracks. "It's after three in the morning."
"We went back to that club in LA," Kaylee said as she stopped recording and put her phone into her back pocket.
"It's kind of late to just be getting home, Kaylee," Emily said a little more calmly.
"What's the big deal? And can I just say I love this family," Kaylee laughed. "Who else can come home in the middle of the night and find their mother outside in her underwear screaming at strangers walking by?"
"Do you stay out all night when you're at school?" Alison demanded angrily. "We don't pay over a hundred thousand dollars a year in tuition for you to go out and party all night, you know."
"Are you kidding me?" Kaylee snapped defensively. "Mom, you need to chill out. I'm an adult and I haven't had a curfew for two years now."
"You did not just tell me to chill out!" Alison snarled.
"Kaylee, just go to bed," Emily said. She had to get Alison to calm down and Kaylee was just making her wife's agitation worse.
"You have no curfew because we thought you were adult enough to be responsible," Alison spoke over Emily again but her voice was approaching screeching.
"Why are you losing your mind right now?"
"Kaylee, do not engage her. Just go in the house," Emily said sternly.
"Don't engage her?" Now Alison was screeching. Emily looked up at the house expecting either Kyle or Lily to open their window above to find out what was going on.
"Alison, keep it down or you're going to wake the whole neighborhood."
"I don't care." Alison turned her aggression on her wife now and Kaylee took advantage of her mother's distraction and bolted into the house. "You let her get away with too much. I always have to be the mean mother. She just pushes and pushes. They all do," Alison said referring to all three of their children. She clenched her hands at her sides the way she did when she was at her limit. "They all just push until I have to push back and that makes me the bad parent."
"Ali," Emily tried to calm her wife down.
"No, don't Ali me. I'm a good mother too!" Alison heaved out an infuriated breath before her anger partially deflated."I may be half crazy but I'm still a good mother."
"You're a better mother than I am," Emily said, and she meant it, but Alison just scoffed as she crossed her arms again.
Emily looked at her wife spitting mad for reasons she probably didn't even understand. She wanted so badly to help her but she was at wits end herself.
They both shared the responsibility of raising their children. When they were young, Rosa had helped care for them and was their primary caretaker when both she and Alison were working, but Alison always spent more time with them since she worked from home.
There had been times over the years when Emily felt like a terrible parent when she worked long hours. Alison had always argued with her that it was quality, not quantity, but Emily still felt guilty.
All three of their kids were amazing. Sure, they weren't perfect and acted just like their ages majority of the time, but they were kind and considerate and open minded. And Emily attributed that to Alison. But her wife never saw herself clearly. She always underestimated the amazing woman she was.
It still broke Emily's heart to know how inadequate Alison felt as a mother, still always doubting her ability and positive influence on her children. Even though she went a little off the rails sometimes, that was just who Alison was. And Emily loved her unconditionally for it.
"Come with me," Emily finally said as she grabbed Alison by the hand.
"Why?" Alison asked as she held her ground. Emily looked at her wife and sighed inwardly.
"Alison, stop fighting me and just come with me." Emily tugged on her wife's hand, pulling her toward the house.
Alison grumbled and although she let herself be dragged back into the house, she made sure Emily worked for it. "I hate it when you boss me around. I'm the bossy one, remember?"
Emily pulled Alison through the sliding glass door and then locked it behind them before setting the alarm. "That was rhetorical, right?"
Alison narrowed her eyes at her wife and she tugged her hand out of the brunette's. "I'm capable to walking on my own."
Emily bit her tongue because she knew Alison was only snipping at her because she was feeling so bad. She continued to lead Alison up the two flights of stairs to the top floor.
"You should just go back to bed, Em," Alison said as they entered their bedroom. "I'll just go sleep in the guest room so I don't keep you up."
Emily locked their bedroom door and guided Alison toward the bathroom with her hands on her wife's hips.
"You're not sleeping in the guest room," Emily said sternly then her voice softened. "I know you're uncomfortable, love. I'm trying to help you.
Alison sighed. She knew she was being a bitch but she couldn't help it. "You haven't been through this, Em. You don't know what it's like. Do you know I peed myself a little when I sneezed today? I peed myself!" the blonde said in a horrified tone.
Emily turned the shower on and removed her robe. "That's very common for women sweetheart. And you're right, I haven't been through this." Emily slipped out of her pajamas before reaching into the shower and testing the water. "But I do know how the human body works and I know a few things that might help you."
Alison arched a brow. "Why are you getting naked?"
"We're going to cool you down a little," Emily explained gently and then added, "Without you risking pneumonia." Alison scoffed as she expected and the brunette stepped around her wife to stand behind her. "And then I'm going to try to relax you so you can get some sleep."
Emily unsnapped Alison's bra and the blonde reluctantly uncrossed her arms.
"Em," she started to protest but Emily just pushed her panties down over her hips.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes," the blonde admitted without hesitation. "But I don't want to take a shower. It's three a.m. We're going to wake the kids."
"Kaylee's probably still awake and Kyle and Lily's rooms are far enough away." Emily said as she again grasped her wife's hips and guided her around the glass wall and into the shower.
"Em," Alison squeaked as the spray from the water hit her skin. "It's fucking cold."
Emily turned them so her own back was to the water and she cringed slightly as the water cascaded down the back of her body.
"It's actually lukewarm."
"You know I only like really hot showers," Alison snapped as she stepped back, intending to get out but Emily held firm to her hips. The water temperature wasn't as startling to Emily because she tended to like hers a little cooler. She always loved the feeling of cool water on her skin. It was probably the swimmer in her.
"I know but this is what you need right now," Emily insisted. She knew Alison better than anyone and even though her wife was fighting her, Emily knew in the end it was what she needed.
"Why does my whole body need to cool down? That isn't-" she started to say but Emily shook her head.
"I know it only feels like you upper body and head are hot but we need to cool your core down. And this is warmer than the temperature outside."
Emily pulled Alison closer. She nuzzled Alison's cheek gently as she guided them both back under the water. "Let me help you, love. I promise I know what I'm doing."
Alison shivered in her arms as Emily let the brunt of the water hit her and only the overflow cascaded onto Alison. Her own body heat made the water a little less chilly to her wife.
"It really sucks when the inside of your body feels like it spontaneously lights on fire with no warning," Alison pouted. "And as much as I usually love showering with you, I'm hating every second of this right now."
Emily laughed, not at all offended by her wife's blunt honesty as she slowly worked them both a little further under the spray, letting Alison's body slowly acclimate to the temperature. "Remember when Kyle had that really high fever when he was four?"
Alison frowned as she remember her baby boy being so sick and miserable and so very hot when his temperature hit almost one hundred and three degrees. She wanted to take him to the hospital but instead Emily put the little boy into a lukewarm bath which brought his temperature down. It killed Alison because even though she trusted Emily's medical knowledge and trusted all their lives in her wife's hands without question, it was still torture to hear her baby whimpering because the lukewarm water hurt his skin.
"If that felt anything like this, we should have been reported for child cruelty." Alison was joking. Kinda.
Emily poured a dollop of body wash in her hand. She lathered it up and then started gently running it over Alison's body.
"Cold showers can be very beneficial," Emily spoke softly. "The impact of cold receptors in the skin sends electrical impulses from the peripheral nerve endings to the brain so it helps ease stress and relieves depression." Emily reached over and lowered the temperature on the water a little more. "It produces an anti-depressive effect and boosts mood."
Despite her irritation, Alison slowly felt her body relaxing under her wife's skilled and gentle hands and soothing voice. She wasn't really listening but she did catch brief bits of her wife's explanation.
"I'm sorry, baby," Alison whispered after a few minutes. "I don't mean to snap at you."
"It's alright, love. I'm sorry you feel so badly." Emily turned them now and urged Alison directly under the spray.
Alison squeaked quietly but then she sighed as the water poured over her as Emily helped to rinse her off. Her wife's hands on her body normally made her feel hotter, but tonight, even though she thought letting Emily touch her would make her cringe, it was actually soothing her.
"Tilt your head back," Emily urged and Alison did as she was told. She put herself in her wife's hands because there was no one in the entire world Alison trusted more.
The water didn't feel chilled anymore and Alison let it cascade over her. Slowly as the minutes passed, her head and neck didn't feel like they were on fire any more.
"Now turn and let it run over your face,' Emily said and Alison didn't even hesitate. She moaned softly and after a minute she titled her head forward and let the water pour over the back of her head.
Emily smiled and leaned down to press a soft kiss on the back of Alison's neck before she again lowered the temperature of the water just a little more.
"That's better, isn't it?" she murmured and Alison hummed her agreement. Emily then felt a shiver run through her. She was starting to get cold because, unlike her wife, her body wasn't overheated.
Alison felt Emily shiver behind her and she lifted her head. "I'm ready to get out now."
Alison shut off the water as Emily reached out of the shower and grabbed two towels. She wrapped her own towel around her and then proceeded to dry off her wife.
Emily grabbed the hair dryer and for the next several minutes she dried both her own and Alison's hair.
"Feel any better?" Emily asked as she grabbed her pajamas and slipped them back on.
"Yes," Alison said as she reached down to pick her underwear off the floor, tossing it into the hamper in the corner. "If that didn't wake the kids, nothing will I guess," Alison smirked as she added. "But now I'm getting hot again and even more wide awake then I was."
"You won't be for long." Emily smiled and led the blonde back into the bedroom. "Get into bed."
"You're being bossy again," Alison said, teasing, as Emily walked over to her nightstand and pulled a bottle of lotion out of the drawer. "Shouldn't I put pajamas on?"
"Nope," Emily replied. "And just get into bed Alison."
Alison climbed onto the bed and settled on her back. Emily climbed on next to her and sat on her knees. "Turn over."
"Em," Alison started to protest but Emily just shook her head.
"Alison," she said sternly. "Just turn over. I'm not going to violate you. I just want to try to help you relax."
"Usually when you tell me to turn over you're not looking to relax me," Alison said but she finally did as she was told.
"Well this time I am." Emily climbed over Alison's body and sat down on the Alison's ass. "Is this alright?"
Alison wiggled beneath her. "I'm feeling a little constricted."
"I'm not that heavy," Emily scoffed but she scooted back a little and settled gently on Alison's thighs.
"I didn't mean it like that," Alison insisted. "And you're lighter than I am. Especially these days."
"You haven't gained much weight, Ali." Emily poured some lotion into her hands and started to slide her hands up and down Alison's back, gently massaging.
"Gee, thanks Em." Alison's body stiffened under Emily's hands but it didn't deter the brunette.
"We've both put on a little weight as we've gotten older. " Emily could feel the tight muscles in Alison's back and she slowly worked them. "That's normal as women's body change. What you're going through, love, every woman goes through. I'm probably not far behind you."
"Please wait until I'm done," Alison asked as her body started to relax a little. "I don't know if our family will survive if we're both going crazy at the same time."
"You're not going crazy."
Alison sighed. "I just feel like I am."
"It will get better, Ali. I promise you it will."
"Before or after I drive all of you away?" Emily never made promises she couldn't keep so Alison felt hopeful that it was true. But she always worried she'd unknowingly go past the point of no return and drive the ones she loved away from her.
Emily chuckled softly as her fingertips slowly worked up and down her wife's spine. "There is no risk of that ever happening." Emily could feel Alison's body quiver beneath, exhaling a shuddering breath. She knew her wife well enough to know she was holding back tears. "Hey," she said softly as she leaned down and pressed a kiss between Alison's shoulder blades.
"Why are my emotions all over the place?"
Emily sat up and lifted her pajama top over her head and tossed it away. Then she slowly and gently flattened her body down on top of Alison's, stretching out on her wife from head to toe. She felt Alison stiffen again beneath her.
"Em, what?"
"Just give it a minute," Emily soothed softly letting her wife adapt to the feeling. Slowly she felt Alison's body relax again and sink deep into the mattress.
She brushed Alison's hair over her shoulder. "I used to love when you did this to me," Emily whispered against Alison's ear.
Alison smiled. She would do this to Emily all the time when they were younger. She started on her trip to visit Emily over Thanksgiving of Freshman year. It became a ritual the nights before Emily had a swim meet but as the years passed and Emily stopped swimming competitively, it had stopped too.
"I loved it too," Alison whispered as she started breathing deeply and steadily. An hour ago she probably would have bucked Emily off her but now she reveled in the feeling of her wife's weight on her. "I love you, Em," she murmured softly.
"I love you too, sweetheart," Emily replied as she pressed a soft kiss to the shell of Alison's ear.
Emily ran her hands down Alison's arms and entwined their fingers as she matched her breathing to her wife's. She felt the blonde continue to relax beneath her until she finally felt her give one long sigh and Emily knew Alison was asleep.
Emily pressed a soft kiss to Alison's ear again before she carefully stood up. She slipped her top back on and then put the lotion away, tugging the covers up over Alison to her waist. She left her wife's upper body exposed, not wanting her to wake again because she was hot.
Emily switched off the bathroom light and then climbed into bed. Alison was still sprawled out in the center, her breathing deep and even. Fortunately their bed was a king so Emily still had plenty of room to settle in. Emily snorted to herself quietly about Alison's offer earlier to sleep in the guest room. There was plenty of room in their bed for them to give each other space when either one of them was restless but they always tended to migrate to the center, to each other, and always had.
Emily rolled onto her side and pressed another brief kiss to Alison's bare shoulder before she settled in and let sleep take over.
###############
Alison's eyes fluttered open. The bedroom was flooded with light from the French doors of the balcony and she could tell from the angle of the sun that it was late. She looked over at the clock and saw it was almost noon and she gasped and sat up.
She felt rested for the first time in weeks but she couldn't believe Emily let her sleep so late. Kaylee was only home for another week of winter break and Alison wanted to spend as much time as she could with the daughter she was ready to strangle last night.
Alison stood up and grabbed some cotton pants and a sweatshirt before going into the bathroom to shower. She smiled as she thought of how Emily had calmed her mind and body last night. Her wife always knew what she needed, even when she herself didn't.
After a long shower, Alison walked out of the bathroom and stopped at the sight of all three of her children sitting on the edge of her and Emily's bed. Her wife was sitting in one of the chairs next to the balcony door and she could see beyond that the small table on the balcony was set with a light brunch.
"What's this?" she asked suspiciously.
"It was going to be breakfast in bed," Emily said and Alison could hear the disappointment in her wife's voice that her surprise was spoiled. But her eyes shined with the love Alison always saw there and Alison returned the look. After all their years together they could communicate wordlessly.
"But you were already up," Lily added with a pout that was identical to Emily's. Even at eleven she was still so sweet and childlike in so many ways. And it was a beautiful thing.
"Why did you let me sleep so late?"
"So you wouldn't be pissy," Kyle said and Alison glared at him.
"Shut up, Kyle," Kaylee hissed as she smacked him.
Alison could see the curve of his lips, his smile so much like Emily's, and Alison felt all her annoyance drain away. Even when he was being his typical sarcastic fifteen year old boy self, Alison loved him beyond reason. But she still despised his girlfriend and she didn't scold Kaylee for smacking him, when normally she would.
"Come on, breakfast is getting cold," Emily said as she stood up and headed out to the balcony.
Alison watched Lily and Kyle follow Emily out onto the balcony and sit down. Kaylee stayed behind just looking at her mother.
"Why are you starting at me?" Alison said as she looked down at herself. She was dressed more comfortably and casually than usual but it's not like she'd never worn sweats before.
"Mom said you were probably feeling better today?" her daughter asked.
"Better than what?" Alison asked sarcastically. "Better than standing outside in my underwear screaming like a crazy woman?"
Kaylee snorted. "That was the best thing I think I've ever seen. Aunt Kira would pay money to see that."
"If you show her that video, I will disown you," Alison growled lowly.
Kaylee laughed as she threw her arm over Alison's shoulders. "How much is it worth to ya?" she asked as she led her mother onto the balcony.
"I don't know Kaylee," Alison turned her head and whispered in her daughter's ear. "How much is that trip to Cancun for spring break worth to you?"
Kaylee stopped in her tracks and gaped at her mother, making Alison grin.
Two could play at that game.
The End