Totally Dramatic Interviews
Synopsis: Taking place from where the last interviews left off, our campers let us know what is truly on their minds and what they think of the love connections beginning to form. Also, Chris makes an appearance and I am able to have a sit-down with him, too.
CAST
Screaming Gopher Team
Beth
Cody
Gwen
Heather
Izzy
Justin
Leshawna
Lindsay
Noah
Owen
Trent
Killer Bass Team
Bridgette
Courtney
DJ
Duncan Eva
Ezekiel
Geoff
Harold
Katie
Sadie
Tyler
And our Illustrious Host…Chris
Scene 1--The Dock of Shame
Elizabeth: Hello and welcome back to Totally Dramatic Interviews. Last time, Justin had an interpreter with him because his glands were so swollen he couldn't talk. Just for your information ladies, the man can speak. I've heard he has quite the singing voice too, a hidden talent I'd like to showcase here later on the show. That is, if I have his permission. (smiles)
(The audience claps, cheers and whistles to that)
Elizabeth: Alright ! Onward with our latest cast-off, Izzy.
Izzy: I'm on TV again ! Rock on !
Elizabeth: That you are, Izzy. So, it is true that the reserves are still tracking you down for that explosive "incident" ?
Izzy: Oh, that little flame-thrower ? Nah ! I highly doubt it. (whispers) They'll never find me though, now that I have gone incognito.
Elizabeth: (cue card) Not by much as far as I can gather.
Izzy: So, I heard you were a huge fan of TDI ! Who do you think is going out together ?
Elizabeth: You and Owen are an item, definitely. I've seen the way he looks at you. Plus he is bundles of fun, and has a great sense of humor. I think you're a great match.
Izzy: (coyly) May-be… You might be onto something there, girlfriend. (hands on legs) Who else ! Tell me, tell me ! (excitedly)
Elizabeth: Gwen and Trent, Courtney and Duncan, Geoff and Bridgette, Cody and Beth, Lindsay and Tyler, Lashawna and DJ, and Harold and Katie.
Izzy: Wait…Harold and Katie ? There's no way that would work, I think he would be more suited for Beth. But yeah, I agree with all your other choices.
Elizabeth: So other than pairing up people in your mind, what do you do for fun ?
Izzy: Watch things burn…(glassy eyed)
Elizabeth: (snaps her gum and wakes her up) That's…(shifty eyed) interesting. You have no hard feelings of this week's marshmallow hand out do you ?
Izzy: No ! Not at all. I had a blast while I was at Wawanaqua. Heck, if I could, I'd go back. (saucily to the camera) Maybe even bump into an old friend there.
Elizabeth: That's great, you're a real good sport, Izzy. One more question before we take our break. Who do you think will get voted off in the next episode ?
Izzy: (softly) Just between you and me, I hope it's that witch Heather ! She's mean !
She's more of a psycho than I am ! And that is saying something.
Elizabeth: True, true. I remember putting up with girls like her in middle school and high school and hating their guts. (grumble) Karma will catch up to her, no doubt about it.
Izzy: Still too bad about my license to kill. I would've used that on her a lonnnng time ago.
Elizabeth: (winces) Riiiiiiiiiiight. Well, Izzy…Nice chatting with you. It's now time for us to take a bit of a break.
(Izzy finds cookies off stage and we hear her squealing about them madly and chomping them down…LOUDLY)
Scene 2--Regulars
(All sorts of commercials from the like of toilet paper to vacations to Canada, appropriately enough)
Elizabeth: Greetings and salutations ! Did you have a pleasant break ?
(the audience agrees, going nuts. Some of them are Gopher supporters and others are Bass aficionados)
Elizabeth: Marvelous ! I'm glad you're back, and I have both the Gophers and the Bass here tonight in one place !
Lashawna: If you Bass think you can bring it to the end, then bring it !
Courtney: Oh…we will. You can count on that.
Owen: All I have to say is…YOUR SNACK BAR IS AWESOME !
Elizabeth: (cleans out ear) I am pleased it meets your requirements.
Gwen: (bowled over) You have no idea…There are so many different chocolate items, I don't know where to begin ! (grins)
Elizabeth: Again, it is such a pleasure to see you again, and I am glad to know that Justin is doing much better.
Sadie: I stuck around just to hear that dream boat sing ! Is he HOT or what ?
Elizabeth: He is rather handsome, but I really don't go for the beefcake type. Besides, you guys are half my age. Talk about being lolitaish.
Sadie: Ew. Never thought of that.
Elizabeth: So, what do you think of this new challenge you will be taking part in ?
Beth: It sounds dangerous. I hope I don't get bruised by the paintballs.
Cody: Yeah, you and me both, Beth. I'm sensitive.
Trent: Don't worry, you guys. I'll cover you.
Owen: You are the MAN !
Trent: (a bit bashful) Just doing what's right, Owen, bro.
Elizabeth: So…What are your theories, anything interesting to share ?
Heather: Only that I will be the ultimate victor in this loser fest.
Duncan: (murmurs) Yeah, you and what army, Ms. Thing ? (to Gwen) Before long I think she'll be walking the dock of shame. (high fives Gwen, Lashawna nods her head agreeing)
Heather: That better not be backtalk I hear !
Elizabeth: I'm eager to see what's coming up next.. Seriously, whoever wins this, I support you all the way. (cue card) Except that little manipulative witch, Heather. She can walk out the door, and I hope it hits her on the way out !
Sadie: Are we going to hear Justin sing now ? Come on, it's what we came for ! Don't keep us waiting ! (desperately) Justin ! Justin !
Elizabeth: Woah ! Settle down there, Sadie…He's coming !
Justin: Had to change. Sorry there, ladies. (sexy smile, and even sultrier clothes)
(turns to the mike and starts dancing)
I'm…too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt so sexy…it hurts
And I'm to sexy for this show
To sexy for this show
Hey, don't you know ?
Cuz I'm a model (Yeah)
You know what I mean and I do my little turn on the catwalk
Lashawna: (clawing playfully) Meow
All girls (save me): Purrrrrrfectly executed…
Yeah on the catwalk
The catwalk yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk…
Cuz I'm too sexy for this song ! (rips off shirt)
(Everyone cheers while the girls SCREAM and Justin bows, then he runs off the stage after a hoard of hormone-crazed girls get on stage and chase him down))
Elizabeth: (twitch) That was…entertaining to say the least.
Owen: Yeah, and sexy. (awkward pause) Oh, MAN ! (bops self in the head)
Scene 3--The Sadistic Host
(Commercials for acne treatments, foot scrubs and impossibly incredible ways to turn your gold that is collecting dust into BIG BUCKS, whoopee !)
(All the contestants have left and only Chris remains)
Elizabeth: Everyone, welcome Chris !
(chirp, chirp, chirp)
Chris: Oh, come on. I was expecting a much warmer reception than that.
Elizabeth: You have a very low fan-base. Seriously, if you were perhaps a bit more kind and less of a complete and total sadist…
Chris: Who got that idea ? I don't like to see anyone's pain. (shifty eyed) Perhaps a little.
Elizabeth: (points forward a finger in accusation) There ! You admitted it ! Finally for the whole wide world to hear !
Chris: Whatever, lady. I do what I like, I get paid just the same.
Elizabeth: (furrows eyebrows and glowers) You sicken me.
Chris: (ashamed) Sorry. I'm really not a horrible ogre. I do it for the ratings, k ?
(whimper) Why are you looking at me like that ! I'm sorry ! Leave me alone and stop clawing me apart with your prying eyes ! (Runs away screaming)
Elizabeth: It seems our host has completely flipped his wig, but I am certain he will recover by the next episode and continue to be the psycho…ahem, I mean the host we have all come to know and love. But you will have to wait a while, since here in America, the episodes come at a much later time rather than you insanely lucky Canooks who have them first come first served ! (sigh, mutter, "Maybe someday I'll move to Canada", waves a little Canadian flag) Come join me next time for the next and final Totally Dramatic Interviews. In this episode, I will be interviewing all castaways and talking to the winners. We'll be catching up with their lives and seeing what they are getting into. We'll even see contestants we have almost forgotten (and maybe wanted to continue forgetting. So, keep your eyes peeled and your rears glued to those seats for our third episode coming soon !