Perfect
Disclaimer and A/N combined: I do not own the authors of fanfiction.net, their stories, fanfiction.net itself, Harry Potter and all associated figures, or "Lucky." I also do not own Mary Sues and have no wish to. I apologize if you are not in this, or if you're in this and you don't want to be. I just picked some of my favorite authors randomly out of thin air. Review, please. It just takes sixty seconds and it makes me feel all warm and happy inside - yup, flames are warming too. In fact, so warm that I have a nice big bag of marshmallows with their name on it...
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One day, several of fanfiction.net's best authors, including Eliza Diawna Snape, Mena Baines, Nemesis, Cassandra Claire, Gypsy, and Slytherin Dragon, were all surfing this site at the same time, when they simultaneously gasped in horror. Nemesis, who was controlling the mouse, had accidentally clicked on a story titled, "The Transfer Student," and in deepening horror they read about an American girl who is a fifth-year transfer student and is put in Gryffindor. The moment she walks in, every boy in the Great Hall falls head over heels for the beautiful girl, who turns out to be a total brain and a Quidditch star as well. As the "plot" thickens, we all learn that she is actually *gasp* Voldemort's daughter!
"Get us away from this," Eliza snapped. "It's torture!"
The authors glanced darkly at one another. Gypsy grabbed a microphone and shouted, "This is a story about a girl named Mary Sue..." Soon everyone else joined in -
Early school year
She walks in,
And it's Gryffindor for her.
All the boys there
Fall in love –
She's a fifth year American transfer
They go…
Isn't she perfect,
This Mary Sue girl?
And they say, she's so perfect
She's so smart
But she cry cry cries with a guilty heart, thinking…
If I told them
Who I really am
I'd kiss my popularity goodbye.
Then they find out
'Bout her past
But they never hold it against her
So the world keeps spinning
And she keeps on winning
But tell me -
What happens when it stops?
They go...
Isn't she perfect,
This Mary Sue girl?
And they say, she's so perfect
She's so smart
But she cry cry cries with a guilty heart, thinking...
If I told them
Who I really am
I'd kiss my popularity goodbye.
Cassandra Claire stood up and started to speak.
"And the winner for 'Student of the Year' is... Mary Sue Riddle!"
"I'm a reporter for the Daily Prophet," Slytherin Dragon smirked, "waiting outside Hogwarts for Mary Sue."
"Oh my God, here she comes!" Mena Baines shouted.
Everyone started singing again.
Isn't she perfect,
This Mary Sue girl?
Yes, she's so perfect
But why does she cry?
And they say, she's so perfect
She's so smart
But she cry, cry, cries with a guilty heart, thinking...
If I told them
Who I really am
I'd kiss my popularity goodbye.
"I've had enough of this," Eliza mumbled. "Britney Spears is bad enough, but Britney Spears and Mary Sues..." She reached over and switched on the radio.
"This is a story about a girl named Lucky..."