"What am I doing? What am I doing? Leaving Charlie, and leaving Miles again. Am I doing the right thing. What if I am going to make things worse, again? I don't have a very good track record." This was all going through Rachel 's mind at the same time as she walked away from the rebel camp with glassy eyes.
"All I wanted was a family. A family to come home to, a family to love and call my own. A home to come home to, a husband to love, kids to love. I just wanted to have kids, see them grow, walk, talk, play ball, laugh, cry, fall in love. I just wanted what every mother wants. Is that too much to ask? So why did I have to make a deal with the devil, sell my soul, and sacrifice the lives of thousands just for that. It's not fair."
"But life is not fair. And now Danny's gone. Ben is dead. What was the sacrifice and all for? And, am I making the same mistake again trying to turn the power on? Was Miles right - that there is no good guy. Power corrupts. Killing with sticks and stones is bad enough. Now I am planning on giving them power to nuke themselves. But if I don't try, Bass will nuke us all. Why should he be the only one with power."
"But giving up Charlie again, giving up Miles? Would that be worth it? I have lost Ben and Danny. But Miles and Charlie are still alive. I gave Miles up a long time ago for a home and family. But after last night, maybe I have not really lost him. Maybe his feelings have not changed. Maybe somewhere in this crazy world we still have a chance together? I still remember the ultimatum I gave him like it was just yesterday. If you leave for the Marines, it's over between us. Or were you just pushing him away, Rachel, I tell myself. You knew he was bent on joining the Marines and he was definitely not ready to settle down. He was not the marrying kind, not then. Or maybe he was - married to the Marines, to his convictions, to his sense of what was right or wrong, however that turned out."
"But he has changed, or at least he is trying to. You have seen that. It was only three weeks' ago that you thought he may hurt Charlie. Now you would not have left if he was not there for Charlie. You trust him with more than your life. You trust him with your only living child's life. Maybe you were wrong about him all these years."
Rachel's mind drifted back to when they first met.