This is it! Finally! The thought went through my mind as I got the Nervegear set up and started the calibration. I glanced at my clock and nodded, satisfied. It was a few minutes until 1. When the game is released. I had 7 hours to play, no one to interrupt me. I don't see why all my "friends" at school said it was so amazing. I mean the game is, Sword Art Online, but the gear for the game itself wasn't impressive. It looked like a helmet with sunglasses welded into it with a bunch of wires to connect to. But hey, my best friend Jack is gonna be there so how can i say no? Besides I didn't have to pay for the Nervegear. My mom got it for me so that's cool.

As my amazing interior dialogue finally subsided, I noticed I was late to get in. Hastily I put the stupid sunglass helmet on and said the only thing that got my blood pumping. "Link Start!"

Instantly I was greeted by the sexiest scene any gamer loves. Themselves ya? Obviously referring to the character screen. Cause ya know. Touching myself wasn't enough for the calibration and instead lets me fuck myself up. I'm slightly insane if I haven't mentioned. The ego just pops out. LIKE MY D- getting off topic sorry. Eh girlfriend is hotter so it's to be expected. By the way I'm single. Not surprising but hey positivity is great. I just messed with the height, making myself just a couple inches taller. Hmm maybe if OH HEY it's the prison bitch look. Nah don't want that look. Hmm now I'm Elvis? EVERYBODY DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK nahhh maybe not the best WE CAN USE WHALES! WHAAAALLLEEESSSSS. Man this is getting out of hand my mind can't make up its mind. Wait my mind can't make up my mind so does my mind have a mind of its own? Questions for later. LIKE A HURRICANE too many references. I need to stop watching DBZ Abridged. Its getting to me. So nothing to change about my abnormally white hair. Being albino sucks. Although the red eyes is sick as fuck. This story will be rated M for badassery. Hell yeah 4th wall broken.

Now with the sexiness over with I'm gonna have to get real. Accepting the changes, white washed over my eyes, once it passed I could see a beautiful plaza with more people filling in. Having been in the beta test, As soon as I got the feeling of my legs back, I shot off running through the market and glancing to my left I saw a guy in red running after who I recognized was Kirito. He'd look better as a female in my personal opinion. Hope I don't call him kiriko on accident. Okay back to training myself to become the sexiest assassin ever. I know I sound super egotistical but hey, I got a degree in child psychology. WITH A MINOR IN PAIN. In all seriousness though my anxiety really puts my mind through the wringer unless I act like I'm better then I am. No worries. Still running with my thoughts going just as fast I practically ran into someone, stopping just before I fully slammed into them. "Sorryyy!" I croaked, not expecting anyone here. Realizing that she was almost a full foot shorter, I looked down. Only a little but enough to actually have to tilt my head. Seeing a dark brown hair that could easily be mistaken for black, I looked a little farther and was shocked speechless at the most beautiful face I've seen. Well considering some people spend ages doing their make up I'm not surprised that someone took the time to make themselves look supermodelish. It's a word now shush.

I stammered out another apology and she looked at me, snorted and turned away. "What the hell was her problem?" I murmured to myself as I took the left turn and headed out into the field. I pushed it out of my mind as I heard the telltale sound of a monster spawning. Grinning sadistically I jumped at the chance to let my bloodlust consume me and with a roar I charged at the enemy, stabbing the boar's forehead with my curved short sword. Before ripping it down the length of its body as I would have severed its spinal cord and it burst into polygons. "Too easy." I snarled and hunted down more before bumping into Kirito and the guy in red. "Oi tall dark and elfy what's up?" I called to Kirito, watching as he taught the obviously new guy how to do the basics. Kirito turned around, and noticed me with a smile he walked up and we high fived. Kirito and I teamed up as fellow solo players for a little while to get the hang of how to play. After that he pulled ahead of me clocking in a few hundred more hours than me, since I had a family to help. "Here I can keep an eye out for you guys while you work." Kirito nodded in agreement, knowing at the very least I can be trusted until my bloodlust got out of control. Which doesn't happen often. But let's hope I don't get to kill too much.

I lost track of time, in game the sun was starting to set. "Too bad food in game only satisfies hunger virtually." The guy in red, who I've learned is named Klein, remarked. "Yeah too bad." I mused. I was set for a little while. My sister wouldn't be home for another few hours. "That's why I order a pizza for 5:30!" Klein bragged. "Wow so prepared." Kirito commented sarcastically. I stopped listening as I got a message from my friend Jack. I read through it quickly and smiled. As usual he tried flirting with some of the girls and it looked like he ran into the same girl as I did. He had sent a image sphere showing the red handprint on his face. "I told you that doesn't work." I sent to him and snickered. Then I heard Klein make a noise of confusion and I turned around. "Whats up?" I asked. "I was trying to log out but the logout button isn't there." He complained. "It should be right… There?" I said confused as well as I went through my menu and the logout button was… Gone. "Must be a bug or something. Man I bet the devs are freaking out right now." Klein joked. "You will too. Look at the time." Kirito pointed. It was 5 minutes till 5:30. " OH SHIT MY TERIYAKI-MAYO PIZZA AND GINGER ALEEEE!" Klein cried out in despair. "Get real. This is totally bogus." I whined mostly to myself.

Out of nowhere a loud gong sounded and a blue light flashed over the three of us and we ended up at the plaza. Suddenly the beautiful plaza was extremely menacing as more and more players were teleported in. "What's going on?" was the mass question that all the people in the plaza were asking. As a loud beeping could be heard, I looked up to see a red sign flashing. Suddenly it spread across the sky making everything red. What looked like blood was seeping through the cracks of the hexagons and forming a super large figure. "Is that the GM?" I asked to no one in particular. "Hey Frostmane!" I heard my username being called out and I looked over seeing my friend Jack move over next to me. "Depending entirely on what happens here we'll have to duo. I have a feeling something bad is going to happen and we need to be at our best." I said to Jack, he nodded thoughtfully. Before anything else can be said the large figure spoke in a booming voice easily cutting through the chatter that was going through the players. "Attention Players. I welcome you to my world." His world? You pulling my piglets? "I am sure most of you have already noticed there is a item missing from your menus: the logout button. This is not a defect. I repeat this is not a defect."

Well fuck me running. "No one can take you out. If there is an attempt to remove the Nervegear a microwave signal will destroy your brain. Despite my warning families have already attempt to do so, ending 200 lives." Oh shit this was serious. I hope that my sister Erynne doesn't remove mine. Itd suck if I died like this. Missing more of what he was saying except for "If your health is reduced to 0, you'll die in real life." Shit shit shit shit I gotta get moving then. Gotta get strong gotta go gotta go. My mind was running one a single track and that was survival. I grabbed Jack's shoulder and pointed to the exit that was just cleared. "Let's go." Jack nodded and followed my lead. For some reason I ended up as the brains and leader in our little duo pack. "Kirito. Klein if you wish to join us feel free." I commented to them. Klein was a little hesitant but Kirito nodded and followed. "Sorry guys but my friends are back in the plaza. I waited a whole night with them to get the game. I can't just leave them behind." I nodded tersely. "Go with your friends. Teach them what you learned and there's no doubt that you guys will be great." "Thanks man. That means a lot." and with a nod to Kirito, he turned to leave. I ran to the exit, seeing Kirito to be a little late, waited impatiently at the gate with Jack, who was looking real serious. I can trust him, we played the beta together, all he needed was a scythe and we were golden. We were both understandably quiet. After what I heard I could only focus on so much. Seeing Kirito approach, I indicated he was to lead. He nodded and took off at a sprint, me and Jack close behind. 3 wolves appeared and my blood roared to kill. We all shot forward killing them with a single skill and roared in unison in defiance to the system.

It had been two months I WILL PUT NUMBERS IN HERE SHUSH anyways, it's been two AND I SAY two DAMN MONTHS since this narrator has been correcting my numbers for letters YOU CAN SEE WHERE SHE REPLACED MY NUMBERS breaking more fourth wall. Okay so um to get back on track I guess. It's been TWO months since the whole shitshow with Kayaba. He's a banana. I'm having to fix the fourth wall while still sneaking in my banana jokes. My editor, one of the people who got trapped in sao at the same time is helping me out later in the future to write this and she's annoyingly good at finding all my mistakes. Including grammar. Go figure right? Nu, I sowy. I brek furth wal tu nuw. Honey you'll have to write norma lly. I don't know how I'm able to understand what you write but hey, it's a gift. I editor, I du what I want. I'm gonna have to change the font so people understand who's talking. Note to self in writing. CHANGE THE FUCKING FONT good going me. Yeah. I du it. She did it for me. I love this girl. Okay now i can type normally. AKDSJFJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJK SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HE"S DELETING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hehe (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ hehe!

Well that was fun. Anyways, I was hanging out with Kirito and Jack while waiting for the "Boss meet" to happen. Look at her sparkle. The girl I ran into before was at the fountain. Huh wonder how well she's doing. Probably able to kick some ass by now. My fingers are triggered now typing so much. Need to use some dragon dictation or something. I wonder how long people will be able to handle this much breakage. Oh hey there's Kirito poking me telling me to go to the amphitheater. Let's get crackin! "You can silence me but you CAN'T SILENCE THE TR-" Jack started to cry before getting a loud rejection from another girl at the fountain. He will never learn. True to form he wandered over with a surprising seven slaps. "Man dese hoes aint loyal" he complained. Not even kidding he says that. Exactly like that. Yup. I'm pretty sure he moved from down south or something. I met him (Jack) when we were five and became best friends. We filed into the amphibian theatre because fuck that word and sat down near the top. A guy with the strangest blue hair was on the stage waiting patiently for these slow as fuck people to get in. Like holy shit did a bunch of seventy year olds with arthritis get into this game and STILL can't move? I know I know Im an asshole. Bite me.

I wonder how long it'd take to kill everyone? Hmm questions for later. Focusing on the guy in blue I heard his stupid attempt at humor. "My name is Diabel and the job I roll is Knight!" If there was a knight in shining armor I'd be able to insult him by throwing dirt. The only thought I had is "Hey he has blue hair. Maybe he's a main character! Nah. He's already popular and trying to hard. He'll die before the boss." Jack snickered and I realized I had said that out loud. Well no one else heard me so we gucci. One of the guys in front of me looked back and glared at me. Huh he's got spiky ass hair. I'm gonna call him wrecking ball. The Wrecking Ball got up and yelled "Hold up!" before playing hopscotch with the steps. Talk about showing off masculinity. He even hopped like he was unicorn. IT'S A MAGICAL PONY FLYING THROUGH THE SKY hehehehe references. Throw the CHEEEESSSSSSEEEEEEEE! Anyways he blabbed on and on about beta testers being bitches and running for the hills or something. I got up and said straight up "Imma learn you motherfuckers a thing that I just heard and don't get. I'm a beta tester. I helped most of this green thumbs what to do because they tried going after a mini boss for funsies and almost died. Four times. So tell me, Wrecking Ball. What are you going to do about your lord and fucking saviour? Smugly I saw the people in the row recognize and nodded to me. Thats right fuckers I know what I'm on about. As long as no one starts trying to suck my dick we gucci. Wrecking ball couldn't keep his mouth shut. Just staring at me. I walked down and right up to his face. "Something tells me you are going to cause trouble. And I suggest not to. I can and will beat your ass." I let my bloodlust show just a bit and he visibly took two steps back. "That's what I thought." I turned around and sat back down. "Okay blue boy back to the plan." I called, putting my hand under my chin as I listened.

NEXT TIME ON SWORD ART ONLINE Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. We revel in the blood of our foes