Roots and Petals

Sunday. It was a Sunday afternoon in spring. The Sunday it had all set in for me that you were the one that had danced in my thoughts when they should be sleeping. The one who finds perfection in the way flowers grow and roots climb rocks. The one who cannot seem to find the perfection in herself.

"Hey Alvin!" You smile at me. The curve of your lips draw mine to meet yours, but I don't move. We're friends. "Hey Britt. Rough day?" I notice the fidgeting of your thumbs, the nervous habit your sister is always telling you to quit and watch out for. I loved it. "I guess," you sigh, "I'm just a bit bugged that I got a C in calculus is all…"

The disappointment in your eyes was hard to miss. I want to caress your cheek like the moonlight caresses the skyline of Los Angeles at night. I wanted to pull you close and remind you how I was kicked out of calculus for just… Sucking. I wanted to remind you how hard you worked for the C. "Oh c'mon Brittany, a C? I'd pay big buck for a passing grade in that class."

You laughed. The sound slipped into my ears like a river running over smooth pebbles. I loved it when you laughed. "True. I'd let you have the grade for free though." You were the sweetest, always looking out for me. We walked back to our neighborhood, my home on the corner, your's right across the street.

I wanted to grab your hand and intertwine our fingers, knowing we were the perfect heights so your elbow wouldn't awkwardly bend. But I don't grab your hand because you're twitching your thumbs again. Worrying. "Your sister won't be mad, Brittany…" I place my hand on your shoulder, I settle for that. You smile up at me, the sun catching your auburn hair and lighting it on fire like your eyes do to my heart. "Thanks Alvin, I hope she's just as understanding." She will be. She was.

You call me later that night to let me know she took you out for ice cream, your favorite reward. I laugh at your happiness and relief, wishing I could have bought you that ice cream. Mint chip. That was your favorite. The green color didn't match you, for you were the least envious person I knew. The chips made sense, sweet like you.

A few months have passed. You're made at me. We are in my room and a red color flushed your tear stained cheeks. I have never felt worse. You cross your arms, folding them perfectly. I'm not sure why my actions made you so angry, but I let you yell. I understand you have other stresses. I grab your arm, letting you cry into my chest. I whisper sorry's against the top of your head. Sorry I missed your cheer routine. Sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. Sorry you walked home in the rain.

You cry into my chest, I hold you closer hoping you feel safe. You pull away, I wipe your tears with my thumb, the smooth skin of your face a feeling I wouldn't forget. I want to kiss the pain away, kiss you enough until you know I care more than I lead on. I still think about you banging on my door, yelling my name loud enough so the neighbor next door woke from his year long nap.

Two years have passed. We were drunk. Your body was pressed tightly against mine, our breathing heavy and frantic. My hair. Your fingers were in my hair and mine were pressing against the small of your back. My lips. My lips locked against yours, vodka and tequila. We didn't go into the night thinking this was going to happen. It just did.

I picked you up, carrying you to my bed. You gasp playfully, your chuckle tugging at the edges of my lips, already missing the feeling of yours. "Are you good?" I huskily whispered to you. Playful. You raised an eyebrow, tempting me as you crushed your lips hungrily against mine. "I'm great." You purred back. The words and your voice felt like nails running down my back, chills covering me.

Drunk. My thoughts and intentions were blurry. Yours were too. Your back arches, your body pressing into me as my lips find your neck, my fingers pulling your top over your head. My shirt. You slip it off quickly, your hands exploring my chest. Heartbeats danced as my hands moved down to slip off your tight skirt.

New Years Eve. That's what it was. We were missing the fireworks, but creating our own. My hand is at the back of your neck, coaxing your lips back to mine. Cherry. Your lips were sweet like cherry and as addicting as cigarettes. Bare forms moved together, body against body. I pulled away, looking into your crystal blue orbs with my own. "Alvin…" You breathed my name, a sound I want recorded to listen to on loop for the rest of my days. "Yeah?" I reply, my breath stuck in my throat. "I love you. I always have." Your words hit me like a truck, head on and sudden. I reply quickly, "I love you too," my lips immediately finding yours.

Exchanging. We were exchanging the I love you's that night physically and mentally. We became one, my body moving with yours, moans and breaths bouncing off of the walls. I wanted to stay there with you forever, to tell you you were better than any fireworks or ball drop on TV. You spent the night that night, your small form huddled against my chest. I didn't sleep much. I spent the night memorizing the outline of your body, the curve of your neck as it led into you shoulder then arms and hips. The smoothness of your legs. That night you took my breath away and I would always let you keep it.

Another year has passed since that night. You sit in our shared apartment on the window sill, a book propped on your knees. My eyes are on your back, studying you. Vulnerable. That's what you were when you read, you were vulnerable. Beautifully wrapped up in someone else's stories. I hope I gave you more love than what you read in the romance novels. I close the distance, my lips on your shoulder as I wrap my arm around you. "New book?" I asked and you nodded, giggling as I read a sappy paragraph out loud.

Your giggle was better than any chorus of bells in December. I cupped your cheek in my hand as we stood under the mistletoe at Jeanette's party. The sounds of the party disappeared. In my mind, it was just us. "Brittany…" I said quietly. You smiled at me sweetly, waiting patiently for your kiss. "Yes, Alvin?" I was nervous, my hands were shaking as I reached into my back pocket.

One knee. That's where I was next. I pulled a dark blue box out of my jacket pocket, the diamond ring in it could not compare to the beauty of you, but I tried my best. You smiled, screaming excitedly as I asked you to marry me, tears on both of our cheeks. Our friends rejoiced, some said they had been waiting years for this. You kissed me and kissed me and kissed. I will always want more.

And now we are here. The most important day of our lives. You wear white and I black, both of us well aware of what the true color of your dress should be. That line made you giggle, I can hear the sound in my ears, or maybe those are the wedding bells my mother insisted we have. Brittany, my love, we have built the roots for us, now lets help the petals blossom.

Brittany smiled as she read the letter he had written her years ago, wiping tears from her face as she clung to the memory of his face. Eleanor tugged her into a hug as he was lowered into the ground. "I will always love you."