If there were one day, and one day only, that I could take back, I wouldn't have to think twice about what day it would be. There are thousands of moments I regret, tens of thousands of memories that I wish I could change. But there's one day in particular that I would do over in a heartbeat, because that day changed the way I live today.
The words looked bold, their black script a sharp contrast to the parchment they were written upon. Lily sighed, biting the end of her quill as she read over them. They sounded better in her head, but some thoughts were so insistent that they required to be written – and these had been bothering her for days. She turned in her seat to look across the classroom and spotted the young man she was looking for without any trouble at all.
He was in the middle of the row of students closest to the windows, the only one of the lot that wasn't staring outside. His head was bent, his hand moving furiously as he wrote. Lily sighed, looking to the professor standing at the head of the room. He was boring, his voice monotone. It was hard to pay attention in here, especially when everyone else was ready to leave too.
"You sound like you're starting another one of your harlequin novels…" Remus grinned as he handed back her parchment at lunch.
"Not a harlequin… They're romances. And anyway, what do you care?" She stuck it back in her bag, then threw him a half-hearted glare.
"Oh, I don't, really. But I was rather curious as to what you were scribbling about during class, because it was painfully obvious that you weren't paying a bit of attention." She could hardly deny his statement. It had become harder and harder to get through any of the classes that she shared with Slytherin. "Look, Lily… It's been two years. Well, two and a half if we're being technical. If you don't act now, when will you? Just go talk to him."
He had a point, she had to admit.
She left the Great Hall after dinner that night with her nerves in a bundle. Thankfully it was clear out; on rainy days, she had no idea where to find Severus. Now, though, she knew exactly where to go.
It was quiet down by the lake, with nearly everyone inside. The sun had just started to sink down, throwing a myriad of color over the water, as Lily spotted him. His back was to her as he leaned against a tree, his bag on the ground. If she didn't know better, she would assume he was waiting for her.
"Sev!" Her voice conveyed more excitement than she'd meant to. He turned around slowly, and the angry, guarded expression on his face caught her by surprise. "Can we talk? Please? Just for a minute?"
"Death Eaters and the angel's crew aren't supposed to mix, Evans. I thought you made that perfectly clear during fifth year."
She flinched at his words. "Yeah, because that was when I was stupid."
"No, that was when Potter was interested in you. Now that he's out of the picture, you're just desperate for someone else. And who better to go to than me, the boy that everyone expects to grovel after you because I know you're too good for me. I'm the one who's supposed to forgive everything you do, who's supposed to be just thrilled that you would even consider talking to me. But those days are over. They ended a long time ago." His voice was cold, his tone annoyed. And his eyes, rather than softening like they would have once done, were as closed off to her as they ever were.
"It's not… It's not like that, Sev!" She took a step toward him, stopping before he moved away. "I thought James was nice. I thought he actually liked me. I learned that he didn't, and…I learned something more important. I learned that the one I really care about and want to be with is you. You always have been. I just couldn't see it. It's like I was blind, and now I can see and…please…"
The sky was growing darker, shifting into a lovely blend of dark blues and purples. The water looked like a giant pool of ink, ready to swallow them up. Severus turned around to look at it for a moment, then looked back to her and narrowed his eyes. "You're still blind."
"What do you mean?" She bit her lip.
"Do you know where we are?"
"Hogwarts. We're standing right by the lake. You can see that, Sev." She saw his jaw move, his hands ball up into fists. "You come here every evening, so long as it isn't raining."
"You still don't get it?"
And then she did. Her gasp was loud as she made the connection. "You… This is where it all happened. Where James held you upside down, and then you called me a Mudblood and…you do care."
"Of course he does." This voice was new. She was familiar with it, having met all three of the Black sisters upon coming to Hogwarts. But years had passed since then, and she had figured it would be years more before she would see any of them again. Narcissa was strikingly beautiful as she stepped from behind the tree. "But not about you."
"That…that's not true!" She looked toward Severus, whose arms were crossed over his chest. "Is it?"
"I know you think I still love you, Lily Evans, and perhaps, deep down, I still do. I don't know."
"Then why still come here, to this spot?" Her voice trembled as she tried to keep her composure.
"Because this was the start of something new. This is where I became who I am today."
She took another step toward him but stopped when Narcissa put her hand on Severus's arm. With a last look, she turned around and began the walk back to the castle with her head bowed. A string of words played through her head, but there was only one that mattered.
Love is blind.
a/n;
This was written for Round 9 of the Harry Potter Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.
I write as Beater 1 for the Montrose Magpies.
The overall round setting was an impromptu sort of thing. My captain assigned me the character of Lily Evans.
My localized theme/setting was a character making the first move toward something/someone.
My prompts were;
- 11 (emotion); annoyed
- 14 (word); blind
Love and thank you to fellow Magpies, most notably Rayne and Firefly. Without you two, this wouldn't have happened. I'm serious.
