Look, it's another one of those tiresome interview fics. Nevertheless, I was inspired when I thought up Fang's first line. I felt I needed to fulfil the urge. Heh, heh, sounds kinda dirty.
Anyway, hope you like.
Disclaimer: Hmm, it's time for a 'funny' and/or 'witty' disclaimer. I know, I'll do what everyone else does, save a few original minds. I own a scrubby eraser, a blunt pencil, and heaps of junk. None of this (other than the copies of the ever-present books) resembles in any way the Maximum Ride um, whatchamacallin'. Series, franchise, um, you get it.
Er, also slight profanity alert. No F-bombs, but quite a few Ws -grins mischievously- -winks-
An Interview With Fang
(Flock present)
Journalist (Mark Riley): Why, hello Fang, how are you and the flock?
Fang: -suspiciously- How do you know my name? And what do you know about the flock?
MR: Do you know James Patterson?
Fang: Yeah. Answer the question.
MR: Well, he asked me to do an interview with each of the flock, after giving me a quick background. So, I know a bit about you, but I want you to tell me more.
Iggy: -snickers- -mutters under breath- Not freaking likely.
Max: Yeah, good luck with getting Fang to talk, we can't do it.
Iggy: -snickers- Well, not everyone.
Max: -scowls- Thin ice, Ig, thin ice.
MR: Anyway, back to the interview. Fang, what's it like having wings?
Fang: -sarcastically- Kinda like having arms.
MR: I mean, how do they change your lifestyle?
Fang: Apart from the 'on the run' part? Well, I can never live and intermingle with normal humans.
MR: Does this bother you?
Fang: -gives a Look- No. I'd have to deal with idiots like you. Hang on, I do that anyway. -glares-
MR: Well. -lost for words- Um, can you fly?
Fang: Wow, that quick chat with Jimmy Patts wasn't very helpful, was it? No, I can't fly.
MR: So what do you use your wings for?
Fang: They make me feel pretty.
MR: Really?
Fang: -sigh- Do you make any money? 'Cause if I employed you, I'd drop you as quick as I could. Of course I can fly.
MR: Oh. So what does flying feel like?
Fang: It's annoying really. Sort of like talking to you. Like sticking pins in my eyes.
MR: Really?
Fang: -give a second Look- Is that all you can say? Nevermind. No, flying is both brilliant, and a thing you'll never do.
MR: Well, duh, I don't have wings.
Fang: -sighs- -turns to Max- Can I go now?
Max: No, we promised.
Fang: You promised. I didn't agree to anything. And he's a wanker. -glares at wanker-
Max: Will this help? -kisses Fang-
Fang: No, you'll have to do it again. -almost smiles-
Max: -rolls eyes- -kisses again- How about now?
Fang: -mumbles- Yeah. -sighs-
MR: So, are you and Max a couple?
Fang: -gives third Look- -sarcastically- No, I just kissed my sister.
MR: Whatever. -getting very fed up with uncooperative birdboy- So you're not gay?
Fang: No! -glares-
MR: But you are emo, right?
Fang: -glares- I am NOT emo. And I never will.
MR: But the whole black wardrobe thing is very emo, don'tcha think?
Flock: -cowers in preparation for Fang's wrath- -trying to contain laughter-
Fang: -glares- I repeat. I AM NOT EMO.
MR: But people think.... -trails off, realising this is a bad idea-
Fang: -sinisterly- People think what, exactly?
MR: Well, all the scars, wardrobe, and your blog's very much like a diary.... -trails off again, this time for effect-
Fang: -is now glaring continuously- You get raised in a dog crate being experimented on daily and come out untouched.
MR: You're admitting to be emo?
Fang: No, that's my excuse for mutilating you. -feint lunges at MR-
MR: -squeals in fright, before looking embarrassed, realising Fang was pulling his chain- Oh.
Fang: -smirks mirthlessly- Oh.
MR: Well, this wraps up our interview for today-
Fang: -murmurs- Forever.
MR: -So good luck to you and your flock. -presses stop on tape recorder-
Fang: What? A tape recorder? You were recording us? Give it here.
MR: Why? It's just what we talked about now.
Fang: B-but...um, uh....
Flock: -cracks up-
Nudge: You got Fang to stammer! Well done, Mr. Riley!
Fang: -glares at world- Save me now.
Iggy: I know what he's talking about. -sniggers-
Max: You know what? So do I.
Angel: -mind reads Max and Iggy. -giggles- Poor Fang.
Iggy: Regretting it now, huh, Fang?
Fang: -scowls- Whatever.
Nudge and Gazzy: -simultaneously- I don't get it. -smile- -look at each other- We don't get it.
Iggy: Well- -cut off by Fang-
Fang: Guys, let's go.
Iggy: -frowns at Fang- As I was saying, Fang said something earlier, and boy does he wish he didn't.
Gazzy: What did he say?
Iggy: Remember 'They make me feel pretty'? That's what Fang's stressing over.
Fang: I am not stressing over it. I was being sarcastic.
Iggy: Yeah, yeah, we know, you just feel so pretty. And witty. And gay. -cracks up in uncontrollable fits of laughter-
-aside from flock's laughter-
MR: -mutters- I need a holiday.
Fang: You and me both.
MR: Yeah, I'm sorry about before. Your low cooperation level was irritating me.
Fang: Well, this whole interview setup was pissing me off. I can't believe Max made me do it. No offence to you.
MR: None taken, none taken. My boss made me do this instead of an interview with Miley Cyrus. I've been looking forward to that interview for ages.
Fang: -says under breath- Well, I wonder why your boss let someone else handle the big guns? Probably avoiding an accident. Useless wanker.
MR: I heard that. Gay emo.
Fang: Excuse me? I just explained that I am neither gay nor emo. And that was childish.
MR: So are you.
Fang: My excuse is proper. I am a child.
MR: Childish gay emo.
Fang: -glares- Now, that's it. -lunges for real-
MR: -screams-
Flock: -wake up from laughter- -look at pair wrestling- -cheer on Fang, who's winning-
Max: FANG! Cut it out!
Fang: -stops immediately- -whines- But Max. I've been waiting to do that for the past hour. And he called me a- -stops, realising he'll never live it down-
Max: A what, Fang?
Angel: -mind reads Fang- -cracks up-
Fang: -sighs- A childish gay emo.
Max: -growls- -lunges at MR- You wanker! My boyfriend is NOT gay!
Iggy: -is unable to come up with a sarcastic remark as he is laughing too hard-
Gazzy: -is unable to ask questions as he is laughing too hard-
Angel: -is unable to read any minds as she is laughing too hard-
Nudge: -is unable to talk as she is laughing too hard-
Fang: -is helping Max, and definitely NOT laughing-
Max: -is still attacking MR, and not laughing either-
MR: -is dead-
Max: Oh crap. -to flock- Will you cut that out? We need to take this wanker away.
Nudge: Why?
Max: We need to bury him.
Nudge: Oh. Cool. Wanker!
Narrator: And that was the last time anyone ever heard of the flock again. They went into hiding, fearing jail.
Ahh, it's out of my system. And I just noticed; Mark Riley has the same initials as Max Ride. Hope that didn't confuse anyone. I mean, it'd be slightly difficult to, but you never know.
R&R?