Universe : IOW/ETR/LIFL
Disclaimer : Don't own, don't sue. I take JK Rowling's characters and play with them. But I always send them back the way I found them. =)
Watching her fade was almost harder than dealing with the deaths of our friends. We'd all lost someone close to us, but Katie had lost three people who'd made up her makeshift family; her godfather, Severus Snape, her best friend, Fred Weasley, and her confidant, Remus Lupin. As much as I tried, I couldn't ease her grief.
It was starting to break me and break us. Fighting was almost a constant thing in our house. But I couldn't leave her. I knew what would happen if I did. I loved her too much to let her destroy herself.
So when I opened the letter from Minerva about Severus' will, I went without telling Katie. There was no way she could handle this right now.
I apparated to Hogwarts and pushed aside the broken gates. This place was going to need a lot of work if it was going to be ready for the students come Fall. As I walked up the grounds, the sounds of the battle haunted my mind. The terrified screams, the panicked yells to hold the line. The gasp of death. I pushed it aside. I may have lost some friends, but it didn't keep me awake at night. I didn't have terrifying nightmares and debilitating depression. It was life, and I could handle it.
Katie couldn't. She would never be able to step foot on these ground again without being assaulted by her memories. Her post-traumatic stress. Her deep sorrow.
No. I had to do this for her. I would gather the will and follow the instructions left by Severus. And when she was ready, I would show her.
"Wood? What are you doing here?" Minerva asked from the large wooden doors.
"Did you really think that Katie could handle this?"
"No, I suppose not," she said, pulling an envelope from her robes, "Here is Severus' will. The key to his cottage is in there. I believe there was something there he wanted Katie to have."
"Thank you," I said, upon taking the envelope, "I'll make sure it gets to her. When she's ready."
"Yes, of course," Minerva said, lowering her head, "Oliver?"
"Yes?" I said, turning round to face her again.
"Try your best to endure this. I know it must be just as hard for you as it is for her, but-"
"She needs me."
"Yes. More than you know."
I nodded, feeling my throat tighten with emotion. Not trusting myself to speak again, I turned and walked away from my former teacher and down the sloping lawn. When I reached the other side of the gates, I opened the envelope and dumped out the key. Attached to it was a slip of paper with an address on it. I memorized it and held my wand up to apparate.
When I opened my eyes, I was no longer outside of Hogwarts, but in London. An industrious part of London by the looks of it. I was standing on a cobbled street in front of a squat cottage. The street sign to my left indicated that this was indeed Spinner's End, so that cottage must be Severus'. I took a deep breath and walked hesitantly forward along the pathway to the door. Inserting the key in the lock, I turned it round and heard the lock click open. What met my eyes was not what I had been expecting.
Aside from the walls lined in bookshelves, which must have had some charm placed on them, the house was completely ransacked. Furniture was overturned, broken glass littered the floor, and a wall was open to my left showing a hidden staircase.
"Hello?" I said, pulling out my wand, "Anyone here?"
I bent down, muttering "Lumos," to examine the broken glass. It was covered in a thin layer of dust. Whoever had done this, had been here and gone long before I'd arrived. I stood then and walked back across the room to the staircase. I held my wand aloft as I climbed it, keeping my eye out for any booby-traps left here by its former owner. There was a short hallway at the top of the stairs, ending in a modest bedroom. It too, was in shambles. With the exception of one piece.
A trunk, in the center of the room, looked unscathed. I took out the envelope again and sat on the floor. After taking a deep breath, I pulled out the pieces of parchment. The first two pages were the standard will forms. A third page was folded inside, with Katie's name on the outside. I left that one alone as my eyes landed on the next folded piece of parchment. It bore my name.
My hands started to shake as I shoved the other papers back in the envelope and set it aside. I unfolded the parchment carefully, not knowing what the man could have wanted to tell me.
Oliver Wood,
I know how my goddaughter will react once I am gone, so I am writing to you to make sure my wishes are met.
If all has gone according to plan, you will have the key to my cottage. It belongs to you both now. Do with it what you will. And if it has been destroyed, know that I was expecting that.
In the room upstairs is a trunk. Even if the cottage has been obliterated, that trunk will remain. It will recognize the two of you as its owners now. Its for Katie, and the instructions to open it are in her note.
Under no circumstances should it be opened before she receives it. Is that understood, Mr. Wood?
I know that we never, as I write this letter anyway, had a chance to get to know one another. But please, take care of Katie. As her only living guardian, you have my blessing, even if you don't want it.
She loves you, and I can only hope that you can live long enough to have earned the love and trust she has for you.
Sincerely,
Severus Snape
I folded the letter to its original state and placed it in the envelope. I gave the trunk a stern look before standing.
"You may have loved her, but so do I. And if anything inside this trunk puts her in a worse place than she's in now, I swear to God..." I said, picking up the trunk by one of its handles.
I made it down the stairs and outside, pausing to lock the door as I left and went to stand in the street again. Thinking of home, I raised my wand and apparated. When I opened my eyes, I was in my front yard, and Katie was sitting on the steps. Minerva's letter in her hands.
"You went for me?"
"Yes, I didn't think-"
"Thank you," she said, standing and walking towards me.
I set the trunk down on the ground and embraced her when she was close enough. She'd gotten cleaned up while I was gone and she smelled of honey from her shampoo. As I inhaled the scent, I felt her sigh.
"Oliver, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be."
"I've been such a stroppy cow and-"
"No. You're grieving."
She pulled out of the embrace and looked up at me. "And I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
"Better me than you," I said, reaching a hand up to caress her cheek, "If I had let anything happen to you, I-"
She cut me off with her lips pressed to mine and her arms wrapping around my neck. I moaned at the feeling. It had been so long since she'd even let me touch her, but I knew better than to take advantage of the situation. I broke the kiss with some effort and placed a kiss on her forehead, before leaning mine against hers.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Ol."
"I don't ever want to be apart from you."
"Me either."
"But before I can admit that you're snapping out of this, there's something you need to do."
I could tell by the way her face crumpled that she knew what I meant. I caressed her cheek once more, and placed feather-light kisses over her cheeks and forehead.
"When you're ready. You need to visit the graves. And you definitely need to go see Molly and Arthur. They've been to see you, but you were catatonic."
"I know. I know," Katie said, relaxing under my ministrations. She must have missed me as well. "I don't know if I can. The graves, I mean."
"It'll be hard. But I'll be with you."
A tear rolled down her cheek and I hastily wiped it away, pulling her to me again.
"Ok."
"Ok?"
"Ok. Let's go."
I pulled back and looked down at her. Her face was set, like this was a challenge she had to conquer. Which in a way, it was. But I refused to let her close herself off.
"Don't be all business about this, Kates," I said, looking her in the eye steadily, "Please?"
"I'm not. I promise," Katie said, smiling sadly at the nickname I'd used, "I just think that now is the right time."
"Ok. Who do you think you can handle first?"
"Remus. Him first. Then Fred. I think its best to leave Severus for last," she said, looking down at her feet as she thought it through, "Could we-? Never mind," she said, shaking her head.
"What, love?"
"Cedric," she said, looking up, her eyes filled with tears, "I haven't been since the funeral, and-"
"Of course we can."
Smiling sadly again, she reached down and interlocked our fingers.
"You went to the funerals. Lead the way," she said, the sad smile still on her lips.
I bent down and kissed her sweetly, before breaking away and raising my wand, pulling her tight against me. We emerged in a graveyard in Northern England. I squeezed her hand comfortingly as I looked around for Remus' grave. It wasn't hard to find. They'd had a wolf carved onto the top of the headstone. And next to him was his wife, Tonks', grave.
"There's Remus there. And Tonks," I said, pulling our joined hands up and kissing the back of hers before separating them, "I'll be just over here if you need me."
She nodded and walked over to the headstone. I could only watch as she kneeled before the stone, tracing the lines of his name and speaking softly. I could make out, "I'm so sorry" and "You'll always be with me" before she started to cry in earnest. She bowed her head as she took a few deep breaths and stood. She stood before Tonks stone then and spoke clearly.
"I'll keep an eye on Teddy for you, I promise. He'll know how amazing his parents were."
My chest tightened. Teddy Lupin, the infant son of our fallen friends. He'd never remember his parents clearly. I couldn't imagine how that would be for him. But I didn't have time, because Katie was approaching me.
"Ok?"
She sniffled. "Yeah."
"Fred?"
"Sure," she said, smiling sadly.
We made our way along the rows to the gravestone with the large 'W' engraved on it. Katie again left my side, but with a genuine smile on her face.
"Hey Fred," she said, before I backed up to give her privacy.
She sat cross-legged in front of his stone, picking at the grass that was growing there, speaking in a conversational tone. No tears. This surprised me. But then, Fred had always hated seeing her cry. So crying on his behalf would have been absurd to him. And she knew that. She brought her hand to her lips and then pressed her hand to the stone before her. When she stood and turned to me, her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Cedric next. I can't handle Severus just yet."
"You lead the way on this one," I said, taking her outstretched hand.
"I think he's over this way," she said, heading off down the rows with me at her side.
"How are you feeling?"
"Ok. Fred was easier than I thought," she said looking up at me.
"I wish you would have gone to the funeral. Or at least the wake. Even though its tragic that we lost him, there's no memory of him that made us upset. He brought so much joy to everyone he touched that it was quite an entertaining service."
She smiled and looked ahead. "I'll have to apologize to Molly. I know how it must have seemed. Me not being there," she said, stopping our progress and looking to her left.
I let go of her hand and nodded to the gravestone marked 'Diggory'. She smiled quickly at me and walked gracefully over to the stone before, again, sitting before it. I couldn't make myself walk away as she talked to the only man she had cared for besides myself.
"Oh Ced. You've missed so much. And I'm sorry I haven't visited. I'm a bad friend, I know. But if you knew- Well, maybe you do. There was a battle at Hogwarts. Voldemort was killed. But we lost Fred, and Lupin. And Severus. I lost Severus. And poor Ol. He's been trying to snap me out of it... But its just too much. It was... It was so hard to wake up, knowing I'd never see him again. That my family was gone. And yeah, you were right. Oliver and I are still 'Oliver and I'. But I do so miss you. More than anyone right now. You always knew the right thing to say to make everything seem not so bad. I miss that. I wish you were here. You should be here," she said and her voice sounded choked, "You of all people didn't deserve to die that way. You had so much potential."
As if on some mystical cue, a breeze blew through the graveyard. I looked in the direction it came from, almost expecting to see the Hufflepuff standing there. If Katie was bothered, she didn't show it. But when she shivered slightly and the breeze stopped. Like a fan turning off. Again, I was hit with the feeling that we weren't alone.
She stood then, placing a kiss on the stone the same way she had with Fred's and muttering, "I love you" before walking back to me. I took her hand and felt it shake.
"Come here," I said, pulling her close to me as she continued to shake.
She didn't cry. She was scared. Because of where we were heading next, I'm sure.
"Katie, if you're not ready, we can do this another time."
"No, I have to."
"You don't have to do anything. If you never went to his grave, I don't think he'd hold it against you."
"I know. But, it feels disrespectful."
I pulled out of the embrace and looked at her. Really looked. She had genuine terror in her eyes. The same terror I saw night after night as she woke screaming in our bed. I reached out and ran my fingers through her hair, pulling her to me. She tilted her head up and our lips met. I tried to convey my worry, my sadness, and my heart, to her. And when I broke the kiss, she reached up and traced my jaw with her fingertips.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For staying by my side. Even when I thought I was going mad. For never wavering. Never leaving me."
"I could never leave you," I said, my voice growing thick with emotion.
"Will you stay with me then?" she said and I had to focus to understand her meaning.
"I thought you'd want privacy."
"I can't do this without you."
"Then yes. I'll stay."
She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. "Lead the way."
And I did. To the far corner of the cemetery. Far away from any of the graves stood a solitary stone. With the Order of Merlin, First Class etched into it above his name. I felt Katie's hand start to shake again. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as we approached the stone.
"Are you sure you want me here?"
"Yes," she said, her voice thick with tears.
"Ok. Take your time and say what you need to say."
She nodded and was silent for several minutes. Unexpectedly, her hand fell from my grip on it and she stepped forward. I watched as she took a few deep breaths before falling to her knees. I walked forward and kneeled behind her, hearing her gut wrenching sobs. I placed a hand on her back and she leaned back against it. As I rubbed small circles, I hushed her soothingly.
"Oliver-"
"I'm here."
"I can't breathe..."
"Calm down, Kates."
"It hurts."
"I know."
She turned to me then and I pulled her against me. I couldn't stand the utter desolation on her face. It was a long time before her breathing evened out and I chanced a glance at her. She was staring at the stone, at the name. I had no idea what it was like to lose a parent, so I couldn't think of anything of consolation to say to her. My presence would have to be enough. I didn't want her to start crying again. It was a wonder she had any tears left after the past few months.
She'd become responsive again about three weeks after the battle. But then the crying started. And the nightmares. And the fighting. We'd survived this much. I only hoped she would recover from this too.
And then she spoke so softly I almost didn't hear her.
"You promised me. You said you'd never leave me. You'd never put me in danger. You'd protect me. It was naive to think you meant forever. I just wish- I never got to say goodbye. You were nowhere to be found during the battle. And I couldn't bare to have my last memory of you to be a pale body in a coffin bed."
I watched as silent tears fell down her face and her voice held steady and grew clearer. I had suspected that to be the reason behind not attending the funerals. Why she'd gone quiet and... Well, dead. It would have been the last straw for her. She would have snapped completely.
When she spoke again, it was much clearer as she leaned against me.
"I almost wish- I wish you'd been in my life longer. More than my professor. That I'd known the bond between us. Our time was stolen. Stolen moments and secret meetings ending in a horrifying betrayal. For one moment I believed you were someone other than the good man that I thought you were... And that was all it took. The last six months of our time together was taken away. Because you lied to save me. Oh god, how I wished you hadn't!"
And with that anguished yell, she lunged forward, beating the stone with her strong, tiny fists. I grabbed her upper arms and pulled her back towards me.
"Easy, Katie."
"You even had Remus spinning your lies!"
"Katie-"
"How am I supposed to forgive you for that?"
"Katie, quiet."
She relented then, staring up at me. Anger and sadness lined her face.
"I knew time was running out. I felt it. I saw it," she said, continuing to look at me, "That's why I tried so hard to find him. I thought I could save him. But he was already gone. They kept me from going into the Shack. They said it was a mess. A mess. No simple curse for him. No. Voldemort had make a mess of my family."
"I know, love."
"I wanted to bring the bastard back and kill him myself."
I was quiet then. Even though we'd been involved in the heavy fighting, Katie hadn't killed anyone. I'd kept an eye on her. She threw some nasty curses, but... She hadn't killed anyone. To hear her say that, gave me pause.
"You don't mean that."
"I do."
"Katie-"
"What if had been me, Ol? What would you have done?"
I thought on that and she had a point. I would have hunted down the bastard who killed her and then killed myself. I looked away from her instead of answering. She could always read me like an open book; I'm sure she knew what my expression had meant. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her look toward the stone as well.
"I miss you, and love you, and hate you. And you'll just have to be satisfied with that for now," she said, reaching forward and tracing his name, "Maybe someday..."
And then she stood and looked down at me.
"Come on, Ol," she said, holding out a hand to me, "Lets go home."
I took her outstretched hand as I stood. "You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm done here."
I nodded once and lifted my wand. The next moment we were standing in our front yard in front of the trunk. That blasted trunk. Damn, I knew I'd forgotten something.
"So, what's with the trunk? Was it in the will?"
"Sort of," I said, grabbing one of its handles again and entering our house, "It belongs to you now."
"And the will itself-"
"There's a note for you," I said, setting down the trunk and taking out the envelope, "Here."
She took the envelope and went to sit in her window seat. I watched as she flipped through the pages.
"He wrote to you?"
"Yes."
"Interesting."
"You're telling me," I said, walking over to sit opposite her.
She handed me the other papers and took her letter. Her hands started to shake again, but she held one of them up as I leaned forward.
"I can do it."
Resigned, I leaned back, watching her carefully. She read the note slowly, as if trying to read between the cramped lines. From the opposite side of the parchment it looked as if he'd had to write this letter in secret. Not only was it cramped, it was also uneven and blotted with ink. When she reached the bottom, she looked up at me.
"He left me his position at Hogwarts. As Potions Master."
"Well its not as if you're not qualified. You were his Apprentice."
"How can I be in that place, Ol? Working in his office. Living in his quarters."
"One step at a time, love," I said, trying my best to placate her, "And no one says you have to take it anyway. Not right this second."
"Here," she said, handing me the letter, "I'm going to open my trunk."
I stared at the letter as she walked away. I knew I shouldn't read it. But she'd given it to me and I couldn't help myself. As I started to read, I heard a muttered curse and looked up to see her stomp her foot and scratch her head. I smiled at her frustration and went back to reading.
My dearest Katie,
I must start off by apologizing for everything I said. I never intended to hurt you, but shield you from the impending attacks. I realize now, only too late, that I was wrong.
Please apologize to Lupin for me as well.
But if this letter had come into your possession, I can only assume the worst. I've been killed or taken with no hope of return. Either way, I am sorry. For letting you down and leaving you alone. I can only hope that you're still safe and sound and with friends. And that this blasted war is finished.
As per my will, my position as Potions Master will be handed down to you. If you'll receive it. I can't think of anyone more qualified for the job.
And there's the matter of a trunk. Hopefully it has been retrieved for you. It will only unlock for you, but you must first know the spell. So run down the list, and use your imagination. Inside are some things from my past that can only be described as heirlooms. And since I never had children, they are yours. There may be a few things of interest for you.
On the subject of your future, I wish you only happiness. Trust in yourself before anyone else and don't rush. You only get one life and yours should be as fulfilling as possible.
I'm sorry that our time had to end so abruptly. But in the time we did have... Katie, you gave me the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for. You gave me my life back. My faith in this world. That good will prevail. And I can never thank you enough for that.
Don't mourn me unnecessarily. You have a wealth of people who will be there to help you pick up the pieces. Including a man who, I believe, intends to marry you. Don't close them out because of me.
And I've reached the end of my thoughts. Just know that I will always love you and watch over you.
Yours Truly,
Severus Snape
When I looked up from the parchment, Katie had gotten the trunk open and was pulling a blanket from it.
"Whatcha got? I said, standing and crossing the room to sit beside her.
"All sorts of old stuff," she said, setting the blanket down, a smile on her face.
I looked around at the floor surrounding her. Books, notes on parchment, some clothes that resembled a Slytherin uniform, the tattered blanket. Things amassed by a misunderstood and lonely man. And then I noticed that Katie had gone still, her hands closed around an open ring box.
"What is it?"
"His mothers wedding ring," she said, showing me the small, yet intricate, ring, "He must have hidden it after she died."
It was old fashioned and quite beautiful, and from the way Katie was looking at it, she agreed. Silver setting, a brilliant diamond, and a branch-like structure to the band. She looked up at me, an emotion I couldn't quite place crossing her face.
"Do you still want to marry me?"
I sat back as if I'd been slapped. "Of course."
She shoved the box at me then. "Here. Keep this then. I want this one."
I smiled. "Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Why else would he have left it?"
I closed the little box and shoved it deep in my jacket pocket. "Well, then I'll keep this. For when you least expect it, Miss Bell."
When she smiled at me, it reached her eyes. And when she tackled me to the floor, attacking me with her lips and nimble fingers, I knew progress had begun for her.
And for the first time in over six months, we slept through night tangled around each other. No nightmares, and no tears. I felt a heavy weight lift from my shoulders and my heart.
Things would be okay.