Hey there everyone, RavenGhost here! Now, I haven't posted any fan fiction in a while-and this is my first Bayonetta fic. (Though don't worry, I've clocked in over 500 hours in the game, and I've been writing stories since 2003…I shit you not.) You can take this one-shot seriously if you want, though be warned…this was done in one sitting. So…I started at 12AM and finished at 1:20AM-and I'm posting it mere minutes after writing it. I…am so TIRED. In any case, this fic has a cute little hint of yuri in it-and by cute hint I mean that Bayonetta and Jeanne kiss. Calm down, boys. XD
And now…DISCLAIMER! I do not own Bayonetta. I own a copy of the game-but not the rights itself…those belong to Platinum Games. Awesome guys there. AND I don't own the mysterious teenager that's mentioned like…four times. Anyone care to take a guess at who he is? ^.^;
Sometimes All You Can Say is WTF?
High heels clicked almost silently across the hardwood floor that belonged to the infamous bar known as The Gates of Hell. The men who were currently sitting at the tables didn't even spare the black clothed woman a glance as she made her way by them, one foot stepping in front of the other-her right hand on her hip as she walked.
A few more steps and she stopped at the bar, stopping to re-adjust her black frames over her eyes. She remained silent as her silver eyes watched the bartender in front of her. After a few minutes of being ignored, she frowned and tapped her fingers on the table.
"Rodin." she said, her voice giving away that she was pissed.
The huge bartender stopped what he was doing and looked back, his sunglasses hiding his eyes from the woman-though she already had a pretty good idea of what he really looked like behind the lenses, after all, she had fought and beaten him not too long ago.
Rodin grinned as he continued to clean the glass he was currently holding. "Bayonetta." he greeted back, though he didn't sound anywhere near pissed. If anything-the man sounded amused.
"I'm here to return a defective weapon." she stated-the shocked expression Rodin gave her nearly making her grin. "One of your little 'babies' broke on me while in battle."
"Now that's a lie if I've ever heard of one." the gunsmith replied, looking into her eyes to see if she was indeed lying-and if he was going to have to kick her ass for saying such a thing.
"Nope. I'm not." she replied. "I go out there hunting angels, and your little toy breaks! Do you have any idea how awkward it is to break a weapon in the middle of the battle? Not to mention the awful sword to my face that I nearly got afterwards!" she snapped.
"Alright, alright. Calm down, baby." Rodin replied, "Which one of my babies 'let you down'?" he asked, using air quotes to emphasize his point-he thought the woman was lying.
Bayonetta frowned as she reached down and pulled up one of the Onyx Roses, setting it on the table. It was-indeed-broken, Rodin could easily see that.
Frowning, he reached down and picked up the pieces. "Oh man, my baby." he grumbled, "What the hell were you fighting!" he demanded.
The Umbra Witch shrugged. "Ugh. Some crazy kid with white hair and a freakish glowing arm came up to me and yelled at me for being a demon…or something. In any case, his arm grabbed that gun and broke it." she grumbled, "Pour me a round." she demanded.
Rodin actually found himself glaring at the witch in front of him-something he never though he'd do. Well, she had broken one of his babies-it was as if she had taken his fake future child and threw them into a wood chipper. No, wait…he wouldn't be as mad as he was now if she did that.
"Well, seeing you here alive and well-I'm assuming you kicked that kid's ass." Rodin stated, still severely pissed at the lost of one of his babies.
Bayonetta grinned. "Indeed. He's learned his place in the world." she replied, smiling as Rodin handed her a small glass with a pink liquid in it. Silently, she took the shot-setting the glass on the table when she was done. "He must've had amazing power in his arm to break that Onyx Rose, though." she pointed out as she looked around. "Speaking of kicking ass, have you seen Jeanne anywhere?"
"She's on the roof." he replied, wiping down the table. "Just you wait till you and me are alone, I'm going to give you the beating of a lifetime for breaking my baby." he grumbled.
Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "If you're going to get pissed at anybody for breaking your precious gun-you might as well kick the ass of the guy who actually did the breaking." she pointed out, standing up and turning around. "Heh, that's him right there actually."
Rodin looked up to see that a young man with white hair had walked in. He was wearing a blue jacket with a red hoodie underneath. Just as Bayonetta had said, he had a glowing demonic arm. He could sense it-even while it was hidden underneath his clothing.
"Well holy shit." Rodin grumbled, watching the male through his sunglasses. "I'm not into beating children."
Bayonetta looked over and pulled her glasses down with two fingers a bit to look at Rodin. "He's not a child. He's more of a…teenager. A very angry and emo teenager." she replied, grinning. "Besides, you were so eager to kick my ass for letting your baby break-why not just kick the ass of somebody who can't beat you back harder…or have you forgotten the time you charged me a million fucking halos just to fight you? I still kicked your ass."
Rodin went silent at the reminder, Bayonetta grinning as she turned and began to walk towards the hallway that held the door that lead to the stairs, which lead to the roof, which lead to Jeanne.
The gunsmith watched as she walked away, blinking when he realized that the damn witch hadn't paid for her drink. Frowning, he looked over to Enzo-who was currently asleep at a nearby table. "Enzo! Her drinks are going on your tab, buddy!" he snapped, "You deadbeat mother fucker." and with that, he picked up and slammed the glass Bayonetta had drank from moments ago onto the table. Sure enough, Enzo snorted and fell off his chair-just as he always did.
"Damnit Rodin!"
He grinned as he looked over towards the soon-to-be-dead teen that had broken his beloved Onyx Rose.
Bayonetta made her way up to the roof, opening the metal door at the top of the stairs and walking out into the chilly night air. Upon exiting The Gates of Hell she looked around, spotting the red clad female that she had been looking for sitting on the edge of said roof, her legs dangling over the edge.
She walked over and sat down next to her Umbran Sister. "Something troubling you?"
Jeanne looked over, her white hair seeming to glow in the moonlight. Sighing, she looked up at the moon-or what was left of it after Balder decided to blow it up.
"No." she replied, continuing to stare up at the broken moon, Bayonetta blinking before looking up as well.
"The moon was a small sacrifice to make." she replied, snapping her fingers-a strawberry lollipop appearing in her hand before she slipped the sweet treat between her lips. "If it weren't for you-who knows what would have happened?"
Jeanne looked over at the black haired female. "I suppose you're right." she admitted, Bayonetta grinning.
"There you go!" she smiled, snapping her fingers-another lollipop appearing as she handed it over to her friend.
The white haired female blinked at the offering before lightly smiling back and taking the treat in her own hands. "Where did you learn to do that?"
"What? Summon lollipops?" Bayonetta inquired, rolling the one she currently had in her mouth around with her tongue, "Believe it or not, Luka taught me how to do that."
"Do you have an infinite stash of lollipops in your hair?" Jeanne joked.
"Maaaaybe." Bayonetta replied, smiling.
A grin back. "Well, it's a useful trick." she replied, licking the lollipop that had been given to her. "So, what brings you here?" she finally asked.
Bayonetta looked over. "Huh? Oh. Well, I suppose I was already on my way here to get free drinks from Rodin-but some crazy emo teenage boy attacked me and broke one of the Onyx Roses. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure Rodin's pissed as hell at me."
Jeanne quirked an eyebrow. "You were beaten by a kid?"
"When did I ever say that!" Bayonetta exclaimed. "He just broke one of the Onyx Roses. I kicked his ass hard after that."
"A kid?"
"He had a demonic arm."
"Ah."
Bayonetta grew quiet for a moment. "Say Jeanne?"
"Yeah?" the other asked.
"What do you suppose we should do now that we've saved the universe and everything?"
Jeanne looked over. "Kill angels."
"I mean besides that." Bayonetta deadpanned.
"Drink?"
"There is that, but I was referring to something else."
"Then spit it out Cereza!"
Bayonetta grinned as she scooted closer and slung an arm around Jeanne's shoulder, said female blinking in confusion before a kiss was placed on her cheek-said female freezing completely, her eyes widening.
"We should go out." Bayonetta whispered in her ear, grinning as she pulled back. "Wow Jeanne! You're such a virgin! I peck you on the cheek once and you blush!"
"W-what! I am not!" the white haired female countered angrily, "You caught me off-you want to go out!"
Bayonetta smirked. "Why not? There's no man in this world that even comes close to impressing me-and you're the only person I find to be somewhat of a challenge. If I were to go out with anyone else it'd be the equivalent of me dating a child."
"…what?"
"You're right. That made no sense." the dark witch replied, her eyebrows furrowing as she attempted to think of a better metaphor.
Jeanne could only blink at her best friend in complete and total confusion. Why on earth would Cereza-?
Her thoughts were blissfully cut off when Bayonetta realized that she'd couldn't think of a better metaphor and decided that kissing Jeanne would me much more fun. Not surprisingly, she was completely correct.
The white haired witch found herself blinking yet again when she felt the soft petals that were Bayonetta's press against her own. After a few moments of shock, she carefully pressed back-the two of them pulling away soon after.
Jeanne felt Bayonetta's fingertips grace her cheek-the white haired female tilting her head into the soft brushes.
"Fine." she grumbled. "I suppose we could…date."
"Really? And here I thought you were going to be stubborn and angry at me." Bayonetta replied, grinning. "I was actually expecting on having to kidnap you and make you think otherwise."
Before Jeanne could reply with a colorful string of curses-the sound of the front doors of The Gates of Hell slamming cut her off. Both witches blinked in confusion as they looked down, only to see that the front doors had been kicked right off their hinges and into the street. In front of the now door-less frame was the same kid that had broken the Onyx Rose-as well as Rodin, who was currently picking up the angry teen by the back of his jacket and dragging him into the alley next to the bar.
Bayonetta 'tsked' as she watched the scene unfold. "There goes another hot teenager-off to get raped in some horrible dark alley."
Jeanne blinked in confusion. "What?"
"I'm just kidding!" the dark witch replied, "Rodin won't rape him-just beat the living hell out of him for breaking his baby!"
"Oh. Well, I suppose that's okay then." the white haired witch replied as she leaned against her new girlfriend.
Bayonetta smiled as she looked up at the moon. "And then he'll rape him."
"Shut up, Cereza."
And the two of them looked up at the broken moon that once, not too long ago had been full and beautiful. Jeanne smiled. Bayonetta had been right…the moon was a sacrifice that had to be made. She didn't like it-but in the end it made things right.
"Raaaape-"
"SHUT UP CEREZA."
*Reads over work before slamming head onto keyboard* Holy crap…if you spot any grammar mistakes-it's because I'm tired as fuck. Though I must thank you for reading! Please leave a review! This is like…a half serious, half crack fic. In any case, thanks for reading! Hopefully this one-shot was able to keep you entertained for a few minutes. Can anyone guess who the angry teenager is?