Emotion Before Annihilation
He wasn't the kind of person to spit out exactly what he was feeling, or if he felt anything at all; it never showed within the confines of his opaque blue eyes, I knew that, but I could never stop myself from imagining what it would be like if Daryl was that kind of person.
I shook my head, as I caught myself drifting farther into my fairytale thoughts, as I saw the group walking towards my after escaping Terminus.
I never expected Daryl Dixon to run out in front of the group and nearly engulf me in a suffocating hug, but at the same time; I was completely delighted but didn't let it show.
I took them back to Tyreese, where Rick and Carl were reunited with Judith and then they began just wandering through woods.
It seemed they did a lot of that, I noticed, it didn't bother me; the trees were safer than the open road; they provided more cover.
I watched Daryl from the corner of my eye, as he walked beside me, I wanted to say something, but I was worried about saying the wrong thing.
I didn't worry about that with anyone else; in fact I didn't worry about much anymore, besides Daryl, when it came to anything with him; I was never one to know what emotions were real or pretend, after Ed.
Ed was rough, brutal, just a monster, well who's not to say that in this world, everyone's a monster?
But Ed was a monster before this whole thing began, I always wondered what kind of person Daryl was like before, but then I was reminded of his offensively in your face brother and I hoped he wasn't like Merle.
I began truly thinking about it now; he probably was, I had never fully contemplated it before, but looking back on the camp with…Amy, Andrea, Dale, T-Dog, Merle, Jacqui, Morales, Jim, Ed, and…
I shook my head quickly; it was too hard to even think of her name; when I tried all that came was nothing but tears and despair.
"You okay?" I heard Daryl's voice ask.
I looked up quickly to see him looking over at me, I shrugged immediately but he kept his eyes on me; so I faked a smiled and nodded.
He tilted his head at me and lifted his hand to wipe a singular tear from my face; I looked searchingly into his faded blue eyes.
Daryl only shrugged and continued walking beside me, see, this was exactly what I was talking about.
How much Daryl Dixon has changed; sure, he's still that mysterious, sarcastic, deep in the shadows man, but when I had first met him and his brother; I was convinced they were exactly one and the same.
But I soon discovered I could never have been more wrong; it was in the little things he did that showed how much he'd had changed; the flower he had given me when searching for…the way he refused to give up looking for her; he became an important member of their group in the smallest of ways.
We came across a priest named Gabriel who led us t his church, I was there for a few days, but I kept noticing that Carol just seemed more and more detached from the rest of the group.
I began following her and as she was about the head into the woods, I grabbed her arm, shoved her into the passenger seat of a car, got in as well, started up the car and drove.
"What are you doing?" Carol questioned harshly.
"That car. It has the same mark on it as the people who took Beth."
After that she didn't say much as we slowly followed the black car with the red cross on the back windshield.
"How long were you following me?" Carol was fidgeting with something she found in the glove box.
I shrugged, "Only a few hours." I answered vaguely, thought truly I had been watching her for days, and keeping a close eye on her for longer than that.
"What would you have done if you didn't see the car?" She asked she was looking at me; I looked at her for a second.
Her blue eyes overflowed with a scared type a worry, "I just would have continued following you, for as far as you would go." I heard come from my mouth.
It wasn't exactly what I intended to say, but Carol didn't say anything after that, so I guess it didn't especially matter.
After hours of following this damn car, we lost it somewhere in the streets of Atlanta, we decided to stop for the night and continue in the morning; we found one of those family housing unit buildings.
Once we cleared it, we found an acceptable room with a bunk bed, Carol stood by the door, evaluating the room; I figured.
"Me and…" she stopped and swallowed hard, then continued, "Sophia stayed at a place like this once…we had to a few times, when it got bad with Ed." She told me as she began picking at her fingers.
I didn't know what to tell her, I wouldn't tell her that everything was gonna be alright, I would never tell her that I would always keep her safe, I would never tell her that she was never gonna get hurt again; though I wanted to tell her all of that; I wouldn't, because it all be lies.
I watched her as she made her way into the top bunk, after an hour or two, I heard the steady sound of her breathing in her sleep; I lied on the very firm twin mattress.
Before falling asleep, I found myself falling into deep thought, just about the type of person Carol had become; she was hard, cold, distant; after the death of her daughter and her banishment at the prison; I was still convinced she hadn't killed Karen and David in the back of my mind, and I don't think I would be able to actually believe it unless it came from her mouth.
But the fact that Rick was convinced that she had done it was enough to make me question the person I thought I had come to know.
I shook my head and nodded quickly off to sleep, and was awake before Carol, so I could try to get a vantage point, to see if I could see anything.
But after looking out, from the roof, I found myself sitting down and watching the walkers wandering around aimlessly.
I began throwing rocks at them, trying to hit them in their little dead heads, but soon grew bored with my game of Zombie Ball.
Once Carol had woken up, we made our way through many buildings, trying to find anything that could lead us to Beth; Carol was quiet the entire time, except when pointing out some hospital that had the same red cross on it as the two cars.
So we began making our way towards the hospital, only walking through the buildings to stay out of sight, from both the walkers and the people.
We soon came across this kid, that tried to take our weapons, but Carol hit him in the face hard enough that blood poured from his nose; making him groan and take a step back.
I took a step forward, glanced at Carol, then the kid, "And what makes you think we'd give em to you?"
He stuttered when he spoke, but he tried to push past it, "B-because I need t-them. I left her; I have to go back." Despite the fact he was stuttering; he spoke defiantly.
"Who?" Carol asked, looking at the dark skinned boy in the eye.
"She helped me; she helped me be strong when I injured my leg. And I was a coward, and left her." He didn't answer Carol's question, I looked down at his leg to see that he might've broken his ankle.
"Dammit, we don't have time for this, let's go." I said, grabbing Carol's arm and trying to pull her back.
She didn't pull away, but she stayed where she was, "Tell me, who." She demanded of him, and he finally looked into her eyes and actually said something that didn't make me want to shoot him in the face.
"Beth."
After a little while, he told us his name was Noah, and all about how he escaped from the hospital with Beth's help, but Dawn; the woman who ran things and kept everyone there against their will; had recaptured her before she could get away.
Noah then told us how many people Dawn had at her disposal; that were basically like correctional officers; he said there was almost a dozen.
"We don't have enough ammo to take them down…if it comes to that." Carol said, adding that last part after I threw her an odd glance.
I knew we had to go back to get Rick and the others, because with how Noah described Dawn; she was not going to do this quietly.
Almost immediately we began back the way Carol and I had come, and after a while it seemed Carol either forgot or didn't care that Noah was with us.
"You didn't ask about the girls; Lizzie, Mika."
"They weren't with you, so I assumed the worst." I answered honestly.
She shook her head, "It was even worse than one would imagine." Carol said with a pained undertone.
I wasn't going to ask what she meant, I didn't really want to know; there was a small part of me that did, but I still wouldn't ask.
"What happened?" But apparently Noah's curiously got the better of him.
She inhaled sharply, but answered as if I had asked her, "One would think that walkers got them before we did, but no…Tyreese and I had the three girls for a short while, but Lizzie had become unhinged in a way that couldn't be repaired, long ago, and I thought I was helping her by teaching her and Mika to shoot; to fight; but I wasn't."
I didn't want to hear this anymore, I wanted her to stop, but I let her continue after she took a deep breath; I needed to hear it, despite the fact I didn't want to, "Tyreese and I came back one day, from scavenging, to find that Lizzie had killed Mika, was waiting for her to turn, and was about to do the same with Judith."
Noah gasped and shook his head quickly, while I fought back the urge to run, for what reason; I wasn't sure, but I only exhaled forcibly.
I knew what Noah was going to ask next, and silently, I kept chanting; 'Don't say it.' Over and over and over again.
"What happened to Lizzie, then?" Noah asked with an unsure type of tone.
Dammit. Why couldn't he keep his damn mouth shut?
"I killed her." Carol answered, and as soon as she said it; it was like I was finally sure that she had killed Karen and David, as well.
"Why." I said, it wasn't exactly a question; I had to know, but I wasn't asking.
"Because she was a danger to others and if I hadn't killed her; she would've killed everyone else, just for the sake of it."
I kinda wanted to throw up, not because I was sick or was sick of what I was hearing, but mostly because I was so angry of the person Carol had become, but at the same time; it wasn't her fault.
She had to become this person, this world had created this version of her, and the person she was before; is gone, long gone; she had to kill a little girl; a little girl, not a walker, not some monster, a little girl.
But at the same time; I can appreciate how far she's come, whereas when I had first met her; she was a weak, submissive, battered housewife, and now; she's strong, independent, and strikes fear in others, but not to scare them; to help them.
If there was a way of telling this to her; I would, but I knew I wouldn't be able to, so I only nodded as we continued on our way, back to the church, so we could get Rick and some others, to go and get Beth back.
We stopped for the night, and I figured if we went quickly; we would be back at the church by mid afternoon.
It didn't take long for Noah to fall asleep, while he snored away; Carol and I sat by our small fire, "You claim you did it for the group and because if you didn't; it would cause more danger, is that the truth?" I looked at her.
Her eyes slightly widened but she quickly relaxed them and looked up at me, with a forcibly calm expression, "Yes." She answered blankly.
I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine, I couldn't read her, and she couldn't read me, but at that moment it didn't especially matter, because right in that moment; there was this strong, dark energy that brought us together in a manner one would never expect.
It took a little longer than I would've liked to get back to the church but once I explained who Noah was and how he was the key in getting Beth back, Rick, Tyreese, and Sasha came back with us to Atlanta.
It was much faster going back to Atlanta than it was getting back to the church, then we found an old warehouse while Rick devised a plan; Noah would attract the attention of a few of Dawn's officers, and we would capture them to trade them to Dawn for Beth & Noah.
The first part of the plan played out very well, but after capturing the three officers, one of them had managed to get Sasha's gun away from her and had tried to kill her, so Rick had no choice but to kill him first.
Soon after that Rick decided we would keep the remaining officers for a day so Dawn would have time to realize they were missing, while we would figure out our plans A, B, and C, if we needed them.
It was late at night, everyone was sleeping, including the two officers, except Carol and I; we kept watch over everything, just in case.
"We should figure out our own plan, in case things go very different from what we're expecting." Carol said, watching my hands as I twisted an arrow between my fingers.
"What exactly are you proposing?" I asked, sliding my gaze over to her pale face, which gleamed silver in the overhanging moonlight.
"I'm not sure exactly, but I just need to know, that when it comes down to it; you'll have my back, and follow my lead, will you?" She asked, looking deep into my eyes and setting her hand on my wrist, my eyes followed her hand but quickly found their way back up to her fascinating blue eyes.
At first I wasn't sure of what to say, but then I thought of a character from a book series, which came out a few years before the war of the walkers, and I thought about what he would say.
He happened to be my favorite character, since the beginning, because he was dark, scary, but in the end he had made himself that way and because of that; he lived his life in constant regret.
So I said the last word that brought that character to a close, "Always."
As I kept watch, Carol lent her head on my shoulder and soon fell asleep; I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her slightly closer to me, as that looked more comfortable.
I didn't sleep that night; I normally found that when I didn't sleep; I was able to be more aware for the day ahead.
So instead of sleeping I found myself thinking of that book series once more, the main character was my least favorite; he just came off as an idiot instead of blindly brave, and his best guy friend was very slow in the head, but he was entertaining to say the least.
The main character's best lady friend was a stubborn know-it-all who always had to be right, but then again; she was a woman.
My favorite characters happened to be the ones everyone else hated until the very end, but I never hated them, like the main character's enemy; a privileged rich little bastard who was disgusted at the main character's choice in friends, but no one ever really seemed to notice that he was that way because of his father; he lived in his father's shadow and only wanted his father's approval; which was something he knew he would never receive.
Everyone I knew who had read the books were always saying, that oh, he treated them badly, he hated them just because of their blood status; but that's how he was raised, I tried to point out to them that once he grew up; he most likely felt differently, but when he was younger; his father's views were forced upon him.
I shook my head quickly as I noticed almost everyone was awake, and I was getting lost in my crazy fan theories; I watched Rick as he made his way towards Tyreese and they began going over the plans a third time.
I didn't know what kind of plan Carol had planned, but at the same time; I realized that it didn't matter because I would be right by her side, no matter what happened; I'd be right there, next to her, and that would be the only thing that mattered.
Carol quickly began pacing in front of me, I stood up and glanced out the window at the hospital, I couldn't see anything from here; so I turned back to Carol and stood in front of her.
She looked me in the eye with a slightly angered yet worried expression, "Ya good?"
She shrugged, sighed, then slightly tossed her hands up in the air, "Everything's gonna go good, there, Blaze."
She blinked and confusion was plainly written on her pale face, I chuckled, "Ya know, cuz you set those people at the prison ablaze." I said quietly into her ear as I walked away from her and began pacing.
She gasped dramatically but there was a playfully dark smile along her narrow lips, "Well, you're not so innocent there yourself, Arrow." Carol darkly flirted shamelessly.
I smirked at her from the corner of my eye and we began pacing opposite the other, "Yeah? Well, at least I own up to it." I joked, shrugged and then laughed.
But once I said I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say, but immediately Carol burst out laughing, "Shut up." Blaze said while still dying of laughter.
After a minute or two, she regained herself and began pacing once more, "What do you want me to do; shout it from the rooftops?" Carol asked with laughter still dripping from her voice.
I shook my head, and barely gave way to a smile along my lips, then brought my face about four inches away from her face and whispered, "No, but instead of letting that emotion weaken you; make it make you stronger, pull it deep within you and push it out with everything you have."
Then I backed away as Rick called us over to go over the plans one last time, just to make sure that everyone knew exactly what was going to be happening.
But all the while, I only looked at my blaze as she looked at Rick, and somehow I knew that whatever she had planned; it was going to be big.
It took a short while to weave our way through the streets of Atlanta to make our way to the hospital, as this was one of the locations that was very over-populated with walkers.
As we went through the fence and began walking towards the entrance of the hospital, I began counting my arrows, and noticed that Carol did have a gun, but she carried multiple long bladed knives and a machete.
Once we walked through the doors, we saw about two dozen or so people standing about ten feet away from us, in the entrance hall.
Beth stood beside a slightly older dark haired woman with dark serious eyes and a heated expression, and on the other side of Beth was another officer, thin and wiry; scatterbrained, I figured.
There was a man with his hand on Beth's shoulder, he wore blue scrubs; doctor; he was older with glasses and a slightly wrinkled face.
Rick began speaking with the woman beside Beth, who I assumed was Dawn, she said she would give Beth back to us, but she wanted Noah to return to Grady Memorial with them.
Rick said that wasn't an option, that we were giving them two of their people back, so we could take Beth and Noah; it was a fair trade.
Dawn's hand raised slightly as if she was about to reach for her gun, but Noah stepped forward and said he'd go back as long as no one would get hurt.
The doctor took his hand off Beth's shoulder as Noah stood beside her; she kissed his cheek, and then stood in front of Dawn.
"I get it now…you may not, but I do. You're a coward, Dawn, and that's all you'll ever be." Beth said darkly, and stabbed Dawn in the shoulder with something I didn't see, and somehow Dawn's gun went off and Beth was falling backwards but Noah quickly caught her before she fell to the ground.
My eyes were scanning over Beth to find out where the blood was coming from; it was coming from high up on her left shoulder; too high to be near her heart, there was a lot of blood, but she would live.
When I wasn't watching there was a gunshot; I looked up to see my blaze standing there with her arm outstretched, gun in hand.
I spun on my heel to see Dawn on the ground; blood pooling around her head, no one said a word, but I stood in front of Carol, she smiled, stuck her gun away, put both of her hands on the back of my neck and quickly planted a kiss on my lips, then quietly whispered, "Ya ready, Arrow?"
Before me or anyone had the chance to say anything, Carol spun around me and with a flick of her wrist; she sliced through the wiry officer's face and he fell to the ground.
The other officers began pulling their guns, but there was no way they were going to hurt her and any way shape or form, because I quickly raised my bow and shot two of them, and I was set into action.
Carol tossed me one f her long bladed knives and it was like a play, with synchronized killing, twirling, and blood flying everywhere.
Blaze quickly cut through the doctor's neck while I did the same to a short blonde officer; her blood spattering all over Carol's face, she laughed and licked the blood from her lips, which I found to be oddly sexy.
I threw my arm out and sliced an orderly's face in half; his blood sprayed across my chest as I made my way towards the brightest flame I'd ever seen.
I couldn't help it, I wanted to, so I did; I slipped an arm around her waist, pulled her closer to me and brushed my lips against hers in such a kiss that I had never experienced before, maybe it was the fact that it was slick from the blood that draped across her mouth.
Once I pulled away; we danced down the hallway; slicing, stabbing, anything that stood in our way, it was kind of exhilarating in a psychotic kind of way.
We didn't enter any of the rooms; only skipping down the hallway; killing, murdering anyone that was there, just for the sake of it, no that wasn't entirely right; we did it because in a dark, insane kind of way; it brought us closer together.
Soon the hallway floor was covered in blood and the walls were just about covered too, and it made Carol laugh, a dark humor filled sound; I loved that sound, only because without knowing or realizing it; we had become who we never thought we would be, but it didn't matter.
Covered in blood, we bounded back down the hallway, almost slipping on blood, guts, viscera; we stood in front of the rest of the group; their faces all had the same expression; incredulous shock.
Except Rick, he had an interested but blank expression, but then he only shrugged and turned to leave, Tyreese was completely unsure of what to do, but after a minute he followed Rick out the door.
Sasha looked shocked but angry, but she then helped Noah get Beth into his arms and as they were about to leave, Beth smiled at Carol and I as a 'thank you'; we both nodded.
I looked at her, and saw her in a way I had never before; we weren't the same, we would never be, but that was never the goal, I knew it; she knew it.
I saw her in the way I should've always seen her; how she truly was, how I truly was, but I always saw her through shielded eyes, and in a disgusting way; all the blood had lifted the shield.
Carol took my hand in hers; I looked down at it, chuckled then looked back up her, "Ya ready to go?" She asked plainly, I smiled, and nodded.
I smiled because she took this all in stride; she owned up to it, and made it make her stronger; I looked into her blue eyes, and she looked into mine, and right then, in that moment; we were monsters together.