I wrote this…

Donkey Kong clenched the delicious golden banana tightly near his heart and winced at the tears forming in his ducts. It had only been a month since the horrific transformation of his little buddie.

"Do not worry, my good Diddy…" he wept. "I shall revive your former self and we will be bongo buddies once more. This I swear!"

Cranky Kong hobbled his way into DK's treehouse and shot the ape a disapproving look. "You knucklehead! The only reason you have yet to save Diddy is because you're so caught up in your loser emotions. Get moving, butt-face!"

"You are a correct individual, grandpa thing!" announced DK as he stood up straight and dashed out the window. "I must hurry and quell the evil powers that be!"

Meanwhile Diddy was busy running around banana trees and home-attacking the florescent fruit before it touched the ground. "HA! Now that's what I call a jammin' fruit bash!"

"Ahoy, Diddy!" cried DK as he slammed down from the skies.

"It is a dumb loser who doesn't know nothing 'bout speed!" snickered the blue-tinged monstrosity.

"Diddy, you must come back to the loving arms of the Kongs and kindred! These blue spikes suit you not." DK reached out a hand.

Diddy slapped the hand with his long tail and then powered up his Super Banana Peel Out. His legs rotated to form an infinity symbol. "Love to stay and chat, homes, but I got a date with some high-speed lunacy!"

"My good Diddy!" DK bawled as the young lad zoomed off.

Diddy ran so fast that he was breaking TNT barrels in half without fear. Diddy rolled into a ball and bashed through all the Kremling at Gangplank Galleon.

King K. Rool saw this and wailed like a complete drama queen. He fainted when he saw Diddy's tight abs. Klump and Krusha scrambled into the throne room and tried to revive their leader, but to no avail.

"Holy moly! The king has been defeated!" cried Klump.

"I guess that makes me the king of you dunce-meisters now!" Diddy laughed as he slipped on a big metal glove that allowed him to carry swords more efficiently.

"You are the new King K. Rool?" asked Krusha.

"Fool! That gruesome greenie was a fraud. I was always the true King K. Rool!" Diddy then slashed Krusha in half with his sword and made croc meat salsa out of him. Klump shrieked in horror as Diddy devoured his fallen comrade.

"This is madness…" said Klaptrap looking through the window.

"Madness?" smirked Diddy. "This. IS. SPARTA!" Then he kicked Klaptrap in the face and he exploded into a baby chicken.

Diddy then ran off to cause more chaos.

Meanwhile DK was flying with Funky in his plane. DK heard about the terrible deeds of dishonour that Diddy had done so heinously. "I heard it on my stinking Bongo Beats (TM) cell phone!" he said brazenly.

"Dude!" cried Funky when he said an approaching plane. It was Diddy and Dixie.

"Holy bananas and crystal coconut soup!" cried DK. "Diddy is riding on the wings like some moron with no concern for proper safety precautions!" He gasped. "And Dixie has orange fur and twin ponytails!"

"Foolish bottomfeeders!" snarled Diddy. "No copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!"

DK jumped out of the plane and towards Diddy. "I'll punch you!" he wailed.

"AH YEAH! This is happenin'!" Diddy quipped as his face distorted like ancient chipped toenail.

DK tried to land a hit on his little buddie, but Diddy was just too fast and had a spiky Spin Dash to back him up. The attack was too strong for DK and he fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Diddy laughed maniacally and slapped his own keister. "You're too slow!"

Tears streamed down DK's face as he looked up at his sky high friend. "I want to save you, my good Diddy…"

"Maybe I can help you…" said a deep brooding voice from behind. DK looked behind himself and then felt life slipping down his spine like it came back for more. It was… DARK DIDDY!

TO BE CONTINUED?

Why did I make a sequel to this rubbish?

Why do you care?

"I care!" – Luke Skywalker, Episode IV (1977)

"I don't care!" – T'Challa, Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Banana slamma