Title: Fear Not
Rating: PG
Author: Obi the Kid
Summary: Niko POV. Takes place during Deathwish after the scene when Cal asks Niko if he is afraid of him.
Disclaimer: The characters of Cal and Niko belong to Rob Thurman. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
Note: *I stumbled onto the Cal Leandros series not along ago. I was hooked almost immediately after the first few chapters of Nightlife, and I quickly gobbled up the other books that had already been published in the series. The books have been so much fun to read with such a great blend of angst, h/c, action and supernatural elements, I decided to try my hand at a Cal & Niko piece of fan fiction. I've been writing in the Star Wars fandom for years, and recently took a foray into writing fiction based on the Ranger's Apprentice books. But this is my first Cal & Niko piece. I hope you guys enjoy. Thanks so much for reading. And if this one works, perhaps there are more to come in the future.*
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Am I afraid of him?
No.
Never.
Cal knows that after all we've been through. He knows I could never stand with him through this hell if I was terrified of his other half.
But he had to ask the question. For his own sanity of mind, he had to ask the question.
Am I afraid for him?
Hell, yes.
Every moment of every day.
I can only hope that fear never shows. It's been my tireless crusade to create the hard-shell exterior I demonstrate to the world. Weakness cannot be allowed. Showing weakness of any kind would be the death of my little brother. And the death of my little brother would be the death of me. I have no desire to live in a world without Cal. When it is our time, we go out together or not at all.
If the end came and it came to our own decision – if there was no other way, Cal would go first. It wasn't a choice. It was how it had to be.
In no way was I going to allow the Auphe to put him through years of torture in order for them to achieve their goals of repopulation and world domination. That would not happen.
Cal would go first. I would follow. It was the only way.
But if I failed – therein lay my greatest fear. I would be gone. He would be alive – if you could call it that. Violated in ways I had no desire to imagine. He is the last of the Auphe males. Even half Auphe is enough for the ultimate goal - for the Auphe, the most evil of creatures to eventually wipe out the human race and create a world in their image.
Cal would no longer be Cal by that point. He would have lost everything that made him who he was and he would have become a slave to the Auphe world.
Neither of us knew exactly what he suffered when he was dragged to Tumulus years ago. The two years – two days in my reality – were either blocked or buried so deep into his subconscious that he cannot access them. Not that he would ever want to. It is one thing I know Cal fears more than any – save my death – that those memories will return and take from him the sanity that he tries so hard to maintain.
I can imagine that what he suffered before would be nothing compared to what he would suffer should the Auphe succeed in returning him to their home.
But it would not happen. I would not allow it as long as I drew breath.
I would continue to learn and study and push myself until I was past human limits.
Since I was four years old I have been Cal's protector. Never a day goes by that I forget that. It is why I am part of this world. Brought into this world by that woman who was our mother only by blood. Never in name. Though she had no idea of my purpose when she handed him to me as a naked screaming newborn telling me that he was now my responsibility – I knew almost immediately what my purpose was. I had made a promise then. If I could help it, that woman would never touch my little brother again. And as hard as she tried to break the baby - then toddler- then child- then teenage Cal with her painful insults and words about him being a monster, I was always there to reassure him that he was no such thing. That he was real. That he was my brother. That I loved him. And that I would always take care of him.
Now, so many years later, after all I've been through, raising him, teaching him, supporting him, I know every inch of his mind – every inch of his emotions. So when he asked me if I was afraid of him, the words didn't surprise me.
It's usually a fear left unspoken by humans. That one day, the person they've always counted on will no longer be there to pull them back when they fall.
Inside, Cal feared what his monster half was capable of. Hell, we'd all seen it in action when Darkling took control. And that possibility was always there, that the monster in him would come to power once again and destroy the few things he held dear. And one thing in particular. Me.
He'd tried to kill me once, as Darkling. It was easy to see why he had to know that I wasn't afraid of him.
He had to hear it from me. He had to feel it from his older brother – the one person in his difficult life that meant all to him. The one person he would die for without hesitation.
I could never be afraid of Cal. But I will never stop being afraid for him. If I am what he needs to keep fighting this battle for life – for sanity - then I will be here, come hell or Auphe.
He is my brother.
END