Visitors from Moscow (1889)

Eleanor's and Erik's daughter Susan was born in September 1889. At the end of October the Bolsjoj ballet was coming to give a guest performance at Covent Garden, playing the Sleeping Beauty and other ballets. Among others the company consisted of Anna, Michail Nurinskij and a new choreographer called Igor Ragavich. Anna and Michail had written to Erik earlier, asking him to compose some music which could be used for a ballet and send it to them, and so he had.

Erik was eager to see his son again, now fourteen months old. He wasn't present to welcome the party at their arrival, but he attended a rehearsal one of the first days of their stay. He watched from behind the scene and heard for the first time the the new ballet music of Sleeping Beauty, composed by Pjotr Tjajkowskij. Anna and Michail were dancing. Her form was still slender and strong and he couldn't help feeling something inside as he saw her. A man wearing dark clothes, dark haired and vigorous,was studying them, stopped them sometimes, giving instructions. Erik watched the scene, then went up to them, applausing. The dark haired man immediately addressed him. "Mr Leroux? I'm so pleased to meet you. " He spoke with a strong accent. "I am Igor Ragavich, choregrapher at the Bolsjoj ballet. " He smiled and studied Erik a little curiously while shaking his hand. "Thank you for the music you sent to us. I have made a ballet out of it. How do you like the Sleeping Beauty?" – "It sounds good. And it looks good to." Anna came up to them followed by Michail and a female dancer. "So you introduced yourself, Igor" she said. Then she turned to Erik. "Hello. It's been a while. It's good to see you again." He took her hand and kissed it. "How are you?" – "I'm fine, thank you. My congratulations to your daughter. Can I see her? "- "Of course you can. Eleanor and I talked about inviting you home." They had been talking as if they were alone, but now Igor said "We will take a break now and meet again after lunch. Will you attend tonight' s performance, mr Leroux?" – "Yes I will, and so will my wife and our friends the Hargates." Igor left for the dressing rooms and said "Anna are you coming?" She moved slightly and Michail took the opportunity to shake Erik's hand. "Hello my friend. I'ts been some time." It had, Erik thought. Michail Nurinskij, leading dancer at Bolsjoj and one of the the persons he and Elisabeth had met and spent time with during their visit to Moscow, had hardly called him his friend at that time. He was then known as a ladies' man, he had courted Elisabeth and she had shown interest in him. He was also Annas dancing partner and friend. Together with them and a couple of others they had experienced a dangerous sleight adventure during their visit to Russia.

"Yes it has" he answered. "How are you now?" – "Just fine. Meet Nadja Narowa, my fiancée." The young blond dancer smiled and gave Erik her hand. "Nadja, could you please run along?" Michail said. "I would like to talk to mr Leroux for just a minute. " Nadja went towards the dressing rooms and tried to make Anna accompany her. Michail looked at Erik. "You know" he said "when Anna came back from London last year and I eventually knew what had happened, I was on my way here to strangle you. But she begged me not to and told me she wanted to have the baby. She loved you then." – "Yes" Erik felt embarrassed. "She didn' tell me until he was born. I had no idea.." – "Well I don't blame either of you really. She has been very strong. Now tell me about Elisabeth." – "What about her?" – "Do you think she will be happy to see me again?" Erik looked at him, still handsome in a primitive way. "I think she will enjoy meeting you. But she recently married, as you know, and she is expecting in a couple of months." – "I bet that makes her even more beautiful." Erik started to walk "and you have no children yet?" – "Alas, no. I haven't yet met the right mother. Nadja would certaintly not be one. I think she'll leave me soon." Michail went for the dressing room. Anna had waited for Erik. "Would you like to see Grisha?" she asked in a low voice. "He has been out with his nanny Katrina, but perhaps they are in now." He accompanied her to her dressing room, which now was occupied by a stout lady releaving a small boy from his outdoor clothes. "Mamushka!" the boy exclaimed. Anna lifted him and the boy looked at Erik with his big blue eyes. He was fairly blond and the birth mark beside his eye was still visible. Then he was shy and hid his face against his mothers chest, but then again looked at Erik who smiled at him and touched his hair. Anna spoke to him in Russian. Katrina looked suspiciously at them. "Are you all right?" Erik said softly. She looked at him and smiled. "Oh yes. I have my dance and my fine boy. Perhaps you have heard that Igor is my suitor. People look at us as an item. He is a charming man, perhaps a bit headstrong. I think he will be good for me and an excellent father for Grisha." – "And your revolutionary ideas?" – "Temporarily on hold. But I could enter the barricades again, you never know." – "I look forward to seeing you perform the new ballet to my music" he said. "And I would like to meet you all for dinner" she said. "I hardly remember Eleanor."

There was a knock at the door and Igor entered. "Anna, are you ready for lunch?" He stopped, looking at Erik and then at the boy. "I'm sorry. Yes, of course you want to meet the boy." He didn't sound as selfsecure as before. 'A delicate situation' Erik thought. "Will you have lunch with us mr Leroux?" - "Thank you, but no. I have to go. We'll meet later."

In the evening Eleanor and Erik, Elisabeth and Charles all went to see the performance. Afterwards they went behind the stage to meet the dancers. Both Anna and Igor greeted Eleanor with great interest. Michail took Elisabeth's hand and looked at her at length. She blushed. "You look wonderful" he said. She just nodded, not really knowing what to say.

The following evening they all attended the new ballet with Erik's music, choreographed by Igor. The music was modern and so was the ballet. Elisabeth sat at Erik's side. "Mr Ragavich seems very talented" she whispered "and social. Would you dare let him raise your son, if this will happen?" – "I trust him, but I don't think I have anything to say. And I don't know if she loves him. But it seems she has accepted him as her support. What about Michail?" – "Well, we just look at each other now, of course. But that's nice too. You take care of Eleanor instead, you never know about him!"

Elenanor and Erik invited the others for dinner. They all admired Susan, quietly sleeping in her bed. Erik played a little with Grisha, Anna and Eleanor watching him. Later in the evening the two ladies talked a lot and got to know each other. Eleanor confessed, a little reluctantly, that it was Grisha's birth that made her want a child of her own.

The guest performance lasted for three weeks. Igor asked Erik if he could compose more ballet music. One afternoon before the departure Igor asked Erik to keep him company having a glass of cognac in the bar. For a moment he was silent, then he spoke. "I want you to know that I value Anna very much" he said. "I dare even say that I love her. I will take good care of her and her son." – "I believe you" Erik said. "I have also noticed" Igor continued " that she still seems to be in love with you. I hope time will change that. You don't mind my relationship with her?" – "No, why should I? Of course I will do my duty and pay for the boy. " –"You don't have to. You have your own family. If Anna and I marry I will also take responsibility for the boy. But of course you are still his biological father." – "You are a tolerant man" Erik said. "It wasn't meant to happen, you know." – "I want all the best for Anna " Igor said. "It was interesting to make your acquaintance. I really appreciate your music. "

When they said goodbye Anna said "Next time you are welcome to Moscow. I think Eleanor would appreciate to come there." Elisabeth and Michail managed to change a few words alone. "I wish you good luck" he said. "I would like to hear from you again." – "And I so wish that you will find a woman to really love who wants to give you children."

In the end of November Elisabeth and Charles had a son, who they called Robert. In spring the year after Erik received a letter from Anna, telling him that she and Igor had got married.

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Family Life? (1896)

Susan grew up a talented child. She was extremely musical and helped her father composing at the age of five. When Susan was three years old Erik and Eleanor had a son, who they called Richard. He was a blond, normal child and when he grew older some people said he had a certain resemblance to the operasinger Paul Chevalier. Some claimed to remember that mr Leroux had been to Stockholm the year before the boy was born. But this, of course, was perhaps mere gossip. Christine and Jeanette came to London to visit a couple of times, and Erik felt as if he at last had laid his old passion behind him.

The summer of 1896 was warm and the Leroux family spent it at their country house at Winston. Eleanor had called the children in for dinner as Erik returned from London. "Well what have you been doing today, children?" he said at the dinner table. "Susan?"- "Well I've been in my tree house, composed a little more of my opera, played the piano .. and Ricky destroyed one of my figures" – "Didn't mean'o"the boy said with food in his mouth "but theyr'e so fine, just wonned to look.." – "I think I can mend it. And what have you done?" – "Played with Caesar.. found frogs.. Sussi doesn't want me climb up to her tree house." –"That's as well" Eleanor said "you might fall down." – "Sussi made the swan talk to me" Ricky added "funny!" Eleanor threw her daughter a dark glance. She didn't like the girl showing off her premature talents in ventriloquism. "They expect my new composition by tomorrow" Erik said. "I'll finish it after dinner."

Having read Ricky a bedtime story Erik sat down by the piano and played his new piece. When he came to a difficult passage which he had altered several times he played it slower and suddenly he repeated the part a few times. "Susan! Come here!" – "Yes father?" – "Have you made changes in my score? I don't remember writing it like this." – "But that's how you want it, isn't it?" Erik looked at his daughter. "It is. But I don't want you to alter my music without telling me. " – "No father." He met her look not really knowing what went on within the girl's head. He was not surprised that she, already, was the one with whom he could discuss all musical matters the best. He was only afraid what would happen when she grew older. "Thank you for your help, anyway" he said. "When I'm finished I will mend your doll." – "It's not a doll, it's an opera figure" she said in a low voice.

Later in the evening when the children had gone to sleep Erik said "Are you sure you don't want to come with me to Paris? We could go all of us." – "No, it's better for you to go alone. It's too difficult to travel with the children. And it's about your daughter." – "Yes, but perhaps you want to listen to her too?" Eleanor looked at him. "You want to go alone. Do it."

Jeanette was performing at a concert in Paris for young musical students. Now Erik didn't hesitate to go to Paris showing himself to other people. He didn't stay in his old house, where he had not been for a very long time, but stayed at a hotel. But he still felt a little uncomfortable and preferred to stay in his room as much as possible. He appreciated very much listening to Jeanette and to her young musical friends. Some of them played the piano or the violin and some of them sang. Jeanette was by far the most talented singer and he was glad that he had come to listen to her. Jeanette was very pleased that he came. She always appreciated to meet her "Uncle Erik". She was now fourteen, growing to be a beautiful young lady and also beginning to see Erik as an old man. After the concert she asked if they could meet the next day. "I will make contact" Christine said.

In the evening Erik, sitting comfortably in his hotel room sofa, pondered if he should visit his old house after all. He fell asleep and woke up at a knock on the door. Christine entered quietly. "I told you I would contact you" she said. She sat down on a chair oppsite him. "Did you like to hear Jeanette singing?" – "Very much. In a few years she will be just like you when I saw you for the first time. When will you tell her that I'm her father?" – "It's too early yet. Perhaps when she is eighteen." Christine rose and went to a mirror, then released her hair which still chestnut brown covered her shoulders. "It's been fifteen years, you know" she said. " – "Don't talk to me about time, I feel age coming." She sat down again. "Tell me about your children." They talked for an hour. Erik took off his mask and run his hand though his hair, now more gray than black. "I wonder if Eleanor finds me too old?" he said. She rose and replied "We are not growing younger either". She sat down by his side. "I wonder how life had turned out if I had come to live with you when you asked me. Had we been happier? Some people surely had been more unhappy." She touched his hair. "I can understand some people see you as old, but I don't." Erik had believed that his feelings for her were gone, but now they came back, even stronger. "I will not go home tonight" she whispered. "Who knows when we will meet again?" She caressed his cheek, very slowly, to give them time to find their feelings for each other again. Had he forgotten? No. When they finally kissed the passion was as strong as ever before.
The next morning they woke up in bed together. "Now I feel as if I could defy all conventions" she said. "It's been too long. We should meet more often." - "Now you say this. Now I'm the one with small children wanting to keep my family together. I told Eleanor this would never happen again." – "And she believed you? Will you tell her?"- "Perhaps she suspects it. She let me come here alone."- "How long will it be until she finds herself a younger man?" – "Don't speak ill of her. We are happy together and she will take care of me when I grow old."

Later in the day he went sightseeing with Christine and Jeanette. "Do you remember something you said when you were six?" he asked his daughter. "You said 'are you married mr Leroux? Then there will be children, it usually happens.' And you were right." – "I don't remember saying that" she said. "But I would like to meet your children again."

When Erik returned home Eleanor asked him nothing about Christine and he said nothing. In the autumn he began to spend more time at the opera planning new performances and teaching.

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(1896 – November)

"I can understand if you go to Paris to see Christine" Eleanor said one evening to her husband when the children had gone to bed "and I can stand it when you go to Stockholm with Kristina, but I can't accept" and now her voice was filled with rage "your having an affair with a woman ten years younger than I am! You are forty years older than she. That's absurd!" Erik shook his head. "We are not having an affair. I love her voice. We like singing together." She looked at him sharply. "But you have made love, haven't you?" No use to lie any more. He nodded. "Why? I'll tell you why – because you want to prove to yourself that you are still attractive to women, that your'e not old. And she admires you, I think she has done that for a long time. But I don't want to stand here beside you, see you two together.." He held out his hand. "Eleanor, you have put up with me for a long time, longer than anybody else. Do you want to leave me now?" He knew she was right. It had started innocently, when they performed Carmen for the first time and Josephine Daly got the much wanted role as the passionate dark-eyed gypsy. She sang for him and he listened. Later she came to his room, giving him a private performance, they sang the segudilla together and finished it with a kiss. Josephine no longer was scared of him but instead interested, and his air of mystic and musical pondus made him a challenge for her. And of course Eleanor was right – he wanted to prove to himself that he could still attract a woman. Having seen him without his mask she hesitated at first, but not for long. And their late night duets were followed by his visits to her lofty white bedroom and soft bed. Once again he was surprised that he managed to satisfy a young woman like her, but he thought it perhaps was due to the drug, which he still took to keep him from aging too fast. After a month he began to have remorses. And now that she had reached her goal Josephine's interest began to fade. But the story had not passed unnoticed and the gossip spread at the opera. When it reached Eleanor's ears the affair was already over.

" I have nothing to say in my defence"he said. "Would it be possible for you to forgive me?" She said nothing. "Eleanor, have you loved someone else since we met? Have you ever wanted to leave me? Would you be honest to me, although I have not been honest to you?" She felt an urge to ease her conscience. "I think you know" she said. "when you were in Stockholm that autumn and Elisabeth and Charles invited me to the opera ball. The rumours about Paul – they were true. It was a hasty infatuation. I surrendered and then I resisted. He wanted to go on seeing me, wanted me to divorce you for his sake. But I didn't want to." When Erik tried to speak she said "I can't tell if it's you or Paul who is Richard's father. But it doesn't matter, does it? It's you who raise him. Although Paul wanted to believe Richard is his son." Erik touched his wife's hand. "So we both have things to be ashamed of. Let us stick together a little longer, if we can. When I was in Paris this summer I refused an offer from Christine to see her more often. Now I have been completely honest with you." Eleanor smiled faintly. "Well I think that was a sacrifice.. so I'll stick with you. I love you." – "I love you too" he said."

Paul Chevalier looked at his colleague Josephine, as they sat down to rest after a well attended performance of Carmen, and remarked "It's not until now that I see how beautiful you are, and how talanted.. before you were just another singing partner, but now.." She studied him "What is it, handsome Paul? Have all your admirers abandoned you? Are you tired of them?" – "Oh no, they swarm around me as always. It's you I'm talking about. You have grown mature.." She looked away for a moment, then looked at him again. "I know what it is" she said. "I know why your'e interested in me all of a sudden. It's because I was mr Leroux' mistress. Your'e envious. Because he had me, you want me too. But what about the gossip of you and mrs Leroux?" – "What do they say about her? How dare they talk bad of a woman like her, modest, lovely.." – "Whom you loved?" –"Yes I did. But she went back to her husband. Josephine – isn't he very old?" She smiled. "No, strangely enough he doesn't seem old. Actually he's still very good…". –"So, we have to be content with the fact that the two of us are the ones who for a short while managed to be the favorites of the famous mr and mrs Leroux.