Okay, I'm gonna do an IchiRuki one shot to clear my head and perhaps break myself out of the lethargy I've fallen into. Maybe I'll update one of my other stories for once.

Why Me? Why Not?

Byakuya Kuchiki let out an irritated sigh. "What is it, kozo?"

"I just want to apologize for earlier… we kind of got off on the wrong foot. I didn't need to freak out like that and attack you."

The expression on Byakuya's face did not change. "Very well, Kurosaki. I shall accept your meager apology." Narrowing his eyes slightly, the noble added, "But if I should ever find my sister with you in that closet again, I will stain Senbonzakura with your intestines."

A loud gulp escaped from the orange-haired boy's throat.

"Did I not make myself clear? Acknowledgment would be preferable, kozo…"

"Yeah, I got it," the boy said nervously. "By the way, heh heh, Rukia said she might not come home for awhile and that I should tell you not to worry—"

"Rukia said this? Then why did she not come to say so herself?"

"Well… she said she didn't want you to see her in her present state—"

"There is something wrong with my sister's state?" Byakuya pondered on this for a moment, and something dawned on him. "Exactly how long is 'awhile'? Answer very carefully, Kurosaki."

By this point, Ichigo was sweating bullets. Oh shit! I think he's on to me! We're screwed! His answer was "Uhhhhh… I think she said nine months or so - DON'T KILL ME!"

Byakuya's eyes opened a little. "Why would I kill you over something so trivial as spending nine months in the human world?" He then narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Did you and my sister do something that would require such a vast amount of time, Kurosaki?"

Yes we did, and it was so worth it, Byaku-brat! "I, uh, don't know what you're talking about—"

"So… you came here to apologize under false pretenses. You had no intention of ceasing intimate relations with Rukia. You simply wished for my blessing in the matter." Byakuya sighed audibly. Then he asked the question. "Do you intend to marry?"

Ichigo's heart nearly stopped. Wait… he's not killing me yet…does that mean what I think it means? "M-marriage? Uh, of course I do! I'm not going to just get her pregnant and NOT marry her!"

Byakuya's eyes flashed dangerously, and his hand went to the hilt of his sword in a split second. Ichigo jumped back five feet and put his hand to Zangetsu in an instant. But Byakuya had seemed to forget the thought of violent action almost at once and made a wave of his hand, as if to dismiss the action. "I apologize for my impulsiveness, Kurosaki. We nobles are taught to hold our anger in check. My over protectiveness of Rukia is clearly starting to cloud my judgment in this matter. I will, of course, be happy for the two of you. If this is Rukia's choice of guardian and father of her children… she couldn't have picked a more capable individual."

Ichigo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did… Did Byakuya Kuchiki just complement me AND congratulate me in the SAME SENTENCE!? "Uh, thank you very much, Byakuya."

"Please. Call me… nii-sama."

Ichigo's jaw practically hit the floor. He wanted to scream very loudly and deny that the impossible was happening. Byakuya had just asked that he, Ichigo Kurosaki, the Savior of Soul Society, call him, Byakuya Kuchiki, the Captain of the Sixth Division and the Head of the Kuchiki noble clan, big brother.

All he could reply was, "Hai… n-nii-sama."

Byakuya then turned to leave, and made one last parting shot to Ichigo over his shoulder. "I shall, of course, be visiting from time to time to check on Rukia. So be sure to make yourselves… presentable. Or perhaps your child will grow up without a father. That would be a shame…"

Ichigo gulped loudly.

"You might want to flee, Kurosaki. I am having difficulty restraining myself from attacking you."

Ichigo was already gone. Byakuya smiled inwardly. The next nine months were going to be very entertaining…

"Ichigo! I'm starting to feel hungry… can you go out and buy me some instant ramen?" Rukia said as she prodded her fiancé.

"Why can't we just make what we have in the kitchen cupboards?"

"I want instant ramen from the store! NOW!" Rukia wailed.

Ichigo grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. As soon as it clicked shut behind him, he grasped his hair as if pulling it out by the roots and roared,

"WHY ME!?"

A/N: So how do you like it? I'm not much of a One-shot kind of person… but I thought I'd give it a shot. I based this loosely off of a sprite comic I made about Byakuya chasing Ichigo after finding out that the boy had gotten Rukia pregnant. I had made three strips, and the situation is still currently unresolved. I might make more comics (and perhaps more one-shots) about this idea if I get good enough reviews. Kthxbai!!