Dear Rachel,
There have been so many things that i've wanted to say to you the past 8 months, only I haven't known how to say them properly. So here is my best attempt.
First of all, you need to know that i'm sorry.
What I did to you that afternoon at the train station was truly out of pure love and nothing more, I swear. I would do anything for you, Rachel. I wasn't about to let myself stop you from living your dreams. The dreams that you'd been dreaming of your entire life? Everything that you'd worked for would've all been for nothing if I hadn't put you on that train. I know that you hate me for hurting you and i'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry that I caused you so much pain and heartache. But you need to know that it hurt me just as much to let you go like that. You are the love of my life. I never wanted what we shared to end.
I didn't propose to you because I wasn't thinking properly or keep you in my life no matter what? I proposed to you because I love you more than i've loved anything or anyone before in my life. I was serious about us and our future. I wanted to marry you so badly, Rachel. I've told you that so many times but i'm still not sure that you understand my sincerity behind that. I truly, truly wanted to call you my wife.
I constantly dreamed of the day that you would be Mrs. Rachel Hudson-Berry.
Since you've been gone from my life, I have been lost. Sure, Mr Schuester has helped me out. Subbing for him was great and I learned a lot about myself and what I want to do with my life, but there is a hole in my heart. A hole that only you can patch up.
I meant what I said that night at the wedding. I don't care about the dumb ass you're dating... you are mine. No matter how hard I try and let go of you, Rachel, you will always be my one true love. I know that sounds silly and childish and so corny, but I mean it. There truly isn't any other way I can say it.
I still have a picture of us on my nightstand that I look at every single night before I go to sleep. I still have my Prom King crown and your Prom Queen Tiara from Senior Prom sitting on my desk. I still have the ring box that I bought for your engagement ring that I carry with me everywhere. This is how I keep you in my life, Rachel. I may not be able to call you up whenever I feel like hearing your voice anymore or pop over to your house and cheer you up whenever I know you're feeling sad. But you need to know that i'm always thinking about you. You're the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep at night.
I never intended to hurt you as much as I did, Rach. I understand that I shouldn't have run away from you that night in New York when we went to that karaoke bar with Kurt and Blaine. That is truly one of the biggest regrets of my life... now knowing that if I would've stayed and talked everything over with you, maybe we'd still be together right now. But what happened, happened. You need to know that I am no longer that scared, overwhelmed boy who fled at the first sign of rejection. I'm strong and finally facing my future. Although, everywhere I turn I see you in my future.
Rachel, if you are truly happy in your new life and no longer have feelings for me, please say something and I swear I will leave your life forever. I don't know how i'm ever going to get over you, since i've tried so hard to let you go, but i'm sure I can survive with this lingering heartbreak otherwise. I just want you to be happy. And if letting you go forever allows you to be happy, then so be it. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
You will always be my beacon of light guiding me through the darkness. You will always be that something special that touched my soul when I first heard you sing. You will always be that beautiful, confident woman that I will always love. You will always be the most talented girl I have ever had the honor of knowing. You will always be mine, to me.
I love you, Rachel Berry and I will love you forever and always.
I hope this letter articulates my thoughts and feelings the way I want it to. If not, all you need to know is that I love you and I always will. If you want me to leave your life forever, I will... but I will never stop loving you.
Love always,
Finn.