Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Bleach or any of its characters. Sorry if there might be some spelling and/or grammatical errors in this piece. Please forgive them, and I hope you enjoy!
Forbidden Fruit
~Uryu Ishida's perspective~ _
Come on, wake up already. There's no time to waste. I'll end up being late and we just can't have that, now, can we?
"Hmm... I guess I need to clean today, too." Looking around my small one-room apartment and not being able to see the floor in some spots, yeah, that's a bad sign. Oh well. It can wait. I need to go to school.
As I pull on the same white button-up shirt, the navy slacks, the solid black shoes, I start feeling like there's something I missed. It's strange, I think to myself, how the school's uniforms resemble jail suits. Not in their material or pattern, but the simple fact that there's absolutely no change. Same shirt, same pants, same shoes, same tie... Same everything.
I close the door behind me, and ignore the fact the there isn't a click as it pulls shut-I dismantled the doorknob a week earlier. Walking down the few flights of stairs to the street, I remember what I had 'missed'. The strange dream I had last night. Those warm hands around me, the strong arms trapping me... The lips that are always scowling pressed against mine... That flash of orange as the person left me, wishing for more...
WAIT! Scowling... Orange..? No... No. It couldn't be... Why would I even start to think about him like that? Why Ichigo?
I push my glasses back into place and walk through the classroom doorway, take my seat, and stare out the half-open window.
"Ishida? Hello? Anyone in there?" I know that voice. It's... the same one that was whispering in my ear in my dream.
"Ichigo. Good-bye." This wouldn't be the first time I had skipped class, so the teacher didn't even notice me as I slung my bag over my shoulder and went silently to the gym. I never really go here, so I didn't think to bring a change of clothes, but it's not like anyone else will be coming in to do weights today anyway. I take of my shirt and leave it folded on top of my bag while I try to find some exercise that will get him out of my head.
I lay back on the cold slab of metal and get started. How long has it been since I even looked at a bench press? This is going to be over quickly... Surprisingly, though, I made it through 75 reps without a problem. Hmm... too light. Would ten more pounds be enough? I tried it, and got another set of twenty done. Of course, that's when I saw it. The red reiraku. His reiraku.
"What do you want?" I know it's cruel, but after last night... I'm not sure what to think about him. Or myself.
"Why'd you skip? I know it wasn't so you could work out. You don't really even need that." His voice. Damn his voice. Yet, that last part... what does he mean?
"Look, Ichigo, that's my business and mine alone. Now please leave." Before I'm not able to stop myself from asking you about that dream.
"... Do you...hate me? I mean, yeah, I was the reason on more than one account of your possible death, but I also tried to save you each time. So what if you're a Quincy and I'm a Shinigami? How does that give you the right to hate me? And don't give me that crap about your grandfather, I know it already. But still... do you hate me?"
My heart... it's beating so fast... I.. I don't know how to answer him.
"Yes. I hate you. I always have hated you. I always will." I push my glasses back into place, "I cannot give you a full reason why, because there's none that I know of. However, I cannot stand the sight of you. Your voice, your name, everything about you repulses me. Now leave." I stand and turn to my things, still lying on the bench. I shove back the hair that fell into my eyes from getting up, and as I reach for my shirt, I'm stopped.
"Is that a lie? Ishida, tell me now if you just lied to me or not." His tone... So commanding. That, I truly hate. When I hear that tone, it reminds me of my father.
"Well I can guarantee that I hated that. Who do you think you are, trying to force me to do something? Do you think you're my father? My God? The only person in this world that knows me? You aren't! You never will be. Let go. Now."
I can't see him, but his iron grip softened. I took my chance and ripped my hand away from him.
"I know..." What? Just now... I thought... Oh no. His reiraku, it's starting to wrap around me. "I.. I know that I'm not any of those. Not to you, or anyone, probably... but..." I knew it. These words... They're the same as I heard in my dream. He's whispering them...
"Kurosaki..." I turn to face him, and his lips press on mine. I jump back, slamming into the wall. "What the hell was that?" It was like my dream; exactly like it. Only, in the dream, I didn't pull away.
"Look, I... I'm not going to apologize, because I don't regret it. You can hate me, or you can lie, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you know... and now you do."
He's turning red, his brown eyes for once showing soft kindness.
"Kurosaki... I am sorry. I did lie to you. I'm not sure how I feel, but..." I hold out my hand, a gesture of peace, of forgiveness, of friendship. Ichigo's warm fingers clasp mine, and his other hand comes up, brushing my face. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and in my head, and my skin is growing hot. His face is so close. Damn! What did I do? Did I just tell him it's okay to do this? It isn't! This is wrong!
"As much as I want to, I can't. I know exactly what I just told you, Ishida, and that doesn't change. I want to be something important to you. But... I just can't. Not now." I feel his warmth leave me, and eventually, his reiraku unwinds, too. I stand there, staring at the door.
Hot water pounds into my spine, soothing the tense muscles and making me finally relax. I don't bother with my glasses; I'm only going to bed after this so I left them on the desk. Why? Why did I let him get that close to me? What...what if I have that dream again?
Brrrring!
Who would be calling me? Father? No. School? Probably. Great, another teacher complaining.
Brrring!
"Hello?"
"Uryu?" Who? I don't know this voice.
"Who is this?"
"Come on, you don't know your own classmate? How cruel. Ishida, it's me, Ichigo."
The phone almost fell from my hand. What's he doing, calling me this late? And... He doesn't sound the same. Is it just the phone, or does he sound...hurt? Not physically or I'm sure there would have been yelling and language by now, but more like...emotionally. As if it pained him for me not to recognize his voice. As if I could, anyway. It got lower because of the phone.
"What do you want, Kurosaki?"
"That depends. Do you really want to know or do you want a lie? Listen, I'm...in a tough situation. I can't guarantee my family's safety if I stay here or if I'm alone. Rukia left for Soul Society and I haven't heard from her when she's coming back. Could I... come over...? Or could you stop by for a while to make sure nobody gets hurt?"
"Why would you want to be at my place? It's on the other side of town from your house. Do you know how long it would take either one of us to get anywhere? Plus it's raining. Personally, I don't want to get sick."
"Oh yeah...Hmm... Then how 'bout we meet at Urahara's? It's more or less in the middle. We can figure this out then. I'll meet you there. Bye, Uryu."
Click.
Why? Why does he think just because he says something it will happen? I should just stay home. Leave that idiot to catch a cold. But... when he said bye... there was hope in his voice.
"Damn. I swear, one day I'm going to kill him." I pull on a pair of jeans and white shirt with a blue cross on it. The Quincy's symbol. My symbol. I wrap myself in a jacket and step out the door, my shoes instantly soaking wet. I'm going to be drenched by the time I walk half a mile, let alone to Urahara's shop.
There's a mist. It's so thick I can barely make out the orange of the street light. Wait, that's not a street light. That idiot!
I run down the stairs to him, grab his arm and drag him back to my apartment.
"Why would you do something that stupid? And you're soaked to the bone! What, did you run here?"
"Actually... I was at the pay phone two streets down. I was planning on running home, but I came here instead."
"But you didn't know where I live. My phone number is in the directory for school, but my parent's address is listed. How did you find me?"
"That's the thing. I don't really know. I tried following your reiraku, but that only took me to a store down the street. The rest of the way I was only guessing...hoping, to be honest."
"Why?" How, more like. How could he be only hoping? This guy... He's something else.
"Because... Because I needed to see you."
"Wha-" I know. Now I know. He never wanted to meet anywhere. His family wasn't in danger, he... He was just- "Lonely. Am I right?" I point to the bathroom. "Go dry off. I'll find you something to wear..."
"Th-thanks. Oh, umm, Uryu?"
"What, Ichigo?"
"You were right." I couldn't help but stare after him. I was right? About what? Him being lonely..or something else?
There's got to be at least one shirt in this place that doesn't have the Quincy mark on it... There! Hmm... I hope he doesn't mind black...Wait. What the hell am I thinking, worrying about if he likes my clothes or not? Ugh.. Forget it. He's only going to wear them while he's here, anyway.
"Ishida?" I turn, and his head is sticking out of the door way, hot water dripping from his hair and face, lingering on his lips...
"Yes?"
"Umm... Could you come here for a second? I've got a towel on, but there's something on your mirror..."
I look, and written on the mirror is 'Traitor. If that's how you feel, then fine. Take him. Keep him. Forget about me, Brother.'
"Who? I have no brothers or sisters, and yours don't know where you are..." Why is this so confusing?
"Kon? It could have been him, right? No, that couldn't be him. Wait... my hollow. Damn, did I pass out? When...?" He's shaking his head, and to be truthful, the fact that he cares this much, that he'd be worried..he's taking my heart piece by piece.
"It wasn't your hollow. I would have known the instant he came out. His malice, insanity, it's paplable." However, that is an interesting theory. "Perhaps...it was you? As a shinigami? That's possible, and it would explain why I didn't notice..."
"But, if that is what happened, why do I not remember it?"
"You repressed your memories, more than likely." I want to comfort him. I wish to hold him in my arms, to-No! I can't. I will not subjugate myself to this way of thinking. I will not stand for it.
"Uryu?" I snap back into reality.
"Yes? What is it?"
"Umm.. well... You. You're, uh... close," he's getting red, acting nervous. I look up, and it's true. I'm right next to him. I can hear his breathing, and I don't move. I'm stuck, watching the water droplets fall slowly, slowly, from his lips.
"Kuro..saki..." I can't help myself. I lean in, closing the small space between our mouths.
"Does... does this mean that... you..don't hate me?" There's a grin on his face, not cruel or arrogant, but happy. It seems so out of place.
"You got me." I lean back in, pulling him in closer, dropping the clothes I was going to give him on the floor.
"You know... I... am very, very happy... to be someone important to you." His breath on my ear, just like in that dream...
"Ichigo, have you... Have you been having strange dreams lately?" There! I asked him! But what's this sinking feeling in my chest?
"It depends on how you define strange..."
"As in... us. Kind of like how we are right now..."
"This? Oh this isn't anything recent for me. It's been happening for about two or three months. Ever since... we came back from the Soul Society." Again, that whisper. The words spoken so softly.
"Here. Put these on." I turn and walk to my room, face warm and heart beating so fast I swear it's going to explode.
"Ishida, thanks. I know, I already told you, but," he sits down next to me on my bed, "I..." He leans in close to me, making my heart race again. "I think I love you. No, I know I love you." It's only a whisper, so quiet I'm not sure if I actually heard it or not. But regardless of whether or not it was imaginary, I fell for it. I fell for him.
I collapse. I'm falling, the ground's rushing up to meet me. No, wait. I've stopped. I'm not falling anymore. I feel warmth on my shoulders, and something is pressing on me, keeping me still. I can taste... what is it? I can't think of anyway to describe it. It's like the greatest thing on this Earth, yet it has no real flavour. Everything's black, though. Where'd the light go to? It was here a moment ago, wasn't it?
"Uryu... Hey, wake up. Ishida!" My eyes open. Light floods in, blinding me. Slowly, the light dims, but eveything still looks blurry.
"Glasses. Please," My voice! It sounds so distant. Is it leaving me, too?
"Here. Do you want me to help?" I feel the warmth again, brushing past my eyes, and I can see. Ichigo. He's the one. He kept me from falling. His fingers sweep over my lips, and stay there, taunting me.
"What...happened?" I can't remember. I recall him saying, "I love you," and then nothing. What happened?
"You passed out, I guess. Almost landed on your face. I caught you, laid you down, and waited until you woke up. Why?"
I can feel my face getting warmer. "Nothing. No reason."
"Don't lie to me. Why?"
"It's just that... I thought... I could have sworn that... Can you come here?"
"Uh.. sure..." His movements are slow, as he rises and sits down beside me.
"Look out the window. What do you see?"
"What?" He turns to the window, trying to see past the thick fog.
I let my body act on it's own, my arms reaching for him, wrapping around him. I feel him tense up, then relax, turning towards me. His strong arms hold me, the warmness of his hand traveling until they reach my shoulders.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Kurosaki. I want to do something, but it's wrong of me to just use you just to see if I can prove something right."
"So?" He leans in, tracing my mouth with his tongue. "Chances are, I want to do the same thing."
I'm shocked. I'm frozen in place, I can't move at all.
I finally regain some feeling, and I reach to grab his shirt, only coming in contact with his bare, muscular chest. What? How? He's so thin...and yet nothing but muscle... I feel my face warming at the thought of it.
"No. I can't. I apologize, but I can now honestly see that if I allow my self one more sin, I will be caught forever. I cannot risk that, so I have to go. You can stay for the night, if you want, but I can't allow myself to be near you." My heart feels like it's shattering... Why?
"Oh... I see. Well, it looks like the rain stopped, so I guess I'll be on my way home. Thank you, Uryu, and goodbye." Ichigo, no...wait! Please, stay. I...
"Goodbye... that's all you would say? I mean that little to you? Very well, then. Go home. Take care of your family. There is something I must take care of myself. Now go." I turn, not wanting to see any hurt that might be on his face, expressed through the usually stony eyes that have only shown their warmth once in my presence. I don't want him to see how much pain I put myself in just saying that.
The door slams, and all I hear is the echo of the impact, and the ringing in my ears. I am such an idiot!
I can't believe that I just let him leave. The whole time I was telling him to go, I couldn't help but think about how much I really didn't want him to. It was almost physically crippling to see the brief flash of pain in his eyes, before he hid his face behind his hand and I turned away. I have to go after him. I can't just sit here and suffer, not after that.
The door slams once again behind me, and I don't pay any attention to the fact that the water is slowly making its way through my shoes and jeans, penetrating my skin with its cold. All I can think about is getting to him before it's too late. There! Is that him? I can't tell... It is!
"Ichigo! Please, wait!" He slows for a second, and that's all I need. Not thinking, I grab his wrist, pulling him into my arms. "I'm sorry. I was being a jerk. Can you forgive me? Could you ever forgive a person that made you suffer?"
"Ishida? I… How can I not forgive you? You came for me, even though you were struggling with the decision." He returns my embrace, whispering in my ears once more, "I love you."
"I… I love you, too." I said it. I finally said it. The butterflies are gone from my heart. It's all warmth.
He's kissing me. I can feel his tongue pressing against my lips trying to gain access into my mouth. My lips part, our tongues touch. He pulls me closer, his body pressing against mine, his hands moving slowly from my shoulders, going lower, lower...
"No. We can't. Not here at least. Please, come back to my apartment. You can call home if you need to let them know where you are..." My heart... it's beating so quickly.. all because of his touch.
"I don't need to. Dad doesn't care if I'm home or not on the weekends."
Is he lying?
"Come on. We've got to get back before it starts raining again." I grab his hand, pulling him with me. What is this feeling? I'm...happy.
The door barely makes it shut before our lips are together again and I'm clinging to him while the wall meets my back. I'm at his mercy. There's nothing I can do now to get free...not that I want to. His hands are traveling, down, down my body. The warmness of his fingers crawls up my chest, moves to my back and slowly lowers, pulling me even closer to him. Just like in the dream, I don't want him to stop, but he pulls away. Am I not good enough?
"I can't control myself anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't." He turns, bringing me with him. I hit something, falling backwards, landing on my bed and he's there, right over me, right on me. He leans forward, making our lips be together for a few brief moments before moving down, letting his teeth graze my neck, my chest...
The warmth... When? I don't even remember... but now, his hands, his lips, they're both... there. I can't lie to myself, I'm in ecstacy. But... Is this what he meant by he can't control himself?
"Wow.. you're so quiet. Doesn't it feel good, Ishida? Doesn't it make you want to moan?" His lips touch my skin, his tongue making its way to the tip... I can't keep it in any longer. My clenched teeth part and the ecstacy overcomes me. I moan, begging him for more, sighing in pleasure when he grants my wish...
The warm's inside me, now, and I can't tell if it's his hand or something else, but I don't want it to stop. He's leaning over me, teasing me, taunting me; licking his lips and staring into my eyes. I see my arms raise, wrap around him, and we're kissing again.
I know it's wrong, and I know that nobody will approve, but I couldn't care less. I love him. That's all that matters.
The sunlight coming through the window is the first thing I see. Second is Ichigo's face right beside mine. My heart's beating faster, and I feel my face growing warm thinking about last night. We really did it... I'm his now, and no one elses.
I don't want to wake him, so I lay here, his arm draped across me, and I realize that I have never been happier. Knowing that the person next to me is the one I love, there's nothing else in the worlds I could ask for. I want him to be happy and I hope I'm the one he's happy with. I put my head to his shoulder and try to fall back asleep. I want to revel in this peacefulness. I want to taste that sweet Forbidden Fruit again someday...
To be continued...
Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked it. I think the next part will be in Ichigo's perspective, just as a warning. Please leave comments if you want!
-Akari's Blood