More Than Jealousy

by junseoblover

CREDITS TO THE OWNER : -Fiery SOURCE :

CHAPTER 1 :

"Shall I take his role?" I joke. As brushes tickle my face from the makeup artist and a gigantic camera aims at me, all I can think of is how Baro is about to take on his role as the main lead in our new MV.

"Sandeul, are you jealous of Baro?"

A producer of MTV Match Up, a show that B1A4 is involved in, asks me this simple question. I pause for a brief moment even though the answer is obvious. "Yes, I am jealous."

Although I respond in this way, I do realize that if I had been the lead, it would have been really awkward for me to act and then watch later…

Shortly afterwards, I am shown the video of what has been shot so far. The recording has Baro bringing drinks to a table in a café and sitting down with the beautiful lead actress. All I can do is laugh. How am I supposed to react? This scene just doesn't seem to fit a guy like him. Seeing those two together makes me feel sick. I just shake my head at the whole thing.

"One person will light a candle, another will blow up a balloon, and another will use the helium pump," the director instructs. We all get into our positions in the balloon-decorated room. As the cameras film, we all take our roles and do as we were told.

I inflate a purple colored balloon as our song "Only Learned Bad Things" plays over the speakers.

That was fun, I think to myself after we finish and I walk off the set.

And then comes the final scene of our MV.

The hugging scene.

I watch anxiously as Baro tiptoes towards the girl. This seems silly to me, since every time he moves, he obviously makes a sound, but the girl just acts as if she doesn't notice.

He taps her shoulder and after she turns around, he presents her with a bouquet of roses. With outstretched arms, he moves forward and she falls into his embrace.

This whole thing is hard for me to watch.

Jealousy.

I find comfort in our leader, Jinyoung, who also expresses slight jealousy upon watching the scene. I peak over his shoulder to see Baro still holding the girl, his hand rested gently on her back.

I knew that I'd be jealous, but I had never imagined that it would be this much, and this bad.

Why is it this bad?

All I'm doing is watching Baro act out a scene for our MV, in which he has to hug a pretty girl…

I can't sort out my thoughts and feelings. "I'm going crazy," I tell myself.

Indeed I am.

Why?

It's because I don't understand.

What is there to be jealous of?

What am I jealous of?

Which leads me to ask myself this simple question, which I cannot answer clearly:

Who exactly am I jealous of: Baro… or the girl?

CHAPTER 2 :

I remain silent for most of the ride home, completely submerged in my own thoughts. Once we arrive back at the dorm, I go straight to my computer. I want to get my mind off of things.

As I open my internet browser, I could sense the presence of someone behind me peering over my shoulder.

"What are you up to?" Baro asks curiously.

"Ah, nothing." I close the laptop, stand up, and stretch. "What to do…" I start to casually walk away, but Baro grabs my shoulder and turns me around to face him.

"What do you think?" he asks.

I look at him in confusion. "About what?"

"The recording today. I knew that you would be jealous~" He playfully pokes my cheek. I feel my face strangely get hot where he touched me.

"Me? Jealous? Of course I was jealous." I laugh. "You even had a hugging scene and everything."

Baro smiles. "Yeah. But to be honest, that was painfully awkward."

"Yeah. Watching you two was painfully awkward as well."

Baro lightly pushes my shoulder. "Hey. It would be awkward for you to have a hugging scene with someone that you don't know well too."

I nod my head. "Yeah, probably…"

"But when it's someone you know well, it's easy, right? Here." He steps forward and wraps his arms around me. I've been hugged by Baro before, but this time he's hugging me in the same intimate way as he did in the MV. It's a tight and warm embrace. I don't know how to react. I simply freeze in place.

Baro could sense my lack of reaction. "Hey, is something…"

I push him away before he even has a chance to ask me anything. "Sorry," I manage to say before leaving the room. I go into the bedroom and climb into my bunk. I throw the covers over my face to hide my embarrassment.

Was that what it was?

Because Baro's hug had somehow messed me up. My heart was beating really fast and my face felt so hot. But when I think of it in this way, it almost sounds like… I…

"Sandeul, are you ok?"

Once again, it's Baro's unmistakable voice. I fidget under the covers. "Yeah. I suddenly don't feel good. Just let me rest."

Baro pauses for a moment before finally replying. "Ok… let me know if you need anything." He then leaves the room.

I shield my face with my hands, even though it is already hidden from the blankets. I don't know what to think anymore. Just his voice makes my heart race.

It can't be… There's no way…

I try to deny it, but I know I can't.

Because my body and heart are telling me otherwise.

CHAPTER 3 :

I fumble the blankets sleepily off me and climb down from the bunk. It's another early morning and I didn't sleep too well after everything that had happened. Maybe I was just sick yesterday or something. Today's a new day and everything should go back to normal.

I wash up and then head into the kitchen to get some breakfast. CNU is already seated at the table, and I join him after selecting some food to eat.

"Morning," he says to me. I return the greeting with a smile and begin to eat.

I then hear footsteps approaching the table. I turn to see the culprit, and it's none other than Baro.

"Jinyoung hyung is hogging the shower, so I'm going to eat first today," he explains to us. My eyes follow him as he reaches into the cabinet to grab a plate. I shake my head and return to focusing at the food in front of me. But my eyes unconsciously wander back to Baro, and this time, our eyes meet.

I quickly look back down at my food, and once again, my face feels hot. This seriously can't be happening, I think to myself. I shove the remaining contents of my breakfast in my mouth before Baro has a chance to get to the table. I hurriedly throw the dishes into the sink, and start to leave the room.

"Hey Sandeul, are you feeling better today?" Baro asks me.

Without facing him, I respond with a forced "Yes," and then continue back into the bedroom to get ready for the day.

No matter what, I can't let him know what I'm feeling.

On today's schedule is a photoshoot, specifically one for an endorsement of some clothes. I'm given a trendy-looking long sleeved blue shirt with a company logo and a complimentary pair of jeans to wear. The photographers want natural lighting for this shoot. Unfortunately, that means that we're outside in the summer heat.

"Hyung, it's hot today," I hear Gongchan tell Jinyoung. And that's definitely true. I'm roasting in these clothes.

Thankfully, despite the heat, time seems to fly by. By the end of the day, the photographers are happy with the photos. We say our farewells to the staff and then return to the dorm.

We all rejoice once we feel air conditioning inside our dorm.

"Ugh, it was so hot outside. I guess I'll go take another shower," Baro says.

That's perfect, I tell myself, because now I can have some time alone… and away from him.

Everyone else is in the living room watching some drama on TV. I decide to stay by myself in the bedroom. I rest my back against the wall and sit on the floor, busily surfing the web on my laptop. It's nice to have a chance to relax like this.

The door of the room swings open suddenly. Stepping inside is Baro, wearing only pants with a towel rested around his shoulders. His black hair is slightly messy and dripping wet from the shower, and droplets land on his exposed chest. He notices me on the floor and catches me looking. I instantly look back down at the computer screen.

I hear Baro chuckle. I glance back up and notice that he's looking at me, and slowly approaching me. He gets down in front of me and I scrunch up my legs closer to my body.

He finally speaks. "I've got a nice body, right Sandeul? I may look small but I definitely have some muscle!" He flexes his arms in front of me.

I just continue to look at the screen, acting as if I was busy, when in reality, I can't focus on anything but Baro.

He leans in closer to me, and I turn my head to the side to look away.

He chuckles again, and says, "What's wrong Sandeul? Embarrassed?"

I mumble something, but he just keeps on staring at me. "Leave me alone… Don't look at me," I finally mutter.

Baro seems taken aback by my words, and does the exact opposite of what I tell him. He grabs my face underneath my chin and forces me to turn towards him. Our eyes meet for what seems like eternity, and Baro slowly drops his hand and releases my face.

"Sandeul… are you…" His face reads all sorts of confused emotions, and he can't seem to find the right words to say. But I know what he's thinking. My face must be completely red. He probably already knows.

I can't control myself anymore. My heart is beating faster than ever, and here is Baro in front of me, in this state. Without thinking, I find my hands automatically traveling to his face, holding it gently in between them.

I don't know what I'm doing. He still looks at me lost, and my emotions are about to burst. I find myself pulling his face closer, and me leaning into his. My eyes slowly shut as his lips meet with mine.

I want to continue, but I know I can't. I draw back and remove my hands from his face.

My senses seem to come back to me, because now I feel a terrible guilt. What have I done? I don't want to even look at Baro's reaction right now, because I know it'll be horrible. He wasn't supposed to find out. This is going to ruin everything.

I can feel my eyes starting to water. I push him away and clumsily get up.

"Wait, Sandeul…" Baro manages to say, but I don't listen. I can't deal with this.

"Sorry Baro… you should have… left me alone," I say, attempting to hold back tears before escaping, running out of the room.

CHAPTER 4 :

What… just happened?

I had taken my shower and I went to grab a t-shirt to throw on. I saw Sandeul sitting on the floor with his computer. Since yesterday, he's been acting weird. Sandeul is normally all smiley and upbeat, but recently he seems to be out of it and maybe a little down. It even feels like he's avoiding me.

So I went and teased him a bit, trying to cheer him up, because that's just what I do. But again, his reaction was weird. He instantly started backing away from me. Even though he told me to leave him alone, I couldn't. I knew that something was wrong and I was concerned. So I turned him towards me to see if he was really sick. His face was very red and warm, so I was thinking that he had a fever.

But instead… he… did that.

Now, I'm sitting on the floor, my hair still dripping wet. I'm completely dumbfounded. Seriously, what do I do now?

Should I approach him and ask him why he did that? Because honestly, I want Sandeul to go back to normal and be the happy, smiley guy that he is. And if I did something to him to make him act this way, he should tell me instead of keeping it all to himself.

But still… why did he do that?

I put on a shirt and step out of the bedroom. Everyone is still watching TV, minus Sandeul. I go up to Jinyoung and ask where he went. He tells me that he's out on a walk to get some fresh air.

Great. He's continuing to avoid me.

I join the others on the couch and watch the drama. But I can't concentrate. I'm really worried about Sandeul…

I also recall the feeling of that moment… Ah, why am I remembering this? I feel all weird just thinking about it.

After the hour-long episode concludes, Gongchan grabs the remote and turns off the TV. "I'm sleepy," he says. "It's late and I know Sandeul has gone to bed. I think we should do the same."

Sandeul had come back and snuck into bed? That little ninja. I wanted to talk to him! But now that I think about it, maybe he doesn't want to talk to me. He told me that I should have left him alone, and I didn't. He was crying though. Ugh, I don't know anymore. I'll just go to bed and think about it more tomorrow.

Yeah, so much for that.

I couldn't sleep all that well. Sandeul's recent weirdness is really getting to me, and I'm very bothered by it.

I trudge over to the bathroom, wash up, and then go to the kitchen to get some food. I join Jinyoung at the table.

"Are you ok, Baro?" Jinyoung asks. "You don't look too well."

I shrug, and say, "Yeah. Couldn't really fall asleep last night. It's ok though." I don't want Jinyoung to find out that there's something going on between Sandeul and I. Because then he'll want to know all about it and discuss it during one of those pow-wow share-your-feelings meetings to fix things like we do every Saturday. This is just something between us right now, I think.

Sandeul comes into the room at that moment. He rubs his eyes, still obviously sleepy. But in an instant, a brilliant smile plasters itself on his face. "Good morning Jinyoung! Good morning Baro!"

Good… morning? He's smiling? And talking to me?

It's like he's completely gone back to normal.

This guy is nuts.

I finish eating my breakfast, and Sandeul is chatting up a storm. Yeah, he's definitely back to normal.

However, it still bothers me. Why would he be acting so strange before, do that to me, and then end up like this? I don't understand him. Maybe the thing he did yesterday was a prank.

Yeah, that's it.

Sandeul and I always joke around, so I'm sure it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

We'll just leave it at that.

CHAPTER 5 : sandeul's thought

So, what happened after I left, after I… somehow kissed him? Well, I went outside and took a walk around the block to clear my head and avoid him. Knowing Baro, he'd be likely to question me and make me spill out whatever I'm thinking. I was also trying to figure out what I would say when the time comes, when Baro asks me why I did what I did.

To put it simply, I want it forgotten.

I know Baro won't accept my feelings in that way. I don't want to lose him as one of my closest friends either. The solution seems simple—take whatever I had done and disregard it completely. I'll tell him that it was an accident, that it was nothing. Only then will we be able to return to our regular relationship, as friendship.

When I had mentally prepared myself to face Baro, I entered the dorm quietly and saw that everyone was entranced by the TV. I didn't want to bother him or approach him directly, so I took the opportunity and snuck straight into the bedroom. I somehow managed to fall asleep shortly after that.

Upon waking up the next day, I decided that I was going to go back to being the same old smiling Sandeul that everyone knows. Besides, this will help get the relationship between Baro and I back on track, and it will be easier to fool him into thinking that what I did was actually nothing when he finally asks me about it.

Strangely enough, that time hasn't come. Baro has yet to ask me about the kiss. Everyone else in the group seems to be acting normal too, so I assume that he hasn't told anyone else about what had happened.

Maybe he's already thinking that it was nothing. That what I had done was just something random with no meaning.

I'm okay with that. It will be easier for me to accept and move on.

Whatever special feelings I have for him now, I'll try to hide and erase. I'm going to just be friends with him, since I know it'll never move on from that.

CHAPTER 6 :

"Good job today, Baro," CNU compliments me. He pats me on the shoulder.

We all walk out of the studio together. We've just finished another busy day of practicing choreography. Finally, we are given time to ourselves for the rest of the night. I expect that we'd just go back to the dorm and relax, but one of us thinks otherwise.

"Jinyoung hyung, remember that really cool-looking movie commercial we saw while we were watching our drama last night? Let's go see that!" Gongchan suggests.

Jinyoung contemplates it, then nods. "Sure, if everyone else wants to."

I agree to it. It'd be much more interesting than the dorm, that's for sure. The others also respond positively. It's decided.

After a short ride, we all arrive at the movie theater. Bright lights decorate the entrance. Upon entering, CNU approaches the ticket booth to purchase tickets for us. I end up going over by the snack bar. I get a gigantic bowl of popcorn for all of us to share and a soda for myself.

With tickets and snacks in hand, we enter the auditorium where our movie will be shown. One by one, we file into a row in the middle of the room. I sit down in the black cushioned seat. It's kinda comfy. Also, it just so happens that I have Sandeul on my right, followed by Gongchan, and Jinyoung and then CNU on my left.

Boring previews are playing on the screen, and I'm getting anxious for the movie to start. I decide to share my popcorn now, since I'm nice. "Want some?" I ask Sandeul.

He looks at me for a while, and then finally at the popcorn. I still feel this awkward tension between us. Eventually, he replies. "Ah, sure. Thanks." He takes the bucket from me and shoves a big handful into his mouth.

"Hey, don't eat the whole thing before the movie even begins!" I scold. Sandeul gives me this serious look, and then chucks some popcorn at my face. He laughs. What a goofball. He then passes the popcorn down to Gongchan so that he can have some as well.

So, the movie turns out to be an action/adventure/thriller. I'm managing to stay awake, so that's good. I'm enjoying it so far, but this particular movie is known for having some frightening scenes. Heh, and I know Sandeul doesn't do well with horror movies. Trust me, I'd know. He can be quite the coward sometimes.

I look over at him during one of the "scary" parts. On the screen, a supposed killer is holding a bloodied knife in a dimmed room while the main character tries to hide and avoid a certain death. So here's Sandeul sitting next to me, cowering in fear. But he's… clinging onto Gongchan? And Gongchan, the maknae, just sits there and takes it all in, smiling. Seriously?

Why would Sandeul resort to someone much younger than him like that? I'm here too! I'm not scared at all either, see?

Ah, whatever. The scene's over with and now he's relaxing back in the chair. Gotta focus my attention back on the movie.

Credits roll down the screen. We all stand up and stretch. I grab the now empty bucket of popcorn and my soda to throw out.

"I liked the movie, but we better get going now," Jinyoung says. Winding our way through the movie theater, we finally reach the entrance. We all climb into the car and prepare for the ride home.

It's actually pretty late at night now, and all of us have had a long day. The choreography practice today was a bit brutal and then we went straight to watching a movie. Needless to say, we all feel pretty tired. Almost instantly upon leaving the movie theater, Sandeul dozes off right next to me. I'll have to bug him about his snoring later.

Shortly after our departure, we hit a bump in the road. The next thing I know, Sandeul's head shifts onto my left shoulder.

"Hey, Deullie," I whisper. But he's still completely asleep. I can't disturb that cute sleeping face of his. I smirk. I guess I can be his pillow for now.

I realize that I too am very sleepy. After lacking sleep from worrying about nothing in regards to what had happened yesterday, I can feel my body begging me to get some rest. My eyelids become really heavy. I can't resist it. I let the gently rocking car lull me to sleep, right next to Sandeul.

What I don't know is that while I'm sweetly dreaming, Jinyoung is snapping a photo of Sandeul and I sleeping next to each other with his phone and uploading it to Twitter. He must just be thinking that the fans will love this.

How embarrassing.

CHAPTER 7 :

"Do you know what you'd like?" Sandeul asks me. We're currently at an ice cream shop downtown. The rest of the group is still at a nearby restaurant. It's just that Sandeul and I had both left early because we happen to have a sweet tooth.

I look over the menu. There are so many choices, but there is something that catches my eye. Hmm, that sounds delicious. "A banana split." I pay the cashier and she walks away to the sundae bar to start making my dessert.

In the meantime, I ask Sandeul, "Have you decided on what you're getting?" He shakes his head. He's squinting his eyes to try to find something on the board that he'd like to eat.

The cashier somehow manages to make my banana split quickly, and she returns with a tray holding the magnificent dessert. These things come as a three-scoop sundae, and there are tons of these different toppings on it. I really like food, and sometimes I eat a lot, but I know that there's no way that I can finish this beast on my own.

"Wow… that looks amazing," Sandeul comments upon seeing the sundae.

It's decided. "May I have another spoon, please?"

The cashier smiles and brings me one. I thank her, set the spoon on the tray, and then drag Sandeul over to a booth by a window.

He's obviously confused. "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't get to order yet!"

I look up at him. Really, does he not get the hint? "Let's share this."

His eyes seem to grow wide at the thought. What? Is there something wrong with it?

"There's no way I can finish this by myself," I add. "This is not meant for one person to eat in one sitting, and I don't feel like wasting it and throwing the rest away. Also, you don't have to pay for anything. My treat today." I pick up one of the spoons off the tray and shove it at him. He hesitates, but eventually takes it.

So here we are, sitting across from each other in the booth, nice music playing over the speakers, sun shining in through the window, with this gigantic ice cream dessert in front of us. Perfect. Time to eat!

Whipped cream rests upon the top of the banana split, with a little red cherry on the very center of it. Underneath the whipped cream is a layer of nuts, hot fudge resting on the scoop closest to me, hot caramel on Sandeul's side, and finally, strawberries draped upon the middle scoop. Of course, the banana slices are there on either side of all this. I take the first bite. It's incredibly delicious.

As I savor the treat, I notice that Sandeul is still holding the spoon in the same way as I gave it to him. He's just… staring at the sundae.

"Come on! Don't be picky about where to start. I told you already that it's ok to have some," I encourage. I don't know why he's making this awkward. We're used to sharing stuff all the time.

He nods, and then takes his spoon and grabs a scoop. Right off the middle.

Right off where the only whole cherry is.

"Hey! That's mine!" I yell. But he's already started carrying it over towards his face. I lean over the table, grab his wrist, and greedily force his spoon into my mouth. I paid for the sundae, so I should get the cherry! Right?

I glance at Sandeul. He's making some unreadable expression. Ah, what am I doing? I sit back down properly in my seat.

"Sorry. That's just my favorite part and I was saving it for later. I didn't think that you would go for it," I say.

Sandeul doesn't say anything. He's just looking down at the ground. Is he mad?

"You can have any other part of the sundae, don't worry. Do you want the hot fudge? I can turn it around so you can have some." I flip it around and he nods.

"Okay, sure." He seems to force a smile. "I'll be right back though. I'm going to go get another spoon."

What?

I give him a confused look. "Why? I only took one bite from it. It's not like I poisoned it."

"I know," he responds simply. He still gets up.

Why is he making a big deal out of this? I only ate off his spoon. It's not that bad, right? But then if he eats off of it, where I just had, isn't that kinda like… an indirect ki—No! I can't think like that!

Slightly blushing at my thoughts, I shove the whole thing at him. "Come on, I feel really bad now. Please take some now before I feel even worse, okay?"

Now I get a reaction out of him that's more concerned. He takes a look at the spoon, and then at the sundae. He slowly takes a part of it, and it eventually reaches his mouth.

His expression instantly lightens up at the taste.

"This is so good!" he exclaims. Now he's actively taking large scoops from the banana split and shoving it in his mouth. He loves his sweets.

Typical Sandeul.

CHAPTER 8 :

It's one of those nights where I can't seem to fall asleep, no matter what I do. Everyone else is already somewhere faraway in dreamland. The only sound I hear is the calm breathing of the other members in their sleep. I'm absolutely bored and wide awake, so I take out my phone and start messing around on it. Not sure how this will make me sleepy any faster, but at least it's slightly entertaining.

I suddenly go on alert when I feel my bunk shaking. Someone, or something is climbing up the ladder. It's pitch black in the room and I can't see. Oh wait, I have my phone. I shine it in the direction of the figure.

A grinning Sandeul greets me on the end of the bed.

I sigh. "What are you doing doing here?" I ask.

Sandeul puts his hand in front of his face to shield it from the phone's light. "First, put the phone down," he requests

I do as he says, setting it down in front of me so it illuminates us equally. "Okay. Now that that's done, what's up?"

"I can't sleep," he states simply. "It looks like you can't either. We're the only ones awake right now."

For whatever reason, I can't seem to find the energy to deal with Sandeul in particular right now. I point at the time on my phone's display. "It's 1AM. You're going to keep me up even longer. I'm going to bed."

I grab the phone, turn it off, and lay down to sleep. I slip into the covers and close my eyes. Sandeul will get the idea that I want to be left alone.

Or maybe not.

I feel a slight thud to my right. Sandeul's head is taking up space on my pillow.

"Hey! Go back to your own bed!" I hiss.

"Don't wanna. Yours is more comfortable," he says drowsily, pulling some of my blankets on top of him. "I feel like I'll actually be able to sleep here…" He stretches and yawns. A sudden silence then invades the room. That is, until I hear Sandeul snoring. But I can tell he's totally faking it.

I turn to face him. As I thought, his eyes are closed and he appears to be asleep. That won't fool me!

I begin to shake him. "I told you to go back to your bed!" I scold. "I know you aren't really asleep!" No response.

I shake him even more roughly. "Come on, I need sleep, and you definitely aren't helping!" He continues to act like he's asleep, but I can see a slight grin creeping up his face.

I guess I'll have to use my final, ultimate weapon. "Get up!" I demand, and start poking his sides. Sandeul's really ticklish there. He definitely won't be able to sleep like this.

He then bursts out into this really loud, obnoxious laughter. I suddenly realize that everyone else is still asleep. Not to mention, in the position we're in now, it would be kinda awkward if they saw us like this. Why? I don't know. Without thinking, I cover his mouth with my hand to muffle his laughs.

He immediately stops and looks up at me with wide eyes. I suddenly realize that this has even ended up awkward too.

"Okay, I'll stop," he says quietly, his lips brushing against my palm between every word.

His… lips…

My hand shoots off of his face instantly, and I feel mine get really hot. What kind of reaction was that? I can't think about that thing anymore!

Frustrated and kind of embarrassed, I turn away from him and close my eyes tightly. He better leave me alone now, or else…

"Sorry," Sandeul tells me softly as he leans in next to my ear. He makes me feel this weird chill that sweep through my entire body. "I hope you sleep well." He then shuffles off of my bed and returns to his own.

His words are ironic. Now, because of him, I can't sleep well at all!

CHAPTER 9 :

Our schedules for today are done. Now, we're all back at the dorm, doing our own things in our own little world. This is what "rest" or "relaxation" is. But to me, this is nothing but BORING. For some reason today, I feel like I have an infinite amount of energy. I want to do something. Sitting and doing nothing all day is not an option.

Everyone else is busy with their own things. Jinyoung is working on composing a song. CNU is preparing something to eat. Gongchan is doing whatever Gongchan does (I don't always understand him). Wait, where's Sandeul?

Ah, he's in front of the TV, staring at it, jaw open and looking like a zombie.

"Hey Deullie, bored?" I ask.

He easily takes his eyes off of the TV. "What do you think?" he says sarcastically, quietly laughing to himself. "There's nothing interesting on now. I'm about to fall asleep here."

I grab his arm and pull him off his butt. "Let's go get some exercise."

I hold my soccer ball delicately between my hands while we walk down the street. Thankfully, there's a park with a soccer field near our dorm. It's been a while since I've played, but I'm sure I'm still a pro at it.

"You're going down," I warn Sandeul.

He furrows his brow. "Just you wait and see. I'm not as chubby and slow as I once was!"

We arrive at the field and I set the ball down in the middle of it, right in between us. We stare competitively at one another.

I give one final intimidating glare before we begin.

"On the count of three… one, two THREE!"

As I shout, my foot digs for the ball. Sandeul is also pretty fast, but I kick the ball at an angle that allows me it sneak it out from underneath him. I've got the ball now, and now I can casually stroll down the field while Sandeul attempts to catch up to me.

After a few seconds, I see him dart out in front of me. He somehow snatches the ball and starts running in the opposite direction.

"Hey, when did you get so fast?" I yell in frustration.

I can see him grinning and laughing.

We play like this for a while. Sandeul's speed is his advantage, surprisingly, while I'm good with my soccer skills and footwork. We take a few breaks for water, and always end up returning for more.

At one point, as I'm about to score, I hear a loud noise behind me. Sandeul has tripped and fallen face-first into the ground.

And he's not getting up.

I run towards him with the ball. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Are you bleeding?" I'm really worried. That sounded like a bad fall.

He looks up, gives me this mischievous look, and launches himself at the ball conveniently on the ground in front of him. He covers it with his body.

"No fair! That's cheating!" We both laugh. Sandeul is so goofy…

I kick his leg lightly. "Get off! That's mine!"

"Don't attack an injured person! That fall really did hurt!" He won't budge.

"Liar!" I yell. I get down to the ground and manage to get a hold of the ball underneath him.

Now the game has changed from soccer to tug-of-war. We're both yanking with all of our might to try to claim the ball.

Sandeul somehow manages to twist it in such a way that makes it slide right out of my hands. He holds the ball behind his back. "Let's see if you can get it now!"

I lean forward and reach both arms behind his back. He grins. I can tell that he's enjoying this quite a bit.

My arms can't reach the ball.

"I win!" he declares.

"Okay." I finally admit my defeat. I then pull him into a quick hug.

What? My hands are already back there and I'm congratulating him…

He doesn't immediately react, but he does eventually return the hug. Not only that, but he's really into it. It's a very warm and tight hug.

Oh. We're in public. And there's a random kid on the edge of the field staring at us. And Sandeul and I are hugging. Wait a second!

I suddenly get really embarrassed and stand up in a hasty manner, shoving Sandeul to the ground in the process.

He starts to say something, but I turn away from him and begin to walk ahead. "I'm tired and it's getting late. Let's go back."

I just need some time to get my heartbeat back under control. It's going kinda fast right now. Must be from all the running, of course.

CHAPTER 10 :

I shift in my sleep in the middle of the night.

Suddenly, I hear a loud rumble.

Then, a flash of light.

Great.

I try to fall back asleep, but I can't. The storm has caused me to become wide awake.

The thing is, I really don't like storms. At all. It's not that I'm scared or anything, it's just—

Thunder echoes outside and I instinctively start trembling.

"I hate you," I mutter.

I toss and turn, but nothing remedies the situation. This storm is stubborn and just won't go away. I really need more sleep, but I can't get any like this.

I hear movement from elsewhere in the room.

"Baro… are you okay?" I recognize this voice. It's Sandeul. He's whispering to me from across his bunk.

I sit up and answer back. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I fib. But my voice shakes, making my words sound obviously false.

After that, I hear no response from him. I guess he's fallen asleep again. I lie back down and wrap the blankets tighter around my body for comfort. I'll just have to manage through the storm on my own. I can do it! I'm brave, you know.

The bed starts shaking. I freak out. This sure is one powerful storm…

Oh wait, it's just Sandeul.

Huh?

He's climbed on top of my bunk. I feel his movement making its way towards me. He rests beside me, facing me.

"I know you don't do well with storms, Baro." He totally saw through my lie earlier. He's smarter than I thought.

"So here I am. Mama Deullie's gonna protect you~" He pulls me into a hug, his soft laughs escaping right next to my ear.

For a moment, I've forgotten about the storm.

He releases me and returns his arm to his side. "You should get some rest," he says quietly. "It'll be okay. I'm here for you. Always remember that."

He then closes his eyes.

Nothing more.

All I hear now is his rhythmic breathing.

I no longer notice the once terrifying sounds of thunder outside. I am now completely calm. Sandeul is by my side.

My eyelids grow heavy, and I eventually find myself gently drifting back to sleep.

When I awaken next, the room is illuminated with the light of an early, serene morning. All is quiet. I look around. Everyone else is still asleep.

Including Sandeul.

He's close to me, still facing me.

He's sleeping so peacefully.

I take a moment and just look at him. He has a cute face. Beautiful eyes. Perfect skin. Why hasn't he really had any relationships before?

And his lips.

He had… kissed me with those.

They look soft… and they really were.

What would it feel like to do that again?

Haha. I must be going crazy. That before was probably just a prank, remember? I can't have weird thoughts like these for Sandeul.

I sigh, and then wrap my arms around him, pulling his body closer to mine.

"So warm," I mumble.

CHAPTER 11 :

"The weather outside is so nice today!" Sandeul exclaims, looking up into the sky at the fluffy white clouds. It's slightly warm and humid, but after having rain every day for a while, we'll take what we can get.

We made plans to exercise in order to keep ourselves in shape. After wandering around outside for a while, we finally find a track to jog on.

"This is perfect!" Sandeul is so easily excitable.

I set my bag down holding all of my exercise equipment near a bench on the side of the track.

We first perform some stretches and then prepare to begin.

"Let's do a few laps around just to warm up," I suggest.

We jog around, side by side, and chat a little while doing so. After a little while, we take a break.

I approach my bag and retrieve my water bottle. I then sit down on the bench, and drink some while trying to regain my breath.

I noticed that Sandeul is just sitting there on the ground, staring up at me, watching me suck on the tip of the water bottle.

Setting it down, I ask him, "What's up? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He blushes in embarrassment. His eyes dart away and he replies with a simple "nothing."

I stand up and we walk back over onto the track together. "What should we do now?" I ask him.

"Let's run a mile," Sandeul recommends.

We each go at our own pace. Once we've completed the task, we both celebrate and try to catch our breath.

"That felt good," I say, laughing. I reach for my water bottle and drink some more. Once again, Sandeul is just sitting there.

"Hey, didn't you bring some water?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Forgot."

I shove my water bottle at him. "You need to have some when you're exercising."

Sandeul looks down at the water bottle that I just drank out of, and then looks back up at me and passes me it back. "Thanks, but I'm okay. I'm not thirsty at all." He smiles innocently at me.

I shrug my shoulders. "If you say so."

By now, we've exercised for a while. It's time for the final task.

A race!

"There's no way you'll reach the finish line before me!" I taunt.

He scoffs and retorts, "Don't say anything that you'll regret before you lose!"

We count off together, and our race begins. We dash, and at the beginning, we are pretty evenly matched.

After a while, I feel myself starting to catch the lead. There's no looking back now. I put all of my focus and energy into moving forward, yearning for the win.

It seems like Sandeul has nothing on me. I haven't seen him by me for some time now. He must be really slow today.

I become curious as to where he's at in comparison to me. I turn my head and smirk. He's really far back.

My excited feelings of victory suddenly become concern.

Sandeul staggers, then falls.

And he's not moving.

I slow down, stop, and turn around. "Heh… don't play another joke on me like this again! You won't get me this time!" I shout.

He's still not moving.

"Sandeul? Answer me. Are you ok?"

Nothing.

"SANDEUL!" I yell and run toward him. The race is long gone. He's the only thing I care about now.

When I reach him, I immediately pick him up and roll him over. His breathing is shallow, and he's not responding at all.

I start to panic. My hands are shaking.

What do I do?

My senses come back to me, and my adrenaline kicks in, propelling me over to my athletic bag where I had placed my phone.

I quickly dial the emergency number while rushing back to the spot on the track where Sandeul is lying.

Please be okay!

CHAPTER 12 :

I fidget nonstop in my seat in the waiting room. Everything in this room appears to be so calm and simple, yet I'm freaking out. I'm extremely worried about Sandeul.

I rest my face in my hands, my energy completely drained. How much longer will I have to wait until I find out if he's okay or not?

I had called Jinyoung earlier to inform him about what happened. He told me that that he and the other members were coming and would arrive at the hospital as soon as they can.

"Cha Sun Woo?" One of the nurses has stepped into the room.

I lift my head and anxiously respond. "How is Sandeul? Is he okay?"

She smiles. "Follow me, please."

We enter the room where Sandeul is being held. He's lying down on a hospital bed and hooked up to a weird machine, but at least he's conscious now.

"Lee Jung Hwan has suffered from dehydration, which is what caused him to faint. Right now, we are restoring fluids to his body. He should be released within a short period of time," the nurse explains.

"I will let you two have a moment now." She bows, and then leaves the room to us.

I take a seat in the chair next to the hospital bed and look at Sandeul.

"Hey, Baro," Sandeul says weakly. He somehow manages to smile with that smile he always does. "Sorry I couldn't finish the race."

I feel myself getting emotional. It's just the environment or something. "Who cares about the race! You don't know how worried I was!" I blurt. Ugh. This is really messing me up.

"Why didn't you take the water when I offered it to you?" I continue. Nothing makes sense to me anymore when it comes to Sandeul.

He just looks away and gives no reply.

"You keep making things weird between us!" I add. I'm frustrated and angry. If he weren't like this, we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be so worried about him!

I raise my voice. "You don't have any idea about how I feel!"

"Well, you don't know anything about what I'm feeling either!" he replies bitterly.

Honestly, I'm a bit startled. I've never seen Sandeul like this.

"I don't even understand it myself," he mutters. His expression changes to reflect some troubling, painful emotion.

I sigh. I'm not sure what's going on, but there's no need to argue here. "Let's just focus on getting you healthy again, okay?"

He nods. I ruffle his hair with my hand. He looks towards me and smiles. Cute.

I lean over and whisper into his ear.

"I'm glad you're okay."

I then do something without even thinking, something unexpected.

I bend down and kiss his cheek.

"Eh?" Sandeul's eyes are wide with shock, and his face seems to be turning red.

My reaction is similar. I feel my face burning with embarrassment.

What did I just do?

Quickly, I search for something to say. "Ummm, th-the others are here, so I'll be going. See ya!" I stammer.

I give a quick wave and get out of that room immediately. I proceed to running out of the whole entire building. I stand outside the entrance of the hospital and catch my breath.

I lied. I didn't know if the other member were actually there. I just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Why?

Because something is wrong.

What's wrong with me?

My face feels so hot.

My heart is beating so fast.

And why did I do that to him?

Ah, maybe it's like how a mother would kiss their kid goodnight on the forehead or something, I tell myself, nervously laughing at my extremely lame excuse.

Except I'm not a mother.

It was on the cheek.

And then it hits me.

I clutch my chest.

My heart…

It's beating… for Sandeul…

CHAPTER 13 :

I sit down on a bench by the entrance of the hospital. There's no way that I'm going back in there anytime soon.

Why? Because on the inside, I'm freaking out.

This is bad. Really bad.

I can't believe it…

I bring my hands to my face. I'm shaking a bit nervously.

This is NOT supposed to happen!

It's all his fault!

If he hadn't done that before, the… kiss… I wouldn't be like this!

This can't be happening!

He's a guy… I like girls, you know…

He's a member of my group and an extremely close friend.

He shouldn't be anything more.

I'm not supposed to fall for him in that way.

Why do I… like Sandeul?

My heart just beats faster thinking about it.

I sigh heavily and stand up. I pace back and forth. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

Now what do I do?

"Baro!" I hear Gongchan call out my name cheerfully. He waves at me. The automatic sliding doors open and all of the other members step out of the hospital.

Oh great.

I'm super nervous.

I'm not supposed to be like this.

"Hey Baro," Sandeul says happily. He approaches me. "I'm good as new, see?"

I instinctively back away. I can't let him get too close to me… who knows what other weird things I'll do…

"Yo," I say. I'm pathetic. I don't know how to face him. I look away. I can feel myself blushing hard.

As I back up, I run into a pillar. I curse at it and rub the shoulder that had collided with it.

Sandeul looks concerned. "Are you okay, Baro? Is there something wrong?"

YES THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG but there's no way I'd ever tell him!

We all get in the car. Like always, Sandeul is seated right next to me.

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?

As I'm trying to sort my own thoughts and feelings, Sandeul links his arm around mine.

I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

"See guys, Baro here is the one who saved me! I'm sorry for worrying everyone," Sandeul declares. His grasp upon my arm becomes tighter.

"Just be careful next time and watch your health," CNU advises.

I stare out the window. It would be wrong for me to slide my arm away from Sandeul's grasp. And… I admit… I don't mind it…

My feelings are all jumbled up and I feel extremely awkward about everything.

"Baro? Baro?"

I'm shaken from my thoughts by Sandeul's sweet voice.

I turn my head away from the window and see that Sandeul is leaning over, inches away from my face.

My eyes wander temptingly down to his lips.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly.

I feel my cheeks burning, and I shove his face away before he can notice. "I'm fine! Leave me alone."

I hear whispering coming from the back. "Baro is just a little moody since he was so worried about Sandeul earlier," Gongchan says quietly, but I can clearly hear him.

No one knows what I'm really going through right now…

Since the time we came back to the dorm from the hospital, I've been doing things to try to occupy my mind so that I don't think about the weird feelings I've been having lately. I look at a clock. It's starting to get late.

I yawn. I can feel myself growing tired and weary. This has been a long and troublesome day.

I know that Sandeul is the only other one awake at this time. As I walk past the kitchen, I see him preparing a late night snack. He hums a tune as he puts some food into a bowl.

"You should go to bed soon," I suggest

He turns around when he hears me speak, smiles, and returns his focus to preparing the food. "I will. I'm just a little hungry right now."

I quietly enter the kitchen.

I move closer to him.

I don't know why. I just want to…

I find my arms wrapping around him and I hug him from behind.

Sandeul jumps from the sudden contact. "B-Baro?"

"Shhh." I don't want him to ask questions right now. Even if he did, I wouldn't be able to answer them.

Because even I don't know what I'm doing.

Awkward silence fills the room. Sandeul appears to be frozen in place.

After a moment, I finally speak.

"I just wanted to say… goodnight."

I release him and speedily head over to the bedroom, leaving a confused Sandeul behind.

I seriously don't know what I'm doing anymore.

CHAPTER 14 :

Over these past few days, I've thought about it a lot.

Yeah, I'm crazy.

Sandeul messed me up.

I'm always thinking about it… thinking about him.

Right now, it's nighttime. Everyone is off doing their own thing. I'm not sure where Sandeul is or what he's up to. Do I really want to know?

I sigh and enter the bedroom. I just want to lie down on my bed and relax for a little while.

I stop dead in my tracks a few steps into the room from the surprising scene in front of me. There's Sandeul, wearing my cap, the dark gray one with the pink letter "B" in the front from our debut days. He even has it turned in the same direction that I wear it.

"Ah," he exclaims as he sees me, turning away. His face has gone red.

He fidgets nervously. "Sorry, I just wanted to try it on." He then looks up at me with the most perfect smile.

"How does it look on me?" he asks, pointing at the cap on his head.

I slowly walk towards him, unable to take my eyes off of him.

"You look… cute," I somehow manage to say.

Sandeul grins, looking both happy and embarrassed.

"But you know," I add softly, "you shouldn't do things like this to me."

"Huh?" Sandeul is completely confused. "What do you mean?"

"You keep messing with me like this." My frustrations are starting to come out.

Sandeul tilts his head. "I don't understand what you're trying to say, Baro."

I don't know why, but for some reason, I feel like I can ask him now. I want to know. I'm dying to know.

"Like before, why… why did you do that to me?"

Sandeul stares at the ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I grab his chin, forcing him to look up at me. "Sandeul, why did you kiss me?"

Sandeul pushes me away. He continues to avoid eye contact with me.

"That… was nothing," he mutters.

"Nothing?" I shout. I can't believe it.

Is this guy really saying this?

He finally meets my gaze, and says sternly, "You should forget about it."

Forget about it?

All of these feelings, all of these emotions, all of the things I've done, have stemmed from NOTHING?

He doesn't even know what he's done to me.

I forcefully grab Sandeul and shove him against the wall. His eyes grow wide with fear.

"You do this to me, and tell me to forget it. Why?"

I'm frustrated.

Sandeul struggles to escape, but I slam my hands against the wall and trap him in between.

"Baro…" he pleads.

I'm going crazy. If he can do this to me, I can do this to him.

Revenge.

I caress his soft cheek with my hand. His eyes are searching for answer as to what I'll do next.

I can't control myself anymore.

I close my eyes and forcibly crash my lips into his.

He makes some indistinct sound. I can feel him struggle at the touch.

But this is what I want at this very moment.

This is how I feel.

This is—

…

He's no longer struggling.

In fact, his lips are moving with mine.

Sandeul… is kissing me back.

Startled, I try to back away.

I can't.

Sandeul's arms have already found their way wrapped around my body, pulling me closer.

I shouldn't continue, but I surrender.

This is what I want.

I hold Sandeul tight against me.

After a while, we break apart, trying to regain our breath.

"I lied," Sandeul admits, panting. "When I kissed you before…" he pauses, and then looks up at me, "…it's because I like you."

My heart is beating faster than ever. I can feel both of ours pounding rhythmically against our bodies.

Sandeuls leans in, his hot breath brushing against my face, and whispers into my ear.

"I'm crazy about you, Baro."

FINAL :

[Sandeul's POV]

For a while, I had been wondering.

I had been thinking about something seemingly impossible.

What if Baro would come to like me back?

I thought it would never happen. I couldn't imagine Baro liking a guy, especially one like me.

I don't know how many times I wished that these feelings would go away, that I could live normally, find a cute girlfriend, and leave it at that.

Instead, when I first noticed my feelings for Baro, I had kissed him unexpectedly. I thought that would ruin everything between us. However, it didn't. He didn't change. We were the same as before.

That's what I thought initially, at least.

Over time, I sensed a change in Baro. He started to become more jealous, more caring, more affectionate. I wanted to believe that my heart was getting closer to his.

And when he had kissed my cheek in the hospital… that had come out of nowhere.

Baro continued to act weird around me in a way that confused me.

Then one night, I had seen one of Baro's caps resting on the edge of his bed. I took it and put it on. I wanted to see how it would look on me, but more than anything, it made me feel like I was somehow close to him.

But he had caught me in the act.

Not only that, he brought up the incident that I thought he had forgotten. This time he was looking for an answer.

"Why did you kiss me?"

I wanted to shout my true feelings to him right then and there. My reason was obviously because I like him.

However, I couldn't tell him that. There was no way that I could.

Instead, I said the complete opposite.

"That… was nothing."

When I told him to forget it, he became furious. The next thing I knew, he was shoving me up against the wall and kissing me.

Baro, you could have just told me that you had fallen for me after I had kissed you before.

I didn't mind, though. Finally, after all this time, Baro was the one kissing me. I also found the courage to tell him how I feel.

Yes, I confessed to Baro.

I was never planning to do so. I thought that nothing good would come out of it, but I still did just the thing I swore to never do.

After I told him how I felt, he became very quiet. He had stared at the ground for a while.

Eventually, he responded. "I think…" Baro began, in almost a whisper, "that I may… like you too..."

His fingers found its way over to my hand and moved slowly to fill the spaces in between mine.

I could tell that he was blushing a ton.

I wonder if Baro knows how cute he can seriously be sometimes…

"I'm so happy," I said, completely overjoyed by his response. I couldn't help but smile.

Silence fell upon us once again, but this time Baro was staring at me with his big eyes. He was just… looking at me.

His grasp on the hand he held tightened, and he drew his face got closer and closer to mine. I could sense his hesitation. I knew that he was nervous now that both of our feelings had been exposed.

I closed my eyes and felt the soft contact of his lips. He had initiated another kiss. This time, it was slow and gentle. It was no longer forced. It was perfect.

I couldn't be happier.

I did, however, happen to see something out of the corner of my eye in the middle of this.

We had been seen.

Poor, poor Jinyoung.

He had stepped into the room innocently while we were kissing. I saw him freeze, turn around, and promptly head right back out.

I didn't dare tell Baro about that. I didn't want to ruin our moment, and he'd definitely freak out to no end if he knew.

Everything since then has been wonderful, although I do notice Jinyoung eying Baro and I suspiciously from time to time. Yeah, he definitely knows about us. But he's just being the overly concerned leader that he is.

Other than Jinyoung, no one else knows about our relationship. I'm not sure when we'll tell them, but we'll figure it out when that time comes.

This is something I never believed would ever happen. Every day still seems so unreal to me. Baro and I have come to love each other, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am glad that these feelings were more than jealousy.

Because now, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

CREDiT TO OWNER : -Fiery

SOURCE :