Hi to everyone! This is my first story published, and I'm a little nervous about it. The whole thing is actually already written, so expect more chapters to follow quickly. I wanted to give myself some extra room for editing, etc. Some notes about the story: I followed the story line of the first Mass Effect, but purposefully skipped writing major missions, unless they were useful for my character development. I didn't want to make a novelization of the game, but expand on the original story, specifically the down time on the ship where the crew would interact with each other. I'm excited to get to Mass Effect 3 and what I see for Shepard's future, but felt like I needed to spend time developing who I thought my Shepard was. So here it is! I would love any feedback you guys have for me. Corrections, suggestions, criticisms? All are welcome. I look forward to any chance to improve my writing, and I'm excited to learn what my readers think.

The Beginning

Shepard stood at the galaxy map, staring as the hologram swirled before her. The light reflected on her face showing prominent cheekbones that accented her violet eyes. Shepard had a strong jaw, enhanced by the stubborn set of her mouth. Her honey colored hair was tied up in the usual Alliance fashion; not a hair was out of place. There were even a handful of light freckles that spilled across her nose and onto her cheeks. Shepard's skin still showed her relative youth, but her eyes reflected experience beyond her years.

Spectre. She was the first human Spectre, an honor she could not quite believe. The title hovered over her, but could not yet fit next to the part of her that she already knew: she was Commander Shepard, Alliance Military. She could feel the pressure of what she was being asked to do like an anchor in her stomach. To the Council, she was just pursuing a dangerous rouge Spectre to bring him into justice. The Council didn't believe her warnings about the Conduit, about the Reapers. But she knew they existed and she knew that if she didn't succeed in stopping Saren the entire galaxy would fall, just like she saw in the vision from the beacon.

The Normandy was a ship any soldier would dream of, all straight lines and gleaming technology. The most advanced ship in the Alliance and she was given command of it. She felt the crew watching her, waiting for orders. She didn't deserve this; she had only done her duty. Her mind flashed to when she had first enlisted. Her mother had come to see her off, back straight with pride for her only daughter.

"You made the right choice; the Alliance is in our blood. Make me proud and remember your duty," her mother had said.

She had appeared again to see her off the first time Shepard had been given her own command. It was shortly after Akuze; everyone called her a survivor. But for the first time Shepard had felt defeated, and her mother read that in her posture. If only I had managed distance from them, hadn't started to care, maybe they would still be alive, Shepard was thinking, before she had shook her head to clear it of the ghosts. In the first show of tenderness Shepard had gotten from her mother in a long time, Hannah Shepard had briefly touched Shepard's cheek.

"You cannot love them when you're their commander. Comradery on such a close ship is inevitable, but you understand why you cannot get too involved. It will only hurt you," her mother hesitated before continuing, "and them. If you love one, you make bad choices for the others. If you love them all, you make bad choices for the mission. There is no room for love in the Alliance. You can have passion for what you do, and pride for what you've accomplished, but there is no room for love."

"Is that why you left Father?" Shepard had countered, irritated to be lectured. Hannah's brow furrowed as a shadow crossed her eyes. She simply repeated, "There is no room for love in the Alliance."

Not even room for your only daughter, Shepard thought now, before chastising herself for being petty. She supposed her mother had done the best she could while always away. Father was an Alliance soldier as well, but Shepard hadn't seen or heard from him since her mother left and took Shepard with her.

Shepard finally pulled herself out of her thoughts and selected their destination on the map for Joker. Therum. The daughter of Matriarch Benezia was there studying Prothean ruins; why Udina expected Dr. T'Soni to help them against her own mother was anyone's guess, but it couldn't hurt to try. Or maybe it would hurt. Asari were famed for their biotic skills and all it took was one good singularity when her shields were down; Shepard resolved to bring Wrex along, just in case. Shepard and Wrex together were nearly invincible, both up close fighters with shotguns and powerful biotics. Coupled with a tech expert like Tali, or a sniper like Garrus, it seemed like only an army could stop them. Some soldiers criticized her style of fighting; they said it took no skill. She viciously disagreed. It took a lot of skill to manage such a high risk-reward type of fighting. If her initial barrage of biotics and shotgun blasts didn't kill the enemy immediately, Shepard was incredibly vulnerable; her biotics had to cool and her barrier was likely already taken down. Shepard also thought those soldiers that criticized her wouldn't have the quad to charge a fully grown krogan like she was regularly forced to do

Shepard finally stepped away from the galaxy map and headed for the lower deck. They had been constantly moving since Eden Prime, and her stomach screamed for some breakfast. She found Ashley there with the same idea and brought her bowl of cereal to sit across from her. She had discovered that Chief Williams had an unexpected love of poetry, something she liked to tease her about. Shepard had always been one for prose, preferring a well told story. Anyone could write a fourteen line sonnet; a novel took effort. Ashley violently disagreed, claiming the ability to construct something with such limited words was the real challenge. In any case, the discussion had brought them together, and Shepard found herself seeking Ashley's company even if she had to be careful about how close they got.

"Morning, Skipper. Joker crash the ship yet?" Ashley asked.

"Not quite, Chief, though he did threaten to go close to some asteroids if I didn't hurry up and set the destination," Shepard commented.

"Something on your mind?" Ashley looked up from her food. Shepard kicked herself for the slip; Ashley was always too perceptive. There's no room for love in the Alliance. It will only hurt you, and them.

"It's nothing," Shepard lied

Williams tried to play it cool as Shepard joined her in the mess. It was morning, but most of the crew were trying to catch up on sleep; they had been constantly going since Eden Prime, after all. They were on their way to Therum, looking for an asari doctor named Liara T'Soni, but Ash always got bored of the down time between missions. Even listening to her mail from home hadn't calmed down her stir-crazy mind. The commander sat quiet and stoic, like always. Despite eating together every morning, Ashley had managed to get surprisingly little information out of Shepard. It was no wonder her peers referred to her as…cold. On the vids Shepard was charismatic and funny, but that person never appeared off camera. It was a performance Shepard pulled out for the Alliance vids and then quickly shrugged off for her usual icy demeanor. But Ashley saw something else in Shepard. They were small flashes, quickly hidden behind her mask of professionalism: a smile at something someone said, the look of concern when someone was hurt. And Shepard listened patiently to any criticisms given about the missions as well as any random stories Ashley felt like sharing from home. It was one of the reasons Shepard's crew was always so loyal to her. But it was frustrating that one minute she could think they were almost friends, and then Shepard would just shut down and shut her out, becoming Commander Shepard once again. No one had ever gotten Shepard to be more than the commander.

Tali soon joined them, giving a hilarious rendition of the scene happening in the cargo hold between Wrex and Garrus. It was supposedly all in good fun, but Shepard did worry a little about if things went too far. Wrex and Garrus seemed to get along, but there was long standing animosity between turians and krogan that could easily be brought to the surface. The banter had started with a number of testicles joke, but Tali left once she thought it was getting a bit intimate for her tastes. Shepard was definitely worried; she didn't hear any loud noises from the hold, but…

"You'll never relax until you go check on them. I'll make sure your breakfast stays warm," Tali's distinct voice came through the speakers on her envirosuit. Shepard nodded her thanks and hurried off towards the elevator.

Like always when she was forced to use the elevator, Shepard cursed the very metal it was made of. The most advanced ship in the Alliance also contained the most frustratingly slow elevator. More than once, Shepard had just thought about attaching a rope to repel down the elevator shaft; it would be quicker than waiting for this thing to move itself. Finally the doors slid open, revealing Garrus locked in a biotic field while Wrex grinned.

"Playing nice, are we?" Shepard asked.

"Of course, Shepard. This is just good old fashioned hot air," Wrex replied, giving her a thump on the back that nearly threw her to the ground. So far the krogan was the only one who could mess with Shepard like that and get away with it. In some ways, Shepard thought, Wrex could almost be a brother. Stop it, Shepard. You can't think like that. Don't get too close.

"Ah. And what were you discussing?" Shepard asked. Garrus was still being suspended by Wrex's biotic field so Wrex replied, "We were just having a nice chat about the genophage."

"A nice chat, huh? And that's why you're still holding Garrus hostage? Did he give you a reply you didn't want to hear?" Shepard asked.

"Of course! He's a turian! Though he makes a fair point that we probably would've done the same thing if it had been the choice between that and defeat. But then he insulted my mother," Wrex gave a mischievous grin.

"Ha! Well I'm sure he's done his time. Let him go and we'll all enjoy some breakfast," Shepard said and the three comrades stepped onto the elevator to join the rest of their crew.