HARD TIME FOR DAFFY III:
DAFFY ON THE COUCH
By Wile_E2005
DISCLAIMER: The Looney Tunes, Hanna-Barbera, D.C. Comics, Cartoon Network and Peanuts properties are all owned by Warner Bros. Entertainment. Pixar is owned by The Walt Disney Company. This is no way affiliated with those companies.
Chapter One: Daffy Needs Help
It seemed like a typical morning. The sun was rising, and it was a beautiful morning. Wile E. Coyote had gotten up, and pulled on his bathrobe and headed over to the kitchen. When he got in, he was shocked to see…
Daffy Duck was wearing the tablecloth around him like a robe and had a bowl over his head. He announced, "I am the new king of cartoons! My first order of business is off with Pixar's heads!" He chuckled in an insane manner.
"Daffy!" Wile E. scolded. "What are you doing?"
"Oops…" Daffy was caught. "Uh, I auditioned for a small role in a play. I was, um, just rehearsing!"
The coyote laughed and said, "Nice try. I heard you saying 'off with Pixar's heads.'"
Daffy frowned and said, "Look, this isn't going anywhere." He threw off the tablecloth and set down the bowl. "I'm just still sick of that 'Ratatouille.' I can't believe you fell asleep watching it at that party you went to!"
"Well at least I wasn't ranting about it angrily!" Wile E. insisted. "I was drunk from champagne, and had a hangover as a result. And I must admit, I was embarrassed having fallen asleep drunk watching it."
Now Bugs Bunny woke up. He came into the kitchen scratching his side. "Eh, what's up duck?"
"Nothing," Daffy quickly said. "Does anybody want breakfast? I'll make it since I already got the stuff out!"
…
Later that day, Daffy was at it again. He was punching on Wile E. Coyote's punching bag that had the Road Runner painted on it, but Daffy taped a picture of Remy from "Ratatouille" onto it. He was grunting and shuffling. Once again, the coyote entered and was surprised.
"Let me guess… you're going to have a boxing fight against that Remy character, right?" Wile E. asked.
"Maybe," Daffy said. "Stupid Pixar! They get all the popularity and we get left in the shadows!" He took a few more punches.
The coyote tore the Remy picture off the punching bag. "Listen, Daffy," he began. "Something is starting to seem a little different here."
"Oh, I'm fine." Daffy said. "I'm completely normal. Nothing is wrong with me at all!" Then he walked back into the den, but he had his feet shuffling like a wind-up toy as he moved.
…
That night, Wile E. Coyote was sleeping in his room. But he could hear pounding coming from the basement. He went downstairs, along with Bugs Bunny, and saw the duck building some kind of thing out of wood.
"What is THAT?" Bugs asked.
Daffy explained, "It's going to be a Trojan horse that we can all pile into, and take it over to Cartoon Network and attack!"
"It's 3:30 in the morning," Wile E. yawned. "That thing is not very safe. Take it apart."
"Fine." Daffy said. He pulled out a plank from the bottom, and the would-be Trojan horse collapsed. It covered the threesome in wood debris.
"Something is seriously wrong here…" the coyote moaned from underneath the woodpile.
…
That morning, Daffy Duck was sitting on the couch with a blank look. Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote walked up to him. "Eh, Daffy, I think we should talk." Bugs began.
"What's to talk about?" Daffy asked in a monotone voice.
The coyote cleared his throat and said, "We think you should go into therapy. You've been acting very strange lately."
Daffy chimed in. "Who's acting strange? I'M not strange!"
"It's probably for the best," Wile E. said. "That Trojan horse you were trying to build had me worried. You're not acting like your usual self."
"But I don't NEED therapy!" Daffy insisted. "It's too expensive. Plus, it breaks up families and friends, turns friends into enemies, and turns the public against all of us!"
…
Five minutes later, Bugs and Wile E. were dragging Daffy to the car. Daffy screamed, "NO! NO! I don't wanna see a psychiatrist! I don't WANT therapy! You can't make me go!"
They buckled Daffy Duck into the backseat of Wile E's old Plymouth Road Runner car. "AAAAUGH! Leggo! Leggo! It's too tight! This is torture! Put me down!" Daffy yelled.
Then they drove downtown. Daffy was screaming "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" throughout the ride.
At one point, it drove the coyote and rabbit bananas. They pulled over to the side, and Bugs said harshly to Daffy, "Stop saying that! It's making me go nuts!"
"You want to become normal again, don't you?" Wile E. asked.
Daffy gulped and meekly said, "Yes." But once they were back on the road, Daffy continued hollering "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Bugs sighed in annoyance.