Forgiveness
Whoever said that war isn't easy clearly couldn't have been more right if they tried. Within only such a short amount of time since departing from Castle Shirasagi, I've been separated from Ryoma while we were at the Bottomless Canyon, taken a one-way plummet into the chasm and now here I am, standing in the grassy domains of Mokushu. As it turned out, I wasn't the only one here; the rest of the army had come as well and by the time I arrived, they were in a skirmish with the army led by Kotaro. Now the battle was finally over, it seemed as though we could have time to breathe and I could have time to allow the questions I had swarming in my head when I just found out where I was to return just as quickly as I had arrived.
How did I get here? What was I doing before I found myself here? There was so many thoughts spinning around in my mind that I had no answers to; I was still struggling to register the fact that I had survived falling into the Bottomless Canyon alone. As far as I knew, no one who had done such a thing, if they were careless enough to do so, had ever actually made it out alive. Yet that was exactly what had happened to me. It was essentially the impossible for that to happen, but it did anyway. Letting out a quiet sigh to myself, I pressed a few fingers against my temple to try and ease the slight headache I had gained after recovering from… whatever it was that happened to me. Everything felt like a haze in my mind when I tried to recall how I got to this spot, and the only thing I knew for certain was that whatever happened, it wasn't very pleasant.
"Big Brother!" Just then, the sound of that voice broke me out of my stupor and I slowly turned my head to notice the source of the one calling me: it was Sakura, with Hinoka following just behind her. As she rushed over to where I was standing, I could tell that there were tears building in her eyes and that she had her Yumi bow grasped tightly in her hand. That was one thing that caught my attention when I stepped out into the battlefield to fight alongside the others and I couldn't help asking myself one thing: where in the world did Sakura learn how to use a bow just like me? And in such a short amount of time, no less? I decided not to pay any attention at first because of what was going on around me, but now that things had settled down, it was something I couldn't ignore now. With how long I had been away from her and the others, I had to assume that she couldn't bring herself to stand on the sidelines any longer. She wanted to be able to become as strong as the others and fight alongside them, she wanted to be able to help them find me. The moment this thought crossed my mind, a twinge of guilt sparked inside me at the fact that I had unintentionally put Sakura through that kind of ordeal. She had to have been worried sick when she found out that Ryoma and I had gone missing, and this was only shortly after witnessing losing Mother right in front of her eyes. I never imagined that she would have to go through all of this at her young age, and that she would be forced into this kind of position. I was broken out of my thoughts once again as Sakura had arrived at where I was standing and she nearly threw her bow aside before throwing her arms around me tightly, causing me to stumble back a bit before regaining my balance. Once I was certain I was standing upright again, I turned my glance down to be met with Sakura with her arms wrapped tightly around my waist and her face nearly buried into my chest with tears of joy and relief that I was standing in front of her once more flowing down her cheeks. However, that was nothing compared to what I heard her say in between her sniffles.
"Y-you're back… You're back to your usual self! I was so worried… I thought I'd never see you again, Takumi!" The sound of her voice clearly reflected her feelings of happiness and relief to see me here, her fears of losing me forever finally being washed away like a tidal wave. I could only stare in shock for a few moments upon letting this sink in, before I placed my arms around her to hold her closer. Just the fact that I had placed my beloved little sister through this kind of fear and anxiety… it was something I felt I could never forgive myself for. Even with her face buried in my chest, I could hear her quietly sobbing and I felt an expression of shame cross my face at what I had done to her. As I kept my arms wrapped around her, I turned my glance up to see Hinoka. She was standing there watching us and I could tell that she had a few tears building up in her eyes as well; even though she was the toughest one out of the four of us, there was no doubt that when Hinoka showed her feelings, they were strong. Even with her strong sense of fearlessness on the battlefield, her kind heart clearly shone through, especially with her siblings, and it seemed that it was no different.
"We were all worried… Don't ever do that to us again, ok?" I could only stare in shock at what I was seeing: both of my sisters had been this fearful of where I was and what could have happened to me, and now that I was back by their side, they couldn't have been happier. I never imagined that they would care this much if something happened to me, that they would be as worried for me as what I was seeing. But it seemed that all my thoughts were being proven wrong without me even realising it. I was so focused on those thoughts that I lost attention to the fact that Sakura's sobs had quieted down, like she had finished finally releasing her emotions of fear and relief over me, and she began to loosen her grip on me before she reached up to begin brushing her tears out of her eyes. I then turned my attention to them as I was finally able to find my voice.
"Why are you two crying this much? You do know it's kind of undignified for girls your age, right?" At that moment, I nearly felt like slamming my head against the nearest tree. Why did I have to go and say that, especially when they were this worried about me? That was always a problem with me: I had a very terrible habit of saying something without thinking about what others were feeling, even when it came to me. My sisters had been worried sick over me for Gods-know-how long and this was the thanks I was giving them for their care. It was almost enough for me to start getting angry with myself for acting this way, and I hated it when I was like this. But I knew I had been like this for as long as I could remember and I doubted that it would stop anytime soon. However, I was met with a shock as Sakura quickly shook her head in response.
"I don't care! I'm okay with that. If it's you in front of me, I'm okay with crying…" At that point, I could see that tears were starting to build in her eyes again, and she seemed to notice it too as she quickly brushed them away before she continued. "And besides… we didn't know if we'd ever see you again, Takumi. And then when you showed up acting the way you did…"
I showed an expression of surprise as I was starting to wonder what she was talking about, but then I remembered. 'That's right… Azura did say that a dark force had a hold on me, that it was taking control of my mind and body. Maybe that's what happened to me. That's probably why I can't remember how I got here or what I was doing before I snapped out of it…' At that point, I found myself wondering where that blue-haired songstress was so she could fill me in more on what had happened. She did say that she didn't have time to explain because of the battle that was taking place, but now that it was over, I figured that maybe she could tell me more about what happened. However, my thoughts were interrupted when Hinoka spoke up.
"Yeah… I feel the same way. We didn't know if you'd ever be the same Takumi we know and love again." While she finished that statement, Sakura gave a nod in agreement. I simply stood there in silence struggling to register what I was hearing: I had always felt that the others didn't care about me, that I was simply holding them back and that I didn't have a place in our family. But now I was getting a glimpse of just how wrong I had truly been. With how long I had been missing, Hinoka and Sakura hadn't planned on stopping until they found me and now that I was here with them again, they both couldn't have been happier to see me safe and sound. And from the looks of it, it seemed as though they had been at it for a while, probably as soon as when they first got the news of my disappearance. This was the last thing I was expecting, but at the same time, it also meant the world to me to see this. It was like a double-edged sword, except one side was brighter than the other.
"Sakura, Hinoka…" I fell silent for a few moments before I allowed a grateful smile to cross my face and the proper way to express my gratitude for their care escaped my lips. "Thank you. I'm sorry for making you both worry so much for me. But… I'm here, and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon." That seemed to be all they needed to hear, as they both showed matching bright smiles before walking over to me with Sakura throwing her arms around me once again and this time, I showed no hesitance in returning her embrace. At the same time, Hinoka walked over to stand beside me before placing both of her arms around my neck, doing her best not to hold me too tightly. I turned my glance up to notice this with a bright smile crossing my face; this was the one thing I wanted above all else, to know that my siblings cared about me just as much as they did for each other and now I was finally getting it. To think that it took an experience like this for me to finally see it… it felt like the grace of the Dawn Dragon was shining down on me.
After a few seconds, the three of us let go of each other and Sakura made her way over to pick her Yumi bow up from where she threw it aside. Just then, I was met with a surprise to spot Hinata and Oboro making their way over to us, both showing matching smiles of relief. Once they got close, they stopped with Hinata being the first to have his say. "Lord Takumi! It's great to see that you're safe and sound, after all." His smile then faded to show an expression of concern, which was something I always saw as a rare occurrence knowing him. "It wasn't looking good for us for a while there…"
Oboro turned her glance to him in surprise as he was talking before she looked back to me, her relieved smile returning to her face. "Now that you're back, Lord Takumi, we'll never let anything happen to you again!"
I then showed an expression of surprise to see them; even though I knew that they would come looking for me, it was still a bit of a shock to actually see them here. "Hinata? Oboro? You're both here too?" I asked, pointing to them to ensure I was seeing this correctly. They both stared at me in shock for a few moments, like they couldn't believe what they were hearing, before they nodded in confirmation with Hinata once again being the first to have a say.
"Of course! As soon as we heard that you were missing, we didn't waste a moment in starting to look for you. Of course, we didn't expect our search to come all the way out here." Hinata explained, scratching the back of his head during his last statement. Oboro turned her glance to him and nodded in agreement before she looked back at me.
"If you ever went missing, we'd search the entire world to find you!"
I stared in silence for a few moments before I showed a grateful smile; even though I did expect them to, I still felt glad to hear that they went through this much trouble just to find me. "Thanks, you two. I can imagine you had to run around quite a bit looking for me. But I'm glad you went through all that trouble." The two of them quickly showed matching smiles of delight, looking thrilled to hear me say that. I couldn't help myself being like this around them, because I knew how hard they worked to keep me safe and it only seemed fair for me to pay them back in any way I could. Just then, the two turned their heads to see someone else walking over to where we were and I lifted my glance up to notice before I nearly felt my eyes go wide in shock: making their way over to me was a face I didn't expect to see again after leaving the castle.
"Corrin?" Sure enough, walking over to me with that familiar short silver-coloured hair, those crimson red eyes and the armour that covered every part of his body from neck to toe with the exception of his feet… was him. Once he got close enough in front of me, he looked at me in silence for a few moments before a smile of relief showed on his face. That was enough to leave me stunned silent; with how harshly I had behaved towards him, I wouldn't have been too surprised if he didn't want anything to do with me again. But that was proving to be anything but the case. He looked just as glad to see me safe as everyone else did. Silence filled the air between us before he was the first to break it.
"It's good to have you back, Takumi." I nearly felt myself freeze in disbelief at what I was hearing. I had been the least welcoming out of the four of us since Corrin arrived in Hoshido. Even if I still felt I was right for doing so, the distrust I had shown him so far exceeded anything else that my behaviour usually displayed. And yet, even with the way I had treated him since we met, he still looked happy to see me safe and sound. The smile then faded from his face as he continued. "But as much as I'd like to savour this moment, Ryoma is still missing. Can you tell us anything about what happened to you two?"
I turned my glance down to think it over for a few moments; even though the matters of how I got here were still a blur in my mind, there was no doubt that I could still remember how it led up to that. So with this in mind, I turned my glance back to Corrin before nodding in confirmation. "Yeah… it was really intense, Corrin." At that moment, Hinoka and Sakura approached with Azura, Hinata and Oboro following behind them to hear what happened. "Ryoma and I ran into Nohrian troops just outside of Izumo's border and the battle begun there at first, but then it waged on further and extended towards the Bottomless Canyon. The two of us got separated before we had to retreat."
As the group around me were listening, Sakura showed an expression of worry while Hinoka placed a hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her, and Corrin showed an expression of concern while he was listening to this. "So we still have no idea where he is…"
I let out a sigh before slowly shaking my head. "No, I'm afraid not." I then turned my attention back to the others as I continued with my recollection. "During the end of the battle, a cliff collapsed right after a soldier attacked us… I wasn't careful and ended up in the resulting landslide. That was when I fell into the canyon."
As I expected, the reaction was a resounding gasps of shock from the others. I had a feeling they would react this way since I couldn't believe what I was hearing myself say either. After a few seconds of silence passed, Corrin was the first to ask the question I knew they had in mind. "You actually fell into the canyon? How are you still alive, then?" It seemed that he wasn't the only one to feel that way, as Hinoka turned her glance over to him and nodded in agreement before directing her attention to me.
"I've never heard of anyone returning from there before. But even still… if you survived that fall, how were you able to get back?" she asked. I turned my glance down to think as I placed a hand against the side of my head; that was the moment where everything became a blur for me and I still had no idea of what happened after that. As I turned my glance back up to her, I slowly shook my head in response.
"That, I still have no idea. All I remember is falling before everything fell into darkness. I can't remember anything that happened before I found myself here, and back with all of you." I then looked back down to see if I could remember anything; the only thing I knew for certain that I felt as though I was trapped in a void of darkness, having no idea of where I was or how to get out. I could still see the outside world, but I wasn't looking through my own eyes. It felt as though something was holding me back from having control of myself, and I was merely watching as someone or something else was in control, like I was being played on puppet strings. At this point, Hinoka had her attention on me and nodding in understanding, as if she could tell I was clueless about it all.
"Well, at this point, I'm just glad you made it back. It's a miracle you survived a fall like that to begin with!" While she was saying this, Sakura gave a nod in agreement to say that she was glad to see me safe in the first place. As I still had my glance turned downwards, something suddenly clicked in my head: I still had no idea of how I got here in the first place, or what I had been doing before I snapped out of whatever it was Azura said had happened to me. So with this in mind, I looked back up at the others as I felt that now was the right time to ask about it.
"Wait a moment… what have I been doing this whole time? Can any of you guys tell me how I got here?" As soon as I asked this, the others began turning their glances to each other in silence like they were wondering which one among them should be the first to say something. After a few seconds, Azura was the one to do as she walked over to me and gently placed a hand on my shoulder.
"No… it's best you not worry about it for now, Takumi." I turned my head to her in surprise as I was starting to wonder what she was talking about before she continued. "Some perilous magic caught wind of you and brought you here against your own will. Regardless of what happened, that was all there is to it."
I was silent for a few moments before I shook my head and reached over to place my hand on top of Azura's before removing it from my shoulder. If something had happened while I was out of it, I had to hear it. I had to know what happened. "No… surely there had to be more to it than that. I need to know what happened. My Fujin Yumi was in hand when I came to…" I turned my glance down to notice that sure enough, I had my Fujin Yumi bow grasped tightly in my hand, just the way I always had it in the midst of a battle. I then turned my attention over to Hinoka to notice that she had a graze on her arm, one that I didn't notice beforehand. "And Hinoka's arm looks like it was grazed by the sliver of an arrow. I know it doesn't sound possible, but I'm sure that arrow… came from my own bow." I then felt an expression of alarm cross my face as soon as I realised what I was saying. I know it sounded like an impossibility, but if what Azura said had happened to me was true, then it seemed like it had to be the truth. "I… I attacked my own sister, didn't I?"
Hinoka turned her glance to notice the graze on her arm and she quickly raised a hand to cover it before turning her glance back to me. "Well… Takumi, you…" Before she could continue, I stopped her with an expression of fear showing on my face; I had to know what happened, no matter how much I didn't want to.
"Please… tell me what I've done. What did… what did you all see!?"
There was nothing but silence from the others as they all kept their gazes on me, with none of them looking all that willing to speak up and tell me the truth, tell me about what I had done. But after a few moments passed, Corrin made his way over to me with a serious expression on his face as he felt that he could explain. "Takumi…" The tone of his voice sounded even and serious, so that was a clear sign to me that it hadn't been very good. But those worries were only confirmed as he continued. "You attacked us after we caught sight of you. Before Azura helped snap you out of it…" He fell silent for a few seconds before finishing. "You were fighting your own allies."
As soon as that was dropped on me, a silent gasp of horror escaped my lips and my grip on my Fujin Yumi loosened so much that it looked as though I was close to dropping it entirely. But I didn't care about that, as the reality of what I had done began to sink in. I could only stare in shock before I was able to find my voice again. "No… I really did that? That… actually happened…?" The others began to nod in confirmation while Hinoka slowly approached me, with the look on her face telling me that she had something to say.
"I wasn't the only one you tried to attack. While you were still in that daze, you tried to strike Sakura down. You had your bow aimed straight at her…"
I could only stare in horror at what I was hearing: I tried to strike Sakura, with the intent of harming and possibly killing her? Sakura, my precious and beloved little sister? Feeling an expression of horror crossing my face, I turned my attention over to Sakura as she was listening to all of this and rushed over to her, dropping my Fujin Yumi on the ground and placing both of my hands tightly on her shoulders. "Are you alright, Sakura? You weren't hurt, were you? Please… tell me you weren't hurt!" I knew I was beginning to sound desperate at that last statement, but at this point, I didn't care. I couldn't bring myself to imagine that I would ever try to attack Sakura the way Hinoka was describing. To my immense relief, Sakura slowly shook her head in reply.
"No… I'm okay. Corrin blocked your arrows before they could hit me." At her reply, I felt a smile of immense relief before I wrapped my arms around her tightly, allowing my relief at the fact that I hadn't harmed her in any way to flow into my system.
"Oh, thank the gods…" I softly whispered. But after a few seconds, I let go of her as that rush of relief quickly vanished only to become replaced with horrified realisation at what I had done: I had tried to attack my own siblings and allies. I may not have been in control of my actions, but that didn't change what I had tried to do. I could only stare at my hands in horror as I felt my heart sink in my chest and my breathing begun getting heavy as guilt and horror at my own actions started to lash out at me. "A Prince of Hoshido attacking his own… that's something that's truly unforgiveable…" I then began to feel tears of shame building in my eyes and I quickly reached up to brush them away before I clasped my hands tightly against my arms. I then slowly turned my glance up to the others to see them watching me in worry, even as it was getting harder for me to keep my eyes on them. How could I bring myself to look at them, knowing full well that I had attacked them? How could I call myself a Prince of Hoshido with the horrible crime I had just committed? "Even with what's happened, I…" I let out a sniffle, something I never expected to happen again, before managed to finish my sentence. "I don't believe… I deserve to fight for Hoshido…"
At this point, I couldn't bring myself to hide my emotions any longer. I turned around so I was facing away from the others and buried my face in my hands, feeling the tears that were building in my eyes begin to flow down my cheeks and splash into my open hands. I had never been one to express my feelings like this openly, but at this point, I didn't care in the slightest. I had made a horrible mistake and I felt there was no way I could ever be forgiven for it. Why would anyone want anything to do with me after this? How could I bring myself to show my face in Hoshido again? There was no doubt that whatever trust the others had placed in me had been completely shattered with my mistake, just like what I had been doing. I was now experiencing the same thing I would place others through. However, as all of those self-destructive thoughts were running through my head, I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder.
"No, Takumi. You shouldn't think like that." I slowly lifted my head from my hands and turned around to find out who was speaking to me: it was Corrin, with that firm expression on his face. I could only stare in shock at what I was seeing; he, of all people, was the one coming over to me, even with the way I had treated him. After a few seconds, Corrin's firm expression was slowly replaced with a gentle one as he continued. "I was in a similar situation myself. I used to be a soldier fighting for Nohr. But… ever since I arrived…" He then showed a gentle smile. "You've all accepted me and welcomed me into Hoshido, right?"
I could only stare in silence for a few moments before I slowly shook my head and pushed his hand off my shoulder. "No… I didn't do that…" I then slowly walked away from him before stopping a safe distance and placed my hands against my arms as I could remember the initial hostility I showed towards Corrin when he first arrived. Even with the way my behaviour usually was, the sheer amount of distrust I threw in his direction exceeded anything I had done. While the rest of my siblings were ready to accept him and see him for who he was, I chose to see him from how he grew up and who he grew up with. But even with that, there was something I never wanted to make clear to the others. There was a reason I was being so purposefully harsh to Corrin when he first arrived: I wanted to accept him as much as my other siblings did, but I didn't know for sure if he would truly stay by our side or abandon us. So as such, I figured that it would be best to test him, and find out if he would disprove the hostility I threw his way and prove that he was every bit the caring and kind-hearted brother my siblings remembered him being. And when he made the choice on the border to side with us, to stay by our side and defend our home from the Nohrians, it was when it became clear to me that he had passed in spades.
"Oh… that's right." I was quickly broken out of my thoughts by the sound of Corrin's voice; it seemed that he had caught up with me and he was recalling the hostility I showed towards him too. I then closed my eyes as I was awaiting the inevitable harshness he would show me; it only seemed fair with the way I treated him. However, I was met with a shock when I heard what he had to say next. "But… that doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you're here with us." I slowly opened my eyes in surprise as I started to wonder if I was hearing this correctly. But I didn't have a chance to ask as Corrin continued.
"If you truly feel like you can never be forgiven for what you've done, then maybe this could be a chance for you to redeem yourself." I released my grip on my arms and lowered my hands to my sides before I slowly turned around to face Corrin and was met with the sight of him showing me a gentle smile and holding my Fujin Yumi in hand, like he was coming over to return to me after noticing that I had dropped it in my guilt-ridden stupor. He then held it up to show it to me and I stared in silence for a few seconds before reaching over to grab it from him. Once he saw that I had my weapon back safely in hand, he turned his glance back up to me.
"Takumi… I want to fight alongside you in battle. I want us to be able to work side by side, to be able to defend Hoshido together. I know it might not be easy for you, since you know how I grew up in Nohr, and I'm not expecting us to accept each other right away. But at the very least, I hope that we can get to know each other and maybe take the next steps from there." As Corrin kept his glance on me with that gentle smile on his face, he slowly offered his hand up to me. "Will you join me in that endeavour?"
I could only stare in amazement at what I was seeing: even with the harshness I displayed towards him, even going so far as to disown him right to his face, Corrin still wanted to stand alongside me. He wanted us to fight side by side and see each other as brothers. I simply kept my glance on him with an expression of uncertainty; I had a feeling that this wouldn't be easy, especially with his past history and knowing full well how hard it would be for him to be by my side. But at the very least, I knew I wanted to do the best I could to respect Mother's wishes: for us to be reunited as a family after all these years. The only thing I had to do… was try. After a few seconds, I showed a small smile and raised a hand to place into his, giving a simple nod as I did so.
"I will. If you can forgive me for my hostility towards you." I then let out a quiet sigh and lowered my head while Corrin stared at me in concern, wondering what was wrong. "Corrin… not everything you said was true. I didn't give you a chance. So… I don't expect you to give me one either…" As I kept my glance down in silence, I was met with a surprise as I felt Corrin place his hand against my chin and raise my head so I was looking up at him, and I could see that the smile he was showing me hadn't faded in the slightest.
"Takumi, everything that happened back then is in the past. I know a lot of things were said and done that we're not proud of, but right now, all we can do is focus on moving forward, not dwelling on everything that happened."
I was simply left staring in awe at what I was hearing Corrin say; even with having very little experience of the outside world, mostly due to the sheltered upbringing he told us about, he still had kindness and wisdom beyond his years. It honestly amazed me seeing this from him, yet it was something I couldn't have been happier to see. After a few seconds, a grateful smile crossed my face before I gave a reply that I never expected to hear myself say. "Thank you so much, Brother."
I nearly froze upon realising what I had just heard myself say: this was the first time I had called Corrin 'Brother' without any hint of sarcasm or distrust. This was sincere. I could see Corrin staring in shock once he realised he had just heard me say before the smile quickly returned to his face, and I couldn't help myself smiling back. As the two of us kept our attention on each other, I turned my glance to notice Azura walking over to see if we were okay, and I made my way over to her while Corrin watched in surprise. Once I was close enough, I stopped while Azura watched me in silence as she was wondering what was up before I showed a bright smile. "I really need to thank you too, Azura. Or rather, I should say…" I was silent for a few moments before giving a small bow. "…Sister."
As I raised my head, I could see Azura staring in alarm at the fact that I had finally acknowledged her as my sister after all these years before a bright smile came to her face. "You're quite welcome, Takumi."
As I kept my attention on her, I turned my glance to see Corrin walking over to us and he reached over to place a hand on my shoulder while the two of us happily smiled at each other. For me, this looked like the start of a new road. The road to redemption and more importantly… the road to forgiveness.