Plot Bunnies

1. The Exodus

Disclaimer: I did not write the bible - God wrote the book of Exodus, and loads of priests have been making money off it for ages. JKR wrote Harry Potter, and to us poor fans her word is gospel when partaining to the magic system she created (That is why, BJH), but unlike god's priests, we, the poor aposteles spreading the word of Harry Potter in the world (...wide web) are prohibited from making a profit. So let's all join the Black Friars and preach, preach, preach!

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A/N: After a heated discussion of how Star-Trek (the original show) adheres to scientific truth and findings, and how Klingons can't be the product of evolution, I was shut up by majority rule, told that Klingons really didn't evolve, they were created (though no one offered details, and I didn't care enough to look for explanaition) and reffered to a Discovery channel movie called "Alien Planet". That was a month ago. I finally got around to watch it, and this is what I came up with; First, I wrote a reply to Chris Hill, who writes HP/JLA/BtVS crossovers on this site and was the one who mentioned Darwin IV (where "Alien" takes place) in the first place, then I wrote a story - or the beggining of one, at least. Then I decided to post it here, as the first part in an "Odd Idea" like several writers have been doing lately, as I have quite a few of those, I just have to find them on my hard drive if I saved a copy, or on various forums I post in.

So here is the first Plot Bunny in this session, but first, the letter to Chris: (can't post it alone, it's against ff-net policy, damn them to hell!)

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Chris, I saw that Alien Planet show you told me about - you've got to be kidding me! About 12 different macro life forms in the entire eco-system? One of a kind, two at most? That's like having hyenas, but no jackals, dogs, wolves, etc. And having leopards, but no cheetahs, panthers, tigers, lions or cats. And rats, but no mice, hamsters, opossums, rabbits, kangaroos, moles, etc. And having snowy owls, but no barn owls, screech owls, or any other owl. Any other bird, for that matter. Evolution just doesn't work that way. Unless there was some sort of catastrophe, and only these few species survived - and I would still expect more. Many more. Even If it was a recent catastrophe. Now I know they had some scientists working with them, but they had to work within the limits of the original book, so all they commented was about the possibility that some life form somewhere could possibly take that shape, they didn't comment about it's likelihood and they said nothing about it's relation to other life forms that should have common grounds and common origins with it.

Also, how do they have air? No oceans, and the few forests are small, rare and far between, and the trees don't have any leaves! How do they have oxygen?

And what's with the light shows? On herd animals? Are they trying to attract predators? Most of them do not rely on sonar, they rely on their eyes! How on earth (or Darwin IV) did their specie survived?

What I did love was that intelligent being. It, and to a lesser extent that weird bird-thing that looks like a B2 bomer plane, basically move around by farting! I found that hilarious, if somewhat in bad taste.

Anyway that got me thinking…

Recently, I read that the British lead a European project in an effort to land a probe on Mars. I think they launched their spacecraft in 2003 or perhaps 4. So -

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Prologue

(music, pyrotechnic effects, cool animation…)

After Harry defeated Voldemort, the question arouse what to do with his followers, sympathizers, supporters, the corrupted ministry officials who did his bidding, took his money or played to his hand…

One Muggleborn witch (Hermione, anyone?) came up with the answer, and a brilliant plan it was.

(trumpets sound in the background)

If what they want is a world without muggles, mudbloods, half-bloods, blood-traitors, lowly half-breeds, sentient magical beings, or any other life-form they consider beneath them, well, why not give them just that?

Three years of debate, followed by a year of preparation, and all the Death Eaters, their supporters, their families too, and a few fools who volunteered to join thinking it was a good deal, were all packed and ready to go. Stun, petrified, put to magical sleep, confined in a bubble head charm, they were all locked inside a huge metallic container, then the whole thing was shrunk and smuggled onto the muggle Mars landing craft. It was set so the spells would deactivate when, and only when, the craft would reach it's target, then the ground vehicle would be taken over and deliver the container, on it's occupants, to a creek that was deemed habitable for human dwellings, or could be rendered so, with muggle technology, or, in that case, with magic.

The Death Eaters were allowed to take their belongings with them, for all the good it would do them - the wonders of magical space, volume and weight manipulation rendered the muggle calculations of space loads and propulsion mute. But they also received some useful magic stuff, like a supply of healing potions to last them for a while, as well as some potion ingredients and brewing equipment. They got some tools, but more importantly they got tomes of knowledge, compiled by the team of researchers lead by Hermione Granger herself, who came up with the idea in the first place. They included magic to seal the creek chosen for their dwelling and make it air-tight, to create a water stream going from one end of the creek to another, then turning around and going back - with magic, of course - and even magical means to use that to create energy, if they were so inclined. They had tomes on agricultural magics, to help them terraform their habitat, and perhaps even venture out at a later time. They had books on mass manipulation, space, weight and volume, they had spells for stone work - so they could carve themselves living spaces in the stone walls surrounding their creek. They had metallurgy spells and other metal-works to use what metals they brought along and any metal they might mine on location - again, they were provided with the necessary spells for that. They were equipped with anything that would make their lives bearable, easy and secure.

They had a full library about transfiguration and conjuration, which ms. Granger compiled after an extensive research through books seized from Death-Eater's libraries (which she then forgot to return…). Unlike muggles, who hatched similar plans, for the far future, and had to bring along just anything they needed for the first steps of settling the planet, the wizards and witches on Mars could just wave their wands and create what they wanted, from scratch.

If they weren't so inclined, well, they were given livestock. Cattle for milk, sheep for wool, pigs for meat, rabbits for stew - and fur - even dogs for amusement and companionship. They got many fish in an aquarium so they could populate the stream they would create, and later on go fishing - at leisure, or for food. They had an assortment of plants, magical and mundane, to refresh their breathing air, to provide them with food, and other raw-material, and for aesthetic purposes. They had seeds for more for later use, when they would venture out and start terraforming their environment. They had grain and seeds for wheat, barley and oats, as well as cuttings for many fruit trees.

They were given books of muggle instructions of how to take care of these animals. Supplemented with spells to make the task easier.

They didn't bring any magical creatures, in spite of the planning team's insistence, deeming them unworthy and not wanting their "contaminating presence" along for the ride. A couple of wizards wanted to bring a few veela, but no veela wanted to come. Some wanted to bring house-elves, but ms. Granger was adamant about that - if the so called Pure-Bloods want isolation, they should be persistent - a have it all, or nothing situation.

In order to educate the children and teach them responsibility, it was suggested they'd be given pets. After some debate it was decided to provide the expedition with white ferrets. It raised a few eyes, but only the Quibbler really took notice of that, and nobody really takes notice of the Quibbler.

In enthusiasm over the proposed plan, the Quidditch Leauge owners, along with the Ministry of Magic's own Sports and Games department, joined together to purchase the Chudley Canons Quiditch team and send it with the departing Pure-Bloods. Couldn't have let them be board, the courageous souls, there can't be much to do on a foreign planet, and wizards without Quidditch are like a fish without a bicycle.

Harry Potter, the famous Playboy-Who-Likes-to-Live (-wild) and owner of the Nimbus broom company, has donated 77 Nimbus 2001 brooms for the expedition, the last of the company's stock, all that was left after their owner had cancelled the line for some unexplainable reason. He also sent flowers (a rosary?) and a note to one Draco Malfoy. And a snitch.

The great thing about it all was that Lucius Malfoy, despite his misgivings about the muggle transportation, has volunteered to finance the whole thing out of his own pocket. Of course, the fact that his accounts were frozen till a time the last wizard currently alive was dead, and that he had no chance to ever access them otherwise, might have had something to do with that. His only demand was that one Ronald Weazley, the blood-traitor, would be refused passage. Weazley was greatly disappointed, but ms. Granger used her immense brain-power to convince him he is better off on Earth.

The other great thing about it was, both Cornelius Fudge and Dolores Umbridge, in their Azkaban cells, asked to join the journey and the Pure-Blood emigration.

Thus, the Exodus began.

Chapter 1: Exodus

…

…

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Okay, where is this going? The Death-Eaters land on Mars, get to their creek, get enlarged and wake up. Now they have to get out from the comforts of their container, such as they may consider them, and onto the harsh face of the planet, and make it habitable. They don't have anyone but themselves to do the work for them. That is what they wanted, and you know the saying - be careful with what you wish - you just might get it!

Now they have a polarized struggle. On one hand, with no slave labour, they have to adapt, work together, work at all, in order to survive. On the other, it is their nature to go around, lording over muggleborns and half-bloods, enslaving other races, torturing muggles for fun. Committing crimes at leisure - rapine, arson, what ever they want. Now they live in a small community in which rely on each other for it's, and theirs, survival. Can they overcome their habits and upbringing and work together to their betterment, or would it be a wolf-eat-wolf situation, where everybody tries to be on top at the expense of the rest of them, so he could rule and live in relative luxuries and comfort while the others labour, slave around to support him?

What would Fudge do? Is he up to establishing a real, functioning government, after so many years at the head of another, dysfunction one, which he lead to ruin? Would people try to bribe him? Or would they throw him off a cliff, with no oxygen supply?

Who's left? Snape? They didn't want him - too ugly, a blot on the landscape, all that - and he is, after all, merely a half-blood. So he was left on Earth to be tormented by his vanquishers. So Harry and Co. won't get boared without enemies to taunt, rest assured.

What's next?

How does the magical community react to that?

Perhaps the goblins would rebel at having their wealthiest clients pull their accounts? As a settlement, they would be allowed to sneak some of their numbers onto the American mission to Mars and try to build a bank there. How would the "natives" react to that?

If any of them were still alive, that is… Maybe their all dead, and so the goblins make a living out of it, burrowing deep into the planet's soil and rocks? Sending encouraging messages to their kin on Earth, an entire racial immigration soon follows?

Or maybe the Death Eaters kick them off the planet, the goblins rebel again, the ministry tells them there's nothing they can do, and the goblins build an inter-galactic battle cruise and start an expedition to Mars with genocide in mind? Some Death Eaters read science fiction and, using magic, make it true and respond in kind, starting the first interstellar space war? Or perhaps they read Asimove and create robots instead, spread out in the galaxy and put a blockade on Earth? The possibilities are numerous, each more preposterous then the other - I'm sure Chris would just love it!

What else? The house-elves, bereft of their owners and masters, follow Dobby and Winky's example and go to Dumbledore for employment. The old man finally loses the last remnants of his sanity and moves to the north pole for a life of solitude (as much as you can call being surrounded by hundreds of elves solitary) and spend the rest of his unnaturally long life (the guy created a horcrux of his own, that thing with Snape was a flux) making candy, and, not liking brooms too much, enchanting the local animals (reindeer?) to fly. Installs the Floo, so he could chat with some old timers like him about the good old days, plays a bit with his time-turner, Gets board, decides to be a Catholic, but with his status he should be a cardinal at least (the pope position is already occupied, and he doesn't want to remove the poor soul from his position just to give him something to do) so he declares himself first Cardinal of the Arctic, dons on red. The rest, as they say, is hysteria…

I wonder if the werewolves would emigrate too, or perhaps kicked off the planet by the wizards? Perhaps send them all to the moon?

Well, that's it, that's all I have. The rest is up to you.

stealacandy

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P.S.: I may come back to this some day, but that is a remote possibility. This is why this particular plot-bunny is up for adoption, just tell me beforehand and give me the credit and this story is yours.

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Review replys:

Arthur Hansen (arthurh3535) wrote: "While I don't mind the idea... I think it would be a much cooler idea with Harry and all the 'mud-bloods and half-bloods' being forced into exile. Sort of a dystopian exile where they try to build a new world as the old world (both Muggle and Wizarding) slowly self-destruct due to the exile. But Harry and the gang would be much, much more approachable to write a story on rather than Malfoy and all his blood supremicists. ... Arthur"

slickrcbd answered that for me: "Yes, but what about all the new mudbloods born every year? Plus, how would you stop more half-bloods from being produced like Nymphadora Tonks? Andromeda's family clearly disapproved of the match, but she had a kid with a mudblood anyway. It makes more sense to give the isolationists their own colony away from muggles where they won't have to worry about those of inferior blood trying to mix it up with them. While I see why you say that, I don't see how you're going to address those issues without resorting to killing babies. Better to put those who want to have nothing to do with muggles in their own place than the mixed blood people."

- I couldn't agree more. - stealacandy

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Ookii Mamoru (ookiimamoru) wrote: "Sort of reminds of a chapter in Douglas Adams's book "Restaurant at the end of the Universe" in the "Hitchhikers' Guide" series... or was it "So long and thank you for all the fish" Never could keep them straight. ... OM"

- Which one is that? Oookii? Oh! don't tell me - you mean the one when they kicked all the phone hygene technitians off their planet and sent them to populate the Earth, then died from a phone-transmitted diesease?
No, I was aiming at something else entirely, and planed on a serious fic, not a humour one, for a change, which is why I put it for adoption in the first place, as I usually write what could probably described as crackfics. That, and I don't have time...
The settlers in hitchhiker were supposed to fail and die, they survived by mere chance and hard darwinism - only the strongest survived, the rest probably died of hunger while laying in inflatble beds floating in a swimming pool and serving margaritas.
The settlers in my story are intended to live and prosper thriough hard work, a life which would put their prior beliefs to question,
perhaps.
Still, it is up for adoption, make what you will out of it.

- stealacandy

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davidiusbrown wrote: "Death Eaters on Mars! It's a little known fact that flobberworms, when exposed to Martian air and soil, become really, really big. ... David Brown ... And for the non-subtle, by big, I mean Dune sandworm big."

- Thanks for sharing, I didn't know that. I wonder if Hermione knew when she came up with her plan. Still, I expect the only flubberworms the DEs carried them were dead and dried, in their potion supply kits. BTW, Dune sandworm give spice, and space navigators get high on it. Flobberworm give spittle, or mucose. Do you think someone can get high on that? Anyway, "If you have a spitting problem, it is good to be prepared in advance to wipe the spittle away. That's why Towlie says, when going to Mars, don't forget to bring your own towel!". Towlie is very nice and, like yourself, likes to share, which is why he would like to know if "you wanna get high?" I told him you already are. - stealacandy

philh1985 wrote: "Maybe they go to Saturn and turn into Sandsharks (ala Beutelguise)?? ... Phil"

- The only thing I remember from that movie is someone raising from a grave, so I have no idea what you're talking about. But if they can find a way to raise the dead, maybe they can raise Voldemort, that would solve their leadership problems. - stealacandy

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Chriss Hill (chrishillnow wrote: "For the idea, someone else can do it. (s.a.c. puots prettily) As for the show, you missed what was being said. In the months of the mission, they only explored around 400 square kilometres of surface area between the start of the mission, and the call to trace the last position of a missing probe. Given that, I am surprised they could find so MANY species. ... Chris"

- Really, just looking through 40 square feet in the boulivard, (avenue? a street with trees on both sides, covering it, anyway) I live in I can find over twice as many animals without trouble. 400 square feet of wilderness, without man driving all the animals away? even in England, which is an island and was cut off the continent and thus have precious few animal life (in comparison to, say, France), you would find hundres! and even more plants!

I don't know, but is seems mightily easy to surprise you... - stealacandy

brian892671 would like to add that: "England's a very weird example, why not Australia, which is the typical island cut off from surrounding land example, it's also very, very biodiverse. England (Britain actually) has only been an island since the last Ice Age which is no time at all for animals and is actually one of the most varied ecosystems around, we have living trees which are several centuries old standing in forests which date back thousands of years. The real problem with biodiversity is human activity, farming and hunting is the reason that most native species in Britain which have become extinct have. We used to have wolves, beaver etc but they are now gone.
And now the punchline... Back to your original point, you're wondering why there's only a few species of animals that exist in an environment without -air-? Personally I'm impressed they're there at all. Potentially it's a pseudoscience-documentary-for-entertainment on the Discovery channel (pretty mainstream) and wasn't going for biological fact?"

- Australia is a good example, but so is Britain. When it was covered in ice it had little animal life on it, and it was very different (reindeer, polar bears, wolly mamoths, some kind of white bird that can still be found in Snodonia, some white furry rabbits and white seals, which are still visiting the coast isles, but seem out of place, being white and everything.), and it had virtually no plant life. (there was a mile of ice between the soil and the surface). So nearly all the animals that inhabit Britain today, as well as those extinct by the intervention of men, migrated to Britain in te short period after the Ice was gone and before the sea came back and the British Isles were cut off. That is why Britain has a relatively low diversity of land-based animals. Ireland has even less. And still, on both, you can't go anywhere without encountering as many animals as are on Darwin IV, and more, with out going out of your way to find them,

And to the punchline. I didn't say there wasn't air - there was air, I was wondering where did it come from. Even if there wasn't, if one animal of a kind evolved to live in such condition, you'd expect there to be others in the family. i.e. on Earth there are homosapiens sapiens, whereas homohabilis and homoerectus are extinct, as are the boisei, the neanderthals, the australopitecus, whatever they call pitecantropus today (probably be something else tommorow). But chimpanzees, orang-utangs, gorrilas are still in existance and abundance. As are baboons, lamours and so on... So yes, on a planet without air that has somehow managed to pruduce a dozen kinds of animals and plants, I would expect to see many more.
What I want to know is if the "scientists" talking on the show about the "discoveries' they "made" on Darwin IV are real scientists speculating on what might one day be found and wheather what's going on in the story is plausible, or are they just actors playing the future scientists who sent the mission to Darwin IV, and are just reading a script. The movie wasn't clear about that.

Pseudoscience-documentary-for-entertainment, not going for biological fact? I know that, you know that, Chriss Hill doesn't.
He tried to prove that some of the more outrageous ideas of Star Trek are science fact rather then science fiction by pointing me towards the movie, saying: "here! real scientists said so!". So I say, "you got to be kidding!"

- stealacandy

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