The subway door opened, and an astonishing mishmash of commuters, tourists, cameras, and elderly shoppers wielding grocery bags poured in an avalanche towards Heero's widening eyes.

When he regained consciousness, lifting the briefcase cautiously from his head, the shifting pink bulk on his stomach bounced nervously. "Oh, dear, I'm SO sorry, I really am, rather, my!"

He blinked up, certain the speed with which the pink being had hurtled at him would have splatted a lesser being like an egg. "You're alive?"

"That's so sweet!" She squealed. "You're bleeding and worried about me! Thank you SO much, I'm fine! Thank you! You were a lovely person to land on! I'm so glad you were there!"

He nodded repeatedly, her words fading in and out. "I . . I . . I . ."

"I think you've dented your head though! That was so nice, landing underneath me like that! And then being worried! So sweet!" She pulled at her skirt, then folded her hands on his chest.

"Ah . . If you're quite alright . ." he squirmed, trying to suggest the shifting of her tonnage.

She squealed. "So sweeeet!" and suddenly yanked a glowing stick out of nowhere, stuck it in his mouth, and waggled it around. It made clacking noises against his teeth.

He suddenly felt an overpowering sweetness in his mouth, and choked, batting at her arm, just before she whisked it back out, pranced off him, and bounced in a circle happily. "Talk now! Talk! C'mon! It's a present! Isn't it lovely, dear?"

He was glad he had his emergency toothbrush, brushing frantically in the subway bathroom, after checking his head for mortal injuries. He wondered what the gift would have been, but wondered more what she'd stuck in his mouth, and whether it had been in any other mouths prior to that point. Botulism? AIDS? He smiled humourlessly, then frowned. There was a disturbing quality to his smile. He tried it again-- and the air shimmered. Shining bubbles appeared, filling the bathroom behind him, and sparkling in the mirror. The smile wavered, and they vanished. He pulled his lips apart, trying to see in his mouth, and wondered whether he should see a dentist.

His quest to kill the wench truly began some time later. Twenty minutes, to be precise, at the staff meeting to announce promotions, when he stood to announce his acceptance. He later wished he hadn't run away from her as quickly-- he would have at least had fair warning. As it was, he discovered his new . . talent . . . in circumstances politely termed "awkward."

Not like he'd really needed the promotion.

Or the job.

He looked calmly down at the conference table. "Those can't be real," he said. The heads of the board watched as two emeralds, a pussywillow, an amythyst, and a lily scattered across the table. His CEO picked up one of the emeralds. "Heero, this is some sleight of hand trick?"

Heero frowned down, willing them to disappear, even as he felt more forming at his lips. "I do apologize."

Later, in his apartment, he leaned his face in his hands and reminded himself not to mutter.

He spit the diamonds in the box he'd designated for the purpose, then pulled the marigold from his mouth irritably and threw it out the window, where it struck a small sparrow on the tail, sending it into a rough interpretation of a permanent press cycle.

He'd always so wanted such a useful 'gift.'

I don't know where this is going . . . might not go anywhere, it's so silly. ;; Ah well. I have about four different variants typed up but it's being stubborn . . . any thoughts? Thanks for reading!