A/N- Do not own rights of Twilight yadda, yadda, yadda. First Twilight fanfic, cannon pairings. Tell me what you think of chapter one.
Chapter 1- Desperate
"Desperate maladies require
Desperate remedies."
-French Proverb
I had only stooped so low so that I could forget. If I hadn't of been so damn desperate I would never of gotten up the courage to walk down that fucking alley and right up to the man half hidden in the shadows. Much less given him my hard earned money in exchange for his poison. But I needed so badly to forget. I had tried to do it on my own, to get over it. The worse that could of happened hadn't. I was still walking and living. I was lucky, so much more lucky than thousands of others. I was ashamed that I felt so bad, that I couldn't just seem to snap out of it. I was lucky.
Edward was right there in my ear the whole time the man showed me what to do. Yelling at me to turn my ass around and walk the fuck out of there. I couldn't. The mere option of forgetting the fear, the memories, the faces and the feel of their hands… It was even more tempting than Edward himself.
I didn't flinch when he stuck me with the needle. I was so desperate that that fear had no power over me at the moment. I hated to think what Charlie would do if he ever found out. The Chief of Police's daughter a common addict. I'm pretty sure the shame would kill me. Charlie, my dad, loved me in his own way. He just didn't know how to help me.
"There you go, baby." His whiskey voice tried arousing me but it only left me cold. He pulled the vile thing from my arm and I flinched when he rubbed the wound in a caressing way, as if it was a great gift he had given me. "You'll get a nice high from that. Can I do anything else for you?" I shrugged off his strong hand and flinched back from his cold green eyes.
"No." My voice was soft but surprisingly held strength. He seemed to see this and backed away though his eyes still looked at me with too much interest.
I walked away from him and before I hit the street I could feel the drug take effect. By the time I was safely in my truck, the doors locked, I was shaking and sweating. The dark colors of the night swirled around me, smothering me. My breathing filled up the small space of the cab and deafened me. I felt my body twitch and then the pain came.
This wasn't right. Something was wrong. I couldn't catch my breath, my lungs were burning and my stomach cramping. As I threw up the pitiful amount of food in me I asked myself, Where is the euphoria? That's why I picked this stupid fuckinbg drug. For that feeling of everything being perfect, of nothing being wrong. I didn't recognize the little mewls and sobs of pain that escaped my lips. They sounded as if they came from an animal. As I hugged myself on the worn seat of my Chevy, the sweetly sick smell of fresh vomit making me sick again, I remembered that herion was one of the easily drug to overdose on. It was unpredictable. While I was researching it the only thing I wanted to know was that it had that beautiful moment where everything was perfect, that nothing bad could touch me.
"Lookit, boys. A nice pretty toy."
I screamed and jerked away from the voice that haunted my dreams. But it came from the air, from the colors swirling around me. He was everywhere. Even on that night when he and the others ran away, leaving me naked and broken, he never really left me. He would always be apart of me now. He and the others had left their stain on me and no amount of washing could clean them from my soul.
"Now you just hold still for us. We just lookin' for a good ride."
I felt his hands again, I felt their hands running down my body, ripping my clothes. They grabbed my hands and pinned me down, the big one, he forced my legs apart and I screamed as he kneeled on my inner thighs with his great bulk. I cried out when I heard the small 'crack' that came from my leg but they just laughed. I kept my eyes opened and cried out as the colors started to form their deformed faces. But I still kept them open because I knew if I closed my eyes I would see their faces with perfect clarity. My memory was worse than this.
Sobs filled the air, and the strength that had been present in my voice before vanished as if it had never been. "No. Please, God, no. Please." Edward whispered in my ears, that I was fine, he would protect me, but the drug was pushing him away. Farther and farther and then I couldn't hear him anymore. No matter how hard I listened he wasn't there anymore. I could only hear the laughing and sneering of the other men that wouldn't leave me. Damn fucking drug was pushing the wrong fucking memories away! A whimper of defeat left me and I tried to push the black fog away, to make some light enter this evil place but I couldn't do anything. It just got blacker and blacker, and the memories got louder. I gave up slowly, by degrees accepting my defeat. It would be then that an angel showed up, ripping my truck door open and letting in the soft light of the moon. Perfect fucking timing.