I Caught Myself

She turned to look at him, and their gazes held from across the parking lot. He fought with himself, tried to keep his face impassive when all he really wanted to do was smile at her. It was endlessly annoying how one look from her incited within him the urge to grin like a buffoon. Yet it was how she affected him, every single time.

Instead of smiling, however, instead of being impassive, he was pretty sure he was glowering which explained the furrow that indented her brow and the subsequent feeling that he was being a jerk.

The wind blew and he breathed in a lungful of her scent. His throat burned – the human equivalent to hunger pains in his gut. And just like that he envisioned himself next to her, grabbing her and leaning her over the crook of his arm. Her head would fall, exposing her throat. His head would dip, falling closer and closer to her soft, pale skin, pulsating with life. It was the classic position of all vampire kisses, after all. He could hear her blood pumping through her veins; he could smell it, nearly feel its warmth. And as his lips drew nearer, he found that he'd utterly rejected the idea of sinking his teeth into her and spilling her blood. Instead, it was a brush of lips, tender and mild against her throat – a gesture of innocence and love.

Edward jerked himself from the reverie. It was ridiculous to fantasize that way. The alternative universe that existed in his head would never come to fruition. He could never trust himself to be that close to her, to touch her in such a way. He wanted to love her in every way – every human way – possible, yet he was no longer human, and thus his desires were impossible.

So, he'd love her from afar. And make her think he was disinterested.

She had yet to get inside that pitiful excuse for a truck. It was a disaster waiting to happen. It was a miracle that she even made it to school each day. Her ears were plugged, music streaming from her lime green iPod. He could hear the music, and recognized the singer's voice and the lyrics by Taking Back Sunday. Her lips moved just slightly as she sang the song silently to herself. He smiled at that, another endearing characteristic for him to fall in love with.

"Oh, look, he's staring at Bella again."

Edward slowly turned his head. Emmett had arm slung around Alice's slender shoulders, and his head was bent low, just inches away from her ear. He had whispered the words that had caused his sister to smile, meant only for her, but Edward had heard them anyway. And Emmett knew that. Edward gave him an acerbic smile but said nothing else. It would only serve to humor him. Instead he took a step towards the car, intent on heading home and getting as far away from Bella and her delicious scent as was possible when you lived in a small town and had overtly heightened senses.

A sudden, terrified gasp from Alice halted him. Her vision assaulted him as he effortlessly peered into her mind. His cold hands furled into fists, and the next instant his ears rang with the sound of squealing tires. The putrid scent of burning rubber assailed his senses.

His head jerked around. He saw her brace herself against her truck. She stood out stark against the red paint of the hood, her expression one of shock, fear, and a flicker of indecision. Then, he lost sight of her – the girth of the van looming in his sight.

And he was moving, utterly sightless to those around him. He rounded the back the van, and in comparison to his speed, it looked to be inching its way towards her. He saw her. She'd fallen to a crouch, her face pale. One hand was upraised in a feeble attempt to stop the impact.

Edward lunged. His knees skidded against the cold ground, the denim ripping, he was sure. His arm wrapped around her, already pulling her out of the way. He, too, lifted his hand and turned his head to watch the impact of the truck as—

It collided with neither his hand nor hers. Instead it crushed into an all-encompassing orb, luminous and beautiful as it birthed from the palm of her hand.

The van stopped and with it both of their breaths. Slowly, he turned his head to stare at her, and she him. He was certain his eyes mirrored hers – disbelief, wonder, confusion. A true what the fuck moment, as Emmett was fond of saying.

He heard her swallow. A moment later, the brilliance dimmed around them, then disappeared altogether. The orb vanished, returning to the center of her hand. He opened his mouth to speak, but the only sound to be heard were the frantic cries of the student body as they raced towards them.

Impulsively, he stood, and jumped over the cab of the truck in a motion that no one saw. As everyone swarmed around her, he arrived silently back to the others. Their thoughts bombarded him. He felt their eyes, heard the accusatory tones of their minds' voice. He could not speak, could barely form a coherent thought as he tried to get a grasp on just what the hell had happened.

"Edward," Alice spoke. Her voice, usually whimsical and uplifting, was marred with concern and confusion. She was questioning herself and what she'd witnessed in her vision. She relied on him for clarification, for answers. "What was that?"

He looked over his shoulder and was able to discern the top of Bella's head over the crowd of people that surrounded her. He heard them overwhelming her with questions. He heard Tyler's inadequate apologies, and yet he heard nothing from Bella herself. His gaze finally returned to Alice and he swallowed once before opening the car door.

"I don't know."