Mirrors Never Lie
I stare off into space, remembering. Wondering if I did the right thing. I abandoned her, and now she's dead. She's been dead 15 years, but still… I feel like I am the cause of her suffering, of her death. I know that's not true, not at all. But I feel guilty for breaking our friendship. We had been best friends since we met, and I threw all that away because I thought it would have been the right thing for my future. My bleak future. I've decided I have no future.
We met on the train to school, two nobodies in the back. You were so outgoing and friendly, I was reserved and quiet; always have been, always will be. We became fast friends, even when we were sorted into opposite houses. Some how we stayed in touch, stayed close. Maybe the key to our friendship was the fact that is was long distance.
I remember that game we used to play. We'd link up two mirrors by magic so we could talk to each other face to face when we were in out separate common rooms. We'd talk about our day, who we liked, the funny thing that happened in charms. It's strange, but some how we managed to stay friends even though we hardly saw each other. I was never lonely. I am now.
Even so the bond began to unravel, especially when you got to know James and his group of friends better. It's all his fault you know. It's your fault too. You let him get between us, you let him come closer; all the wile pushing me farther away. It became you and him, and you had that little son of yours. When I see him I think of James, and I can't help but feel like I'm staring at that dirty rat father of his. It was all his fault.
I remember when I ended our friendship; it was at the end of the year dance, 6th year. I was 17, but you were still 16.
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Lily sat out on one of the benches, the evening was warm, but a chill night wind still bit the air. She had been waiting for someone she knew to come by, maybe even James; she giggled a little thinking about him. But the person who came was not who she was expecting, it was Narcissa. As she walked up she had blank expression on her face, she had been acting this way more often each year. Lily could feel something building in the air.
"Lily…" Narcissa began.
"Yes," said Lily, her voice wavering a bit.
"We… we can't be friends anymore."
This was not what she was expecting to hear. Eyes wide with amazement she caught her breath and whispered, "What… do you mean? This is so, so sudden…"
"No it's not!" Narcissa bit, "You only pay attention to your new friends, I'm nothing now. We have grown apart."
"Wait, lets talk this over, I mean, we need to think about this a bit more rationally."
"I have, I have been thinking for a long time. I suppose you're too good to notice that; to notice me."
"No, we can work this out, I… we… we can make some time…"
But Lily stopped seeing Narcissa's head shaking no, "Sorry lily, but I am torn away now, I can't come back."
And with that she walked away.
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I watched you for a wile after that. You sat on the bench and stared over your shoulder at the stars. I had confused you, saddened you, and you didn't know what to do. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what was best for me, for you, and for the future. I was wrong, oh so wrong.
After that I blamed out failed friendship on James, and on you. But it wasn't really you or James, was it. I tore myself away; I gave up on our friendship. It was all because of me. Our friendship had been something special, something to hold onto. It could have been a light in the dark, but I threw it away. I wish I hadn't now, everything here is so bleak; I look about and all I see is sorrow.
In the library there is a mirror. I stare and I stare, but it remains the same. I look deep into it in hope that I will see your face on the other side; that I will once again gaze into your endless green eyes. But it never changes from my reflection. As much as I want it to show me my dreams, as much as I wish it to reveal your face, it merely casts my reflection. Mirrors never lie.
I don't know what people see when they look at me. I don't know what my son sees when he watches me stare at the mirror. Yes, I have a son, but he is different from yours. I don't know what he is thinking, what he is feeling, all I can see is myself. Yes, I do not even know my own son. Would you laugh at me, would you cry? I guess I'll never know, because you're dead.
Even now as he sits across from me reading a large black volume, I do not understand him. He sees the tears that formed in my eyes, ready to fall, but his expression is indistinguishable, I cannot read it. His emotion is that of someone who feels compassion, but does not show it, does not know how, and does not know he feels it. What have I done? What have I created? I want him to come over and shake me saying, "Why do you keep staring in that mirror, why to you keep crying and saying 'mirrors never lie'?" I wait, and I wait, but he makes no move. He never has, he never will. If he did I would tell him everything, I want to tell him; but he does not know it and will not ask.
I pull out my drawing papers. The one thing you taught me how to do. I can draw fairly well; some of my pictures are of you. Some bring out all your coarse, unlikable features; others portray only your beauty. The picture now is neither beautiful, nor ugly; it is you as you are. What am I now? I am a mirror, I never lie, I never speak. What am I to do? I'm lost and lonely, and full of regret. I want you, Lily, I want you to come and say "Don't worry, it'll be all right," just like you used to.
But you're not coming back; you're never coming back.
Author's Note: I felt like doing something from Narcissa's POV. I was thinking about what I had written in Memories to Forget, and I had been thinking about Narcissa's character.
I stare off into space, remembering. Wondering if I did the right thing. I abandoned her, and now she's dead. She's been dead 15 years, but still… I feel like I am the cause of her suffering, of her death. I know that's not true, not at all. But I feel guilty for breaking our friendship. We had been best friends since we met, and I threw all that away because I thought it would have been the right thing for my future. My bleak future. I've decided I have no future.
We met on the train to school, two nobodies in the back. You were so outgoing and friendly, I was reserved and quiet; always have been, always will be. We became fast friends, even when we were sorted into opposite houses. Some how we stayed in touch, stayed close. Maybe the key to our friendship was the fact that is was long distance.
I remember that game we used to play. We'd link up two mirrors by magic so we could talk to each other face to face when we were in out separate common rooms. We'd talk about our day, who we liked, the funny thing that happened in charms. It's strange, but some how we managed to stay friends even though we hardly saw each other. I was never lonely. I am now.
Even so the bond began to unravel, especially when you got to know James and his group of friends better. It's all his fault you know. It's your fault too. You let him get between us, you let him come closer; all the wile pushing me farther away. It became you and him, and you had that little son of yours. When I see him I think of James, and I can't help but feel like I'm staring at that dirty rat father of his. It was all his fault.
I remember when I ended our friendship; it was at the end of the year dance, 6th year. I was 17, but you were still 16.
{~}{~}{~}
Lily sat out on one of the benches, the evening was warm, but a chill night wind still bit the air. She had been waiting for someone she knew to come by, maybe even James; she giggled a little thinking about him. But the person who came was not who she was expecting, it was Narcissa. As she walked up she had blank expression on her face, she had been acting this way more often each year. Lily could feel something building in the air.
"Lily…" Narcissa began.
"Yes," said Lily, her voice wavering a bit.
"We… we can't be friends anymore."
This was not what she was expecting to hear. Eyes wide with amazement she caught her breath and whispered, "What… do you mean? This is so, so sudden…"
"No it's not!" Narcissa bit, "You only pay attention to your new friends, I'm nothing now. We have grown apart."
"Wait, lets talk this over, I mean, we need to think about this a bit more rationally."
"I have, I have been thinking for a long time. I suppose you're too good to notice that; to notice me."
"No, we can work this out, I… we… we can make some time…"
But Lily stopped seeing Narcissa's head shaking no, "Sorry lily, but I am torn away now, I can't come back."
And with that she walked away.
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I watched you for a wile after that. You sat on the bench and stared over your shoulder at the stars. I had confused you, saddened you, and you didn't know what to do. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what was best for me, for you, and for the future. I was wrong, oh so wrong.
After that I blamed out failed friendship on James, and on you. But it wasn't really you or James, was it. I tore myself away; I gave up on our friendship. It was all because of me. Our friendship had been something special, something to hold onto. It could have been a light in the dark, but I threw it away. I wish I hadn't now, everything here is so bleak; I look about and all I see is sorrow.
In the library there is a mirror. I stare and I stare, but it remains the same. I look deep into it in hope that I will see your face on the other side; that I will once again gaze into your endless green eyes. But it never changes from my reflection. As much as I want it to show me my dreams, as much as I wish it to reveal your face, it merely casts my reflection. Mirrors never lie.
I don't know what people see when they look at me. I don't know what my son sees when he watches me stare at the mirror. Yes, I have a son, but he is different from yours. I don't know what he is thinking, what he is feeling, all I can see is myself. Yes, I do not even know my own son. Would you laugh at me, would you cry? I guess I'll never know, because you're dead.
Even now as he sits across from me reading a large black volume, I do not understand him. He sees the tears that formed in my eyes, ready to fall, but his expression is indistinguishable, I cannot read it. His emotion is that of someone who feels compassion, but does not show it, does not know how, and does not know he feels it. What have I done? What have I created? I want him to come over and shake me saying, "Why do you keep staring in that mirror, why to you keep crying and saying 'mirrors never lie'?" I wait, and I wait, but he makes no move. He never has, he never will. If he did I would tell him everything, I want to tell him; but he does not know it and will not ask.
I pull out my drawing papers. The one thing you taught me how to do. I can draw fairly well; some of my pictures are of you. Some bring out all your coarse, unlikable features; others portray only your beauty. The picture now is neither beautiful, nor ugly; it is you as you are. What am I now? I am a mirror, I never lie, I never speak. What am I to do? I'm lost and lonely, and full of regret. I want you, Lily, I want you to come and say "Don't worry, it'll be all right," just like you used to.
But you're not coming back; you're never coming back.
Author's Note: I felt like doing something from Narcissa's POV. I was thinking about what I had written in Memories to Forget, and I had been thinking about Narcissa's character.