Pairing: Zoro x Luffy

Genre: Parody/Romance

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. Or Beauty and the Beast. Please don't sue me, Disney.

Warnings: swearing, cursing (no, the other kind).

A/N: The first of my 10-chapter retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Barring any misfortune or life-threatening accidents, I will post every day until it's done.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land,
A young Prince lived in a shining castle.

The eleven-year-old Zoro stares out from the lookout tower. "This place…is too fucking bright."

Perona, his ghost of an older sister, floats nearby and sighs loudly. "I KNOW! This castle is so squeaky clean, it's depressing. It needs more gargoyles. And pointy towers. And spikes! Lots of spikes!"

Zoro surveys the landscape in silent agreement. Too many trees, too many twittering birds.

"Who taught you how to swear like that, anyway?"

"Dad."

A gloom falls over them at the mention of Mihawk.

But then, one winter's night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle, and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

"I don't need any stupid flowers. But fine, just come in."

"Zoro, who's that?" Perona floats down from the ceiling, curious.

"Just some old beggar lady."

"…What did you call me, brat? For your information, I'm only 141 years old!"

"The hell? That's ancient!"

"How dare you!"

The old, tottering hag transforms before the siblings' eyes into a voluptuous figure. Her gray hair flows into a wave of ebony, and her wide eyes are the color of a stormy sea.

"How dare you…how dare you call ME, the most beautiful woman in the world, ancient?!"

The Prince tried to apologize, but it was too late.

"Ok, I'm sorr-"

The enchantress sends a bolt of pure energy straight into Zoro's chest. The force is so great, that Zoro is sent tumbling across the floor, and the woman's head bends so far back that only her chin remains visible.

Perona furiously sends her ghost army forward. But the enchantress has already straightened up. She blows a kiss at the ghosts, and they turn into stone, falling to the ground with a shatter.

Perona shrieks. "How is that even possible?!"

"What…" Zoro stares into his now-hairy paws. "What have you done to me?"

As punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the castle, and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.

"Cheer up, Zoro! At least the castle looks better now."

"Hmph."

"And it's not like you enjoyed meeting new people in the first place. Now, your disgusting mug can scare away anyone who tries to barge into the castle!"

"Hmph."

Perona floats down, hovering her arms over Zoro's shoulder in an air embrace. "I'm still here, and so are you. And Dad's still watching over you from the graveyard. Nothing's changed."

"I know."

But he doesn't meet her eyes.

The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year.
If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return, by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a Beast?