Luigi Falls Apart (Fan-made parody of "Daisy Falls Apart")
[Mario and Luigi (c) Nintendo]
Luigi's phone buzzed in his pocket. Knowing exactly who it was, he took it out and declined it. "Shtop ccalling me…..stupd dumb brother…" he said, shoving the phone back into his pocket. He was very drunk; it was hard for anyone to miss. They all wondered what Mario would be thinking if and/or when he saw his younger brother like that.
The bartender toad handed Luigi another drink. "You know, he's probably worried about you." he said to him, referring to Mario.
"Ggood. Let-a *hic* him be. Imma grown man! I ccan *hic* take care of *hic* mself." Luigi responded, just barely understandable in his drunken state. "Th'only reason that I-a know I *hic* can take care'f mself is bcause Ma*hic*rio aaalmost aaalways leaves-a me at-a home, and *hic* and-a whenevr I DO go with him, he ggets AAAAALL the attention and-a praise. Bbut then what-a does *hic* Luigi get? What kind-a award does Mari*hic*o's brother get?" he continued, ranting.
"Uh-" the bartender toad tried to answer.
"HEEE GETS-A NOTHING!" Luigi yelled, somehow not able to catch the attention of the whole bar.
"Poor old Weegie gets-a lEFT BEHIND AGain and *hic* noobody evr noticesss…." he continued, taking a sip of his drink. The bartender toad was about to say something, but stopped himself when he saw another sober toad outside the bar jumping up and down and waving to somebody outside.
He watched as the sober toad stopped waving. He stood there for a few seconds before nodding; he was obviously talking to someone. The toad then jumped up and down some more while pointing inside the bar. When he stopped, he moved out of the way; and as soon as the bartender toad saw Mario appear in the doorway, he gestured towards Luigi before walking away to serve some other guests, letting Mario run up behind his brother.
"There you are!" the older brother shouted.
"AAH!" the younger brother shouted in return, startled by the older's sudden appearance. Mario, ignoring the fact that he nearly just gave his only sibling a heart attack, went on.
"What were you-a thinking?! You scared-a me half to death!" he shouted.
"Oh reeeeeally?" Luigi responded nonchalantly and semisarcastically.
"Yes! I've-a been looking all over the kingdom for-a you! I almost had-a the princess start a search party for you!" Mario replied, still shaking a little from fright over his brother going missing for a while.
Luigi saw this and ignored it. "Tch…i'snot like-a yOU would caree, BIGnose." he said, pressing his nose up against his brother's.
Mario, confused, ignored it. "What in-a powerstar's name are-a you going on abou-" he was almost able to get the question out of his mouth.
"YOU, MARIO!" Luigi shouted, cutting him off.
"YOU ANd-a AAALL your mANY VICTORies. You-a defeted BOwser, and, and-a you rESCUed Peach, and, and….and-a you-a saved Daisy….and you…a-and you rescued PEAch….and….di-did I-a say you rescued Peach…?" Luigi asked.
"Yes, Luigi. Three times." Mario replied, unamused.
"YEah, gguess what? Last time we both saved-a the prINCess, NObody, nnot evn Peach hersELf, so mmuch as-a even LOOKed at me! I-a eeven waved at-a you and yOu didn't evn notice mee!" Luigi said, adding on to his previous statement.
"I-a ALways ffeel so-a lonely, and i's becus nobody seems-a to ccAre abou' me." he continued, looking away from Mario with a sad expression on his face.
Mario was surprised at this. "Weegie….how-a come you never told-a me? I-a surely would've done something!" Mario asked, pure concern in his eyes.
When Luigi didn't respond, Mario started to feel his big brother senses come on. "Weegie?" he asked. "Answer me, bro, please." he continued. There was a pause before Luigi finally responded.
"I-a didn't want to be a burden to you…" the green brother said quietly.
This shocked Mario beyond belief. He had absolutely no idea what to say or do; he could only hang his head as a wave of guilt passed through him. He didn't feel like he'd been a good brother at all.
Well, now was the time to redeem himself.
"Bro….do-a you want to know the truth?" he asked Luigi, placing a hand on his back. Luigi nodded.
Mario sighed before speaking. "…I worry about you a lot, bro." he said.
Luigi looked up at him with saddish eyes. "You-a do?" he asked.
"Yeah." Mario replied.
"….Why?" Luigi asked, still giving his brother the same look.
"Because of-a how you are." Mario replied almost immediately. "You-a get paranoid so easily, and-a that allows you to get scared of just about everything. It-a makes me afraid to leave you alone for too long, especially when I'm-a out saving Peach." he continued.
Luigi squinted at him with a serious expression. "Go on." he said. Mario was a little weirded out by this, but he kept going nonetheless.
"Well….." he started, rubbing his neck. "….sometimes when I'm-a out saving Peach, I…I-a have scary thoughts about you that-a cross my mind that-a make me want to turn around and-a run back home." he continued, now nervous.
"Really? Like-a what?" Luigi asked.
Mario turned his head, his eyes seemingly shadowed by the brim of his red cap. "I-a don't wanna talk about it…" he said in a slight whisper.
"That's-a fine…" Luigi responded, not wanting to make the mood anymore gloomy.
"I-a do care about you, little bro. Nothing in the world can change that." Mario spoke again out of the blue. "And-a so does Yoshi! He's always asking me where you are when-a he sees me! And-a Toad likes to see you, too! And so does Peach!" he continued. A small smile spread across Luigi's face as Mario named off their friends.
"And Daisy is-a your girlfriend, of course!" Mario added.
Luigi's whole body tensed up and his eyes widened in surprise and shock at the mention Daisy's name. However, Mario didn't notice this.
"See, Luigi? We-a do care about you!" Mario concluded cheerfully.
But when he saw Luigi down the last of his drink with one swig, his smile faded.
"Stop-a that." he said, snatching the glass of now ice from Luigi's hand. Luigi put his pointer finger up and opened his mouth to say something, but it closed and his finger drooped as his face turned as green as his outfit.
"Um, bro? You okay?" Mario asked, once again filled with concern.
"I-a don't feel well…." Luigi replied shakily, holding his stomach. As he bent over his legs, he felt Mario start to rub his back.
That didn't last long, though; Mario retracted his hand as fast as lightning when his brother puked all over himself.
"Doesn't surprise me." the bartender toad appeared in front of them and handed Mario a napkin to give to Luigi. "Don't worry about cleaning up. I've been doin' it for a long time." he continued.
After saying thank you to the bartender, Mario gave the napkin to his brother, who raised his head up a little after using it to wipe his face.
"…uuuuugh…." he moaned. Mario rubbed his head with a small smile. "You okay, little bro?" he asked, attempting to cheer him up.
Once again, the unexpected occurred. Luigi began to cry.
First, it was quiet.
Then it got louder.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the younger brother wailed before burying his face into his hands.
"Mama mia! C-Calm down, Weegie!" Mario said, startled. "What's-a the matter?" he continued. "These were my-a last pair of clean overaaaaalls!" Luigi cried. "Well, mine-a need to be washed anyways, so we can-a both-a change into something else at home, huh?" Mario told him.
"That's not the only reason!" Luigi exclaimed, looking up at his brother with a tear-soaked face.
"What's the other reason?" Mario asked curiously. Luigi cried a bit more before answering.
"DAISY DUMPED MEEEEEEEEEE!" he shouted.
"SHE WHAT?!" Mario shouted in return.
"Yeah!" Luigi responded. "She-a dumped me for PEASLEY!" he continued.
"Mama mia! That's-a terrible! Why Peasley of all people?" Mario asked.
"It's-a because she said that-a he was more mature than me!" Luigi exclaimed.
"More?! If anything, Peasley is-a LESS mature than you!" Mario said, now mad.
"I knoooow!" Luigi agreed through his tears.
Finally, Mario reached over and wrapped his now sobbing brother in the biggest, most loving hug he could muster. As Luigi sobbed quietly into his shoulder, he rubbed his back soothingly.
"Shhh…" he whispered. "Don't cry anymore, Weegie. I promise, I'll-a do whatever it takes to help-a you win Daisy back." he continued.
"Y-You will?" Luigi asked with a sniffle.
"Of-a course. Anything for my little brother." Mario replied, smiling.
Luigi felt another smile cross his face as well.
"Thank yoouu…." he said, returning the hug. Mario replied by softly humming to soothe him more.
After about a minute, Mario stopped the hug and held his brother in front of him. "Now then, let's-a go home and-a change, eh? Then we can play some Mario Kart 8!" he said, wiping Luigi's tears away.
Luigi chuckled. "I'd-a like that a lot." Luigi replied, finally giving off a big smile. Of course, Mario was happy to see it.
The two bros climbed down from their stools and were about to leave when they heard a voice from behind.
"Ahem." it said. When the bros turned around, they noticed the bartender toad waving a hand as if he wanted something. "Ya gotta pay, Luigi." he said.
"I'll-a pay for him. How much?" Mario asked, pulling out his wallet.
"Fifty coins." the bartender replied.
"FIFTY?!" Mario exclaimed. "How many drinks did-a he have?!" he asked.
"Ten. And they're five coins each." the bartender replied.
Mario's lower right eyelid twitched once before he turned around to look at Luigi, who gave him a small nervous laugh.
Mario couldn't be mad at him long though; he'd been through a lot.
"Alrighty, here you go." Mario sighed, giving the bartender 50 of his gold coins.
"Thank you. You boys have a nice day." the bartender said with a smile. "You too." Mario said as he and his bro left.
"Don't-a EVER get that many drinks again." he semi-whispered into Luigi's ear as he pulled him down by the arm.
"Don't worry big bro, I-a don't plan on it." Luigi replied, loosening himself from his brother's grip.
And with that, the Mario Brothers made their way home. They changed clothes, and played Mario Kart 8 until the day's end.