Disclaimer and Notes: The Legend of Zelda and Hyrule Warriors belongs to Nintendo and to Koei-Tecmo, Team Ninja, W-Force and related entities. No profit or encroachment on territory is meant from this fic series.
Inspired by the general strangeness of weapons, costumes and battle-scenarios in Hyrule Warriors. This is an attempt to play with the features in story-form and a way of sharing the little stories that pop up inside my head when I'm playing particularly weird squares on the various Adventure Mode maps and Challenges. I find it rather amusing that some of the matchups and vs. have no resemblance to even the game's canon (Legend Mode) or past Zelda games whatsoever. Some of the stories I have in mind will be comedy, some of them drama – even tragic – and some a mix of themes.
The Madness of War
First War Story: The Pact with the Great Fairy
The situation was desperate. Zelda's forces were being beaten, routed and slaughtered. Even having the generational Hero on their side hadn't been turning the tide of battle of late. Said Hero, as well as Lady Zelda, were both running the grave risk of being captured by the enemy – or worse.
Link had heard a story about one of his predecessors – one of his previous incarnations if Lana's words about his soul were accurate – dying before his time, causing Hyrule to be plunged into darkness for a century. Or maybe it was flood-waters. Or something else. The legend, like all of the legends had grown ambiguous over time. In any case, Link knew that they could not lose.
That, and he'd seen too much blood on the sand already from the men and women under his command, some he was close to and some he knew only by rank and file. He'd comforted the wounded in the infirmary-tents in Hyrule's encampments. He'd written far too many letters to be taken to the families of the dead. Zelda had created some magical measures to minimize causalities, such as giving her captains the ability to teleport back to the allied base or even to whatever camp or town they'd last been in and to take other wounded soldiers with them. Many of the most brave and loyal of the Hylian Army, however, fought to the very last of their strength, until blood and breath were taken from them.
So, Link found himself in one of the Fairy Fountain shrines, looking at the shimmering waters.
"The Great Fairy here will surely help us!" Proxi exclaimed.
"Heh, I hope so," Link replied in fairy-whispers. "Hyrule is her home, too."
In the absence of a magic-circle, Link dipped the tip of his magically-endowed white sword into the fountain water gently.
"Oh, Great Fairy!" Proxi called, "We need your help! Please answer!"
In a burst of magical light and shrine-shaking cackles, the Great Fairy appeared. "Hmmm," she said, floating casually before them, resting as if she were on her belly, her arms crossed. She pointed her long finger and gave Link that leer he hated seeing whenever he met one of these enormous beings.
Link liked fairies very much. The tiny woodland and field-fairies, like his self-appointed guardian, Proxi, understood him better than most of his fellow Hylians did. However, the Great Fairies were an entirely different kind of creature. They were, in a word, intimidating. Link, as the holder of the Triforce of Courage, was not truly intimidated by much, but a Great Fairy could send a shudder up his spine. Maybe it was all of the concentrated magical power he sensed – knowing that one was in the presence of a genuinely higher being could be quite fearful for even the bravest of men.
Or maybe it was just because she was a colossal woman wearing only leaves and the barest scraps to cover areas that gallant gentlemen were not supposed to stare too long at. Her size made these difficult not to notice. Then, of course, those looks they always gave Link reminded him of the twitterpated young women he'd encounter on a regular basis, making matters even more awkward. He knew he was a looker. It could be both a blessing and a curse. It was definitely the latter when being wanted was unwanted. After all, this mess that Hyrule was in was caused by the runaway lovesickness of a powerful woman.
"Darling little Hero," the Great Fairy began, her fingernail getting way to close to Link for his comfort, "What manner of aid do you ask of me? I suppose I could grant a favor in return for your clearing out all of those nasty beasts from my fountain. You do not need a healing…"
Link stood tall. Proxi bounced around by his shoulder. "Your Highness," she began, "The Hylian forces are outnumbered and we have lost many soldiers. Link wishes for any help you may give us to change our Hyrule's dark fate."
The Great Fairy spun around, levitating around the confines of her shrine. "You already have a variety of weapons, don't you?" she asked.
Link winced as she tapped him lightly on the top of the head. "I know just the thing. Would it be unseemly if I were to join the battle?"
Both Link and Proxi gasped. "My Lady!" Proxi chimed, "The fighting is very dangerous! I've almost been captured by fairy hunters at least five times, but they couldn't get past my Link!"
"I assure you, little Proxi, that no fairy hunter will be able to withstand me."
Link was smiling. His eye shined and his face had something that Proxi had been hoping to see again – Hope. He bowed in gratitude, then stood up and extended his hand like he did to seal an alliance with the shaking of hands.
"Nuh-uh, uh, little Hero," The Great Fairy replied. "I have a certain payment to ask of you."
Link stepped back and looked up.
"What kind of payment?" Proxi asked on his behalf.
"We'll call it a bit of evening-out in regards to our people and the actions of Heroes-past."
With that, she laughed in a way that made Link feel extra uncomfortable. Before he could rescind his request and flee, he found a large glass object shoved over him. Instantly, he was flipped over and found himself resting in the bottom of… a jar? A cork came crashing down over the opening with an echoing thump.
"Oh-ho!" The Great Fairy laughed, "Don't worry. There is enough air in there for you! The cork is porous."
Thoroughly confused and terrified, Link tried to climb out. He kicked the inside of the bottle and hacked at it with his sword.
"Stop, Link!" Proxi cried. She was in here with him, ever faithful, "You'll hurt yourself!"
Link calmed and looked at the world from his new perspective. The bottle he was in was floating in the air, levitating above the Great Fairy's hand. He could see things outside, but everything had a warped and watery quality due to the thick glass.
"I will be taking you into battle this way, little Hero," the Great Fairy explained as she began to float outside of the fountain-area. "Just point me to the base where your princess awaits and we'll go from there. Ah-ha-ha!"
At this moment, Link wished that the Great Fairy had asked him some other payment or favor… almost anything, even one that involved lovesickness and her lusty gazes.
A part of him supposed it was only fair. Link was no stranger to capturing healing-fairies for himself and his troops when he came across them, before he'd met Proxi and afterward. They'd always seemed happy to help. Then there was that vague reference his ancestors.
As the jar spun gently and the Great Fairy floated with it, Link regretted eating his lunch-ration just before visiting the shrine.
"Link! Don't!" Proxi pleaded. "There's no way to clean that up in here and it will make everything really smelly!"
Link gulped and valiantly held his beans and bread down.
No, he was not liking this at all. What made it worse was that… were some of the troops…laughing at him? He definitely picked out Midna's cackle. She was worse than the Great Fairy herself sometimes.
Everyone, however, gave gasps of awe at the Great Fairy. From what he could see beyond the glass, Zelda gave her a courteous bow and thanked her for joining the fight. Link smiled, glad that the morale of his army had improved.
His own morale, however, would never be the same.
When the Hylian army launched their latest planned strike on an enemy stronghold, Link got a chance to see his newest living weapon in action. The Great Fairy was quite wonderful as a warrior, actually – making use of her massive body to dive-bomb and slap masses of monsters at a strike. Link winced as the bones of stalchildren clattered loudly against his jar. It hurt his ears.
He suddenly felt himself tipped over. Was the Great Fairy freeing him?
No such luck. She produced a massive sword and used it to swing a massive ball of magical energy his way. Thinking quickly, he batted it back. He noticed it striking enemies that were between them. Oh! So this was the game! She really was fighting with him!
And then, dizzy, back into the bottle he went.
The next time she unceremoniously dumped him out, Link was expecting another game of "tennis." Instead, he got magical, deadly strikes of a sword his way and he had to jump and dodge.
What was the Great Fairy doing?
She did not answer him. Instead, she laughed. Proxi couldn't make out the "game," either. All she could do was to assure him that it was unlikely that she would actually try to kill him.
"Unlikely" was not the same as "impossible."
The rain of giant bombs was even worse.
After a long series of humiliating moves – all of which Link knew that his troops saw – the battle was won. Before retreating to her fountain home, she laughed and gave Link a playful stroke.
Link looked away and down.
No amount of healing fountain-water could ever wash away the shame.