Naruto : the Grand Finale
We all know deep inside our hearts that Naruto and Sasuke will have to die. I mean, Naruto with the Dattebayo/Believe It crap, and Sasuke with his chicken butt hair… if they don't die, our ears and eyes are at sake, people!! So, in the end they killed each other off, and everyone was happy.
After Naruto and Sasuke die, Sakura will obviously have to commit suicide. Because even though Sasuke's hair was supposed to keep all unwanted fan girls off, the completely brilliant strategy failed to work on the students of Konoha Academy. (Sasuke actually copied this from Kakashi when he was 6, and first encountered rabid fan girls) But then, most of the students of the Academy have unbelievably bad taste in hair (see episode 1). So, yea…Sakura dies.
After the death of Sasuke, Ino wasn't as sad as Sakura, because Ino probably the most normal hair in Naruto, so she was one of few on which the whole using-chicken-butt-hair-to-scare-off-mad-fangirls-technique to work, even though it took some years. So, she agreed to eat out with her teammates, Chouji and Shikamaru. Chouji, as usual, ate a lot. But on that fateful day, he ate so much, that his stomach…well, exploded. Shikamaru and Ino didn't know this, and attempted to try CPR on Chouji. But Chouji, being so round, rolled over and poor Ino and Shikamaru met a very, well flat end.
Shino had a huge crush on Ino. He believed that since their names rhymed, they were like destined for each other. Naturally, when Shino heard the news of Ino's death, Shino decided to jump off a cliff. But being such a Shino, he had to do something so drastic to reveal a part of his mysterious nature, or else we would never know the man under those cool new sunglasses. So Shino told Kiba they were going cliff-diving, and together they died. NO, Shino didn't have a vampire lover who had a sister who could see that Shino jumped off a cliff and tell the said vampire lover, and they vampire lover attempts to commit suicide (read New Moon!) Well, at least we don't think he had a vampire lover, but we might never know. Shino might be a vampire himself, underneath all those layers of clothes + sunglasses. Anyway, Shino simply believed that the world would be better without Kiba's fleas….especially during the missions in the summer.
But before Kiba met his unfortunate end, he gave a puppy to Hinata. It was an adorable puppy, perhaps the best puppy ever, except Akamaru when he was a puppy. Anyway, Hinata loved her darling puppy very, very much. One day, Hinata was walking her puppy with her Neji-niisan, when she encountered her sister and father. They all decided to take a walk together, when the family bipolar-gene kicked in. Or it was their excessively used hair products seeping their way into their brains. Anyway, the previously serene family decided to take a leaf out of Itachi's book (God rest his soul): they went on a killing spree, and later joined the Akatsuki.
After Neji left Konoha, Team Gai was awfully imbalanced. Before, Neji's prettiness and Tenten's normalness somehow managed to balance Gai and Lee's…non-prettiness. But with Neji gone, Gai and Lee in the same room contained one too many pairs of bushy eyebrows and spandexes, and the room would spontaneously combust. One unlucky day, Gai, Lee and Tenten walked into a gas station, and even though a gas station isn't a room, the gas station spontaneously combusted. That was the end of our beloved two Green Beasts of Konoha, and the girl who just was there.
We all love Kakashi. He is awesome. Even his wacky hairdo and weird taste in books add to his Kakashi-ish charm. It is unbelievable. Therefore, it was a sad day when Kakashi picked up one of his believed volumes of the Icha Icha series, and had a sudden epiphany. Jiraiya is dead + Jiraiya is the author of Icha Icha EQUALS no more Icha Icha volumes!! Kakashi was driven mad with sadness, and had to…die.
Meanwhile, Kurenai gave birth to Asuma's child. Kurenai, when she first discovered she was pregnant, assumed that her normalness would make up for whatever weirdness their kid would inherit from Asuma. So when she saw her child, she was overwhelmed with shock. The child was exactly like Asuma…and proved even farther so when the child could hold a cigar by the time it was a month old. Kurenai tried to make do for 5 years, but in the end, she banged her head against the wall out of frustration a bit too hard, and died of a really horrid concussion.
The child of Kurenai and Asuma was emotionally traumatized, and did what all emotionally unstable weirdoes do…join the Akatsuki. The Akatsuki died out a few years later; its members one by one succumbed to lung cancer brought on by second hand smoking. The child returned to Konoha as a hero, and became the next Hokage.
In the end, only Gaara and his siblings survived, and they lived happily ever after. The only reason they didn't die, was because sapphire123 is a huge fan of Gaara's teddy bear. Unknown to most is that the teddy was renamed "Mom" by Gaara when he was about 6, and stuffed in his gourd for safe-keeping.