Title: Couch Confessions
Fandom: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (Pride & Prejudice) Pairing: Darcy/Lizzie
Summary: Why Lizzie posted *that* video.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1650
Spoilers: Series
Warnings: None
Distribution: Link only please.
Written: July 2013.

Couch Confessions (1/1)

Darcy was sitting on the couch, mindlessly watching a documentary when Lizzie came in from the kitchen, where she'd just finished the last preparations for their dinner. She was attempting a series of, to them, new recipes, in preparation for their upcoming trip around Asia, as they were neither particularly familiar with true Asian cuisine – despite the fact that they both had best friends who were Asian. Today she was making a milder version of a traditional Thai dish, and had shooed him out of the kitchen when he was proving to be particularly unhelpful.

"Everything good?" he asked. When she didn't reply, he looked up at her.

Lizzie, normally so sure of herself (what seemed like it to him anyway, as uncertain as he sometimes still felt in various social settings), was standing by the sofa, looking at him as if something was wrong. Her fingers were twisted in the edge of her shirt; and by the wrinkles in the garment, Darcy thought she'd been working the edge for quite some time.

"What's wrong?" he asked, immediately sitting up from his previously relaxed position.

"Oh, no, no," Lizzie immediately came forward to assure him, "it's nothing wrong."

He shrank back against the cushion, but he could still feel the spike in adrenaline that her words had caused. Ever since they had gotten together, a part of him had waited in worry for when she would leave him. It wasn't fair to her that he continued to worry, even as she told him she loved him, as she moved into his apartment and as they got engaged. But with their wedding now fast approaching, the worry that he'd thought laid mostly dormant had resurfaced as he watched her stressing herself out over the preparations.

She sunk down on the couch beside him, just as the documentary ended; the music that played over the credits distracted them both, as the background noise suddenly took over in the otherwise quiet room. Darcy leaned forward and turned the TV off entirely, carelessly throwing the remote back onto the table as he leaned back to watch Lizzie again.

"What's going on?" he hoped his voice didn't betray the worry he felt.

"I have to tell you something," she said, looking nervously down into her lap.

The adrenaline spiked again and Darcy swallowed hard. "Are you… pregnant?"

Lizzie's eyes widened, meeting his. "No!" she cried, almost in panic.

An uncomfortable pause followed her exclamation.

"We haven't really talked much about… children," Darcy started, taking her hand. "But I assumed that you wanted some."

"Oh, I want children," she replied, squeezing his hand in a way she hoped was reassuring. "I do; I'm just not ready right now."

"Me neither," he admitted, feeling relieved and kind of excited at the prospect of children with Lizzie, even if it was much further in the future. "I would like us to be married first."

Lizzie nodded. "And have some time just for us."

"But maybe we should consider it in a year?" he asked, carefully watching her face for a reaction.

"Maybe," she agreed, before sighing. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay," he said, nodding at her in what he hoped was a supportive manner.

Lizzie squeezed his hand again, looking down at their clasped hands resting on his leg. Darcy followed her eyes; the ring he'd given her sparkled prettily on her hand. A hand that fit so perfectly into his larger one. He was not one for PDA (neither was she, truly) but they often held hands when they were out, especially when they were out for business or work functions, and they used their connection to communicate – one squeeze meant a reassuring kiss when they couldn't share one publicly, and three in a row meant "get me out of this situation".

"I was talking to Lydia earlier," she started

"Oh, how-"

"William, please," Lizzie interrupted him kindly. "I need to get through this."

Frowning, he nodded, but made a mental note to ask her about Lydia and how she liked New York; Bing hadn't been as forthcoming as he would've liked.

"I've been thinking about it for some time, but something Lydia said made it all make sense, and you deserve to know." She took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. "So here goes."

There was a pause.

"Lizzie?"

"Okay, okay – I've been thinking about why I posted the video of you, when you – at Collins & Collins."

Darcy felt his back stiffen, but when he realized this was what Lizzie had expected (why she was worried) he made an effort to relax – after all, they were in love. The past no longer mattered, especially not the past they both much rather forget.

"And I know that at the time, I said it was because the videos were bigger than me, and that I sort of felt 'forced' to post it." Lizzie swallowed, looking away. "And while some of that is true, and I felt it only, well, fair," she said the last with a sardonic smile, "that I share of my romantic troubles with the viewers, and not just of Jane and Charlotte and Lydia, I think subconsciously I had an ulterior motive."

"I see," Darcy said, almost afraid to ask.

"The thing is, you were this rich and very handsome guy who came into town one evening and said that I wasn't good enough." She paused. "For you."

"But I-" he shook his head, already formulating all the explanations he'd already given her (and many more besides) to explain his behavior that night and those following.

Lizzie held up a hand, halting him. "I know, I know. But at the time, well, I liked to think that I was above it and that I found amusement in it, but the truth was that I found you attractive, and then you said that I wasn't good enough, for you. And it hurt. So I reacted badly, and decided that I was going to hate you – even more than I had already decided to hate you just because you were Bing's friend and had lots of money."

He frowned, trying to figure out where she was going with this. "So, why did you post it?"

"Because in a way – and remember, I didn't realize it at the time – I felt vindicated. Here was this beautiful and rich man, who ok, at the time I thought was an ass, but many women would happily look past that for all the other charms you would bring to a relationship – but there you were, the guy who once said I was only decent enough, claiming to love me."

"And you thought that by sharing it, you would b able to prove to your audience that…?"

"That obviously I was more than decent enough. I wasn't really thinking straight, but I do know, now, that it was a reaction to having thought you didn't like me and I wanted to show the world that, not that I had been wrong exactly, because I didn't think at the time that I had been wrong about you, but that I was very… likable."

There was a pause before Darcy's lips twisted in a small smile. "You had an interesting way of showing that; the video was not entirely flattering for you either."

Lizzie groaned exaggeratedly, burrowing her head in his shoulder. "I know! I'm so embarrassed."

"I'm glad you told me though," he said into her hair.

"Me too," she mumbled into his shirt. After a pause, she looked up at him. "Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

"I have already forgiven you a long time ago for posting that video, as you should well know by now," he reminded her gently.

Lizzie smiled and nodded. "I know, but now, knowing why I did it – can you forgive me for being so selfish and stupid?"

"I was young once too you know," he said straight-faced.

"Oh you," Lizzie said, pushing at his shoulder gently as she smiled. "Thank you."

"In a way I'm glad you posted the video," he admitted after a brief kiss.

"You are?" Lizzie looked sceptical.

"It wasn't very flattering for either of us, but in a way it helped moving things along, didn't it? A lot of subsequent things wouldn't have happened, for better and for worse, and I think it did you good to worry about what I thought of you when you realized I'd watched all the videos – including the one I was in."

"That is true." Lizzie leaned her head back against his shoulder and looked at the blank TV-screen, now desperate to change the subject. "What were you watching?"

Darcy shrugged his other shoulder, feeling himself relax again now that Lizzie had gotten her worries out of her system – in a way he understood her. He too loved that it was public knowledge that they were together, and in a way it made him feel vindicated that despite what she'd said in the video (the video that was still available on YouTube, not that he ever watched it) Lizzie now loved him and people knew.

"I can't remember," he admitted. "But at least I'm not in just my boxers."

"Two attempts at a joke in five minutes? I'm impressed," Lizzie said, smiling. "I hope this is a sign of things to come."

Darcy just smiled.

"You mind if I turn the TV back on?"

"Go ahead."

In moments, Lizzie was settled back against him as she channel surfed while waiting for their dinner to finish cooking, feeling relieved and happy again. Neither expected her to stumble upon an old episode of Friends, just in time for Phoebe to explain the habits of mated lobsters to the others.

They laughed at the scene, their hands once more joined on Darcy's leg.

The End.