When They All Lived Happily Ever After
"Sire?"
Uther sighed with a blissful expression that left everyone at the table distinctly uncomfortable. "What kind of flowers do you think my lovely Catrina would enjoy most? I'm thinking of planting a garden in that east training ground we never use anymore."
The Camelot councilors exchanged pleading looks until one of them leaned forward determinedly. "There is an important lawful matter that must be discussed."
Uther looked out the window dreamily. "Water lilies might be nice. The wet green would bring out that delicate hue of chartreuse in her skin."
The councilor went his own delicate shade of chartreuse and hastily sipped from his wine glass. One of his more stalwart colleagues took the reins of the conversation. "It concerns the...Queen, your highness."
The King turned toward his adviser with a smile. "Delightful woman, isn't she? I can't imagine what my life would be if we hadn't crossed paths."
One of the concilors muttered something that had his neighbor jabbing sharply at his ribs.
"The entire kingdom has been changed with her presence," the primary speaker coughed weakly. "It really is most pressing that we resolve some of the matters pertaining to her higness's past and present appear - presentation."
"Isn't she a vision? Be wary though, sir," the King laughed with a shake of his finger, behavior which had his advisers sharing looks of rising alarm. "If you praise her overmuch I might think you're trying to steal her away from me."
"Sire!" the man gasped, appalled. "I would never...be so disloyal."
"Good man," Uther said approvingly. "I always knew you were a decent, intelligent sort of fellow."
"Returning to the matter at hand," another councilor put in as the last recovered. "As concerns the Queen -"
"Important matters first," the King interrupted. "I'm still not sure what to do about the garden present for my wife. That must be resolved before any new issues are discussed!"
"Sire," the councilor sighed. "It...has appeared to me that the Queen would not be most moved by a gift of flowers, but instead one of...manure."
"Manure! Undoubtedly! See that this insightful man receives two warhorses in reward," Uther gestured to the scribe. "Now, what was this other business you wanted to discuss?"
"Though the Queen is veritably still an attractive individual," rushed the councilor. "It cannot be contested that there was a significant alteration in her appearance, one that we are certain involved the use of strong magic. Further, the Queen clearly shares a close relationship with those who are by their nature inherently magical beings. Your highness, how do your laws prohibiting magic affect these facts?"
"Is that all?" Uther shrugged carelessly. "Obviously I'm not going to prosecute my wife. Anything graced by her touch must have inherent goodness. Magic is hereby legal in Camelot.
"Now what type of feed would you recommend for the horses to produce the most fragrant and flavorsome manure?"
Gossip moved with the speed of dragon flight in Camelot, and even those presumed dead, imprisoned, or banished had access to it. Merlin, at least for the moment, was willing to disregard his plans to fake Arthur's death so he could consider the possibilities Uther's latest decree had opened up.
"But Gaius!" He protested against his mentor's sour glower. "This is what I've been dreaming about ever since I came to Camelot! I can walk around without fearing for my life and so can you! Why would we want to undo that?"
"Uther is not in his right mind," Gaius said in clipped tones. "And this troll has achieved her position of power through trickery and deceit."
"It's not like Uther was in his 'right' mind when he ordered the purge," muttered Merlin. "And how many times have we used trickery and deceit to get what we wanted?"
"That was for the greater good and always with the best intentions," asserted the older man.
"How do you know this wouldn't be for the greater good?"
"Merlin, you've been banished. How can any of this be of benefit to you?"
"So what if I've been banished? I can just use magic to change my appearance. Haven't you heard the news, Gaius?" He raised his voice over his friend's attempted interruption. "Magic is completely legal in Camelot. Really, I don't even have to change how I look, I just have to slip a potion to the troll that makes me look different to her, and maybe the King. I've done it before."
"At which point you'll be stuck serving under a troll queen," Gaius remarked drily. "Someone like her cannot be allowed to remain in control of Camelot."
"Why not? It's not as if she's done anything that bad. Compare what she's done to all the people Uther's had imprisoned and killed and she's practically benevolent."
"What about the tax increase, Merlin? Starvation can kill people just as surely as fire or sword."
"Hmm, that is a bit of a problem," mused Merlin. Looking up he snapped his fingers. "I've got it! All I have to do is work out an enchantment or potion that will make it seem like something dirt cheap is gold to the queen. Something the people of Camelot will have ready access to and will keep Catrina blissfully unaware."
"All problems cannot be solved with magic!"
"What?" Merlin grinned cheekily. "It's not like it's illegal or anything."
Arthur's voice came out only minimally strained as he presented a cartload of straw mucked out from the stables. "Queen Catrina, the monthly tribute from the people of Camelot."
The troll clapped her monstrous hands together and said gutturally, "Beautiful!"
With a nod, Arthur refrained from commenting.
Stumping up to the offering, the troll ran her fingers over the mound, smearing the wetter contents over the strands. "Such a lovely smell and texture."
"Quite." Arthur didn't know what the stablehands had been feeding the horses lately, but he'd been breathing through a handkerchief for most of the journey from stables to throne room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an unbearably smug Merlin by one of the pillars. "Everything is to your satisfaction, Queen Catrina?"
"Very much so," the troll grunted, grabbing a handful of dirty straw as she waddled back to her throne. "Leave it for a bit longer and I'll come up with a good storage place myself."
"Of course," murmured Arthur with forced decorum. An instant later his voice changed completely. "Merlin, I'd like to have a word with you if it isn't too much trouble."
He glared at the paling Merlin, who still looked entirely too comfortable. The troll looked up from her lapfull of stable muck and gave Merlin a glance of mild curiosity before looking at Arthur.
"Wasn't Merlin the name of your last servant?" she queried as said servant scuttled out of the room.
"It's a very common name," Arthur said thinly.
The troll seemed satisfied, and Arthur's father looked at her dotingly as his son exited the chamber.
Merlin was hit full in the face with a pillow.
"How could you lie to me!" Arthur shouted. "You been my personal servant for how long now, and you never thought that you having magic might be important?"
"Forgive me for not wanting to be burned alive!"
"Idiot! I wouldn't have let that happen to you if you'd just been honest!" Arthur declared chucking another pillow.
There was a flash of golden eyes and the pillow froze in the air.
Glaring, Arthur put his hands on his hips. "Can't you just dodge like a normal person?"
"I've never been normal," Merlin replied with a slight smile. "You've told me so often enough yourself."
With a groan, Arthur flopped onto his enormous bed and covered his face with his hands. Both pillows settled back to their proper places by the headboard.
Arthur thrust a fist into one, destroying its fluffy symmetry. "Don't do that!"
"Why?" Merlin asked in amusement. "It's so much easier."
"All it means is you're unspeakably lazy," Arthur ground out. "How many times have you used magic to get a chore done that you should have been doing yourself?"
Merlin shrugged and tried to look innocent. "What's wrong? It's perfectly legal."
"I've been disinherited, I'm never going to be able to eat anything in the banquet hall again because the whole place reeks of manure, my father's been enchanted into being married to a troll -"
"Which I was right about!"
Arthur grit his teeth. "And something that's been criminalized for as long as I can remember is all of a sudden perfectly fine in private and mixed company. I'm not my composed best, Merlin."
"It isn't all bad."
"Yes it is," Arthur asserted in a tone he'd convinced himself wasn't pouting.
"There's still some silver lining," Merlin insisted as he manually straightened some chairs in the room.
"Merlin, even someone with your puerile brain couldn't find the bright side in this situation."
"Is that so? Think about what just happened when your father married Catrina."
"I really try not to dwell on it," Arthur shuddered.
"Sorry to strain your delicate sensibilities, sire, but you might be glad if you did. Your father married a troll."
"I know!"
"Which doesn't make any sense."
"I know that, too."
"So what possible explanation could there be?"
"Magical enchantment."
"Yes, there is that, but for all other appearance, and in his own mind, Uther married for love."
Arthur was silent for a moment and then grunted, "So?"
"All I'm saying is it could be setting a very good precedent."
Arthur tried very hard to make it look like that hadn't had an impact.
"Father?"
"My son," Uther said graciously. "I feel like I've seen so little of you lately. Catrina and I are taking a hunting party to the northern swamps later today. Why don't you join us?"
"...Perhaps. Father can we talk? About something important?"
"Certainly," said Uther sincerely.
"Why did you marry Catrina?"
"Many reasons," Uther got a far away look. "When I first saw her I was swept away by her beauty. When we spoke I was captivated by her intelligence. And once we got to know one another better a really magnificent side of her came out. Why she can rip a door right off its hinges! She has so much energy," he chuckled.
Arthur looked a little pained.
"To give a short answer, though, it's because I love her."
"So love is the best reason to marry?" Arthur prompted.
"Well," Uther frowned slightly. "There are other reasons of course, but...yes love is most important."
"And it's why you would want me to marry?"
Uther was silent for a moment, and Arthur decided he might just be getting further confirmation that Merlin was an idiot when his father spoke. "Yes."
His heart rate speeding up, Arthur asked quickly, "Even if she wasn't nobility?"
"Yes."
"Even...even if she were...a servant?"
"If you love her, she'll always be a lady to you."
"Even if it were, say...Gwen?"
Uther placed a hand on his son's shoulder and smiled genuinely. "I hope you'll be very happy with her."
Things were progressing quite beyond her fondest hopes at the moment. On a monthly basis, the citizens of Camelot would dutifully send her mounds of the loveliest gold she'd ever seen. It shone no matter how much she rubbed it with her dirty fingers. In fact, they might have to reduce the frequency of the tax, she was honestly running out of room to keep her treasure.
She'd noticed the uncomfortable looks everyone else would occasionally exchange, but as long as they weren't plotting active subversion, she was willing to live and let live. After wondering what kind of extreme measures she would need to take preventing the King's son from marrying some uppity princess who would want the whole palace scrubbed into ghastly cleanliness on a daily basis, and want her own gold and jewels in the bargain, Catrina was complacent with Arthur's actual preference.
The servant girl seemed to have a fondness for simplicity over golden spangles and she didn't contest Catrina's authority. Additionally, as Arthur's servant with the same name as that clever little sneak she'd ended up running out of the kingdom had pointed out, anyone from the peasant class would by necessity be exceptionally frugal and a great economist. Which left more gold in the coffers for Catrina to lovingly count.
It was a good life, and Uther had proven to be a good husband. He wasn't at all bad-looking, by human standards, which meant he wasn't attractive to her. However, his wholehearted approach to making her happy, no matter how much magic it had taken for him to be persuaded into that place, made up for a lot. Also after he'd gone through jousting practice, swordfighting, a backlands horseback expedition, and came in with dirt streaked by sweat all over, he wasn't quite as homely as usual. At those times, he was actually rather pleasant.
The eccentricities of the regal Camelot couple eventually settled into the peculiarities of local custom. King Uther's temper had become remarkably mild and the only thing that could really rouse it were insults and threats to his queen or his son. While Queen Catrina was never deemed a charming conversationalist, she also was fairly non-demanding as long as the citizens kept delivering all their stable muck to the palace.
Though the monarchs of the land were not a cause for terror in the populace, they were still left mainly to themselves. This was a result of the stench that permeated the palace due to Queen's preferences in food and decor. Arthur, his bride, Camelot nobility and servants alike, therefore mingled much more with the 'common folk' than with their uppercrust rulers. This brought about simply unprecedented beliefs and practices in equality among the citizens of Camelot. Even if they weren't at the same level of affluence, they all had a fairly unifying view on their King and Queen.
~s~
And They All Lived Happily
Ever
After
~s~
Kilgharra crossed his paws over a stone outcropping and sulked. Destiny just wasn't what it used to be.
A/N: What? At least everyone (or the majority) is happy right? Or are you saying that happiness isn't the end all and be all of existence?
To get some different takes on this prompt, take a stroll through the Twelve Shots of Summer archive and its many different offerings.